Roar Like a Lion
by counselor
Summary: 1936, Edward and Jasper work as loggers. They work hard and play harder. Bella and Jacob come to the camp to open the school. Problem is the unmarried men have a great time running off the teachers. When Edward sees Bella a roar starts to build inside. She's everything he can't stand. And he's pretty despicable. Trouble.
1. Chapter 1

Roar Like a Lion 1

1932

What woke them was the first crack, like God had clapped his hands for loud and sudden. It scared them awake. Ma and Pa lay on their bed centered on the far wall. Fourteen year old Edward stretched on the floor before the fire so he could tend it through the night. That whining blizzard had not let up for four days.

Ma said, "Masen," to his father for they had feared so much weight dumped on that sagging roof.

Then the second crack, the breaking of the roof's spine. It all came in then, dumped upon them, the roof and the deep snow that broke its back.

Edward moved to the wall as soon as the big crack sounded, more from trying to run, than a plan. It was that knee-jerk reaction that saved him for a section of roof came down like it had been folded right in front of his face. It protected him from the big dump of heavy powder but that load pushed the flap back until it just touched his legs and trapped him against the wall.

It must have been a ton of snow and debris filling the house. Edward could barely move. "Ma," he called. "Pa. Answer me, answer," he said, and a sob of panic. Then he caught that. "No," he whispered. No.

He took a step or two left and his hip hit the side-board. A timber leaned against it, and wood and snow showing through. But there was a vee of space if he slithered across the flat top of the cabinet where she rolled her pies and kneaded her bread. He had to wheedle onto his side across it, shoving Ma's precious needfuls onto the sliver of floor as he cleared his path.

This maneuvering brought him close to the front corner and there was a window not far. He had the tall but not much girth and he was gangly and wiry and limber. But he had to pick his way and go whatever direction this mess allowed.

He called out, "Ma," it just burst out, but there was nothing in answer and felt like there was no where for his voice to go.

He did dig out for so long, and not anything but his frantic breathing and the hiss of the fire and more shifting of the terrible load within these groaning walls. He made it to a porch window and worked with frozen bleeding fingers to get it open and pull it in. He kicked his way through the snow that crusted over and outside atop wood stacked there he found some purchase. He was out, heaving, wiping at tears and snot and despair, but not relief with his folks inside.

The snow had finally let up, but not the cold. The sun was up there finally, trying to show itself, but weak and sick looking. A tunnel led from the porch to the barn. They'd dug on it every day, especially him, and so much snow piled it had a roof. So he couldn't run around the house and look for a way to his parents for the snow was of a depth. But he had to get to them and see for they were hurt or they'd call out.

He climbed the porch and dug through to cling to the top of the wall, but he could not see into the house for the snow and the mess. He wanted to try to climb in from there, but he could not risk causing more destruction with his parents beneath.

"Pa," he called, but his voice was torn away and the world was white and glaring with it.

He climbed back down. The porch was pretty much in tact, and he went to the door, it opened in like the windows, and he pushed with his shoulder and it didn't open far, just a few inches, and he wedged his shovel in that crack and pried, and it moved some but not too much and he could get partly in, enough to grab his coat from its peg, and the hat Ma knit and he got that on, his scarf and the mittens.

"Ma," he yelled in the door there, "I'm comin'." He had his clothes on, boots too, thank God for his feet had been freezing even inside and he had to go out for more wood sometimes.

He went in the tunnel that led to the barn. He hoped to get the leather straps and the pick and whatever else would help. Half way along that tunnel had collapsed and filled itself with snow. He had to go back for the shovel, then dig his way out. It took him outside and from that height he saw the snow atop the barn and didn't imagine how it bore that weight for it was as old as the house, older maybe cause barns were built first usually.

Pa knew these buildings were weak and old and rotten, but uncle Carlisle let them live here to get a start…but not a finish, and it had felt that way…and now…, Edward looked at the sky and wanted to yell, but no strength to give to it. A God as cold as this here earth was not worth yelling at.

They'd come up from Mississippi with the mill folding and Pa pitching in with his brother to try and make ends…and these buildings been since the Civil War about.

But Masen, he'd been hurt in the war and hoped to feel better in the spring for it had caught up to him this year it seemed, lungs poorly, gas or cotton mill who could tell, and leg wounded and he moved slow, and now…Edward did not know how he fared or if he lived…and Ma….

He dug himself out. Ten feet of tunnel was down. Once he got to a clear path again he followed that next section of tunnel to the barn. It was cold and the cow was needing. He turned the calf in there to give her relief, and threw in hay for Duke, cracked corn for the chickens and a handful in his own mouth to stew on for he'd need strength.

But why was he feeding them when Ma and Pa…but he couldn't lose more…or what to do…and he searched for the tools but they were where Pa left them, neat and in place. He grabbed the hammer and stuck it in his belt, and the pick and his shovel again, some rope…and he spit out that corn.

And back through the tunnel, and the open part, the sun and his cold breath before his face and him panting and stumbling. Then the last part to the porch. He dumped his tools and made a second trip for the saw and the ax. And back again to the porch.

So he began his excavation of his home, the clearing from the door until he could open it more and more. When he hit a big part of debris he chopped and the snow held things from shifting, and him breaking and digging and sawing and hacking his way toward the place where Ma and Pa's bed was buried.

And when he was too froze to work more and he lost the light, he went out on the porch and through the window he'd climbed out of earlier. He worked his way back in and built a fire, for the chimney had survived. He built up a fire, he worked on it, trying not to scream for Ma and Pa. He had not been able to reach them as yet, and it grew dark and coyotes sounded, and that blaze lit the eerie silent mound of debris and snow behind him that had been his home, his life…their lives.

And snow melted some to soak the puncheon floor under his boots. And it grew hot on his face and he turned and the frozen back of him and the pain in his feet as feeling started to come. He threw on more wood and more, and they had more on the porch could he get it in here, and he would.

He kept that fire blazing and any wood he could get he hacked with his ax and he threw it in that fire. Snow fell and some melted there and more and more and more.

Next day he got some further into the middle of the room. Things shifted sometimes as he shoveled out snow and hacked on the big sections of roof and kept that fire roaring. He thawed himself out by turns and finally he could see a piece of that bedstead on the end, that one from Louisiana and France before that, too big, too dark, too fine for this damn rude cabin that buried them alive.

He kept working and saying they would be okay.

And come sundown on that second day he got enough shoveled off, chopped away he could climb through, but they were in there, frozen, Pa turned to her as if to try and protect. Well the crux of all of it had fallen on them and brought that bed to the floor. It went that way.

They died quick he hoped. He did not cry or feel anything at all but the frozen exhausted…something. And maybe relief. They didn't suffer while he worked like a snail…and he had faced it.

For them…it was over. Now he looked around.

He'd have to get to the barn come morning for the animals were suffering, and he stumbled back to the fire and tripped around as he threw the shreds of Ma's rocker in there. He threw everything in there he could get his hands on, some of it burning, some hissing wet, and smoke, and he went crazy throwing all he could get to move onto that fire, in the hearth until it was buried under so much, things had meant something, things they'd guarded, and now they were nothing, meant nothing. Nothing.

He fell on his knees then, and the crying came some, but he was too tired and it so dark, and he hunkered down then and wrapped his arms around his head and felt the fire working to get a breath, and it dark now…and he thought…I am in hell.

For two weeks he lived there, his ma and pa covered on the bed, him not able to bury them. He worked to clear the house and he did that as well as he could but for the biggest, heaviest part of it, he was powerless. One flap of roof brought so much pressure on the wall there it bowed some, but the snow behind held it, he hoped.

He took the canvas from the barn that second week when he could go back and forth and covered over part of the roof that was missing and nailed it there with those ten nails he pulled from the wreckage. It was a good day's work and he did salvage a pot and a chest and odds and ends and he kept that fire going now and he used the hutch and a broken slab of wood to make a partial wall out from the fire some and he did make himself a shelter this way, and he cooked meal and ate some and nursed his feet and kept them warm a couple times a day.

When it cleared enough a body might pick his way, he prepared to make the three mile journey to Carlisle's by foot, leading the horse, the cow and its calf. He killed the chickens was left, tied their feet and threw them over the horse. Then they stumbled off, each step exhausting. Each step ripping at his heart as he had to leave his parents unguarded there, but covered with wood and wet blankets and frigid air.

As they journeyed, he dug them out more than once when one of the animals broke through the white crust.

He had to live and he knew they'd agree. So he worked to break through all the snow and it took the live long day.

And come dark he reached the farm and his uncle was amazed to see him, and with the animals, not the calf, it lay back there. He told them right off, ma and pa are gone. And he collapsed then, outside and in.

Esme and Carlisle nursed him then. The sickness got in him from the cold for so long, and the wanting to die with grief and failure. But when his body healed…well he was different. Different from who he'd been before.

At eighteen Edward was handsome. Girls liked him fine, touching him all the time, his arm and shoulders, his hair, they loved to touch his hair. Any dance he went to, they tripped on themselves to be close to him. Good girls they was, too, and he ruined more than one and cared nothing. They wanted to give it, he'd take it. Life went quick.

He fought their brothers and he fought their daddies. He fought their mamas need be. But he didn't care about any of it. He couldn't stop laughing.

Uncle Carlisle tried to talk to him, take him on rounds as he was doctor in these parts though he only had three months of medical school. But by experience he knew how to hold someone's hand while they rolled around on the bed before they died in agony. Shit. Why would he want to see that? He'd gone some at first, but that wasn't his call. No sir.

He got tired of the same old fights. He finished those four years of schooling the mountains offered. They were glad to be rid of him and it was right back at them from him.

Uncle was right, he needed to get out on his own. When the job came up in the lumber camp, him and his buddy Jasper signed up. That was the life for them. They'd have some cash money finally, and a high old time on their own.

They hitched rides to Plum Valley, sixty miles away, and by the time they hiked in it was pitch black with the moon up. They'd been passing the jar most the way, and they were laughing and pissing and drinking and having a time. Jasper knew more dirty stories, some he claimed to live, and some Edward had lived with him, but not so much, not really, Jasper was just creative.

Except in school. He had made school so much fun, never taking it serious, torturing the teachers they'd had. Jasper couldn't read. It wasn't for lack of them trying to teach him, he just didn't care to…read or cipher or figure. He liked being out, dogs and liquor, dances and girls. Well what else was there? Nothing he'd seen that mattered but playing cards maybe.

So it was with hilarity they reached the ridge there and looked over that camp. "Well ain't that a sweet scene," Jasper said and Edward heard his piss hit the ground, and then he sent it flying, Jasper did, over that ridge into the sky, his piss, and Edward staggered and howled, Jasper pissing on that camp. They about fell over laughing, Jasper's piss roping wild, and he joined him and roped his too and Jasper called out, "Roar like a lion," and he roared and Edward like to fell over that ridge laughing.

And after, when Jasper tucked his willy and pointed yonder over that valley and he said, "That big building is the store, but the long house beyond is where the unmarrieds live."

That be them. One thing they never planned to do was marry. No siree, not with so many flowers in the valley. Leave them satisfied and wanting more. That was what.

Then Jasper hit Edward on the shoulder, but Edward had just raised that jar to his lips and the liquor that was left sloshed some and got his jacket and shirt, and Edward stopped and looked down at the mess.

Jasper laughed some more and Edward threw that jar the way their piss had gone and yelled, "Shit," but then he laughed, too.

And that's how it was they entered Plum Valley to be logging men.


	2. Chapter 2

Roar Like a Lion 2

1934

The thing that got Bella through getting all four of her younger siblings around the table for supper…and dishing the beans…and making them bow their heads…and the smell of homemade soap strong from the washing she'd made them give their sweaty hands, faces and necks…the thing that got her through it when she said, "Fold your hands. And let's thank God for this good food," was that love book stuck under her pillow, that classic story the girls spoke of and spoke of, and now she had it so close…so close.

The looking forward built in her and only a book could do such. But a book about love, well she'd been craving some information. Thinking of a man who would one day want only her…it seemed to overtake her sometimes.

Times were rough, folks said. They had seen other times, better times.

But these rough times were all she knew.

So she hurried the children along, hoping they didn't notice. She tried to think of an inspiring meal prayer, but in truth she wished there had been some meat on that hambone she was pretending to be grateful for. She'd about cooked the daylights out of it before now, and it would give more the idea of ham than actual ham, but she said, "Thank you God for these great beans you gave us, so many we have a full plate each and we'll be so stuffed cause they are magic beans like the ones in that book, and in each of our bellies they will grow and grow into whatever we want, and we are just so grateful, Amen."

"Jack," Betty said.

"That's right, just like Jack and the Beanstalk," Bella said for she had borrowed that from a girl at school and read it to them about a hundred times.

So the rest of dinner they guessed what their beans would grow in to and Carson said his were going to grow into apple pie, and Mary Mae said hers were going to grow into chicken, fried in lard, her favorite, and Landy said his were growing into pork chops and Betty said hers were going to turn into puppies, and the older ones about fell off their chairs laughing.

By the time Bella got them all to bed, and her still having a mound of dishes to face, she couldn't hide the smile that her love book would bring. She had heard they kissed and she couldn't wait, Lord forgive her, for she was curious and wondered would it ever happen to her? Probably never. Her lips would be all folded and papery by the time it did for she wasn't pretty and had no fine dresses and these brown oxford shoes made her ankles look even skinnier than they were, if possible. And this one hundred and twenty degree heat was killing her, shriveling her into an old raisin.

Oh, but she wanted a knight of her own. Lancelot would be fine. Or Cary Grant. Cary Grant had to be the most beautiful man ever created. Not that she'd ever seen a picture show, but she had seen his picture, one of the girls at school had a glossy, and she had seen Mr. Grant in a movie and told them little bits of it over several noon times while they ate their lunches and passed round that picture and Lord above she could think of nothing else once she got such a glimpse and they had teased her and she turned that deep red she hated for it spilled all her feelings right out for people to laugh over…just mortifying.

She had barely got the last plate washed when a knock on the screen-door nearly scared the daylights out of her, and that door not latched darn it.

There was Mrs. Black, standing there, and Jacob her towering son. She had not seen Jacob over the winter but he had matured into a man almost.

Jacob held his mother's arm, and one unkind thought went through her anytime she saw Mrs. Black, histrionic, but she repented quick in her mind and greeted them and stood back so they could enter. She wished she'd had time to pick up some, with the children there were always clothes and shoes and books, and the dishes were piled, drying on the table. And…did she stink? Lord, she hoped not, but she'd been working and it was so god-awful hot.

Well the house wasn't dirty at least. Well, not too dirty. But it could use a sweeping, that's for sure. But the children had done their drawings on the newspaper-covered walls. And the heat had melted the color some and she hadn't noticed how it might look.

This one, Loretta Black, thought they were a step away from trash, lots of folks thought living close meant that, but they were wrong, and it got Bella's back up some. Mama may drink, but she was a hard worker, and they all had the same Daddy. Or nearly did except for Landy so dark, but Mama said that was in the Swans. But which one? Cause it was in Jacob, too, so it had to come from Mama.

So she asked them to sit and her nerves were building. This was her aunt by marriage but they did not call her that. It never stuck. So she was Mrs. Black to her face and Loretta other times. She'd married Mama's brother Billy. And looked sorry about it for all the years Bella knew her, until Billy died, then Loretta just kept looking sorry.

Bella's own father, Charlie Swan, had run off. Last they'd heard of him, well Betty was five and last time he was here he had come in like Santa Claus, laid money on the table, put Betty in Mama, stole the money back before morning and lit out.

They hadn't seen him since. Someone said he was dead, but someone else said his kind never died they just killed everyone around them, well Mama said that if she thought about it.

And Mama still had hours at the pants factory, and more of the work fell on Bella and it had been a struggle to stay in school. But she was doing it. They dropped Betty off at Mrs. Silver's on the way, then picked her up come home-time. Next year…it wouldn't matter as Bella would have gone far as they offered end of this term. She guessed she would find another to sit with Betty and try to go into the plant with Renee. It's what was done, and them needing the money.

Mrs. Black and Jacob were not as desperate with Jacob an only child and him earning some since he was fourteen.

Well they sat, Bella looking over that mound of dishes at the two of them.

"I will have a glass of water," Mrs. Black said.

Bella gritted her teeth and grabbed a mug out of the pile and went to the pump there, the one redeeming feature of this house, a pump in the kitchen, and she did pump a little and fill that cup just so. She went to table and sat that before Mrs. Black's big bosom, and she did not offer Jacob anything, not even a look, and she went back across and plopped down cause she was tired and about to cry that book was calling so strong.

Mrs. Black took some noisy swallows of the water then set the cup with a tin thump. "I've already talked to your mother," she said.

"Renee?" Bella repeated just to be sure.

Mrs. Black glared at her, not that the glare was so far removed from her other ways of looking. "You have another mother?"

Bella didn't answer. Fathers were the debate.

"It has bothered me that you've come to this…a house marm ready to go into the factory," she said.

This was news to Bella. That Mrs. Black gave her any thought at all.

"You barely sixteen. Your mother recognizes the tragedy of another following in her footsteps."

Bella stood, her chin lifting. "Do not speak poorly about Renee…please," she said.

Jacob looked away, seeming embarrassed for Bella, defending her mother that way. Well he could jump off a cliff right after Loretta for she knew those older two in yonder beds were big-earing and they had scant to be proud of as it was without these two coming in here….

"Sit down, Bella," Jacob said when he could curb his temper enough to look at her. She saw that now…anger.

She did sit slow but not because he told her to.

"What my son is offering you needs to be received with humility and gratitude."

Bella looked around for a turkey plucked and dressed. That would help immeasurably. But the only two were these buzzards sitting so prim. And she took note of Loretta's chins sitting atop the tie on her black straw hat and she wondered where such came from and caught herself stroking her throat.

"Well what is it?" Bella said. Poor as they were she was particular about taking favors.

"I got a contract to teach next term at the Hickory-Crawson school," Jacob said without a smile.

"Where's that?"

"Farming community in Missouri," he said.

"Well…good for you and all," she said. He always wanted to be a teacher. He had the bossy for it.

"That's what we came about," he said, looking to his mother.

"Jacob would like you to accompany him…as his wife," Loretta said, and it's like a train ran through the room and right over Bella. She could not keep up. And then she did…catch up. She couldn't believe her ears. "You mean…pretend to be your wife?"

"No," mother and son scoffed in unison.

"He means for you to marry him so he can go with a wife. The town frowns on single teachers as they had one other with weak morals. They want a married man this time," Mrs. Black explained like Bella was dumb as a chimney.

"He's my cousin," Bella nearly yelled. Well she did yell some. She yelled, "cousin."

"They allow such here in Georgia," Jacob said, like he'd been thinking a long time on this.

She had yet to read her first book where folks kissed and her 'cousin' was sitting at table with his mother who had basically done the proposing of this preposterous idea.

"I…no thank you," she said and she stood and went to the door hoping they'd get the hint.

"Now you hold on, you ungrateful child," Loretta spat. "You won't find a man like my Jacob to offer you…."

"Mother," Jacob said, also standing. He walked to where Bella waited by the door wringing her chapped red hands. Jacob pulled her hands apart and took one in his oversized paws. She had her eyes there, and he tsked over the rough condition of her palm.

"These are the hands of an old woman," he said. "If you married me, you could send money home. I would take good care of you. A man in my position needs a good wife by his side. Wouldn't you be proud to be married to the teacher? I'll be looked up to in that town, me with so much knowledge. We can do the Lord's work there."

"I'm doing it here," Bella mumbled twisting her hand some to set it free and bury it in her apron pocket. The other she put behind her back for safe keeping.

Jacob's hands were still in front of him, opened the way she'd forced them to when she'd pulled away. She wished he'd put them down, but he was slow about it, and his red face showed how upset he was.

"You poor thing," he said, gathering his emotions it seemed. "You don't even know a fine offer. You've never had enough to compare it to. You want this dog's life? Of course you do. It's all you've known."

Well pity never felt so insulting. She may be poor and homely with old woman's hands, but she knew mud when it hit her.

"Least I don't want to better myself by marrying my own blood," she said.

He slapped her face.

No one moved. The back of her hand was against her cheek. His chin was quivering, for his rage that came so quick had turned to fear. She must have looked like something to inspire such.

She pushed the screen wide. "Get out," she said.

Mrs. Black was trying to say something, and Bella could not hear a word of it. She was not really in the room, for she had not been struck before, and this had been so hard her neck was aching from the quick turn of her head.

"Get out," she screamed for they stood there and more talking, from both now, and he reached a hand, he was sorry he said, and she could not look, but only at the threshold she waited for them to cross. Jacob and his mother moved past her and she pulled the screen and then shoved the big door, and stood there touching her jaw.

Carson and Landy were in the room, in their underwear, their small bare feet so white against the floor. Well she did not let them go barefooted for fear they'd step on a nail…such a funny thing to fear when there was so much more.

"She took her hand from her face and swallowed and they ran to her and put their arms around her, and she put a hand on each of their small heads and she rubbed them there and said, "I'm fine," but when she said it, she felt the swelling starting to puff her cheek.

After questions from them and no answers from her but an insistence they go back to bed and she was fine, and he didn't hurt her so much, and he didn't mean it, and they shouldn't be afraid, and no, they weren't going to burn his house down or go for the sheriff. "Just go to bed," she said.

And later, she lay on her own cot, hoping Renee would show and not go home with some low down man who would use her in ways that men used women. And her book lay under her head but she did not pull it out to read about kisses…she put her old woman's hands against the place where Jacob's handprint burned into her cheek, and held herself together.

The next morning she awoke soaked, and her face aching, her temple throbbing. She got the children up and they went through their routine. Renee had not come home, but she was good about going to work, even after a bender she was reliable that way.

So they got ready and oh the four of her siblings were worried over her face, but she reassured them it looked worse than it was. She made grits and there was some brown sugar, just a little, but enough to make them happy. So she walked them out the door, but it was a funny color in the sky so they'd have to hurry because it looked about ready to pour down.

They got close to town, running mostly, the children scared to death, and Bella running clunky cause every time her foot hit the dirt her face about blew up. But now the sky looked like that final trumpet was getting ready to blow.

By the time they got to the pants factory, they didn't even try to stop and see Mama, they kept on going so they could cut across the square and get to school. That building was brick at least and if it was going to wash down, they could get under their desks.

But Betty tripped and skinned her knee and Bella called to the others to hold up. She had not seen a sky so green and people were hurrying by, other children and parents and they told her to get those children into the department store, so she did, she chased them in there, and last thing Carson said was, "Bella, are you coming?"

And she said, "You go on with Mrs. Silver, I'll be along. You do what she says."

And Mrs. Silver took them and they were looking back at Bella and she yelled, "Go on," the wind whipping fierce at her, but she didn't care about any of it, she was headed back to the factory because those machines were so loud, Renee wouldn't hear. She wouldn't take shelter in time.

And she was halfway to the plant when it hit, a wind so strong, and Jacob was there and he grabbed her and there was a Model T and he pulled her beneath and the sound was so loud, and she cried, "Jesus save us," and it got took away, her voice and he held her there, that Jacob, and she did try to cling to the dirt and there was nothing and she felt herself lift and that car shift some and it was so long, so long, and the sounds of great crashing and a train of demon horses running over, and she knew she screamed but she did not hear herself or anything but that crashing rush.

After some time, it stilled and silence, and new sounds, human sounds, and they crawled out, and that car was not straight, but set crooked. Well they were dirty and shaking, and she stood and a tree in the road, roots and all, just laying there, and the windows gone across the street, and the roof torn off the shop closest, and folks coming from hidey holes here and there, and she ran to the department store and scattered, everything, colored cloth and people…the building was gone, twisted off its foundation, just gaping there, and people thrown about. Tossed…these buildings shattered and tossed, and the voices…calling out for help.

And she was there for such a time, same sun rising, burning high, dropping down, and by evening, Carson, Mary, Betty, Mrs. Silver. They had not found Landy, but these others in a line, covered up, the ones killed when that building exploded. But so far one hundred and twenty. Mostly school children.

And the factory, burned. The tornado caused a fire. Seventy perished in there. And Bella did not go there. But Jacob, he was with her. By her, holding her. Helping her. He was the one to identify the children. Jacob was the one to go to the plant and identify Renee. He was the one to come back to her where she sat on the ground in the square…and also identify Landy.

She fell…just fell…and she forgot to breathe, and he made her breathe. And she got through the burying. He never left her. She got through the packing. He tucked and folded and lifted and talked to folks for her…and they called him good…and she may have lost…but she had gained…Jacob.

And she got through the wedding.

And the wedding night.

And after that…she just got through.

And she never did read that book on love. She didn't read anything anymore.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you all.

Roar Like a Lion 3

For two weeks their bodies ached in new places. First day, they were given the job of cleaning horseshit from the path the teams used to pull the sleds so they could be loaded with cordwood and sent back down the mountain.

Jasper wanted to run off. Edward figured it had to get better.

The boss was one of those wanted to break them some. He could draw his own conclusions if they didn't complain and maybe let them off early.

They had those others, those boys fourteen did this regular. Edward knew they weren't replacing them. He knew they had bigger plans for two as strong as him and Jasper.

But Jasper never looked past his nose, and that made him fun, and that made him a nuisance with all his whining.

"You best shut-up," Edward told him as he scraped another pile.

"I wanted to shovel horseshit I'd a stayed on the farm," Jasper said.

But he never stayed down long, Jasper didn't. He got right on that Alice Faye, that one helped Cookie. The food here had her touch, Jasper said, that's what made it so special.

Edward grinned. He loved to hear Jasper go on like this. Like this, not that other.

"Them little ones…I like a girl you can pick up and move the way you need to. Them heavy ones just lay there like big soft boulders of love, and that's all right you been drinking, but those little gals like that Alice Faye you can set them right on you and Lord…it's like…."

"Hey," Boss said, for Jasper had taken to leaning on his shovel while he talked about this cause he did his best talking using his hands.

Edward attacked that next pile with vigor, eyes flicking to watch Jasper, hoping he knew when to bow the knee, but he never did.

"The only sound I want to hear is the scrape of that shovel under that soft stinking shit. You got me?" Boss said.

"Soft stinking shit. Got you Boss," Jasper said.

Boss was one of the men did not share their bunkhouse. He had a wife, blonde hair, one of those boulders of love Jasper had talked about and her name Rose. She was belly full of his baby. The men said there was no risk now should one of them be lucky enough to get to her. But Boss, he'd likely beat your balls into your lungs you so much as said her name. And what Jasper said. Boss pretty well knew he'd been called shit.

Next Edward knew Jasper was on the ground holding his jaw. Boss was twice as big, and Jasper stayed down thank God for Edward really wanted to get to the cutting and show what he had. And the money…he needed some.

So he nearly yelled, "Stay down," but he didn't, he just shoveled. Long as Boss made the punishment fair he wouldn't interfere. But if he got too mad, man could hit like that, well Edward would knock him back of the head with his shovel cause Jasper was kin and they'd need time to run.

But Boss had a lot to do and Jasper stayed down 'til Boss walked off.

"Get up," Edward hissed.

Jasper rolled and slowly got on his feet. "Damn," he said. "I wanted to get punched in the face I could go home to Pa and do that, too."

So they shoveled that shit for the first two days instead of two hours thanks to Jasper.

This camp was a cord wood camp. They were the second line through, clearing off the land, cutting and stacking the leftovers into wood for use in the chemical plants. These stacks were loaded and taken by track to hook up to the railroad.

This had been a long contract, and fact was some of these had been working for this jobber four years or more. So they were always ready to welcome new meat.

In the bunkhouse it went like this, no one wanted by the boiler for that was the hottest place in the house. But that's the bunk was empty and it were a top, and for two men.

"Well shit," Jasper said loud when he saw and they stood on the rung and felt the heat.

Edward didn't want Jasper to call out like that. He didn't show his hand that a way, not ever could he help it. They wanted to make him a bed in the latrine, he would not give the satisfaction of so much as a snort like it bothered him much.

But Jasper, well he just let it all out, all the time that way.

So, "What's this shit, shit-asses?" Jasper said so loud there. And some snickered, but most ignored or pretended to.

And Edward stepped down and commenced to putting his sack there in the corner, with his earthly goods, his few pounds of them for he cared not much for comforts. Well they went quick, he knew that.

So he had his pants on and this shirt and two more and the coat against chill, and this hat and socks and drawers, then a couple of undershirts, well he worked in those mostly. His boots were on his feet. His pants cuffed deep, his belt strong leather. He asked no permission to walk this life, and did not feel power over an inch of earth that another should ask him.

So he settled in that bed and he'd take it some then he'd be picking his spot but what they said was it had to be earned, and he would earn it, they'd see. He held his. And the way Jasper said things, mostly he could get by cause of that smile. It was some minutes sometimes folks thought he couldn't have meant it that a way, but Edward knew he did for under that smile Jasper had him a mouth knew no fence.

So they got their hands on a two man saw thereafter, but each of them was put with someone older. Boss did not cut no more, but he watched and he drank, and he was not a man of foolery or words either. But you just respected him the way you did a man who earned the right to stand in his big old boots would just as soon kick half-way up your asshole as not.

Off time meant drinking. Some played this or that, mainly fiddle, banjo, guitar and mouthharp and there was music pretty much and Jasper did his jigging he liked to do, on tables and such, and it was only him could get by with it. Sometimes he just got nasty, wiggling his skinny flat ass and swinging his belt his other hand holding up those pants cause he was the bean pole about to show his bean, and the men guffawed and threw him pennies and they fell on themselves for glee. Then he'd do some clogging, and not half bad, least ways he had pluck, and that curly hair flopping and his grin white in that crazy red beard didn't match his hair for shit.

This one James, him and his boys, well they liked what Jasper did, but Edward watched from where he sat, for this show was not a two-man, not ever, ever. For Edward was no dancer. Lessen there were women, then he got light on his feet, cause he'd hold a woman anytime one allowed, he about liked that more than anything in the world, the way they moved, and soft and smelled good, but he did not dance like Jasper with no shame. But that idiot did draw out the smiles. You couldn't hate him if you tried. And that James might try.

So poker was the thing here. All week long they grew a pot and man wanted to play, he put in. They'd get several hundred in there come pay day, and Jasper learned how to play real quick cause he was gonna win that pot, and he was trying to teach Edward but Edward pretended not to catch on just to drive him crazy. But he was listening and he was interested cause he already knew from watching it wasn't the cards so much as the ability to tuck it in, and Jasper could not.

"All the hands are made of five cards," Jasper was saying, his curly hair wild all over the way he hacked at it and mixing with this beard he grew sometimes. Girls liked Jasper's hair too, but not as much as they liked Edward's…but there wasn't girls here weren't married or so watched over, like Alice Faye, talking to one was like trying to rob a bank full of G-men. But they'd get around it soon as they figured how to.

Well, second Friday they was here and Jasper was dancing hard, just working it out, his feet so fast and him thinking he was doing something there, and jumping onto his hands and walking some cause he was damn near monkey, then back on his boots and him too alive for most to believe after the week of slavery they'd known cutting and stacking and shit, and Jasper yelled and howled in that cabin they raised this hell in.

And those banjoes played and those spoons on the table, and Jasper's damn boots, woodchips spilling from the cuffs on his pants, and him dancing it out with his hands there, those blisters showing went through his gloves, and Edward had them too, and Jasper's up there like polka dots and he cared not and his damn feet and Edward laughed as that whiskey went down like turpentine.

And Jasper did this one where he tucked his elbows and moved his arms like he was jumping rope and he'd do these little steps and go all over the place, making noise, and it made Edward laugh ever time right out loud cause shit…that was Jasper.

So when Jasper was done he fell on the bench near Edward and him laughing and wet shirt from all his giving himself. "Oh shit, I think she saw me, I think she did," he said all proud, looking around and breathing.

Edward left off lighting his smoke. "Who?"

"Alice Faye. She looked in the back window there, and she couldn't believe her eyes is what. That girl is peeking and her daddy don't know…. She sees me ever day, peeking at me all the time from that cookie tent back there. She got me in her sites now. She can't forget me."

Edward laughed much as a lazy man could for he was stretched out there, his legs long and crossed in front, and him smoking and feeling the drink, Lord just floating on its river, yeah, "You're crazy," he said to Jasper cause no girl was going after that kind of show. But he'd seen him charm more than one and women were hard to figure sometimes.

"You don't believe me, but you just watch," he said confident helping himself to Edward's smoke.

"Well help yourself," Edward slurred, for if he wasn't burning his hand to protect his smokes Jasper always figured they'd share. He hoped he felt the same about Alice Faye for she was loose, he'd have a go himself. Course he'd ask first. Jasper wouldn't care. He never did they grazed the same pasture. Except once.

"You ever see that girl…I mean really looked?" Jasper said.

"You get her warmed up for me," Edward said lifting that bottle to his lips and Jasper hit his arm and that whiskey slopped onto his face and ran down his chin, onto his shirt. "Why you always doin' that?" Edward asked.

"What you mean get her warmed. You get your own," Jasper said.

"Why you yellin' at me for? She's the only one ain't married!"

"Go for the marrieds then. You leave Alice Faye alone."

Edward could not believe his ears. Why were they having such a set to when neither one had more than a mop to dance with. Not that it stopped Jasper.

"You're first," Edward conceded, trying to snap him from this prickly mood.

"I don't want to be first. We are gonna be up here for a long damn time. I'm sayin' you get your own."

"I'm lookin'," Edward snapped back. Then he took a big drink and got his smoke back since Jasper was just holding it while he glared at him, letting it burn down to nothing.

"You're lookin' at Alice Faye," he went on.

"Are you still talking?" Edward said taking his last puff and flicking that butt off where it could burn through the floor all he cared.

"Are you?" Jasper said back all full of shit.

"Reason she's lookin' at you like she can't believe her eyes-she ain't seen such a fool before," Edward said just letting the asshole out and it felt so damn good.

Jasper stood up. "Just cause I like it lively cause I got about enough of you moanin' and groanin' in your sleep, pissin' off all day long, then your ridicule."

"Oh shut up," Edward said.

Jasper kicked at Edward's boots now. "Ain't gonna listen to you."

"Better," Edward said setting his bottle down.

"I can't hardly stand to look at you," Jasper said all righteous now. "It's gonna be just like Sally."

Edward closed his eyes. "Don't you start again."

"I guess not. Stealin' that girl from me. Only girl I ever loved. An' you call yourself my buddy."

"You call me that," Edward grinned taking another drink. He swallowed loud in his own ears. He was trying to keep it all down but this one was begging.

"Sit down," Edward told him.

"Hell no," Jasper said, hands on his hips now.

"You gonna bring it on yourself," Edward said. "They see me beat you they're gonna think it's open season and I ain't gonna save your ass when it starts."

"You go to hell," Jasper said cause this was always a sore point that folks just tolerated him for fear of Edward.

"That girl's gonna see it…your humiliation. Who you think she's gonna run to then?" Edward ran his hand through his dirty hair. It weren't true, more the other way, but Edward wasn't gonna tell him, it was deep in Jasper the notion he was nothing.

Jasper was trying to hate him right now. So Edward just went along hoping it would be enough. He guessed that girl was looking in the window and it got him scared so much he wanted to pick a fight just so she'd know he was trash. He shouldn't a said such about poking her but he didn't know 'til now Jasper wasn't sharing…or that he cared at all about a girl he hadn't said, "boo," to. Who ever heard of it?

"You're a big man," Edward said, wicked in his eye he knew. "You're the boss," he touched his chest. "You'll get that gal. She'll know." He nodded, and started to move his head to the music started back up.

Jasper just stared at him. "You mean it?"

"Sure. Girl have to be blind not to know," he said, then he clapped his hands in time to those spoons, and Jasper's feet moved a little, and he nodded, and turned away, and turned back, still moving those feet. "You better mean it."

Edward nodded. "Go dance your ass into the ground."

Those arms were spinning that rope wasn't there, and those boots taking steps, and those loggers yelped and that's all it took. Jasper went into it again, that crazy….war-dance.

Sometime after the liquor and the cards and a couple of fights here and there, sometime when the night was so deep in it was fixing to turn gray, someone got the idea…James and those, but Edward…here's how he'd recall it next day. Word was…a teacher was coming in. And these round here…they didn't allow it.

His throat, next day, was raw from screaming. Well he had been screaming. He remembered flames licking high, and Jasper whooping past in that crazy streaking light…and laughing some more, just laughing and Jasper dancing, and him throwing that bottle with the rag he lit and watching it blow and it was burning…that place…that shack.

But next morning, it was Boss came in, the sheriff beside. And Edward had to get up, and seemed that whole bunk house there was rising, just like they did for shifts, them rising and standing in their drawers and that Boss walking down and taking names and that sheriff too, and those called out had to pull on their pants and follow, and he pulled on his pants and he went outside there and they had to line up like this was the army or something felt like, and he was tapped by the two men walking with Boss and the sheriff and Boss tapped him with his club, and it was like this, him and Jasper there, James, Eric, Riley, Sam, Paul, Seth, Aro, Felix, Demetri from Italy and no English, but whiskey was…one language.

They'd burned the schoolhouse, Boss said. And Boss was so damn mad his big round face was purple. And he said it would come out their pay is what and if they did another offense against the school, and that included the teacher who was coming, if they got up to devilment that way, they were out and in jail faster than a run-away, and they'd all seen that, well not Edward, not Jasper. They'd only heard, but a run-away was a big tree broke free and it took out all in its path. They'd be out that sudden and two hundred cutters behind them wanting to take their places.

Well, Edward knew sudden.

And what the hell was he doing? He remembered some…Jasper with no shirt and that yell…well they hated school, or they were yelling such. Oh damn. How much was this going to cost him, Edward wondered. Maybe he'd have to try that poker game.

And before they even knew the cost, and before they found out they'd also be building a new school and meeting house soon as they cut the lumber, they'd be doing this in their free time, and benches and desks, before they even knew someone said, "Teacher got a daughter?"

And some laughter broke out, but not from Boss. Not the sheriff.

"He's got a wife," Boss said. "And you will not so much as look her in the eye you pieces of shit. You hear me?"

And no one said they heard. But they did. Hear.


	4. Chapter 4

Roar Like a Lion 4

That first year in Missouri, Bella was barely there. That was a godsend in many ways. It's like she heard her life, and saw it from the corner of her eye, and it was not a life she recognized, not in any way.

And all the things she looked forward to, those went running past and they were nothing. She couldn't feel.

And those nights Jacob moved on her, grunted on her, sweat on her, loved on her, for that is what he called it and she let that be the epitaph then, she held still and he did take her and it was just some minutes when it happened and she could go someplace else, to the cloud she lived in, the gray and the fog where she saw their faces, those ones long gone. So long gone.

And her weak, it worked fine. For Jacob never was mean again, not that first year. For her so slow and docile suited him fine, balanced him fine, brought out the fine in him. And when he hurt, the taking her, the thing he had rights for…when that hurt, and it did most times…it wasn't for her…it was for him…and even that hurt…well it made her feel. And it was something at least. She was responding in her way.

He did most the talking…always…and she waited patient. No matter what was happening she felt away from it, looking from far…not knowing how to get back…not wanting to.

Didn't matter that she moved off his words soon as they started. He didn't seem to know. It's her eyes he wanted, on him, lids drooping down, mouth slack and silent. But her brain…it was wrapped in her hair pinned and pinned like a tight felt hat so she couldn't think, or be responsible for existing.

So she sat and looked at him and he went on. And sometimes when he was ready to take her he said he loved her paleness and the blue shadows under her eyes. He loved taking care of her. And she would look at him then and she could not imagine who he was.

But he seemed to know himself very well. And no one else quite understood, he said. Just her. She was the only one. But no one else, and not these rock farmers, most of them not schooled much.

He was meant for more. Few people knew things like him. And the children, dumb as their folks…just dumb. He nearly hated the way they stared. And when he cracked the ruler, they didn't cry even they were so dumb. He was meant to teach, but not here.

So he got another teaching job for he had the look and the way to get hired on. It was Illinois this time. He said, it would be better in Illinois, that town more size. Them more appreciating a man like him, one who was serious about education. And so they went there and lived.

Sometimes she would be walking on the street or hanging clothes or sitting in her chair and she would have a jolt…a surprise. She was alive. Her life was real. It was happening.

But it didn't last, the surprise. Soon as she tried to hold it…it was gone. And the fog went back around her. And she was lost again.

It started with that book, that book on love she'd never read. It was called Jane Eyre, and she began to read it, and it hurt to read the first page, it physically hurt her. But she got past that, and into the first chapter, and she stayed with it then, and she lived with it then.

One night she nearly forgot to make the supper she got so involved. That was the day she finished the book, and when it was done she realized the time and hastened to put together enough of a meal, for it was always just enough, little effort, not well flavored or well cooked, but Jacob would be kind about it for he asked for so little. Just everything. But so little in the normal things a man should expect.

That was her first errant thought about him in the whole of their marriage. He wanted everything. Her heart, her soul, her mind, her body. But she could dish him such a supper she wouldn't feed a dog, and he would eat it quietly with pity.

Well she read Jane Eyre three times before she felt she could lay it aside, and then only far enough away she could find it anytime.

The second thing was the bible. Far as she could tell, the bible was the good book and one should read it to develop a stalwart moral character, and she hadn't in so long…since the children. But they loved some of the stories like Peter walking on water, and Jonah getting swallowed by the big fish. But she couldn't bear those stories now, so looking for another she found a tale about a woman named Abigail who was married to a man named Nabal. Nabal was surly and mean and when David, the same David who would one day be the greatest king Israel ever had, when he was on the run for his life from the king they already had, some of David's men asked Nabal for hospitality and Nabal said no, so David and his men were so incensed they were fixing to kill Nabal and the men of his household but Abigail got wind of it and saddled her donkey and went out by herself to meet David and his four hundred fighting men who had just drawn swords and vowed to kill Nabal and the others, and Abigail came upon this army and got off her donkey and laid on her face before them and spoke such words of wisdom it disarmed David and his men lay down their arms and David repented and when Nabal found out how close to death he had been he died of shock, pretty much, and David sent for Abigail and they married.

Now why hadn't she heard about this story? It about changed her life right there to know such a woman existed.

But Abigail had saved her family. Bella had shoved hers into the mouth of disaster. Her mama she couldn't help. But the children…that had been her call. They hadn't wanted to go in there. They wanted to stay with her. But truth…if she wasn't worried for Mama she'd have been in that store with them. And she'd be dead. And it would be better.

But now she was saddled with these two: Jane Eyre and Abigail. And on the outside, there was no visible change, unless you could see subtleties like a slight furrow in her brow, and a shaking of her foot beneath the table.

So it was in Illinois they had the first trouble between them. She had asked for a library card and it cost twenty-five cents and Jacob said he would bring books home for her to read from the small supply at the school. And she said she would rather pick her own. She said this because she didn't know what she was looking for exactly, and that's why she needed to be able to peruse because she was…searching.

He put his hand on her arm. "What are you up to?" he said, in a tone she hadn't heard before, just when he went on about how they didn't understand him and how misunderstood he was and how stupid the schoolboard was. But not on her, never on her…since that night his mother proposed for him.

"I…just wanted to look," she whispered. And he led her to her chair and set her in it hard.

"I told you…I'll bring you a book. If you got room in that simple head of yours to take it in."

And as soon as he said it it's like feeling came. Not all of the feeling in her for it was so much…but something so sharp she gasped and he took his hand away and said, "What's wrong?"

And she had her hands over her heart and she could feel it in there, a heavy dark thing, and maybe he was right, she didn't want to stir this up cause what was it? What would it do…to them?

So she calmed some and she told him, "I'm sorry Jacob. I…don't want that card. Or a book at all. I'm…sorry."

And he dropped to his knees and all the pity back in his eyes and he said, "You feel it too, that it ain't right here for us. Too many people in this town."

And it rose in her some how much he didn't know…nothing about her. She wouldn't want him to know…not a thing could she help it. But she went into that gray place again and she wanted it now for anything else wouldn't work. Not for her, not for him, it wouldn't work.

And in 1936 he signed on for that job in Kentucky while they were still in Illinois, and he contracted for a term with them, and they hadn't had a teacher in a good while is what they wrote and they had little ones never learned to read because of it. Well, there had been some trouble came to teachers there, but that was past now and it wasn't tolerated.

So Jacob decided they would go to Kentucky and he finished the term in Illinois, then toward the end of the summer they took the train to Kentucky. A trucker waited for them when they got off there and Bella thought her feet were moving to follow Jacob as he followed that trucker name of James. They got in there, Jacob putting her in the middle and she kept her legs Jacob's way cause of that big shifter. They were barely out of that town and James' hand was on her leg and then the shifter and he looked at her quick and she looked quick at him, and he looked straight ahead and grinned.

Jacob hadn't noticed for he was telling about himself and looking out the window, and Bella put her own hands on her legs then and stared straight and wondered if this James thought she liked it for not calling him out. Truth was, she couldn't bring such a complication into this, not when Jacob's hopes were high. And she tried to think of Jane and she tried to think of Abigail, and she wasn't them, not good like that, not brave.

So after a while, her legs pressed tight together the whole time, her coat pulled tight on them, she moved Jacob's way, they jostled up and down and her teeth had clacked together more than once, but the life of the camp was already showing where menfolk had loaded cars on tracks with cut wood and more wood was stacked all over near those tracks then as they went up, strips of the mountain bare, but other places stacked and cut. They drove along a high road then and they could look down at the camp in the valley, and Jacob stretched to look down and there came that hand again, that James.

Bella jumped and yelped for that hand had touched high on her leg this time as she had folded her arms thinking she could let off her guard with them so close, and Jacob all smiles turned back to her and said, "What's the matter with you?"

And she just looked at him and nodded, and she took his hand then and held it in both of hers and he pulled away and frowned, looking at James, at her. He didn't do such in public and she knew, well she didn't either, not even in private…but….

They rode into the camp then, most of the buildings were set on logs so they could be moved, James pointed out. He drove them to the cabin meant for them. It was one in a series of such, places around in no apparent order it seemed. There was a truck parked here or there but with the mud in spring and summer and the snow come winter it was touch and go getting out that way, James said.

So Jacob got out first and she touched his shoulder as he stood there looking at the cabin and she felt the disappointment in him for it wasn't much.

And her feet just touched the ground and he turned and said to James, "Need a hand with our belongings, then a few things if you could drive me to the school."

James didn't answer, went to the back and unchained the tailgate.

"Not that," Jacob was saying.

Bella felt eyes on her. She looked around and there to her far right at the longhouse there were men standing, leaning on the wall smoking. More were coming out, and she could hear the eagerness in their voices. She turned to look beyond her for perhaps there was a fire in the forest, but no. Surely they weren't looking at her?

Well she heard a whistle then, and a yelp, and laughter. She looked to Jacob and he was just turning around and asking James what…and she hurried into that cabin then, or to its door that wouldn't budge. Then a fiddle started up from that longhouse, a man in the door there, that fiddle speaking whoot-woo, and so many of them, and them laughing, and just…men…so many. And she said, "Jacob." And that James smiling and trying not to laugh out.

And Jacob caught on now and he hurried to where she stood with his mouth grim and glaring back at those men who were not so far off, for distance, not much further than an acre she'd guess, and her house the first in the row here, and Jacob pushed hard on that door and it gave in, and she hurried into that one room with that sagging metal-framed bed and that tiny wooden ice box James was saying they wouldn't need come winter for they could set things in it right outside and it would close tight against bears and coons. And she was biting on her lip, holding it tight under her teeth so her chin wouldn't warble cause the feeling that she had been naked out there wouldn't go away. And how would she live now?

And that dishpan sitting on the table with the two mismatched chairs, and an outhouse in the back he was saying and these men could keep marks how many times she used it, she guessed, and the clothelines out there? Guess she'd be hanging her undergarments right here.

And she nearly screamed aloud, but thing of it was, thing of it was…she was present. And she was mad.

She turned to James and his eyes were full of light and humor and he was still talking to Jacob and she folded her arms across her chest and cut right in cause she couldn't help it. "Those friends of yours across the way?"

He grinned big, seeming happy to be talked to by her.

"Oh yes ma'am. Those is the single men." He nodded at Jacob, too.

Jacob said, "Bella…," and she caught her tongue between her teeth. Jacob went on to ask about the school, and this time James shuffled some.

"Well thing about that…it caught fire and burned right down, yes sir. Thing is we'll be rebuilding that school, yes sir."

Oh Lord, Bella looked at Jacob and his jaw was clenching. "Caught fire?"

James was backing toward the door. "Yes sir, Teacher. Burned like a stack of kindling. Pretty rotten. More-so than they knew I guess," and he was out now and Jacob following. They went out to talk some and she walked to a window that was cut high in the wall but it faced that longhouse and she'd have it covered in three layers of wood if she had to, but she pulled a chair over there and got on it and peeked out there and looked at those who'd looked at her, and they couldn't see her now so she could figure them some, and some were young. Younger than her a couple and more to her age. None as young as Carson would be had he lived. And tears right away and she blinked them away. There were these two, both tall and wrestling around some, and wild looking…just frightful. But she had to laugh the way the one swatted at the other who buzzed around him. Then that one took off his hat and his hair was full and reddish in the sun. Well those two were full of it, that's for sure and she had to laugh at them, then couldn't believe she had…laughed. It felt as foreign as swearing might.

But they were a pack of devils for sure. And here she was. Were there any women here at all? There had to be for there were families and children. Of course there were. It would all calm down she was sure. She was not the type of woman to draw notice. They were just lonely and excited to have someone new. It was Jacob they were most curious about she was sure.

She stepped from the chair feeling better and she looked around some more. If this was to be her cage for the winter…she would try. She had not tried before. But here…she would. Why did that equal that terrible feeling in her chest? Just the thought of trying brought it up.

Well…she went to one of the boxes of household goods they'd brought. There wasn't much. She picked this up with a grunt and sat it on the table. She heard the truck pull away and went to the front window and Jacob had left with James. She imagined he wanted to see the site for the school.

Well, she'd have to get used to this. Being here. Wasn't like she hadn't been in this fix before. One place or another…didn't matter…and at night the rutting, and her staring up…wherever they were…one ceiling or another…Jacob…didn't matter.

So she went back to the sink there and tried the pump and nothing came out at first, then some brackish water splattered there and there was a couple of dead bugs already curled in the bowl and the water had splattered her coat and she wiped at that and a knock on the door.

She turned, her hand on her throat. She walked there and opened the door and a man stood there, that tall one she'd seen, and his eyes, the hair. She looked away but all down him, and she hadn't meant to, so when she looked back up, she looked up him, and she knew by the time she was back to his eyes she was that awful beet red.

He smiled. "Ma'am," he said and it was a deep voice and it made her blush more. But the thing was…he was one of the gawkers and she best set him straight right off so he could go back and tell that wild one he tussled with and all the rest she was not to be teased…or noticed at all.

"What do you want?" she managed to say.

"Well...," and he drew up straight, that hat over his heart, "on behalf of the men's um…of the single men's logger's association we all just wanted to welcome you to our little slice of heaven here and…those of us so inclined are tuning up to play you a welcome song so…if you don't want to step out here, we'd ask you to leave your door open so you could hear…this attempt." He smiled, and the scruff on his cheeks framed his smile very nicely, and she couldn't look for long, but let her eyes slide down him again and she was mortified at her own lack of composure.

"Yes…well…thank them…but it's not…." And then it started, the music, and she licked her lips and without even knowing what she was doing he stepped back on that stoop and she stepped out there, still wearing her hat and coat, and her arms wrapped around herself too, and he stood a little behind her as she faced that intimidating crowd over there and they applauded for her and it was all she could do…she stepped back and hit that other and gasped and went forward again, but his hand was on her arm as if to steady her, and he dropped it quick, and she could barely breathe for all this attention and soon as the song started she was back in the house and he was saying something and she pretty well closed the door in his face, and she leaned on it then and breathed like she'd run up this mountain or something, and he knocked and it thumped right through the door and her…and she moved quick from it and paced while that music played and she heard him leave the porch and she kicked off her shoes and hurried to the chair again and stepped up and peeked across and they were looking at that man who'd knocked...who'd touched her arm and his arms were spread wide as if to say he'd tried, and that wild one danced around him seeming happy over it all, and the music died off and she jumped down and said aloud, "God help me."

And after she said it, she took off her coat, and her hat, and without spending too much time thinking about it…she unpinned her hair.


	5. Chapter 5

Roar Like a Lion 5

Well, after that woman closed the door in his face, Edward stalked toward Jasper, arms outspread, and that one dancing like a fool cause it took some pluck to knock on the door, and they'd dared him, and her old man about and Edward knew just how to get them going.

Well Jasper couldn't stop laughing. And that hooch didn't help for he'd been sippin' since breakfast it being Sunday.

Edward told Jasper that up close she wasn't very pretty at all, more like a mouse. He didn't say she shut the door on him, but they'd seen and they about split a gut.

And Edward knew maybe he was lying about her looks, but he wanted to say just what he did. He wanted her to be a mouse. That suited him fine.

She was the little kind Jasper liked, and while he knew she was married and all, he just didn't want these around here to get the wrong notion about her for they were a randy, rowdy bunch and she looked rattled.

That blush of hers. Afraid of her own shadow. Well he hoped so…she better be. He wanted her timid so he could bear it…her so close. Timid he never liked. If there was fire in her…if she was of the earth and that's what…just real and genuine…then he was going to have a problem. Or that husband was.

Cause what drove him wild was a girl pretty and down to earth. Maybe her collar showing her throat, no more, and a braid down her back with some loose and blowing in the wind…a girl like that…it got him ever time just those real ones. So pretty and not even knowing. And a smile…a good smile at him…well damn that just got him in the belly.

Well she wasn't pretty. She wasn't ugly. She had all the right parts and all under that sharecropper's coat she wore. Her face…couldn't fault her…but there was something dead in her and it didn't call to him at all. Not at all. And he was glad to see it. He wouldn't give her a thought now.

But he was thinking about her cause ever time he looked out that window there was her house. And it just set his mind there cause he was about ready to lose his if he didn't get some female company. He was a man now, dammit. And men weren't made to just be around their own kind. Well he'd gone to church this morning just like the rest weren't so hung-over they could get up, and he sat in the back just to look at the girls…women mostly, and them all belonging to others, and that Alice Faye up front with the Cookie, her uncle they said and he didn't allow no staring at all but it was hard to stop them sitting up front like that.

And ever time he looked over there at the school man's house with the sun setting now he wondered was the man there having her? And what was she like, he wanted to know, was she willing? Was she like that one spread herself under him that time and told him to go, and just remembering…damn. He'd been a lucky son of a bitch that night. He'd been the luckiest son of a bitch.

Well they did blow it off some though, it coming out in different ways, but there wasn't but the one school house to take it out on, and now they had to build another and it would be harder to burn that down since they'd just have to keep replacing, and fire was a terrible thing and camps like theirs had burned before and they had those stacks and what had they been thinking.

He was already about sick of some of these guys. He just needed some time. So he figured next minute he got to himself next Sunday he'd walk in the woods some, get back to reading maybe, cause he did like that even if he hadn't cared for the confines of school, and he'd got his hands on a well worn copy of Call of the Wild, all the pages there and he'd read that again. Next Sunday he would. And he saw the light go out in that teacher's house yonder as he lay there on that bunk, and he wondered if she ever read…and what she would…little mouse like her…only come to his chin, and her arm like the bones in a bird's arm…an arm with no wing.

She was his…he'd make her roar. It had to be in there, in that pale, those big vacant eyes…her hiding in there…in those eyes. Hiding that roar.

Well what if she was?

Next morning he rose with the horn and he rolled off that bunk and his feet hit the floor and he could feel the air changing some, and went out to the latrine and sat on the pole and did his business. All the fat they ate went right to muscle the way they worked. Well he flexed his arm while he sat there. It was iron, his arm. Boss's arms, damn they were the biggest he'd seen. But his…he was long and more lean, but he slapped that muscle bulging there and he was proud to be a working man.

Back in the washroom he dug through his kit and got out his razor and thought it over, his whiskers heavy and it drove Jasper mad how fast Edward could grow his whiskers, all full and not patchy the way Jasper's come in at first. So he called him bald face when they were in that stage, and Jasper hated that.

And he wondered how that one over at the house, that woman, felt about that teacher didn't have him no real muscle, him just doting on his books probably. Edward made a muscle once more and checked it, and yes it was something and that teacher would not know what to do with such as that, that beef roast right there on his arm.

Well he decided to shave clean and here he'd just decided before church yesterday not to shave but to let it go to beard, but now….

So he shaved himself clean in a few minutes and he washed quick, and the men would stand in a washtub along the wall and overhead that water would come out the boiler from a spigot they could open and they had water that way and they were pretty clean most the time. Or they could be if they choose, and the ones didn't wash got so bad the others would get sick of smelling them and throw them in the river if they didn't break down.

So he met Jasper at chow, and there he was always in the back, close as he could get to that kitchen so he could get a look at Alice, and if she looked back, then it's all he talked about the live long day.

And after they ate quick, a mountain of food, and Jasper said he'd never had so much and Edward had known hungry days too, and it was good to be so full and he grabbed a pick and chewed on that while he waited out front with the others for wagons to pull them up, and Boss drove past in the truck with the equipment, and he stood there, and lo and behold she stepped out that back door, her in a dress, and her legs so little but shaped…delicate…but she wasn't cute, you wouldn't look at her up close and say cute…but it hit him hard to see her and he knew this was that coveting a man shouldn't do, this was it…and her with a sweater wrapped around and her arms too, but her shape, she had one, and someone whistled, and another said, "You better not do that when Boss is around," and those married didn't say nothing, reading the papers brought up over the weekend, and the single ones, you could feel the happy roll through, and that whistle made her raise her head and see them all standing there, and she stopped and put her hand over her mouth and she turned around and hurried back to the house, and she had a braid bouncing on her back, and they was saying stuff and calling at her, and she went in and slammed the door.

Edward just stood there a minute, just staring there, and the wagons came and laughing and Jasper bumped him and he came to and he didn't remember forgetting himself before, not ever once since…that time the roof came in…but this felt like another kind of …crash.

He was quiet on the ride up, and Jasper kept going on and he couldn't tell you what it was he said, not a peep of it, but he wondered at himself. Well he was pathetic. He'd be lucky he didn't saw through his leg so distracted. Was he lonely? He had no time alone so how could he be lonely? He already knew he missed having girls…around. Just to admire even. They kept them away like the unmarried men had plague.

What he didn't know was there were a couple willing women in the camp. But he heard that talk now, right behind him. Seems he wasn't the only one having trouble. James was talking about Jessica, old Smithy's daughter. She and her friend Angela were fun girls, James said. He'd had them both, he bragged, and Angela's hole was so far back he thought he was shagging her ass, he said and the men around him guffawed and that kind of laughing spread quick and the stories were going and a fight broke out cause apparently someone didn't like Angela to be spoke raunchy about.

And there was no space in this truck for a fight. They were packed in too tight, and they had an old timer with them and he put a stop to it quick.

Time they got off they were ready to work. Edward felt he could snap some of those trees and wouldn't need a saw.

They were a crude bunch. Animals it felt like almost. What woman wouldn't run. Her just on her way to do her business. Her husband should watch that with all these about. Where was he, that cream pie she was married to?

So it was they worked hard and piled that wood, and he had his thoughts but they quieted down and he got in the work.

The week was more bearable now. It was exciting to think about seeing the teacher's wife. And he did get a glimpse, now and then. He began to watch that high up window in her house. He knew when the light went out and he'd lay on his bunk and the devil came at him then, and he'd covet. He wouldn't even try not to.

Come Friday night he played his first game of poker. Jasper said he wasn't ready, but he knew he'd have more self-control than to lose half his first pay like Jasper done.

So he played some and he won a hand and he was careful in his bets and he came out none too badly. He learned best that way…by doing.

And he'd drank once it was over, but not so much at all, and he got in his bed there, the window in front of it where he could see her house, and the worst bunk had become the best bunk far as he was concerned and with winter coming, the heat would be a good thing too, so he lay there and he saw Boss and Rose come out the door across there and seemed like they'd had them over for a visit or something. And he watched Boss so gentle with his wife and he had his arm around her and led her off to where they lived, two rows down.

And he watched some, and around nine the light went out there, and he wondered did that teacher turn it out after she was abed so she wouldn't trip in the dark? He would do that if he was a husband, not that he ever would be, shit no. Listen to him. But when he was a hundred and if this lonely held, he might then, but he'd not say such to Jasper. Hell no.

And he got his cigarettes and lit one there and he laid in the dark, Jasper off clogging, and he smoked slow there, and he thought he saw, a shadowy form there, he wasn't sure, but he was cause his eyes were good. Real good. And it ran from this bunkhouse toward her house.

And he was out of his bed before he even thought, and in his socks he hurried to the door and went right out soft, and he watched there and then he saw, at that front window…a peeper looking in the teacher's house.

And shit, he still held that smoke and he threw it down and running soft and bent some he made it for the back of her house and come around the side soft and a dog came out of nowhere barking at him, and he went around the front and he heard her yell from inside and that peeper was already taking off and turned the corner and disappeared and Edward was fixing to chase and the teacher yanked the door and was out on the stoop holding a frying pan, and Edward stopped and raised his hands, and before he could speak, she was behind him and she was in a white nightgown, and her feet bare, and her hair all loose and almost to her waist and her looking at him like he was a man turned into a wolf, and him without his shirt cause he'd not remembered such when he'd seen that peeper, and teacher going off and saying too, you got a shirt? And that one told her to get in the house, her name was Bella, that's what Edward already knew, but he didn't call her that in his mind, but teacher said that, and she didn't listen, but she stared at him and her eyes so dark and big and he felt ashamed and he didn't know why for he was not a peeper except for across the way, but she was out when he looked so it was fair. Except for watching the light. He did that. But now he finally got some words and he said to that one with the frying pan, "Better stop swinging that lessen you want it shoved down your throat."

Well he shouldn't have said that. But this one wouldn't listen and he was already yammering on.

And Boss came from somewhere, standing there and none too happy. And Teacher accused. Told it all wrong.

And Edward said, "I came from the bunkhouse. I saw him too and he ran off."

Boss stared at Edward, chewing on his tongue or something, just glaring. Then he turned to Bella and said, "Missus is this the man you saw in the window?"

And she looked like she'd been asked to kick the chair out from under Edward so he could swing by his neck. She about chewed her bottom lip off, and that teacher said way too harsh to her, "Tell him, Bella."

And she looked at the teacher and there was fear in her eyes, and this just got worse the closer Edward looked.

"It wasn't him. I…I know him. I mean…I've seen him before. His hair. It wasn't him."

And Edward held her stare until she looked away, looked down, and he wondered if she'd have some hell to pay for not accusing him. He thought she would. He didn't want to know…but he did.

"I want him penned up until we know," Teacher said.

And Boss said, "I can't do that if Missus says it ain't him. Are you sure Missus?" Boss said again, all too willing to lock Edward up it seemed.

She looked at Boss and she said, "Mr. McCarty…I am certain this man was only trying to help. Leastways…he did not look in my window."

Boss looked at Edward yet again. "Then why in hell do you look so guilty?"

"I'm not," Edward said.

Boss looked him up and down. "Get out of here. I so much as see you look at this woman you'll get your ass fired. Maybe I'll do it anyway just for being out here naked."

Edward felt like a damn fool. He had his pants on, socks too. But he wasn't going to crawl when he'd tried to do the right thing.

So he looked right at Bella and he said, "Ma'am…I was trying to catch that peeper. I wouldn't look in your window. I wouldn't do that, Ma'am. My mother…she raised me good."

Boss had his hand on Edward's arm cause he'd just violated his order not to speak to Bella, and Teacher had plenty to say too, and Edward stood there looking at her.

And Edward shrugged away and he walked off, Teacher still yakking. He knew Boss would have a way to get even, and he'd face that tomorrow. But he'd get fired before he'd bear such shame. And she'd looked at him and she knew.

So he didn't care so much for himself. But her. He didn't trust that Teacher, the way he spoke, that tone in there. He didn't trust that one not to hurt her.

It wasn't his business. But neither was that peeper. And now he'd put his foot in. And now…it was done.


	6. Chapter 6

Roar Like a Lion 6

Jacob and Bella had just had the McCarty's for coffee. Well, they'd come over. Mr. McCarty's wife Rose was two months away from giving birth and she got so lonely. He was hoping Bella could befriend her. He thought she was regular that way. Well he couldn't know.

Bella couldn't imagine…that he cared like that. Perhaps being with child made a man think differently. But then…Bella didn't want children. She…didn't want them. Every time Jacob put seed in her, she closed her womb, sealed it and stared off and felt it die…his seed. And come morning when he couldn't see…she took a rag, and scrubbed sometimes…too hard.

And Jacob, he didn't seem to like them much…children. Hate them maybe. That's what it seemed. He never talked about his students in a way showed favor. Bella wondered what he was doing teaching school. She didn't know what it was that pulled him to it.

But that night they'd gone to bed and there was that face in the crack between the curtains, that close and round, and that eye though she could not see it but she could feel it and it looked in to her.

And she wailed out and he took off and she was saying something and Jacob grabbed the skillet.

And out there on the stoop, she wanted to see her boogie man and not live with him in the shadows and her wondering…what. She felt war in herself, just a flash, like she'd had enough, like she could murder maybe.

And there he was, that one so bold to knock on her door. That one with the eyes and she knew it was not him for she knew him. And the fight went out of her. She feared for him.

And he was young, like her, and there was wild in him she knew. But that sneaking peeper…well he would not come straight on and knock so bold. Like this one. This one…was nothing like that. And she kept saying so. To McCarty and Jacob.

But he spoke to her and he was just out with it like she knew he would be. McCarty followed him and put his hand on him again and said he'd trifled with him now, speaking to her right after he said not to.

And McCarty told that one…Cullen, he said, to pack up and come morning he was out.

And Cullen knocked McCarty's hand off again and she found herself moving around Jacob and on that first step and Jacob's hand on her now.

And she said, "Stop it. Stop it," she said it the loudest she'd spoken in two years. Since….

It came out of her so loud like the lid popped off the shaken bottle….

And she went down, crouched down, and those two looking at her…McCarty and the other and he said, that Cullen, to Jacob he said, "Help her up, brother." And it wasn't request. He meant it, that young one.

And McCarty was the one to come to Bella and help her up and Jacob said, "What's the matter with you," as he took her arm, pulled her from McCarty and pushed her on in the house.

And she pulled away and went in some and turned. She felt her toes curling hard against the floor and she swayed side to side, and said, "He's defending himself…just…no one listens. No one ever listens," and she said it too loud, and Jacob moved toward her and she was swinging her arms at him and he backed off and he stopped and McCarty on the stoop holding the door, looking at her worried.

Jacob through his teeth, "Get ahold of yourself."

And Cullen's voice beyond McCarty saying, "What's he doing?"

"Put that pan back on the stove," Bella said, and she felt it leaving, the pain, the life, all calming down, going back down.

And seeing so Jacob turned back to the door and he told McCarty, "She's fine. She's just…it's new here."

McCarty looked around Jacob at Bella and he said, "You need Rose, Miss?"

"No," she said. This was spreading too fast, this stain…her.

"No," Jacob said and seeing McCarty spoke around him, he pushed at the door and got it closed there and McCarty said through, "You could come on with me and talk to Rose, Miss."

"She's fine," Jacob said through the door. And he held his hand on it while McCarty and Cullen argued some out there, and they waited for some minutes before their voices lessened.

Then he turned toward Bella, Jacob did, and he went to the table slow and he laid that skillet down, and he was not looking at her now, but to the floor as he came to her, slow, and he stood before her, and she was going to say, "Jacob," and started to, but it never came, his name on her lips, but the back of his hand, it knocked her to the floor.

He went on to bed, and she lowered there, right there, and curled on her side. And she felt the cracker walls of this cracker box and her in its middle and Jacob on the bed across there, on his side and turned from her, and her covered with the membrane…cotton, this white he liked... And over this was that ink dark Kentucky sky and they were up high. And around them the pines and scrub and the stacks of wood, like bones drying there in piles….

And the sap from all these trees dripping into the scraped soil…back into the hills, going deep and feeding this earth…like magic beans…to get born all over again…saplings poking through the scars…seeking a breath…seeing that tall light…and reaching…in these mountains…in this place…in her.

And she slept there then, and dreamed she went for the skillet and she walked to the bed and he lay there, and she hit his head, many times, until the red…all over.

And she heard Betty say, "Jack."

And Betty stood beside, grinning up at her, "…and the Beanstalk," Bella whispered. And she dropped that skillet on the bed beside Jacob. And she touched Betty's face.

And Betty smiled.

And in the morning the horn blew to wake the men. Bella opened her eyes and felt the cold cramp from lying this way.

And the skillet was still on the table.


	7. Chapter 7

Roar Like a Lion 7

Morning after the peeper set-to Edward stood in that line looking over at Bella's house pondering. Toes of his boots were tapping one after the other, left, right, and his hands in his pockets, jacket bunched over, gathered some over his rear, his beat up brown Fedora, his eyes burning under that brim.

He had slept not a wink. He'd been fired last night, then barely rehired…and now Boss watching him like he'd spread his tail-feathers and strutted for the wrong hen, and he so much as stretched his neck in the sun he was going to the block.

That's how Boss put it, only he said farted, you so much as fart, he said, you're getting axed.

That woman was in trouble. And...he was no shining knight. He couldn't save anybody. He had strong proof of it. And he didn't want to think about it. Boss McCarty had told him…leave it alone. Who did he think he was? Well, McCarty was having the house moved—Bella's house. That should fix it, Boss said.

"No," Edward had protested and when Boss saw that, he said it was getting moved for sure. That was a man and his wife. Sacred. He needed to keep his randy feathers out of it, Boss said.

"It ain't like that," Edward argued. "You saw same as me," he said.

"Saw what?" McCarty countered. But he was a liar cause he'd tried to fix it himself and that teacher wasn't allowing.

Teacher sure wasn't the only one to talk down to his wife. Even if he hit her…wasn't the first or only woman in this place…and they both knew it, McCarty said. Didn't his pa hit his ma some, McCarty said, but he wasn't asking, not really, he was trying to live with it. Shit.

But her on that stoop…that white gown…backing into the room…and him with that skillet.

"What's your problem?" Jasper asked him. Well, he got up wrong side this morning, too. But he'd slept. He'd snored all night long. Edward liked to rolled him onto the floor.

So he took a last look at the house there and got in the wagon and sat and he didn't look again, except once, and sure enough the door opened, but it wasn't her…it was that other…that teacher he hated now.

She had some fire alright. She defended him. Her voice…a broken note…but her pushing strong.

"What's with you?" Jasper said again.

"Nothin'," he said.

"The shit?"

"What's with you?" Edward said back.

"Nothin' with me. You're…," he waved his hand, Jasper did. Then he sat up straight and took a big breath and lifted his arms in the cramp and stretched. Edward leaned away for he did not like rubbing up on each other like they were hogs at the trough. They were together enough.

He shoved at Jasper to get some space.

Jasper shoved him back. An old timer yelled at them like they was boys. Those old ones liked it orderly.

"Heard you was lookin' last night," James said from down the row.

Edward turned. "Say what?"

James had his arms folded. He looked off, this smirk, head shaking. Then he looked back at Edward. "Had us a peeping tom's what I heard this morning," James said. "Say it was you…lookin' at the teacher's wife."

"You're full of shit," Edward said, an anger rising, just what James wanted.

Jasper was leaning now. "What you saying?" he asked James.

"Boy there got caught rubbin' on himself while he looked in the teacher's window. Don't know which one he was lookin' at come to think of it," James said.

Well, they were laughing then, even that old one.

Edward was pissed off to beat the band. "Sounds to me like you were there," Edward said, cause how'd he know? "Boss catches that sick fucker…hell to pay. Better be warned," Edward said righteous and glaring at everyone, mostly James.

Comments went from beg your pardon, to—can't blame someone for lookin'. Hell, I might.

Edward was about disgusted with this bunch. They'd reached their section and unloaded then. Edward got his tools and was walking away when he heard James say, "I'd take a gander at that gal. Had my hand up her dress on the ride up."

Well that comment got Edward stuck and he was hefting the ax in his hand without knowing.

"Move," Boss said, his nose about touching Edward's.

Edward startled but he didn't speak. Boss stood there, that black hat he always wore. Edward knew he had two strikes, but James kept it up, he'd go. James had some years on him, more time fightin', but he wasn't bigger and sure as shit wasn't stronger.

All day Edward's mind went so fast he couldn't outwork it no matter how much he split and loaded. It felt so good though to lift that ax and bring it down deep in the heart of that wood and watch it split. The most rewarding work ever for a man angry, and though it was chilly, he worked in his undershirt and he sweat it out.

Come time for lunch he ate his chow leaning against a stack of cord and he shoveled thoughtful and he told Jasper more of it, what happened last night, and that one couldn't believe.

"Your pa hit your ma?" Edward asked, cause Boss said that, and well…he didn't know.

"My pa? He was in the mood, he went for the closest. Mostly it was her then we boys got older we got in and he'd beat on us and we just took it for her."

"That ain't right," Edward said.

Jasper kept his head down.

Edward had only seen it once…his pa. He'd been to the big war back. There was this one time…he came in from school…he was small…everything thrown around…his mother, her cheek and holding her arm…. She had told him to go out, to set on the porch and read his book. And his pa further back, sitting there, crumpled, not looking at him.

"I never saw such," Edward said, for there must have been good reason for his pa…. But he knew of it…Carlisle did being doctor…and that woman died back home and he remembered Carlisle telling Esme, "suspicious circumstances." And those words stayed in him…they just got in. And no one looked in to the way that woman died. And Esme said you could kill a woman easier than you could steal a horse. And she had cried.

"I got to get a look at her today," Edward said. "I got this feeling…."

Jasper left off shoveling. He was setting across from Edward, on a log upturned, his knees spread and him leaning over his plate attacking his food like a working man did.

He was staring at Edward still chewing.

"What are you looking at?" Edward said finally putting the last of his stew in his mouth.

Jasper shook his head and shrugged and went on eating.

"Since when you hold back?" Edward said.

Jasper stopped eating altogether now. Set his plate on the ground and there some left.

"Boss told you…you're gonna lose your job…you done lost it…now you got grace and you gonna lose that, too. I like it here…don't want…hell, winter's comin' and we got good work. I been learnin' poker some…and…."

"Go on and say it," Edward said.

"You know what."

"What if it was her? What if Alice Faye was in trouble?"

"It ain't her," he said all heated. "You don't feel about this woman like I do Alice Faye. I been staring at her for weeks. This here woman…she just got here. And she's married!" He looked around then, Cookie's way, and lowered his voice. "It wasn't you lookin' in her window, was it?"

"Are you serious?"

"Well…don't get all up…how do I know? All you do is look over at that house…all times of the night…I get up to piss and you rouse and you're lookin' or you're already lookin' and now you're gonna get in there and get killed…with a skillet maybe. And then what am I gonna do?"

"Stop talkin'," Edward said. He took his plate to Cookie then and lit up a smoke and he was walking off to piss and here came Mr. Gabby couldn't leave a thing alone.

"What if she had a shiner? What if her arm is broke…and hell her leg, too. It's Boss's call. You ain't gettin' the pay. And I'll tell you this…you were to risk everything for her…she'd stick with him. That's what they do they get beat enough. The only ones they fight are them try to help."

Edward just looked at him. He said this like he knew what he was talking about. "You sure?" Edward said.

Jasper shook his head. "You're head was wood it'd be hickory."

"Tell me."

"I'll tell you this…I stepped in for Ma first time when I was eight. Time I was older…time I could start to fight hard…she turned against me I got the upper hand on him. Well he'd be drunk and I'd use somethin'. He taught me that, right? And then…then she'd get in there and get me off. She'd stand for him. That's when I knew…all I could do was let him beat me the way she let him beat her. So times I thought he'd kill her, I stood in. Maybe twelve and I let him have his go. And he'd beat me sometimes…'til he got wore out with it. And that's how I helped out around the farm. I'm saying woman gets beat…she ain't as weak as you think. Matter of fact…she's got a strength you ain't thought about. You get in the way of it…she'll stand with him. Cause he's her man…the devil she knows…and he's her home. Not you."

Boss was nearby and he said, "You girls get to work."

Well, he'd been wanting to ride Edward's ass all morning, but Edward had so much frustration to work off from what Jasper just said…he hadn't given Boss a foothold to ride on.

So he went back to work with a whole new load of pissed off to fuel him. And as he worked he wondered if Jasper was right. He didn't know Bella for shit. What was he doing anyway? Ain't a living soul, including her gave him any encouragement he needed to be so…involved.

Quittin' time Edward rode the sled down the mountain. He didn't want to talk to any of those in the wagon, Jasper included.

Instead of going in for supper he walked out to the site they burned the school on. They'd spent the Saturday before clearing the site. All that stood was the foundation and the chimney now.

And he thought of that other building…that old homeplace that fell in…where Ma and Pa died. He never went back. Four years and two miles away and he never went there again.

And he was smoking there and figuring what kind of school this would be with that Teacher back there, and he probably wasn't so bad…just rude with her maybe. With Bella. And…he didn't know how is all. But no…he'd seen the way she'd looked at him, that teacher, and it was fear. He saw it.

He was walking and smoking and the truck pulled up and it was Boss coming in and he pulled there and said to Edward, "Get in."

And Edward pulled that smoke from his lips there and walked around and got in. "They fixed to move the house but it's got a problem can't be moved right now. Fact is its rotten on the back corner and it needs repair. So I'm just remindin'. Mind yourself."

Edward looked at him. "Thanks for the lift."

He got out then.

He only had one glimpse of Bella that long week. They pulled up Friday evening after work she was in the yard, basket of laundry on her hip. She heard them, saw them too and hurried inside. But anytime he caught sight of her, the image burned in his brain.

He knew then, he'd already had the highlight of his weekend, and it not even started.

Saturday morning they was up early and breakfast laid. Then those criminals like himself what burned the school were to be on the site to start the building for the lumber was delivered there and they needed to get to it.

Well they were a group, most hung over, some very bitter, not given to comeuppance.

They had an old timer there knew carpentry and he told them what to do, how it went, them laying the logs like he said, and this was a pioneer school with a rock and log foundation and it would be right charming not that they gave a shit at all.

So they worked quiet and the sun came up and lo and behold the families came in the trucks, pulling up there and Cookie with food and the unmarrieds didn't burn the school but had some morals Edward guessed, they came too.

And Teacher. And her, and he tried not to look. But he could feel her there and that's just…what it was. She wasn't a stranger and he couldn't explain. And that's what made the difference and it didn't make sense.

And he worked in his undershirt and his cuffed pants and his hat on his head cause the sun was warm through the breeze, and he wasn't gonna worry about it, Boss would let him know he had too much skin showing.

And they worked and hammered, and he saw Jasper there, right as he hammered his thumb cause Alice Faye was out in the open stirring a crock of lemonade. And her looking back, and her hand over her mouth when Jasper yelled, "Damn shittin' reprobate," over that thumb. And Jasper said, "Sorry," right after, he said it Cookie's way cause that one looked ready to kill him.

And Edward was sneaking looks and Bella looked healthy enough. And she had her hair pinned under a hat, damn it. He wished she had a braid. But she wore her coat like that day she came, and those brown shoes a grandma might wear, and short socks. The hem of her dress peaked beneath that coat and her legs…like a girl's. Well she wasn't old. But there was something…old in her.

Or sad. She was so damn sad.

And they hammered the frame there and there was thirty or more hammers ringin' out time they called for lunch. And Edward drew near the call for prayer and the one religious single man they had said the prayer there, he asked God to forgive the ones burned down the school, and thanked the Lord for the new lumber and all those willing hands, and Edward shuffled some for he wasn't a bad man…just misguided he got to drinking, and peeked up and that Bella stood beside Teacher and him so reverent and the sun shining on his black hair making a halo almost and Edward said, "Shit," and a woman nearby gave him a look like he was Satan himself and he bowed his head quick.

And it was amen, and the call to eat and the men found places to sit so the women could go through and get their plates, and then the unmarried men went through and Edward took that plate Alice Faye handed him and she was cute as a bug, well no wonder, and she smiled at him and dimples too, by damn, and her hair bobbed like one in the movies, and he got pushed from behind and stepped past and it was Jasper pushed him and he said all smooth, "Hey there Miss Alice Faye."

"How you know my name?" she said back.

And he said, "You're famous this part of Kentucky."

And Edward nearly laughed to hear Jasper's words.

"I am not," she protested with a giggle in her voice.

"That's why I took this job," Jasper said. "Just to meet the famous Alice Faye."

Edward rolled his eyes. He was handling her name like it was a pair of titties.

A lady gave Edward a pile of mashed potatoes. Then the one dishing gravy, well it had to be one of those easy ones he thought they made up. Maybe that one with the asshole way back or something. Well he smiled big. He had gravy all over his plate and his hand cause his smile could do things.

And she told him to wait a minute and went to her coat and came carrying a little slip of paper and gave it to him. He read it right there, with no one pushing since Jasper held up the line back there by Alice. Paper said, "Meet me back of the bunkhouse eight sharp." Then a heart was drawn there. Well he looked at that girl, his brows pulled in and he smiled just a little.

Then he moved and there was coleslaw and he got a stack of that put in the gravy, and then there was pie and that lady was her, Bella. She was asking him something, her lips moving for him, her eyes on him, and he was holding that shit-stacked plate and she said, "Cherry or Cream?" he thought.

And he couldn't take it in. She said it again, her eyes on that paper just blew out of his hand and she went for it, and he stood there like an ass and behind he heard an old timer yelling at Jasper to quit holding up the line, then Cookie said, "Alice Faye." And Bella came back with that paper and she'd read it cause it was a quick read, and she was flushing when she handed it. And he saw it then, that yellow bruising around her eye.

That yellow was the final color showed on a black eye. And he stared at her then and a thousand words and she looked away and went back to serving cause folks had moved around Jasper.

Alright. Alright. He threw everything in the waste pan for the dirty dishes. His whole plate. Then he wiped that gravy hand on his coat and he went to Boss sitting with his wife and smiling like Edward didn't know he could do. And he marched up and right in front of the Missus Rose he said, "Boss, that Bella has a shiner. You can see it in the sun…that bruising."

And Rose looked to her husband, and McCarty looked like he'd as soon kill Edward as eat that big fork of taters, but he said, "You're not talking to me." And it weren't a question.

Edward swallowed his indecision cause Jasper had said…but hell with it. "I am too," he said.

Cullen…you get your ass…yourself…back to work on this school you burned down cause you're a jack-ass and a punk. And you say another word to me about that woman…or to anyone…you are going to build on this house all week long by yourself. And if that don't shut you up you can take your pay," and McCarty stood now and Rose was pulling on him saying, "Emmett…Emmett…honey sit down," and he went on like this, "…and end of the week, you can take your pay back out of your ass after I shove it up there with my boot, minus the week you missed for building on the schoolhouse, and can go down this mountain…before I kill you."

And he was red and close to Edward's face and he went on then and threw his dish in the pan and he went off.

"Just let him go," Rose said and she took a bite of her food and was chewing there and Edward, he was wide eyed and looking at her all golden in the sun.

She licked her fork and sighed and set her plate beside and leaned back to rest on her hands and under her coat her belly swelled with that baby. "He's the best man…ever lived," she said.

Edward looked off and McCarty was already getting back to work.

"Yes Ma'am. Thank you."

"And boy?"

He waited.

"This is your lost cause. I'm his."

"What's that mean?" Edward asked.

"Figure it out. Now get."

She was so beautiful…but she was kind of mean. And he had no idea what she meant but she was just right for boss cause he reckoned she never took shit.

"You want to be a hero, baby," and she got out a cigarette and lit it up, then pulled in and blowing out, her red mouth like the rose she was named for as she blew that smoke. "…gotta pay the price your big-man self." She smiled now, and it was something…that smile and Boss, damn. He was lucky.

Edward looked back at Bella giving out that pie. Her eyes caught his and she looked away. That other gave him the note thought he was looking at her and she waved her fingers. So he turned back to Miss Rose and she made him feel about ten.

But he thanked her polite cause he had claimed to be well raised and he had no idea why.

And this here's what Boss decided. They were cleaning up from setting the foundation and the frame. Boss told Edward him and Jasper would work Monday and Tuesday on the walls.

"We still get paid?" Edward asked.

"No," Boss said. "Ain't gettin' paid to rebuild something you burned down shit-brain."

So that was it. He'd pissed Boss off one too many times, and Jasper, well Cookie about had enough, too. Cookie was cousin to Rose and that's how Emmett got on four years back. So those two had conspired, Edward thought. And Monday and Tuesday him and Jasper would be working on the chain-gang and there wasn't much they could do about it but lick that shit like it was sugar.

So he watched folks pack up and leave, and Bella went off with Teacher, and he thought about letting her go, wondered if he could. Maybe if he met that one tonight…saw what it was about…maybe then it would ease this…feeling.


	8. Chapter 8

Roar Like a Lion 8

Cullen gave her a note. He was fixing to give it to her, she guessed, and the wind took it, and like a fool she went after never dreaming for a minute, second…it was that. And she handed it to him…and no shame at all…just…curious and wanting…perhaps…a response. From her.

Seemed childish or girlish and a heart drawn and all. Was he simple? Was there something in him…the way he knocked on her door before she'd even taken off her coat, the way he came rushing over when he'd seen that peeping tom, the way he kept arguing for her that night, fighting for her bold…and now this note. What was she to do?

She was to end it, make it clear to him, if he'd gotten some idea about her…she'd been so careful to stay to herself…and she never looked at that bunkhouse for the single men even, except from her chair in the secret way. And he looked over here at her house, but maybe it was just in his sites and he wasn't aware.

Probably that. And she was no beauty, and dressed modest and tried to conduct herself….

What had she done to encourage one like him? What did he want?

She'd heard Mr. McCarty. This Cullen was going to lose his job. If McCarty saw this note, he would.

She had to tell that one, Cullen…stay away from me. She had to make it real clear he needed to mind his business and never reach out to her again.

When they got home from the building Jacob had been excited. It had gone well, he thought and he could see how happy they were to have him there and things would be different now with him about, and the children were backwoods but with parents valuing him that way, they'd give him the respect, he could see that, and there were a bunch of them and need be she could assist him until things were in order.

Well he went on some, sitting on the chair, and he was happy almost right then, and he drank the coffee she'd made and she sat on the chair and listened to him go on, but she did not hear, she worried herself and wondered what could have been if they'd lived…her family…if God's cruel finger had not touched down that day and blown their world apart.

And that young man…her eyes had gone to him too many times…and sometimes he looked back, and he had to know she wasn't longing toward him, that's not why she'd been looking, but she wanted him to know…stay away.

And he was a strong one…and capable…and handsome…she guessed, not that she looked at men that way…but she wasn't blind…and she wondered why…why hadn't she been able to feel after the loss…how had she gotten married at all…and was she really here?

And it presented itself early in the evening, a knock on the door, and an asking after Jacob and he'd made arrangements to try and sing with a quartet, well he'd talked about it at the building site apparently, they'd asked him, and what better thing for the teacher, what better way to enter this community, than to sing? He'd said such, so excited, too excited, and he'd gone along with the one at the door for a try out and it was just the menfolk tonight but sometimes the wives came and carried in supper, but tonight just the men and she had smiled, sure you go on, sure I'll be fine, she'd said.

This was it.

She learned it young. It was up to her. She learned it young. She just forgot for a while…after they were gone…and she turned into this…weak…sick….

Who did this fella think he was, this Cullen? She didn't need him. He didn't want to help, he wanted a woman and figured she was so pathetic he'd just have her and she'd be grateful. Somehow he'd seen her lot and he figured he'd take advantage.

He wasn't a hero…he was a scoundrel and he was going to earn her so much trouble…and she had been drifting a long time, like a dead body in a canoe drifting down the river…like the old Viking stories she'd read…and now…she was sitting up at least and saying…how in God's creation did I get here?

And she would do something about this and not pull back.

It made her mad, and that felt right. And she had to act quick for she had no way of knowing how long Jacob would be gone. So she hurried to grab her coat and her hair, she'd unpinned and it was wild, but she didn't care, she got her hat on and she pulled the chair there and got on it and looked over there, and it was settled some and not too busy at all them being caught up at the commissary.

Down there it was lively and they played their music and did their things…whatever it was…but you could hear the music. And she stole out, her like a big brown bird for all the notice she drew with her clothes, and she walked on the road that separated the houses, that hard dirt path where they loaded in the morning, and she looked like she was walking past and she got past the longhouse and she turned at the treeline that ran along the back of that place, and she went in there and staying in those trees she picked her way along so she could see the longhouse there and she could stand and wait in the dark night, just the moon, and try not to scare herself, and she had never been a fraidy cat at all, until lately and what she was now she couldn't exactly name, but still in her there was a spark of life surely and she was drawing on it now, and she got overwhelmed with shyness suddenly and fear of what she'd say to Cullen and how it would look to be here at all and if she was discovered and if Jacob knew…he would kill her. He had it in him…she knew…a blind cruelty…and him not in control of himself…and she shoved that away soon as she thought it…she had to take care of Cullen first.

Pretty soon here he came. She knew his form so well, had watched him more than she wanted to admit. When she looked from her window…it was him her eyes went to, he had that way…even with all the others and she cared not a whit for them…for any man…but him…he stood out.

There was no way she couldn't dread this…she looked the fool standing in these dark pines, but she stepped to the front of the line where she would be evident, and he was looking every which way, he did not have his hat, or his coat, his hands were in his pockets though, and his step was light and…full of strength or life or spring…she didn't know, but he moved eager toward her, then with care. He seemed unsure. Isn't this what he thought would happen? But he pulled his hands from his pockets and he took some slow steps and he said, "Bella? What are you doing here?"

And he looked around some more, came right to her before she could speak for he had not expected her and she knew at once that note was not for her, or had nothing to do with her, and panic and confusion and…shame.

But his hand on her arm and he pulled them in between the trees, and he was tall and it was dark and she had put herself willingly…though she did not fear him…just the shame.

"I…," she said, "I thought…I wanted to say…do not come…around me no more…don't…just…," then the shame overtook her, and his eyes searching as dark as this night but picking up the tiny light and so alive, that's what it was, in him and his step and the way he moved today while she watched him…and from her window. He was alive inside. He was beautiful.

And her fear…for him…for herself….

She went to move but his hand was still there. "Bella…you saw that note. I'm sorry," he said.

"No," she wanted to go, but he blocked her the way he stood…and his hand….

"Hear me a minute…you came to meet me," he wanted to clarify, oh he would, that's how he was. She knew that…he looked…he saw.

She stared back at him, and she was able too…hold his eyes, and some of herself came to her then, and she yanked her arm free, "I knew that was a foolish note…I wanted to say…you can't come to my house anymore. I am…I think you've tried…to be good," she took in a big breath, "…and chase that one peeping…and I appreciate…."

"Bella," he said, and he shouldn't. She hadn't given permission. But it was like a call out, soft as it was…and kind…and tender almost, and it made tears come and she did push on him then, and he stumbled some and he said, "Bella wait. I'm so…I've wanted to talk to you…I waited all day for a chance…you…you okay over there? I didn't know…and I wondered if you were…if he…."

She poked him with her finger now, just once and then she pulled herself in, got scared of what she could do now, say now, him asking…and…wrong.

"You leave me alone," she said. "It's not your concern to speak like this to me, married and all. So…I know you're in trouble already for your job…you leave me alone now, alright? Alright?"

But he was looking at her, looking. He was thinking, she could see it, swallowing, staring. "Yes ma'am," he said.

Then they heard it, a girl's voice, calling low for him, "Edward, Edward," that girl called.

And he gulped and finally looked away and Bella knew it all then, this was a tryst and here she'd come in it…and she was angry and ashamed.

And she bolted around him, right out of the trees, right where that other could see and she didn't care, and he called her back, but defying him was the only thing she could do cause she couldn't slap him in the face that would make no sense and she wouldn't take on Jacob's ways. She needed to get herself home.

And she didn't look, but she ran then, like the peeping tom had, the other one slinking in the dark, like her, doing things she ought not, lying, lying, hating herself.

She got home and ripped off her hat, her coat, all the brown, all the shadow on her, and she stood in that box, that coffin she lived in, and she willed the fire to run out of her. And she took off her dress then, the cotton dress that threadbare sack of a dress, and she kicked off her shoes bent to the shape of her feet, trying to hold her upright on the earth, and she rolled off her socks, and in her full slip she went to the bed.

She got under the scratchy blanket and sheet and she felt her head weigh on the thin pillow as she laid back, and she thought of him over there then, in the pines…meeting that other…whoever she was…laying together over there…now…his hands hard on her body…the way he'd handled the building…he had a way…and his hand on her arm…and him…good. Goodness in him. But a man…and lust…like them all…but there…right now…him with that other…and taking her…and Bella's hands ran over the cotton, her slip, and she felt the thinness of herself, and she felt her breasts asleep and lifeless and her ribs, brittle and rotted, and this was her. She was real.

And she wondered if…Edward's…hands were hers and he wanted her that way…she smelled the soap on him, and the smooth shave…his lips…his eyes…and she wondered would he find her soft…was there softness in her still…and she touched her private self, and the open place she never wanted to see, barely acknowledged, and she wondered what it would be like…and she asked God to forgive her…for wanting…anything…. Better…not to feel.

And she wished…she wished she was the girl…in the pines…whispering to him…Edward…while his hands…his hands. While his hands….

And the door banged open. Jacob's bulky shape in the doorway, and he slammed behind and she already smelled it…the whiskey. And he didn't imbibe as a rule. But when he did…careless….

He cursed and he tore his coat off, and his clothes after, his shoes, and he hit the bed then and it groaned and moved, and he reached over and she pushed his arm away and he said, "What?"

And she ignored this and said, "How was the singing?"

And he was sullen she'd had the nerve to push him, but he said, "We never got to it…but they welcomed me," and fixed the pillow under his head and he went on about how glad they were to have him and on he went…and on he went…and in minutes he snored, and she looked at him then, and she knew…he'd never have her. Even when he thought he did. He'd never have her.


	9. Chapter 9

Roar Like a Lion 9

Well…Jasper had been right, Edward thought, watching Bella run away, her coat brown, and her hair long…and that showed him right there she'd been worried, not herself, cause she never showed it like that, her hair, her self, herself. And that hat close on her head, holding it in, a helmet, protecting….

But here was that other, and her smelling good and questions on her face, and open to him…open to him and he could barely think. But not because of this one, Angela, not her, but because of the other flapping away, like an owl caught for a minute, not expecting to be, and freezing there in the light…they'd done that…him and Jasper…back home in the dark, at night, an owl in the tree, and scaring themselves and shining the light, but if you looked and didn't run…it was always more…always more…and rare and fine.

He couldn't believe she'd come after him…stood in the trees. She thought he'd written that to her, passed it that way in the line there…he couldn't believe she'd thought it. A heart put there and all. And he would never do it that way. Shit. Give him some credit, he'd just come on, he'd just ask. Give him some due. He was out of the schoolhouse now, and short pants, too. He had the sand to ask a girl…even one was married.

And he took a step after…she told him to leave her alone…well excuse me, he thought…but her so scared.

She waited, Lord he couldn't believe, and this one now stepping right up to him, and he didn't feel a thing like with Bella. Just that old eager thing…just wanting to get his…fun and funny and ha-ha to Jasper guess what. That's all it would be.

It didn't matter what Bella said…he didn't think so…cause he could see it in her, desperation, and her not in these trees to be fucked like this one here, not nothing like this one, and he could barely look at this one, barely hear, and he said, "Go on home," to her, and she was asking who that other was, and he took more steps toward where Bella had run off, and he was looking after her while this one went on…who did he think he was having another girl and thinking she'd give him a go right after, and he could barely hear…but Bella had waited here, she had waited for him…didn't matter what she said…she came for him.

Was he crazy? Was he reading too much? She told him to leave her alone.

But she stayed and she talked…still talking. "Go on home," he said and he couldn't look at her cause he was full up with that other, who'd run away and was mad at him, and he felt shame for this girl, this Angela, so eager to give herself, and that other, that Bella, so eager to protect him, and herself from him, and what he might do, and what he might say, and what she might feel, and what he did feel.

So this one here he looked at her mean and he said, "You come here to be with me?"

That stopped her and she said, "Well that's why you came."

And he said, "Get in the trees and strip yourself off, and lay down and part your legs for me and wait."

And she said, "What?"

And he said, "You want to whore for me, go on in there and lay down."

And this one got all teary-eyed and gathered her coat under her chin. And she was looking at him like he was vile, and he was, he felt that mean.

"You're…." She never finished, but she ran off then, and well she should.

And he barely spared her a look, for he'd done her kindness not to take her. He wanted to, thought he would when he came out here, feel her up at least, get his hands all over her.

But that other, that one had ripped him right down.

And his hand on her, it felt like…it felt like he should have kept it there, kept it there and added the other. And he didn't know what or why and it was wrong and sin.

There was a place he could go with her that no one would bless…and he didn't care. She had come to him. She had moved her feet and come his way and stood in these trees and it was reckless.

But it mattered.

Later, Jasper came home from winning poker, Edward wanted to tell him, he wanted to say, "I met Bella. In the pines yonder. I talked to her."

But he couldn't say that, not even to him. Jasper would say it was just like he thought, that she chose that other. And she should.

So on Sunday, he told Jasper he would not go to church, and Jasper was dragged up to go so he could have his look at Alice Faye, and Edward wanted to watch across the way, to see if she'd come out. Bella.

But they'd all gone when she came out with Teacher and Edward had to hurry then, to right himself for church, he had to dress like he'd missed the morning horn for work, and he ran around and dressed clean and tucked his shirt, threw on his coat, and his hat, and he got out there, look at him, running for church, and making it in while the singing went on, and he opened the door and got in and looked, and some looked at him, and he saw Bella then part way up and they stood, her and that one and shared a book, and Edward pulled off his hat and he moved in two rows up and others made space, and he could see there, see her, and he said, if the world ended now, if the stars fell down and the sun burned up, I would make my way to her, I would run the top of these pews I would gather her up and take her out of here and we would run, and I wouldn't stop until we found a place that one place where I could hold her and tell her it was alright, whatever come, we'd go there together, before the sky fell down.

And when church was over, he stepped outside and he stood, and he waited, but Jasper wasn't looking for him, no one was, but he stood and he waited and they came out and Teacher shook hands and chucked a child under his chin and patted their heads and laughed, his teeth so white, and she stood folded, the brown bird with no wings, she stood beside, and he willed her to look, and she wouldn't, but she knew. She knew.

And that Monday he was there bright with Jasper and they did work and the sun rose and they peeled off their shirts and they covered one side of the frame, they worked and measured and sawed and hammered, and they'd sat to eat the cornbread they'd brought and Jasper had pickles and they did share those, and water to drink, and she came up then, and she did look at him, his wren, his owl, his nothing.

"I…," she said, "I am meeting Jacob here. He…I can go." It's as if she spoke out loud to herself.

Jasper watched him, looked to her. "Hell no, Ma'am, 'scuse me. Sit on down here we are nearly finished." And he was up, and putting the scraps in his bucket.

"I do not wish to sit," she said. "Jacob is meeting with some of the wives this afternoon to form an association…for the school…mothers to…." She stopped and shook her head and closed her eyes. "Good day to you both."

"Wait," Edward said, finally able to speak. He stood then. "There's no need to run off if you're here to meet him. No need. We have our work. You can watch. See if we're nailing true."

"I'm sure you don't need me," she said.

Well he smiled. She looked away and he knew she blushed.

"Rousing sermon yesterday," he said.

"Yes," she said. "Although…if you asked me…I admit I can't remember five minutes after."

"Me either," he said. "My aunt and uncle used to ask me every Sunday. I learned young to just say sin and money and that suited my uncle especially. My aunt…not really."

She put her hand over her mouth and laughed. "That's terrible," she said.

It was, he knew.

They were smiling there, and she seemed to catch herself and looked off, and he saw how awkward she was, painful almost, and he wanted to set it right, but best to….

Jasper yelled, and fear went through Edward, and he turned to see him crumple there and his ax had slipped and went through the toe of his boot and the flap would go back, but then toes, all of them maybe, cut across and folding back with the boot, and red gushing, and Jasper yelling out, fallen on the ground, and Edward got to him, and they had the truck up here, McCarty let them take it so they could haul the siding, and Bella was beside him, and he picked Jasper up like he was a baby, and he told her, "Hold that boot together."

And she didn't hesitate, she lifted the toe of the boot, all the blood, and now on her, and Jasper cried out, well he hadn't stopped yelling, and they moved connected that way to the truck, and she pulled the passenger door open and Edward set him in there, and she struggled to hold that boot and Jasper yelled.

Edward told her to get in and he helped her, and he went around and they got Jasper's foot over her, propped on the door, sticking out the window so it could stay up, so it could bleed right out there. And she held the toe of the boot together, and Jasper yelled and cursed and cried, and Edward told him, "Hold still as you can," and he said it sharp.

And he started the old truck and he said to Bella, "You hold that, Bella. Can you?"

And she only nodded, and Jasper was yelling, and he said, "Can you?" louder, and she shouted, "Yes, just go, go."

And he maneuvered out as fast as he could, turning that truck around. Least they had all the wood off, they'd done that right before dinner.

"Settle down some Jasper," he said. "You just hang on and we'll get you to the doc."

Well it would be a good ride down and that road like the pits of hell some places. But it should be dry all the way, and he checked the gas and it looked hopeful. And she held that boot, her tiny bloody hands both on it, and blood all over her clothes now, and Jasper saying, "Lord, Edward, fuck…sorry…fuck…."

And Edward said, "Bella you know Alice Faye?"

Jasper saying, "I cut 'em off…I know I cut 'em off…oh God, I'm a cripple now, oh God it hurts so much."

And Edward said, "Miss Bella…tell him all you know about Alice Faye."

"Alice Faye the cook's niece?" she said with a small voice.

"Yes ma'am, just anything," Edward said.

"Oh…she…let's see…um she, Alice Faye, is a Presbyterian. And she…."

"Oh Lord, I'm gonna lose my job now, I'm gonna have to go back home, Edward, I won't…," then he caught Alice's name, "you say Alice Faye?" he asked Bella.

"Yes," she said, and then she heaved, then she said, "Excuse me."

"What the matter?" Edward asked.

"It's the blood," she said kind of breathless.

"Well that Alice Faye…," Jasper said, but it went no where.

"Yes," Bella said clearing her throat. "You know she loves horses. Just loves them. And sweaters that match…um two sweaters one…you wear one over the other. She…she loves sweaters."

Well that did quiet Edward and Jasper. Edward was thinking of ladies' sweaters and seemed Jasper was for a minute.

And about that time they passed the first cabin, one set back there, a dog out front. "Pull over, pull over," Bella said and she spoke with some sand like she did that night for him, and he stopped. "Here?" he said, and that dog came and an old man on the porch then and Bella called, "You got whiskey? We got a hurt man here. We need rags and whiskey!"

And that one went in then and out came a couple of children and Edward said, "We got to make time," and she said, "Be patient, this will be worth it," and sure enough a boy came running and he had a jar with the clear in it, and an old shirt under his arm.

"Thank you," Bella said and he handed this in, and Bella said, "Can you get word to the camp up the mountain Edward Cullen is taking a man into town to the doctor there."

And that boy never said one way or another, but he looked proud to be asked and Edward pulled off and Bella wrapped that shirt around Jasper's boot, and she took the lid off that jar and Jasper was crying for the pain and he took a drink, then another, and handed off to Edward and he took a sip and told Bella to do the same but she ignored, and Jasper took it back then and took another sip, then more, then Bella held it for him and gave it to him whenever he felt the need, and he took to crying about his dancing days being over and Edward drove like hell and when they jostled Jasper cried out, but the shirt helped keep it together and he wanted to shift it off the window and Edward said no. He had to keep it up. He'd lived with a doc four years, Jasper knew, so he listened.

And Jasper was getting drunk and he slurred to Bella, "Tell me something just talk to me."

So Bella started in on a story, Jack and the Beanstalk, she said, and she said there was Jack and he got these magic beans and when he planted that one it grew so tall and he climbed the sky.

And Jasper said, "They'll send me home and you'll go on. I ain't goin' back to the farm, Edward. Shit. What I'm gonna do all winter, Edward? I ain't ever gonna dance no more. What you think I'm gonna do if I can't dance? And Alice Faye…I can't never see her again."

And Bella, Edward could see her hand on his arm patting him, and then she held Jasper's hand. "Didn't you ever hear to take one day at a time, Jasper?" she said so soft and sweet.

So she went on with that story, nice and slow, and he got in it some, and then he passed out, his head on Edward's shoulder, and they looked at once another over his head, and she didn't shy from him for they had Jasper between, and it was about him maybe, and it was, but them to, it was about her for Edward.

She'd been crying, and she'd spilled that hooch on her coat, and it was ruined with blood, and she sniffed and she smiled at him, and he'd never seen anything, anything like her for beauty.

And he looked back to the road then, and this serious thing in him, and her just brave. And they were quiet then.

And an hour and thirty minutes after, they found Doc's house and brought Jasper there and Doc said he'd meet them over at the hospital then, and they took Jasper there and Edward and Doc got him out of the truck and he was drunk and yelling and saying he had to piss, and Edward and Doc carried him in, right through the glass and wooden door, and they took him in back then to get off that boot and sew or sever them toes if they remained and Edward asked if he could help or stay in

And the doctor said, "Young man…go on out there with your Missus. We'll come and get you soon as we're done here."

With his missus? Well, did it seem so? But he didn't want to leave Jasper now it was time. Then all the worry came at him, all of it he wouldn't let himself feel in the truck, and he didn't feel so strong when she wasn't with him sharing it. He wanted her. He went out then and he just looked at her, and she was standing there in that coat, and he went to her slow, but not in his mind. In his mind…he ran.


	10. Chapter 10

Roar Like a Lion 10

"What did the doctor say?" Bella asked Edward as he approached from the clinic's backroom where Jasper was being treated.

Edward came right up and she kept her eyes glued to his face. He looked serious, like they said Jasper would die or something.

And his shoulders and arms bare and smeared with blood like his shirt, even his pants, and his boots, all of him Lord God, rough and…he still wore his hat…and…she nearly looked away ashamed for many reasons, Jasper the worst.

"What did he say?" she asked again and his hands toward her and she flinched a little, she hated it, but what was he doing?

His hands went to that first button on her coat, and nurse at the desk and he shouldn't. And he looked at Bella as he worked that button and her hands went there too, touched his, tangled, so she let them drop quick, her hands, and his knuckles right under her chin and he went to the next button and there…and the next and there…and the next and there…and her blood followed him now…heart slamming…and she knocked his hands away then and she had fight in her, but where had it been?

She took over and Edward watched her hands. "What'd he say?" she practically yelled to snap him out of it…the feeling….

He blinked, "They don't know. They told me…I couldn't stay. They said…they'll see now…what's in that boot."

And he looked at her, like she had answers and she didn't. But she did put her hand on his arm, that bare arm, to comfort him, and it was like she'd touched a hot stove, just not easy is what she thought.

Then he touched her, this one piece of hair strayed down, and no…so she took her coat off then, and looked down her dress for stains, and he was staring, all down her. And his face…still so serious.

"I'm pretty clean I guess," she said, then away, anywhere, cause it was such a stupid thing to say…but there was no where to go so she put her coat over her arm, the blood side in, the lining out and it was torn and she was embarrassed for him to see that.

And his eyes were on that long rip and he reached out and touched it with his finger, then quick his hand was holding her arm, but him not looking in her eyes. She didn't know…he was strange, and she didn't know….

"Let's sit down," she said, and he moved to follow but she pulled away and went for the nurse and that one had been watching. And Bella said, "Ma'am…he needs a shirt. Is there anything?"

And that nurse looked to him and Bella saw the flush. Well, it wasn't just her…it was Edward Cullen. He even made blood look possible, and she had no idea what she meant, he could wear it is all and that was wrong and terrible and true.

And the nurse disappeared and Edward walked in a circle then, looked out the door, then walked back to the desk and the nurse came in with a white coat like a doctor wore. And she gave him that and he laughed some, not joy just, well damn.

And he went to a corner and he started to lift his undershirt, his back to her, and then he pulled it down, then decided to lift it afterall, and he pulled it off and it knocked his hat off and he'd forgotten it was there and she knew he was rattled then, and his back and shoulders, she turned away cause he had a terrible beauty, a terrible, terrible beauty.

And Lord what a day she was having, and she looked quick at that nurse then she went to the door and looked out the way Edward had, and he was next to her and buttoning that coat and holding his bloody shirt.

He took her coat and said he'd put those out in the truck, and he said, "I been running from a coat like this, and here it is catching up to me." And he meant that doctor's coat, and he didn't explain he just laughed and went out and she caught herself staring after.

She knew that truck was foul with the mess and he threw her coat in back and used his shirt for a rag and the pump out there for the horses. She watched some then thought, what am I doing, then went to the lavatory and washed up best she could, and she didn't look so bad for all she'd endured, bright eyed and flushed, almost…well not pretty, but not as ugly as she usually was. But shabby…she could win a prize for that.

Later she was at the door again and when Edward came in that coat had wet spots and some dirt, and he said, "Anything?"

She said, "No…no one's come out."

And she realized he wanted something to do, needed it. And she could smell he'd been at that lightening. But she didn't blame him.

He lit a cigarette, and waving that match he said, "I owe you a coat."

And she said, "No you don't." Well that was the best she could say.

"Might as well sit," he said, and eight chairs on two walls and she went to the chair closet to the corner and sat there.

He plopped beside, his knees spread wide and him bouncing his leg. His other leg would brush against hers now and then, and him saying sorry, and then his shoulders were wide and his arm was against hers and he did not move it away. And her a sandwich between him and the wall.

He wanted her touch. She knew. But it wasn't right. He was…he was like…ignoring him was like ignoring that tornado that…. Well she couldn't ignore him. And she didn't want to. But she would not let it start.

"Guess your husband is gonna be pissed off," he said.

There he was, right out like always.

"Think you should go on back there and see if they'll…," but she didn't get to finish cause the doctor was coming out then.

He had blood stains on his coat and he laughed to see Edward in one just like his and he said not to run off with it.

They both stood and Edward said, "How is he?"

She took ahold of his arm and that doctor said the first three toes were sliced deep and they were attached some. He was stitching them back on, and it would take a while. The other two were cut but they weren't in danger.

He said the two of them should settle in and he'd be out when it was over.

"You can save 'em then?" Edward said.

Thanks to their quick thinking he said there was a good chance. He told them he'd do his best and he'd seen plenty of loggers' injuries in his time. "Says he was chopping coat pegs?"

Edward nodded.

After the doctor left Bella sat tiredly, and she could feel it then, the relief there was a chance, the worry there wasn't.

Edward wiped over his face and hair as he sat heavily beside her again. "Oh God," he said, and he kept his face in his hands for a spell and were she free she would pat his back.

Then he shot up and paced again, then he came back to sit beside her, his arm against hers, and his head resting on his other hand. She felt the sigh in him.

"At least there's a chance," she said.

And he did not look but he blindly reached for her hand, which was in her lap, and he reached right in there and grabbed on and his head stayed in his hand, his eyes closed, and he said, "Coat pegs…."

And she could not pull her hand away she couldn't do it to him. And his hand so warm on her lap, and in hers…eggs in a nest…something growing…and God…it felt…so strong…his hand in hers.

She just kept staring at that living flesh…right there…and she did not miss her coat with his arm now, his hand so warm. But she must end this. She must be careful. She was trouble to him. For him. From him.

"He has you…and you're a great friend…," she said.

He squeezed her hand then and her other was atop their joined ones, and he kept sitting in that posture, not looking at her, eyes closed.

"I sent that girl home last night," he said then, and she held her breath.

He could not do this. "Does…does Jasper have much family?"

He did look up then, and his eyes so serious it scared her. "You hear what I said?"

"It's…it's not my concern."

"I done some things…I'm no saint. But…I ain't rutted in the pines yet. Thought you should know. I'm…a better man…tryin' to be."

She seized on that. "I am glad you are…trying to be a better man."

"I…don't be my teacher."

"Edward," she whispered, and she tried to ease her hands free, and he held harder.

"Don't let go," he said low, his eyes not leaving.

Her lips parted and her breaths grew shallow. "Edward…."

"Just…touching you…." And he looked at their hands.

She yanked away then, and he sat up and rubbed his face and sighed big, then rubbed his hair.

He was not someone took things easy or would step back easy. But this wasn't fair. "If you don't…stop it…I'll have to wait in the truck."

She got up and sat the other side of him with a chair between them. She moved around and tucked her dress.

"He treats you bad," he said.

"Stop it," she said back.

"I hate him. Ain't even sure why. I just do."

"Edward. One more…."

"How'd you end up with him? You ain't nothing like him. Most husbands and wives you can see it. Him and you? No way in hell."

"Is this how you want to talk with your best friend having an operation?" she rebuked.

He laughed a little then. "Reckon so…Teacher," he whispered and he smiled and it was something to take, even sitting, that smile.

Well she'd never been courted, or flirted, or been flirted with. She'd never had a boyfriend like some. She wasn't clever that way either.

She knew she flushed red and if she had a coat she would be in that truck now.

"Come on back here," he teased patting the seat between.

She licked her lips and glared at him and he licked his lips and she knew he mimicked her, but it was something just not proper at all, and she looked to that nurse again and….

"How old are you?" he asked.

She tried to look calm. "You told me you were well-raised."

"I say that? Guess I was drinking when I said that."

She knew he'd been drinking now. He was something else after drinking.

"Come on, it ain't no great violation of your marriage vows to tell me that."

Marriage vows? What a mouthful that was. "I don't think we need to know personal things."

"I told you I was well-raised, though I can't hardly hear myself saying it that way," he laughed a little. "But my aunt and uncle…well my ma and pa."

"Who raised you?" she asked.

He shook his finger at her, "Oh no. No personals." He leaned so far over the seat between them he might as well move there.

"Alright, I'm eighteen."

"When?" he said, all ears.

She told him.

"Well damn I knew we'd crossed paths. We got sent down from heaven almost the same time I'll bet, long line of babies there, the angels bringing us down…well you down. Maybe they brought me up, threw me up from hell. Sounds right."

"How much did you have to drink out there?" she asked.

"Not so much. There's some shine in that shine though, I tell you." And he laughed. "Glad you thought of it. Probably saved him some misery. He was cutting those coat pegs. Put his damn boot on that stump and what was he thinking. He was trying to give me some time with you. He was listening there and not paying attention. I know him." He said this as much to himself it seemed. "Probably thinking about Alice Faye…."

She took a deep breath. Time with her? He was just letting it out, his worry. He just wanted to talk.

But then he said, "I like your hair down. How'd you end up with that sour puss anyway? And that's being kind, you know it is cause I could call him worse."

Then his hand moved and he snatched off her hat, and she'd had it pinned lose and her hair tumbled down cause he had been awkward.

"Oh there it is, that pretty hair," he said, and he held a long piece between his fingers and he said, "It's just like I knew, like silk."

She pulled her hair from his fingers and held out her hand for her hat. He gave this with reluctance it seemed. "How come you hide that hair?"

"It's not your concern."

"What size you wear?"

"Beg pardon?"

"For the coat. Not brown. Blue. Deep blue. You like blue?"

He was having fun, and she was trying not to.

"You're too skinny. He feed you?"

"Mr. Cullen," she said trying for stern.

"Oh. You took me back. I got yelled at like that a lot in those days…school days. But I don't mind it so much with you. Not at all, fact."

And he moved closer and his face…it was such a strong face, not a shy feature on it, not a one out of place or crooked or lacking in any way. "Hey Bella…," he said, "I'd even let you keep me…after school." And he sat up and laughed then.

She knew she was scarlet and she wondered the nurse didn't hear him, and she went to the desk then, her hat in her hand, her hair down, and her coat gone. And as she walked she could hear him still laughing, anyone could hear him, Jasper in the back room might be hearing.

She said to the nurse, "I'm sorry to ask this, but could I borrow a blanket? My coat…."

The nurse told her she could borrow one but it would have to be returned. And she went to get the blanket and Edward was beside her now, leaning on the desk.

"Hey, Bella…come on, I'm just teasing…."

"I asked you to stop," she said.

"You were laughing. I didn't know. I'll stop. I promise I will."

"No more whiskey," she said. "You're not yourself."

"Well," he smirked, one elbow on the desk, "maybe I am. Maybe I'm letting it out…me."

The nurse returned with the blanket then and Bella thanked her. She walked to the other side of the room. "I'm going to sit over here, Edward. I'm tired."

"Alright Miss Bella," he said, but it was still in his voice, the teasing. She planned to ignore him until he sobered up some.

She was relieved to cover herself, even her feet. She sat in the chair and looked at her own well wrapped length. She planned to do this until she fell asleep. When she found sleep impossible with him sitting against the other wall staring at her, smirking at her, she closed her eyes and recited the McGuffey's Third Reader. She was on qu saying k in pique when he moved near her, thinking she was asleep she supposed and that she wouldn't fault him for it. He really was impossible.

She felt a lock of her hair move, and she knew he had his fingers in it again. She ignored him. If he didn't get a response…one he could know about…he'd probably quit.

"You go on and sleep," he whispered. "That way you won't know what I'm fixing to say. But…you ever need me…cause we both know there's hell to pay for today probably. But you ever need me…I'll come over there. You know the way now. And I know the way back. And you ever need me…well I'm yours."

Her eyes opened and she looked at him there, and she held his gaze and he held her hair…and time…what was time.

"Let me say one more thing. You're looking at me, those big eyes innocent and pure."

"Stop," she whispered.

"Listen…you seen my arms…you seen how I am…I ain't afraid of no man living. Not for myself. But all I am…all this sass," and he held up his arm like a muscle man and patted his muscle there and he said, "…it's behind you. So you ain't so stuck now are you?"

"You are…," she swallowed hard, "…so out of line, Edward."

"Don't lie to yourself. Cause then you lie to me."

"I came here because of what happened to Jasper. You are drunk."

"I'm happy. Cause I'm with you."

"That's crazy. I'm going to see if I can get a call to the camp," she said, making a big deal out of folding the blanket. When it moved the hem of her dress and her white, skinny leg showed, his eyes were right there. Then he looked at her as she pulled on her dress and he wasn't a bit sorry.

His eyes looked past her, at the door. "You don't have to call the cavalry. They're here now," he said. "Remember what I said."

She stood, the blanket trailing over her arm and he stood behind her. In came Mr. McCarty. He held the door for Rose.

McCarty didn't seem all that surprised to see them. But the crux of his attention was definitely on Rose. Soon as she waddled over the threshold his arm was around her back and he was in charge.

Rose was groaning and holding her belly.

"Ah…help us," McCarty said and the nurse was there and they got Rose into a chair.

"I thought I was going to have to deliver it," McCarty said to the nurse. Then he repeated it to Edward and Bella and she realized he was not so in charge afterall. He was nervous and the nurse was asking questions and he went to the desk and gave the answers.

Bella went to Rose and sat beside her and took her hand, and another pain gripped her. She crumpled over and Bella stroked her back.

"Oh," Rose said to her, "it's hurts so much. How bad you think it gets?"

Bella kept stroking her. "You'll hardly remember this when they lay that sweet baby in your arms."

Rose looked at her like she wanted to believe. "You been through this?"

"With Mama a few times. They get you in the bed I'll rub your feet. Mama said it helped."

"I don't want to go back there. Would you stay with me?" Then she groaned as another pain hit.

"My wife wants Bella in the room with her," Emmett said to the nurse.

Bella looked at Edward. He had his hands shoved in his pockets. He shook his head no a little bit, but he might not of known he did it.

She didn't want to leave him…she didn't know why…he was fine. He had Emmett now, his boss, for husbands had no business in this end of birthing.

The nurse went down another hallway to get the room ready.

Emmett was at Rose's other side now. "It's okay, baby, you're doing real good. Just hold on now and they'll get that kid out of there in no time."

"Shut up, Emmett," Rose said through her teeth as she rode another pain.

Emmett went back to the desk and slapped his hand on it. "Get out here and help my wife."

Bella noted how Edward's eyes were big looking at Rose. He might not fear a man living, but him, and Emmett for that matter, looked pretty scared now of one pregnant woman.


	11. Chapter 11

Roar Like a Lion 11

She disappeared down that hall with Rose, her hips under that threadbare dress that son of a bitch barely provided, even that couldn't stop Edward from knowing what it covered, a form so comely, so appealing to him, so womanly and sweet as sugar.

He resented it. He'd had her to himself and he wanted more and this one came in and just took her over, this Rose. They had folks trained to help her foal. Didn't need to take Bella, too. He'd brought Bella here. Damn if he didn't think she was his somehow.

But everyone wanted her. Everyone needed her so he could get in line he guessed. Well he'd go head of the line then, every chance he got.

Now he had Boss ready to climb up his butthole…and kick.

"Sit down over there, Cullen," Boss said soon as things calmed. "I got my wife in there…and her mother died having her, and she don't expect to live. That's why she wouldn't have this one at home like regular. So here we are, and her about to push it out on the ride down I hit those damn holes in the road, and some of that road it ain't nothing but…and I lose her…," and he turned away and punched the wall, and he said, "Shit," and some plaster went to dust there and he went off shaking his fist.

Edward eased to the chair. He had his own damn worries but wisely kept still.

And Boss came back and that blood on his knuckles and he said, "He wanted to come down with us…that one brought word you'd stopped there at that cabin. Jacob Black went up there and we figured it, but weren't sure which, you or Jasper, but they said his boot was in the window so we knew it was toes. Well I did."

"And that man, that teacher is ready to…well what's he supposed to think. He's odd man out and he knows it round here and…," he drew real close to Edward, bent right to his face, "…he beats the very shit from you I ain't gonna interfere…so you know."

Edward pulled his face back some. "I ain't asked you to."

"Oh," McCarty said, his finger hitting Edward's shoulder like a rock shot out of a gun. "That right fucker?" but he said it with some Irish.

Edward reached and rubbed that spot. Boss wanted to hit more than that wall. He was near crazy right now.

"I got shine in the truck," Edward said.

Boss blinked and pulled back. He hurried out then. Edward let out a breath, got up and followed.

In the next hour Edward and Boss drank the last of the shine. They sat on back of the bed, boots on the bumper, boss in his black hat, Edward in his brown.

The doctor came out and said Jasper's toes were sewn and his leg was propped and he was resting and they'd have to haul him home soon as the baby came because the clinic wasn't open all night. They didn't have the help for it and they needed to sleep.

"How's my Rosie," Emmett asked.

"She's close. Another hour is my guess," the doctor said.

Emmett stood and he had his lethal finger pointed at Doc. "You don't let my girl…you don't let anything happen to her. I'm holding you responsible you fancy fucker," he said, and a sob came out and Edward could hardly believe it.

Edward stood too and said, "Boss, Boss sit your ass on the truck here. Rosie needs the doc. She has to have him now. Sit down, man."

And Boss was sobbing now and he let Edward lead his butt to the bed. Doc nodded his thanks to Edward, though he didn't look overly impressed with either one of them, and he went back inside.

"Oh God," Emmett cried into his hands. "My Rosie. Oh God."

Edward put his hand on Boss's shoulder. Damn he didn't want to, but Bella would have done it this way. And he'd taken advantage when she did for him, touched her that is, but it wasn't as bad as what her husband probably did to her, and then he heard himself telling her he was trying to be a better man and he was a little sick of himself for a flash because if Bella hadn't of shown back of his bunkhouse and knocked him sideways, he might have rut in them pines. He might have. So the only thing even remotely good about him…was her.

"Boss…women have babies all the time."

"They die all the time, too." Boss kept his face hid.

Edward breathed in. "So…you live afraid? Men cut off their toes and cut their legs and die chopping wood but that ain't stopped you driving the shit out of us to clear the mountain, and it's getting done in good time, too. You live scared? You live all afraid cause there's bad mixed in with everything we got to do?"

Emmett dropped his hands and his face was red and he'd cried actual tears. "You all ain't my Rosie. Not even close to being."

"My point is, you live afraid?" Edward said.

"Fuck no."

"Then…."

Emmett shrugged off Edward's hand and with it Edward's responsibility to inspire.

"Shit. Don't say nothin' about this," Boss said.

"Don't keep lecturing me about Bella."

Emmett looked sharp at him, wiping his face with a bandana. "I ain't dealing with you, you little weasel."

"Little weasel?" Now Edward stood up. Maybe they needed to settle this…disrespect.

"Sit your ass," Emmett said, but he sniffed right after and tucked the bandana. "Fuck all," he sighed.

Edward sat slow.

"Truth is…Bella reminds me of Rose. When I met her…and you say a thing to anyone I will personally knock your teeth out and then we'll see how fast the girls come runnin'."

"I'm no blabber," Edward defended himself, truly insulted, but willing to be so to hear anything Boss had to say with Bella's name attached.

"Anyhow…Rose had been married before. And I fixed it alright. But I knew what I was doin'. I wasn't a boy all het-up."

"Neither am I," Edward said strong.

"Well…remains to be seen."

And he'd never told another living soul, Emmett said, but some things a man just had to do.

"And that's not permission," Emmett said.

"Maybe you're saying a man don't need it…permission. If it's something…he has to do."

Emmett peered at him from under the brim. "Maybe. Just be sure you do it from up here," and he touched his temple, "and not…," and he tapped his balls. "That's the difference."

Well, Edward would have to ponder such. It was all the same to him.

Shortly after, Edward went in to see Jasper. That one was sleeping fitful and Edward had no will to wake him.

So he tip-toed out, but he heard that other, Rosie, grunting like she shit a truck.

"Oh Lord," Edward whispered, tip-toeing away in his boots. He went to the door and waved McCarty in.

"She's shoving it out about now," he reported.

"How you know? She ask for me?"

"No," Edward said. "I heard her."

Well Emmett ripped off his hat and went to the hall and stood there looking down it, toward the sound of his wife screaming.

"My Rosie," Emmett wailed, and Edward took a seat and lit a smoke.

"C'mon, Boss. Don't get in their way," Edward said, and Emmett turned, hat in hand, eyes full of trouble, and him shuffling to sit beside Edward.

"Never again. I'll never do it to her again, Lord."

Edward found this funny, but he was careful not to laugh.

"Well Boss…it can't be long now."

"This is when they die…that's what Rosie says…not during…after. This is what she's been afraid of all these months. This right here…after it's out."

"There you go again," Edward said tipping his ash on the floor cause he didn't care a shit anymore.

"What am I supposed to do while my Rosie goes to glory? Sit here with you? Hell no." He sprang out of his chair then. "Rosie!" he called down the hall, "Rosie hang on. Don't you die on me! I'm nothing without you girl!"

Edward went after and Boss fell on him then, just no pride at all, none, sobbing, and Edward was just ashamed for him. Here he'd been fearing this man and he was pitiful. Edward half-dragged him to the chair and dumped him there, the very one Rose had occupied with much more dignity. And they were there some time Boss sitting and fretting and crying and Edward standing there smoking two in a row and thinking, shit.

Then her soft voice cutting through it and he looked up and there stood Bella holding a blanket…and a baby in it. She looked a little alarmed seeing Emmett, but she had a smile there too. "Emmett…there's someone wanting to meet you."

And Emmett looked up, tears running off his chin and nose same time, and he blinked and wiped over his face with his sleeve, and he was trying to understand, taking in Bella standing there holding his child.

"Is that…?" he asked.

Bella took the final steps to him and bent to lay that fine fat child in his arms. She told Emmett, "You have a son. Rose wanted me to bring him to you."

He held that baby and looked at him and wept as he said, "Oh my God."

Then he looked up at Bella and through his tears, "Is my Rosie…is she…?"

And Bella smiled and she had tears, too, and she said, "She's fine, Emmett. The doctor is just stitching her up is all."

"My Rosie is alive?" Emmett said like he was a child at Fatima and Bella was the Virgin Mary.

Edward was so mortified for him he could barely watch.

"Yes, Emmett," Bella said in the kindest, softest voice. "Rose is so alive she says she could eat a horse."

Emmett laughed now and scared the baby, and then he soothed that same child like he was its nursemaid and that one quieted right down and the worst of all, he said in a baby-voice, "Well we'll just have to make sure Mama eats that horse, won't we…?" Then he looked at Bella.

She said, "Garrett."

Emmett nodded. "That's right. Garrett."

And Edward looked at Bella, and he forgot all about Emmett for a spell, and the baby, even Jasper, and her sweetness, her fineness, and something so sad in her, so deeply sad, and he remembered how he'd been trapped in the house the day the roof fell, and she was trapped like that, and he knew it. And he felt himself grow inside, felt himself step to a place he'd never been. And he knew this…and he needed no permission for feeling such…he was about ten minutes away from falling in love with her. Maybe five. And maybe…he already was.

"Jasper's awake," he said, in case she forgot why she'd come some back when he was in it and she was in this room with him, just them two mostly.

"I been in there, too," she said. "He's in a lot of pain."

"We got to take him home soon as Rose is ready."

"Well…about that…you're staying in town tonight Emmett, isn't that right?" she said.

Emmett didn't hear her at first, he was singing to the baby now. Singing in a high-pitched tone like a man without balls might have natural, Edward thought.

She repeated and Emmett said yes indeed, they were taking a room across the street at the boarding house so Rose and the baby wouldn't be hard put.

"Rose asks that I could stay. To help," Bella said.

That did get Emmett's attention. "She asks that?"

"Yes," Bella said.

"Alright," Emmett said. "That might be best. It will be. If Rosie asks. It will be. But…Jacob…."

"He'll be fine," Bella said, her chin lifting a bit. "Rose…needs me," she said and Edward looked at Emmett to see how he was taking it, and he was going along.

"What about Jasper," Edward said. "You reckon they got a room for him?"

"Jasper push out a baby I don't know about?" Emmett said.

"Might do him good to rest before taking that mountain."

"Maybe he don't need to take it. What's he going to do up there?" Emmett said.

"He'll heal up, Boss. He'll be good as new."

"Maybe. He's not I ain't runnin' short." Emmett handed the baby back to Bella.

"He can stay with me while he heals. He don't hurt nothin' and he heals quick," Edward said.

"He's no good to me," Emmett said, not the daddy now.

"He can do something else."

"We'll see," Emmett said. "But you don't need to hang around the boarding house. You get your ass back up no matter what he does. They need one of those trucks come morning for the tools."

Edward didn't like it. "Jasper stays with me," Edward said. "Bella's my look-out too."

Emmett already shook his head. "Like hell. Bella is my look-out now."

There was a stare off then and Bella said soft, "I am my own look-out. And I choose to help Rose less you want to help her with the bleeding and the night feedings and the diapers, and tending the belly cord Mr. McCarty?"

"No…I mean…I'd be beholding Ma'am."

She nodded and walked off then, baby in tow.

Emmett took off his hat and beat it on his leg.

Edward watched her walk off. She'd picked Rose. Women and babies…you couldn't compete. Even he knew that.

But maybe it was more. Maybe she didn't want to go home, now she was out. He followed her back there and called soft as he could, "Can I speak with you Bella?"

She looked at him and took that baby back there. He waited in the hall like a pansy ass while she took her sweet time seemed like.

He was torn up again. Between her and Jasper he was torn.

And she first came out she went past him and he could see plain as day she'd been crying but she mumbled something and went on in the lavatory and there he was pacing and shut out and he knocked and put his ear on the door and he heard crying, so he swallowed his fear and went in.

"Bella," he said.

"And she was sitting on the floor in the corner, folded in there and crying, her head on her knees and her underwear showing though he was careful not to see, but he knew this was how upset she was and he was afraid again…or still.

"What is it?" he said squatting there.

"Nothing. What did you want following me in here? You're…impossible."

"I could hear you crying in the hall…."

"And if I wanted you in on it I could have stayed in the hall," she said with some real heat and the tears and all.

"I didn't want you gettin' stuck in all this. Maybe you want to go back with me and Jasper and didn't know how to get out of it. You been in there with her for hours already. She'll have Boss to wait hand and foot."

"You don't understand," Bella said righting her dress so he couldn't see her saintly whites anymore. "She needs a woman."

"Oh." Well he didn't understand he guessed, him a potato and all.

"I…I don't mean to be…," she breathed out. And her face crumpled and he didn't know if he had anymore in him. Jasper, Emmett, now her, he didn't know. Maybe he was fixing to cry some…not that anyone would give two shits.

"You gonna tell me?" he said cause he was about ready to put his head through the wall.

"I…I'm pretty…I got sad. I'm happy…for Rose and the baby. But…I been through something and…I think I've pretty well never let it…well I couldn't…I couldn't feel for so long."

"I'm trying to figure out…," he said dropping onto his knees cause his feet were dead in this squat.

"I told you it was wrong…a mistake to be personal…but I've held it in so long…I think it's making me sick."

"Tell me," he said sharp.

"I lost my family," she all but screamed. Then more softly, "Two years ago…and more now. The building they were in…well…my mother…and…," she couldn't finish, and he moved and sat beside her. He pressed his side against hers. He didn't give a shit about if he was touching her or how he was touching her, he didn't care about any of it.

He heard Boss calling him from out in the hall and there was no way he would answer.

Boss gave up and it got quiet again, thank God, and Bella shook and cried silent, and sometimes Edward put his face against her hair, then he added his arm behind her and he gathered her closer and she didn't rebuke him or resist.

When she spoke finally, it was soft and low, "When Garrett came out…I…one minute I was happy and then…I just remembered. They were alive and dear…and they were mine. They were mine almost from the first. There were…there were four of them."

"Didn't any of them make it?" he said just as soft.

She shook her head.

"Then…tell me their names."

She nodded. "Carson. Mary. Landy." She cried some more, that silent wring, "Betty. Five," she whispered.

A flood followed that and he used the hem of the doctor's coat to wipe her tears and her nose. When she finally nodded he told her, "Now they're real for me too."

"Oh," she said so softly, "you do know what to say, Edward. I'm…glad I told you. I'm sorry to let so much out on you though."

"I asked," he said.

After a couple of minutes he figured that was enough for now. They'd sat there as long as they dared. The nurse came in search of them and seemed taken aback to see them hunkered against the wall, and wondered aloud if she should go for the doctor and Edward said, "No. Give us a minute, will you?"

And he got on his feet and helped Bella onto hers and she washed her face and he stood by, then she dried and looked in the mirror and sighed and poked at her hair and flapped her hands like it was hopeless, and they went out, and he was behind her and he knew her now, her heart, the way it was broken.

Emmett was with Rose, helping her ready herself the nurse said. Bella was needed in the secret room where he wasn't allowed, but at the door she turned her head and with a smile that grabbed him like everything she said and did, she whispered, "Thank you Edward."

He could only smile.

It was always him and Jasper in the end. So he roused Jasper enough to put his sorriness over his shoulders and carry him out to the truck and open the door and gentle as he could bend and heave him into the seat. He got that foot on the dashboard with that one mumbling and mostly asleep and he swore he heard Jasper say, 'Alice Faye.'

Then they came out, Emmett leading Rose, Bella carrying the baby behind them. She looked so tiny in Emmett's coat. Well he wore the doctor's coat still. He figured he'd earned it somehow. But her leaving him, he was about splitting in two.

"You gonna come back to camp with them?" he said imagining her running away and being lost to him forever. He was turning into Emmett now.

She didn't want to look him in the eye, but she nodded, and she held that baby and she followed Emmett and Rose then, and Emmett practically carried Rose.

"I'll see you back there," Edward called, but she did not turn around.

That was okay. He wasn't asking her permission.


	12. Chapter 12

Roar Like A Lion 12

Rose and Bella were cuddled up to each other in Emmett's truck, surrendered to the long bumpy ride back to camp, too tired to argue, but aware they'd been given charge of a new life and it's all that mattered. So while Bella ran her finger over Garrett's full soft cheek, Rose held his tiny foot.

Bella had cried pretty much the whole night and she was finally dry.

Once those tears had started during the birth, she just let them come and the sweetness of baby Garrett was there to defy her despair.

She was comforted to have him in her arms. Rose was exhausted, Emmett too, but Bella was just content to hold that baby, soft sweet life.

He came early. Couldn't wait to get here, but he was big and ready. And she was careful not to upset him, she was careful to be quiet.

For the past hours it felt like she was facing death—the family she lost…and life all in one go. It was consuming.

Rose didn't ask, well she had enough, but this one time she stroked the side of Bella's head and she smiled at her and it was the most comforting thing.

When Edward had touched Bella, she couldn't respond. But she could with Rose. It was some like when she was little and Mama might have a good day, and she would stroke Bella's hair and maybe say she was going to be pretty.

Well, Renee was behind the shadows of the children. Bella hadn't been able to get to her, but she was waiting. Trying to save Mama took every scrap of Bella's youth. Trying to save Mama ended up keeping Bella alive.

So they rode home in that truck with Emmett late next day, that baby half on Bella's lap and half on Rose's. Rose had already told her she could come hold Garrett any time she wanted. Bella already told Rose she'd be there next day to help until she was on her feet.

Bella didn't know how Jacob would react. He was one who snapped sooner, thought later. So she didn't know, and was almost too tired to care.

They got on the ridge and rode down there, and she felt the mix of that too. She'd have to work hard to discourage Edward, set a fence, and she would work on it. She was not comforted by his offer to help. She feared he'd try to bird-dog her and that must not happen, and when he drank…Lord.

He'd told her to tell herself the truth. Here it was. If she were to know he wasn't on that mountain, had moved on for another camp…she didn't want to think about how disappointed she'd be. Forlorn for sure.

McCarty wanted to get Rose and the baby settled. Then he told Bella he was going to talk to Jacob. She said, that's alright. He said no, if she could help them get settled in he'd walk her home and speak to Jacob.

So once they did that he walked her to her cabin, and McCarty said he wanted to thank her personal and she'd sure been a help to Rose and the baby and him.

"It's okay," Bella said, and it was. She liked being with Rose. She let Bella be what she was.

It was gray outside and Jacob pulled the door before she knocked, and his face was all tied and tucked with McCarty there, and him barely sparing her a look, but his hand on her arm firm, and him speaking to McCarty and McCarty saying, "We owe Missus Bella, I don't know what we'd of done without her. Not just that but she saved Jasper Whitlock's foot too."

And Emmett went on about her like she was Florence Nightingale.

Jacob said, "Well, who'd a thought." And he said that several times, neither hot nor cold, just flat.

And Emmett said, "Fact is Rose is needing her again tomorrow and we'd be obliged for her to come."

"Well…she's got her business here, helping me with the school," Jacob said. "The ladies want me to open school in the back room in the commissary."

"I…told Rose yes," Bella said.

"Oh," Jacob said. But Emmett kept speaking, saying they appreciated Bella so much. Also, he'd have a man working on that bad corner on their cabin soon as the school got finished. He wanted Jacob to know he was keeping those burned the school working in teams all through the week, and…maybe Jacob would like to help on the building some. Well they needed him to, and what time could he start?

That hung there.

"It's not my job to help on that schoolhouse, McCarty. I wasn't the one who burned it."

But McCarty wasn't taking it back. There was work to be done, and he was teacher.

Bella wondered, Emmett would judge a man's hands right off. Jacob's were clean and…well kept. Emmett saw that.

"I'm the teacher," Jacob said. Bella knew he liked to keep himself separate.

Emmett said, "That's why I asked. Even Jesus was a carpenter."

Well Jacob had let go of Bella's arm at least. She was able to move past him.

Then she remembered Emmett's coat and slipped that off and went back and handed it to him. Emmett nodded and was giving Jacob the time to be at the site in the morning.

"And Miss Bella, Rose will be looking for your face then, early as you feel rested. I'm real glad you got Jacob here to take over now so you can get off your feet. Ma'am." And he said this last looking stern at Jacob, and that one was already trying to get the door closed while Emmett was still talking, and he said quick, "So we'll see you bright and early. We'll be looking."

Then Jacob did close it without even saying good-bye.

And if Bella wasn't so tired she would have rebuked Jacob, but she was too tired and even being here her new-found self was growing about an inch tall.

She kicked off her shoes and went to the bed and fell in, pretending it was fine and she could lay there.

He came on then and grabbed her hair and dragged her onto the floor, and he said from behind her, right up at her ear, "You ever," and he said 'ever' with all the force and jerked her head, "leave me again like that and I will be gone when you come back."

And even with the fiery pain in her head and the leg and arm where he pressed down on her, she tried not to laugh, understanding he thought his absence would be punishment.

So he pushed her hard and left off, and she crawled right back into bed, got under the covers and rolled on her side, and she was crying, but they were not soft tears or even weak, they were tears of decision for she would not live like this forever.

And before she drifted off she heard the wagons pull in and the voices of the single men as they stopped at the bunkhouse, their shifts over for the day. Emmett had gone there cause they hailed him with congratulations. And she knew Edward was amongst them, and his thoughts were toward her. And she felt shame to think of what he'd say.

She heard Jacob moving around, sprucing himself to go out, and muttering about McCarty taking his wife and who the hell did he think he was and he didn't hire on to labor like one of the ignorant sons of bitches. She heard the china break and join other things he broke when she was gone and they already had next to nothing, and she didn't care. Just the books, Jane Eyre and the bible, but she dare not show it now.

And she wished she had the time and way to check on Jasper, to see how he fared, and Edward…not to see him or show any interest…but soon, standing on the chair where no one could see…no one could know…she would look.

The next morning she rose earlier than Jacob, before the men left for work. She moved around softly as she could, careful not to cut her feet on the broken china. She grabbed her clean dress and put herself together as best she could for having nothing. Not a coat now. She went out in the morning chill and went to the outhouse and yonder the men were stirring and it was lit in the windows and she knew they ate their breakfast in the cookhouse. But they didn't all go at once. They had an hour to amble in and out.

It pulled at her, that place and she wondered at her courage to have gone over there and meet Edward. Maybe she was the one given to wild. Maybe.

Back in the cabin Jacob stirred and he lifted his head when she came in and he'd been out late, but not late enough to suit her, and he said, "Don't you think you're running down there to serve the McCarty's. Emmett wants a nursemaid he can hire one. You got this place to tend and it looks like shit."

She said nothing, but got the broom from the corner and started to sweep up. She couldn't help but notice her feet while she swept. Her shoes were still holding, but wearing thin on the soles. She wondered what it would be like to wear heels and a pretty dress, but that didn't matter. What she'd love would be some britches. Maybe then she could be warm and with all these around, it would feel so good to be hidden that way. Plenty of girls wore pants for some things, and she didn't see what was so wrong with it at all.

She put all the trash in a pile, and she'd haul it in the pan after Jacob was gone. Surely he'd be gone with McCarty wanting him to work.

"Get over here," he said.

And she felt the dread. "It's past time to be up," she said.

He hit the bed hard. "I said…."

She leaned the broom on the wall and went to the bed.

"Get in this bed," he said.

"I don't want to."

Next she knew she was on her face, on the bed, and him over, and on top of her and with very little shifting he was inside her, and pushing and grunting, and this wail got out of her, this no, and she got him off and got up and was standing, and he was there, his drawers yanked down, and he was on all fours on the bed and looking at her with his teeth clenched and glaring.

"I don't want to. My stomach hurts," she said.

"You're going to push me one day," he said. "You don't deny me this way. You think these women around here don't want me? They never have seen one like me. Their husbands stink and swear. And here I come…and they give me all the attention, believe me. I could have anyone I wanted. But I have you.

"You looked at yourself? Skinny and stupid. I only took you because my mother begged me. She's too kindhearted to see you go to hell. You get over here and be grateful I have saved myself for you and tried to be a husband you clearly don't deserve."

She swallowed. "You got your first day. Emmett will be here."

"I said get over here," he rose up now.

She shook her head the littlest bit.

He was up quick then and her pushed to the table, through that pile of dirt, and her face down on the table, held there by his one hand pressing down, side of her head, while his other got her dress lifted and he pushed in her and slammed and slammed his self in her and she gritted her teeth to bear it, but it didn't take more than three pushes cause he loved it, and when he came she felt the victory in him, and he shouted out.

And there was a knife on the table, a paring knife where he'd sliced an apple and she grabbed that and he pulled back and was righting his drawers, and a smile still hanging on his face, and relief like he'd run a race and reached his goal, and she turned to him, that knife raised and it wiped his smile away.

She held that knife up there and he was having a hard time believing it. And she held it and he swallowed now.

Finally he said, "Put that down."

And she couldn't, and she held it there and his arms were out, and he stepped back. "Calm down," he said.

She let all the hate in herself show, for there was no holding it.

"Put that down," he said again, beads of sweat on his upper lip.

But she just held it and stared. And he turned away and got his clothes, got them on quick, stood while pulling on his shoes even, and the jacket he'd bought himself at the commissary and the hat, and he said, "I'll eat breakfast in the cookhouse. You…you want to go with Rose, you go on, but be home with my dinner made. Alright? Alright?"

But she didn't answer, just stood there ready to kill.

Even after he went out she couldn't lower her arms.

He left her alone for several days after that. He did not go to build on the schoolhouse. He was busy setting up the school as the ladies demanded. He had a dozen students.

What's more, as soon as the new building was finished they wanted to hold a spelling bee. They thought it would provide a way to raise much needed money to buy the things for the school that would make it outstanding.

They needed a chalk board, and erasers and chalk and books and pencils and slates and a map. They hoped to provide such for their new school.

The plan was to pit the best spellers in the camp against one another, and the final one standing would go up against Jacob, the teacher. Each of the spellers would pay fifty cents to enter the contest with the hopes of winning a fine ribbon. The others would pay a nickel apiece to attend. Of course they would ask the menfolk to play their instruments, and they'd have a sing, and pie of every kind which they would sell for ten cents a slice.

Bella had spent the rest of the week with Rose and Garrett. By Friday she had swept Jacob's house clean and washed the clothes and made a potato soup and a pan of cornbread which was a little burned but passable for supper this first day of Jacob having assumed his position as teacher.

"Are you going to keep ignoring me?" Jacob asked when he came in that evening.

Bella set the food on the table.

"Bella, at least look at me when I speak to you."

She looked at him.

"I…I'm sorry about the other day. Now…don't you have something to say to me?"

She turned away and got the two bowls they had left and started to dish them each a helping.

"Bella," Jacob said more sternly. "Please."

She took the full bowls to the table. "Best eat it while it's hot," she said, for he did not like his food cold.

So they sat there eating. He told her about the parents bringing the children and he'd set the rules and two of the mothers had stayed to help and he hated trying to teach in the commissary where the sounds of those in the store interrupted the silence needed for teaching.

Then he got to this, "My own wife ain't there…she's always with Mrs. McCarty," he said, "but…you're riding the coattails of your good deeds it seems," he said bitterly.

"What do you mean?" she asked, taking a bite of her cornbread.

"They think you are a saint for saving Jasper Whitlock's foot. It's all through the camp…what you did."

"I didn't do anything…just what needed doing."

"He's working in the cook's tent now. Tells anyone who will listen how you saved his toes."

She went on eating. Jasper shouldn't tell them that, or mention her at all.

"It's strange to hear another man going on about my wife."

"It's not like that," she said firmly.

"I'll never be approving of what happened."

"Nothing did."

"You were gone all night."

"With the McCarty's."

"That's another thing…you with McCarty."

"It isn't like that."

"It's just…I'm never going to like it."

He went on some more about the two women who were helping him. One of them he didn't care for, but the other, she was a woman he admired, knew how to carry herself, he said and she should take a lesson.

These were the same he accused of wanting him. How she wished one of them would take him. But no, that would mean they'd be in her shoes and she wouldn't wish that on another.

"That a new dress?" he asked then, for it was new…to her.

"Rose."

He got up then and a box sat near the bed and he saw it then, several things, bright colors.

"She give you all this?"

"Yes."

"Well that's a slap in my face. You get it off. We don't need charity."

"It's not charity. It's to thank me for helping. They're things she can't wear anymore."

"I don't care what they are. They should pay you cash money. We don't need their hand-me-downs. This is an insult and you're too stupid to know it, living like you were raised."

"Rose is my friend."

"Friend? She ain't your friend. She's using you and giving you some old rags for pay when she should pay you fair so you could bring some money to the house. Now I got these rags…this don't help me none now does it?"

"They're not for you…they're for me."

Her soup went flying when he shoved it off the table, and the bowl broke. Now they just had the one.

"I can't live like this," she said, and he came at her so quick, grabbing her hair again.

Bent over her and in her face he said, "How are you going to live then? Where are you going to live? You think someone will want you? Ugly and stupid? Can't even be around normal folks? Those eyes…dark and dumb like a cow. Wearing someone else's clothes. You got her underwear on to? You got her husband? You letting him between your legs? You wanting him so you can feel like something you stupid…you shame me. You shame me in this camp and I'm getting big round here. I try to explain why you ain't at the school, I try to explain why you can't be like a regular person and talk to folks and show up at things."

He had let go of her and he sat on the bed. His shoulders were slumped with the burden of her.

Bella rubbed her head where he'd pulled her hair. "If I move out of here, they're going to know then," she said in a normal tone of voice, but she was speaking aloud, trying to reason with herself.

He stood. "What did you say?"

She got on her feet, those thin soles holding her against the floor. "They're going to know what a," she took a breath in, "little…cowardly…selfish…bully you are."

His eyes filled with tears and he was flushed a deep red. "You would say that about me?"

"I just did," she whispered.

He stormed toward her and stopped close enough. "I gave up everything for you." His finger in her face.

"You touch me again…I'm going to Emmett."

He threw the chair across the room. "I knew it, didn't I?"

"He hates…a bully," she said more loudly.

"You are my wife. What we do stays in this house. This is between us. No one else. You bring this man into our marriage? You're a whore. Just like your mother."

"You touch me again," she said, just like Rose had told her to, "and I'm going straight to Emmett."

"You would betray me?" he said incredulous.

She just looked at him.

"You know you're married to me? You know it's for life?"

"I know I can't live with a crazy man."

Now the tears came. "You'd really try to go?"

She heard that word, 'try.'

"I can't live like this," she said.

He dropped to his knees in front of her. "Oh Bella. What have I done?"

She was thrown by this.

"Please…please," he said, his arms coming around her waist, his face pressing against her middle. "I shouldn't…I know I shouldn't. I…they expect so much of me here. They watch me…and…I can feel it from some of the men. I can feel a hatred almost they're so jealous. I've tried to get along. I feel so closed in here. Cut off…from civilization. That's why I didn't want you to go. You keep me calm. When you left…," and now he was sobbing, "I thought you were gone, I was up all night, I felt so afraid. I thought you ran away.

"What if I can't win the spelling? What if I don't win? They won't respect me. It's all I can do. If I can't spell, they won't respect me. I can feel it. They're just waiting for me to fall. You don't know how rough this place is."

Her hands were on him, but she did not pat him, she could offer no comfort at all.

"I love you Bella, I know I…I don't mean it. I love you. I don't know what I'd do without you…when I thought you were gone…I'd die without you. I'd jump in that river, I swear I would. Do you believe me? Were you with McCarty? Don't you want to be married to me?"

"I…am married to you."

"But…you want to go. Married people have to stay together, Bella. Remember that tornado, how I held you there? I'm still him. I'm still the one that keeps you safe."

Then, "Are you going to go? You can't go, Bella. I can't let you go. Do you realize? That's how much I love you. I can't ever let you go."

The rambling went on for a long time, and before it was over Bella did pat his back, and she did tell him to quiet, she reassured him she did not love Emmett McCarty and after some time she did say she knew they were married. She did say she knew…it was for life.

Then there was a knock on their door, and Jacob had just fallen asleep and Bella had been trapped beneath and her dress was wrinkled when she eased out and went to the door and cracked it open.

Edward Cullen on the stoop his eyes quick up and down her.

"Hey Bella," he said and she was so surprised.

Well he lifted a basket, in the dark there, his eyes filled with mirth, but sharp points of light in there. "This is for you…from Jasper. I think Alice Faye picked some of it."

She could see it was filled with some things a person might use. All for her. Of a sudden she had clothes, and now she had soap and lotion and a hairbrush and mirror and dusting powder and Moon Pies and what all. She startled to and took the basket and he let his hands touch hers and when she felt the weight of this gift she knew it was as much from him as anyone. "You alright?" he asked.

And the door pulled wider and Jacob was beside. "She's fine," he said. "What's all this?"

"Jasper wanted to thank her. For saving his toes," Edward said, his eyes still on her.

Jacob was already taking over, pushing her back and the door nearly closed.

"Wait a minute," Edward said, his hand on the door. It widened some. "I got this." He pushed Call of the Wild past Jacob, and he was looking for her and she stepped to and he placed it on top of the basket.

"Thank you," she said soft, just not able to take in so much. But seeing him…the best gift there was.

Jacob closed the door then. He took the basket from her, but she grabbed the book and he looked at it, but he left it there and set her basket on the table so he could root through.

Then there was more knocking and Jacob said, "What now?" and he marched to the door and yanked it.

Edward still. "I wasn't finished," he said. "I heard about the spell down and just wanted to say, Teacher, I'm gonna spell your ass into the ground."

Jacob closed the door right after.

He looked at Bella. "You see what I mean? That was a threat. That man just threatened me."

And Bella couldn't say any different. But when Jacob wasn't looking, she smiled.


	13. Chapter 13

Roar Like a Lion 13

The schoolhouse was finished in the following two weeks. Edward got involved, to the point where he hammered well into the night even after working all day. He framed-out the windows and made sure the floor was tight and took to sanding and varnishing desks. It became that way for several of them, and it was one fine looking school, way better than the one they'd destroyed.

He had to do something to work off his Bella-frustration. Something beyond splitting wood even. He'd hoped she'd figure out he was up there and maybe show up, but she never did. He heard she did come up and wash the windows and tidy up, but that had been during the day, probably on her leash, Teacher holding the other end.

Boss rotated the other rowdy offenders so Edward didn't have to sacrifice another day's pay to put in his time. Good thing. He needed his money cause he had a blue coat picked out of the Sears, Roebuck Catalogue. He planned to order it soon as he got paid. The goods for Bella's basket had about cleaned out most of his savings.

He liked to think of her having those things, using those things, enjoying them. It was pure bliss to be able to get around the husband and pick out personals for her. Teacher would have no idea those things came from him. Edward didn't need him to know, he just needed to get something fine for her cause that rascal she'd married was a selfish gonad eater and if he even saw him about he felt his blood simmer high.

Best he could do was what he'd said about the spelling, but he wished it was bare knuckle brawling cause those lily white hands of Teacher's weren't good for much he reckoned, and thinking of them on Bella…well that's why he just kept busy.

So as he worked, he spelled words he hadn't thought of in a while, like the names of the states and some sicknesses and such. He got hold of a six year primer and had whoever was around go through it and ask him to spell the most difficult words. Trouble was some of these boys couldn't read at all and that was just embarrassing for them to admit.

Once Jasper got hold of the whole thing he insisted on schooling Edward on those words all through their meals and later. Edward knew what his crippled friend was up to, he was running a nice little side business taking bets on him and Teacher.

And was ever one so happy as Jasper, finagling a job with Cookie, becoming the favored little match boy for the camp, God bless us everyone. And Alice Faye, well that's what it was. Jasper was so besotted with that girl it was shameful to see, those eyes and this new laugh Edward never heard before, like a high trill almost and it always coming from the kitchen cause Jasper laughed at everything Alice said, just laughed himself into a coughing fit mostly.

Then too, everything they ate tasted like shine now cause Jasper was always adding, 'just a smidgen,' but word was out not to smoke near your dinner plate or your beard could go up from the fumes. And if there was lemonade it was hard as nails and they left the cook-tent pretty well juiced.

Came to the spelling, Edward was sure he could beat Jacob Black. That man was no scholar. And Edward had a fine mind, he just chose not to wear on it. He liked it physical just as much, and he'd told Carlisle that more than once when that one used to badger him about medical school. A man, according to Carlisle, had to live up to the gifts God had given him. A man had to understand what he was on this earth to do and then do it with all his might.

And Edward thought that may be true. But let a man find it out for himself. Carlisle thought he had Edward all figured out and that's where they parted ways. Edward told Carlisle he wanted to try some different things. He didn't want to set himself down to what Carlisle pointed out like he was a good little dog. Tending sick folks didn't call to him. Maybe he'd use his mind on other things just as worthwhile. Why did it have to be doctoring?

Maybe he'd just like to build things. He was good at it. Maybe he'd learn more about carpentry and see the country that way. He didn't know and he didn't want to know what great task God had supposedly set for him. He just wanted to live and breathe and laugh…and beat the shit out of Teacher. He wanted to save Bella and then get to know her. Because he had feelings and she didn't deserve her lot. That's all he knew for now.

But the afternoon before the spelling bee he'd cleaned up, anxious to see more of Bella than a glimpse at church, or a glimpse of her in the yard. He wanted to speak with her. He wanted to tease her some, touch her some. He wanted her looks and her smiles.

He wanted more with her. And that Friday soon as the horn blew he'd gone to the commissary and ordered her coat from the Sears and Roebuck catalogue and paid the twelve dollars. It was warm looking and he wished he could buy her the mittens and scarf, but then it wasn't hard to take care of cause Jasper was learning how to knit.

Alice Faye was teaching him, and Jasper sat there like a granny knitting in the evenings, growing a little belly and doing that crazy laugh and talking that girl's arm off and pretending to be confused so she would lean close and try to help him out with his stitches and he'd be sniffing her and staring at her just hoping for an accidental lip collision, and Edward would be shaking his head inside cause he never thought he'd see that one give over like a Poodle riding his master's leg.

Edward told Alice about Bella needing a scarf and mittens and a hat too, and she was excited to get right on it, and she said Jasper could help, and Edward said, "No, not him."

Well he wanted them done right and not misshapen. And he told her Bella could never know they came from him, and she said that just like with the basket, she would never tell. She would make them for Bella as a welcome gift, and he said he would pay her, and Alice Faye said she wouldn't take a dime and that bothered Edward for he wanted to pay cause they were really from him and Bella didn't need to know, but he wanted to. He'd barely known a satisfaction like spending his money on Bella.

So next day was Saturday, and that evening it was time for the spelling bee. Edward had not touched liquor and he got himself spruced pretty enough to be laid out. That's what Jasper told him at supper anyway.

He walked up to that schoolhouse all lit up there, and folks walking up there in families, lanterns blazing. Boss drove Cookie and Alice Faye, Jasper in back setting there, calling out a greeting to Edward, waving his crutch.

Time Edward got in there, Jasper already sat in back, foot propped, but covered by the big knit stocking Alice Faye made for it with raccoon eyes, ears, nose, mouth and tail.

Jasper was active in the back row taking the last minute bets from the indecisive. Edward wished they wouldn't turn up the pressure so much for he might be more rusty than he knew.

Bella was in front with Teacher. She had on a pretty dress, so maybe she did have some better things than he'd seen before. This here one was little black and white checks, and her hair was crowning her head with dark shiny braids pinned up, and her tiny waist and swelling hips and shapely white legs and little black shoes on her feet and white socks.

Like a girl and yet the curves of a woman, subtle, like her, like her voice, her looks, her smiles, but something so deep in her, making him look and look.

Beside her that jack-ass, a fine sickening figure of a man.

So Edward sat on one of the benches in back. It was relief and misery to finally be in the same place as her. He wanted to make her proud. He wanted to show he was worthy, better than her husband. He'd told that one his words would drill him down. To think that one might mar her in any way, or mistreat her, well it rankled him to his liver.

So he about jumped when that Jessica brought him a slice of pie. "Thank you, Miss," he said, but he didn't want it, he just wanted to watch Bella. He fished out his money and the girl took it, and another brought him coffee. Good Lord it was Angela, and her mouth pursed and not looking at him, and he took it and said, "Thank you, Miss." And she sloshed it some in the handing off, and he swore as it burned through the calloused skin on his hand and dripped to his leg.

So he was eating that pie and sipping his coffee, and spying on Bella, and getting a goodly number of pats on the back as if it was given by those backing him he'd be last standing came time to face the teacher. Damn that Jasper talking him up. He didn't pull this off they'd likely throw him in the river.

Once they ate and voices were loud in that new room smelled of wood, a fire crackling in the stove, Jacob announced that men line on one wall, women on the other and they'd have a spelldown to get it going.

Well there was a lot of, 'oh no not me's,' going on, and ended up most all the single men and several of the marrieds faced off against a goodly number of the married women, some holding babies, and all the single girls, hands clasped behind their backs and turning side to side. The unmarried men were so lit up the room seemed brighter.

Well first go through Jasper was out for spelling "Washington," as "Warshington." Then he went on to argue that there was an 'r' in Washington and any fool could hear it, and folks had a great time with that, and Jasper used his crutch to stump back to his seat, but he was smiling cause Alice Faye was jumping up and down clapping and giggling at him.

Well the line of men thinned pretty regular but the women held. Edward was there, looking across at Bella who was not spelling, but standing beside Jacob as he read the words out. Edward was able to see the whole of her now, all the way to her shoes again. She stood still, hands clasped before her, and she was the prettiest thing he'd ever seen and he did not hear his word, but was struck she was looking at him instead, then realized she only stared because it was his turn and it got him flustered pretty much.

So he realized and shook it out and Jacob repeated, "Constantinople," and Edward guessed and said in his mind, "God, I need a big favor," and it was just like he thought and he got it right.

That crowd about fell to its knees and worshipped, well those menfolk had bet on him like he was a sure thing afterall and a couple of others went back and bet on him he knew, like maybe he wasn't as dumb as they'd feared.

He looked bold at Bella now and there was not one here could touch her. Sweet little Alice Faye close, but still…. Alice Faye spelled 'quotation,' and Jasper shook his head like he'd never heard the like.

So after three go-rounds there were six men left, Edward was one, and ten women, Alice Faye was another.

Another go there were four men, nine women.

Two more go rounds and the words were still passable. Eric went down on, "January." And Felix fell on "Wednesday." Jessica put an extra 'l' in Philippians.

Soon Edward faced Alice. She was so light and jittery Edward thought she might take off. He wouldn't look at Jasper cause that one might send him a glare that would kill him. He'd want Edward to throw it, but this wasn't a night to stand aside if he could help it. So they asked her to spell Cassimere and she spelled it Cashimere and she was out.

Edward still had to spell a word correctly. Jacob pondered for Edward's word and came up with, 'remunerate.' Edward said that word and spelled it correctly. He saw Bella's clasped hands go under her chin and a radiant smile break out and he thought he'd leap over those desks in front and scoop her right up, but he stayed put and took his due and it was loud and celebratory.

He did go out back and take a sip of shine then. Just enough to keep him on his toes without knocking him on his ass.

The regular bee was on now, and the folks filled the seats and the official spellers were called up front by Mrs. Cope, president of the ladies association for the school.

There were ten spellers. To Edward's amazement, Bella was one of them. It didn't occur to him Teacher would allow her such a shot, but he had.

Edward wanted to stand by her, to accidentally be able to bump her arm at least, touch her in any way, but she stood other end of the line, well away from him. Well shit. He wondered how this would go.

Two were called forward to start. Jessica and Alice Faye. They put two boxes on the floor and the spellers had to step up on these. Well he would not be doing that.

Jessica went down right off on 'palliative.' Angela filled her spot as Edward reckoned she had filled other spots for the same if rumors held truth. For most had one, turns out had the other, but you never knew.

Cookie, a quiet man as a rule, hooted loud encouragement to Alice. Jasper even more loud. Mrs. Cope called for silence and Jasper said, "Yes Ma'am," and there was laughter.

Jacob waited for silence then gave the next word. Alice Faye spelled, "propitious.' She stayed and Cookie and Jasper became the Amen corner again and when they quieted, Angela was given, 'harangue' and went down by putting in an extra 'r'. Her father protested, and Jacob had to show him the proper spelling in the dictionary.

You could feel the crackle in the air now. Bella stepped into Angela's place and was given 'instantaneous', which she spelled carefully. Edward almost applauded when she was correct, so he gripped the chalk ledge behind him after that and then greatly enjoyed this new view of her.

Alice made it through 'sensationalize' and Bella through 'tautology'. The crowd murmured and shuffled and grew so quiet even the children were still. Alice made it through 'verbenaceous' and even though she was right Cookie protested such a difficult word and came forward so Jacob could show him he hadn't made it up. Cookie was none too happy, but he went back to his post in the corner, his meaty arms folded over his stomach.

After a long silent minute Jacob gave Bella the word, 'tricuspidate'. Bella drew in a breath and keeping her head bowed she spelled the word. She had one hand behind her back, resting against the bow on his dress. Her fingers were curled there, and she wore a wedding band, which grieved Edward always, but her hand was so lovely against her that way.

He clapped for her a bit late.

Alice was given the word 'vortiginous.' Cookie came forward again and Jacob showed him the word. He went outside muttering, he couldn't watch.

Alice went up on her toes and back down. She said, "vortigin…ous." Jasper came up on his one good foot clapping like she's sung the highnote in an aria.

Alice beamed and Cookie made his way back in.

Then Bella. "Nebuchadnezzar," Jacob said.

Bella added her other hand behind her back and folded her arms there. Edward liked how small her wrists were, how delicate. Yet he knew she was a hard worker. He'd seen that.

She pulled up tall and he tried not to smile over the curve of her backside. But he did breathe in pretty deep.

"Nebuchadnezzar," she spelled confidently.

A collective sigh went out. Alice Faye was loved much, but Bella was a heroine since the toes and the baby. Now it was Alice Faye's turn again, and Edward saw Jasper sitting straight as a rooster as he peered over the crowd.

"Chiffonier," Jacob said.

A murmur in the crowd and Mrs. Cope asked for silence. Alice Faye stood there and seemed to weave a bit and someone said, "Catch her," and Edward took two steps and caught her before she hit the floor. Cookie came running, and Edward said to stay back to give her air and Mrs. Cope brought her a dipper of water and Jasper pushed through the crowd calling out, "Alice Faye," like she'd dropped dead.

Alice came around and looked confused, then seemed to realize. Bella helped her up and Edward too, at Jasper's behest, "Well, help her up Edward," he said.

Cookie wanted to take Alice home, but she said stalwartly, "No, if someone could bring me a chair I'd like to finish." So Jacob's chair was drafted, as he had the only one, and Alice was set there with Bella and Edward's assistance. "What was my word?" Alice asked quietly.

"Chiffonier," Jacob repeated, now standing.

"Chif…fioner," she spelled softly.

"Wrong," Jacob said, and Cookie and now Jasper must check, and they squinted at the dictionary and Cookie almost threw it at Jacob.

Cookie charged over to Alice and took her up in his arms like she was a ten year old baby and Jasper stumped quickly after, to the door, and called out, "I'll be along soon Alice Faye," and Cookie yelled something back, but Edward could not hear.

Things settled down and Bella was given her next word which she pushed through correctly.

Eric stepped up next and Bella out-spelled him, and the four between herself and Edward. Edward was last. He scooted the box with his foot and stood in its place beside Bella but not near enough at all. He was still half a head taller than her, and his hair probably gave him another four inches. He held his hat in his hand and was glad for it.

But all he had to do was turn toward Bella and Jacob, sitting side of the room with Mrs. Cope, could not see Edward's face. Edward winked at Bella and grinned. She looked to the floor, her hands still behind clasping her elbows. Well, she was smart too, and now the whole town knew.

If they were interested before, the audience was now riveted. Too many of the men had laid down money on Edward's performance, for or against. "Elinguation," Jacob said to Edward, and his tone was flat and bored.

"What the hell kind of word is that?" Jasper asked from the back row.

This was picked up and repeated so Jacob stood and read the definition. It basically meant someone's tongue was cut out.

"He's got vested interest," another said. Then another thought Jacob shouldn't give out the words at all. Mrs. Cope took umbrage and called for silence.

Boss came out louder than Mrs. Cope. He had come alone just to watch it seemed, and he told them all to shut-up and quiet down if he wanted a noisy house he'd go home and listen to the baby cry. They laughed some, though Boss could of gave a shit for he was no jester, but they calmed down and he told Jacob to continue.

So Jacob repeated that word and Edward set his hat on the box and put his hands on his hips and repeated it. "Elinguation," he said. "E," he said, then he spelled it right out, just rolled it out beautiful "…linguation."

"Correct," said Jacob, and he looked about as happy as a man losing his leg.

Edward winked once more at Bella. He felt pretty damn good.

She looked quickly away and blinked rapidly as she studied the ceiling this time and such a pretty curve on her cheek and throat. He took to sighing again.

"Indigenous," Jacob said, his voice piercing through Edward's brief happiness.

Bella licked her sweet lips and spelled the hell out of that word and there was a sound of admiration when Jacob said it was correct.

"Parliament," Jacob said.

Edward smirked at him like he was the dumbest thing God might have made with leftovers after he made the animals, not before.

He said those letters, and he did not have it in his mind or heart to beat Bella, just Teacher. So he nailed that word and the relief in the room was evident.

"Parfleche," Jacob said and there was no advocate to protest for Bella and were Edward not sparring he would be her voice. He would say, "French," right out there, and he'd be drinking his fill and he'd be ornery. But he found himself in this strange contest so he behaved and Bella spelled it right.

"Poussette," Jacob said.

Edward said, "What the…?"

"Poussette," Jacob repeated like he'd just said, donkey's butthole and he wouldn't take it back.

"American words, if you don't mind," Jasper called out. Well there it was, the voice of reason, and it belonging to Jasper, God save them.

"It's a dance well-known in America," Jacob defended. "We set the rules that any word in the dictionary is fair."

"Nebuchadnezzar?" Jasper called out, reaching into the past they could not change.

"It's in there," Jacob said and someone booed him, then most of the single men did and you could see it then. No love.

Boss stepped forward his voice a boom in that small room, "Shut up and let them spell."

And so it settled again except for a baby crying, and then another, because Boss was loud.

"Poussette," Jacob repeated, and there was snickering and Edward heard James say clear, "Takes one to know…." But Boss got over there and it went still.

Edward looked at Bella and smiled weakly. Her eyes held dread he would not know the word and that was hardly inspiring. Now he felt nervous and he cleared his throat, whispering the word a couple of times, "Pousette."

"You remember her," someone said and more laughter and Edward smiled and waited through cause he wasn't sure how to go.

"P," he said and grinned cause that much he knew. Then, "…usette."

Stillness, but the minute Edward saw Jacob's face, that mouth, that mouth begging for a punch, he knew his balls were cooked.

"Incorrect," Jacob said, but he wasn't happy. Not at all.

There was the momentary shocked silence…then an explosion of protest.

"It's not an American word," was the major theme, led by Jasper.

"Quiet," Mrs. Cope yelled. Bella still had to go.

"Laciviousness," Jacob said...well practically sneered.

And Bella cleared her throat a little and spelled that word like she'd invented such...the word, not the behavior it implied.

Well she did it. She was correct.

Edward looked at Bella to judge whether or not she showed disgust for him.

She did smile sadly at him, but he didn't want her to feel sorry. He was trying to wrap his mind around whether or not he should let her know how proud he was cause he hadn't given it to her...so he picked her up and swung her around and said, "Congratulations, Missus." Cause no one had thought to say that with her not being bet on one way or another.

Then he set her on her feet, and they locked eyes for a split second and he nodded again. She pulled away from him. He felt kind of dumb, not just because he obviously was came to French words, but because she had been so distant. Alright, he lifted her off her feet in front of the crowd and her reserved, and her husband looking on, but folks were hardly paying attention now that he'd lost so much of their money.

He figured he'd give her some room and he walked into the crowd, feeling their contempt that he'd proved such a loser, and him hoping they tried something more so he could let it out and let his fists fly, maybe hit Teacher in the melee.

He was the most conflicted man God ever made about now. He had failed, and she was the one brought him down and he was only doing it for her, and now she had to stand up to this critter she'd married and that could make it worse for her. Well hell.

He could hear the arguments in back. The men that bet on Edward wanted their bets shifted to Bella. Boss had to step in. He said they shouldn't be betting and the whole lump was going to the school and anyone had a problem with that he'd be glad to settle it outside.

"C'mon, Boss. Let's put some fun in it. Let the bets on Edward shift to the Missus and we'll all throw something extra in the pot when it's said and done," Jasper reasoned.

Boss thought on it and said why the hell not, but those bet on Jacob had to stick with it, the teacher was their horse do or die, cause Boss wanted to get home soon, and they better keep still and go along. No more interruptions, no more arguments.

It was agreed, those in protest overridden by Boss's foul temper.

Bella stood still as Jacob stepped beside. He did not look happy, his lips sealed and staring at the floor. There was a drastic feeling about, like in church when the subject of hell came up. Mrs. Cope took over with the dictionary.

Edward leaned on the wall near the front where he could still see Bella. "C'mon, girl," he whispered. He was rooting for her. And in that place it's like she heard him for she lifted her head and looked right at him.

He winked at her, leaning there. She could do this, and she should.

"Alright silence," Mrs. Cope said, and all complied. "Jacob," she said, "Rappahannock."

Some started to protest it was too easy, but Mrs. Cope called out, "Silence." And you could hear an angel fart it grew so still.

Jacob spelled the easy word easily.

Edward folded his arms. He didn't like it. He wanted some sweat at least.

"Proselytize," Cope said to Bella, and though it sounded hard, Edward knew she would not find it such and she did not. Much clapping for Bella. She had the lion's share of happy.

Jacob stood wide-legged, hands clasped in front, and Edward took note that those hands had done things, were capable of things, and he did not like those hands.

"Pulchritude," said Mrs. Cope.

Jacob spelled. Correct.

"Pyrargyrite," she said to Bella.

Bella drew in a breath, and in a shaking voice spelled correctly.

Jacob shot his wife a look, and he shifted his feet, but he looked down then, and Mrs. Cope said, "Sergeant."

Jacob asked her to repeat the word.

"Sergeant," she said.

Well why would he need to hear it twice? It wasn't one of those French words no one knew, Edward thought. Oh. He saw the sweat now. He liked to imagine he did.

Jacob's head moved quick, and his shoulder lifted, and he shifted and said, "Ser…gent."

And the roar went up from those who could spell and had backed Bella. The Missus beat the teacher.

Well Edward clapped loudest of all. He roared. He roared loud and long, and he looked at Bella, and she did not join in, but she stood there still, staring at the floor, and Mrs. Cope called for silence.

"Silence," she said, loud as Boss would.

And they fell still then. Bella had to spell another word correctly.

Edward pulled away from the wall and stood straight now. Bella, he thought, look at me. Look at me, dammit.

But she did not look at him. She stared at the floor. Then she lifted her face, and he saw the resolve, the cold set, and the fear beneath, the soft uncertainty, he saw it, it was courage. It was courage. But it was on the run.

She stared at Mrs. Cope, and that one said, "Substitutionary."

Edward hoped. Bella would know this.

And she lifted her chin, no joy in her, no ease, and she spelled, "Substitutionery."

"Incorrect," Mrs. Cope said.

And the place went absolutely wild. Arguing, laughing, voices saying, "They got to go again."

And Edward stepped further from the wall. "Bella," he said, over it, and Jacob was leaning toward Mrs. Cope who was explaining they must go again.

Edward wanted to say so much. He wanted to say no matter what, it was just a spelling bee, just nothing in the end. But he wanted to say, Bella…try. It's so much more than a spelling bee. It's you…giving in to him. It's you letting him get bigger…and he will.

It was risky to try and stop him. But it was worse to let him go. To let him have everything…to step out of his way until you weren't hardly there at all.

Whatever she decided…Edward was standing right there.

And she looked at him, and he didn't know what she was thinking, he didn't know what he was asking.

Someone nudged him with a jar and he drank and he looked at her and she looked away then and he handed off that jar and he clapped his hands, his arms pumping and he roared and he said, "Bella…go Missus Bella…come on girl beat that teacher."

And he was just another voice in a sea of them now, calling out for her to best the teacher.

Boss called loud for all to be still, for them to take their seats and mind their big loud mouths now, he said, and they did settle nice and slow.

When it was still, Jacob got his word.

Bella kept her eyes on the floor now, her hands behind, one arm long the other gripping it, her hand white, her chewing her lip but no more expression except for the small light in her eyes and that high as hell flush in her cheeks.

Jacob looked at the ceiling now and Mrs. Cope said, "Niobrara." And when asked she said it was a river in Wyoming.

And someone said, "Teacher worth his salt should know."

They stilled some and Jacob shifted his feet and he said, "Neobrarah."

"Incorrect," Mrs. Cope said, her voice full of sympathy.

It was a braying feast then, and voices said, "Missus must still spell."

So they quieted one another, and Edward saw her take a breath and he willed her…he willed her to be brave.

She breathed in again and her face shook some and he longed…longed to go to her and take her out of this room, but it didn't go that way, he knew.

And Mrs. Cope said, "novitiate."

No one questioned this. Bella looked right at Edward, right at him, then at Jacob and Jacob saw the movement and his head jerked her way and he stared at her and his eyes were glassy, his mouth open, and she looked back to the floor, rolled her lips in for a minute, then she said, "N. O. V. I. T. I. A. T. E."

And Mrs. Cope said, "Correct," with all the regret in the world and the place exploded with cheers.

Edward saw Jacob go right to Mrs. Cope so he could keep his back to the room and look like he had important things to say to the only one cared to have his attention at present.

Many went to collect their bets so Jasper was covered. But Edward went right to Bella before anyone else could.

He stepped to her and she stepped off that box and looked at him, like she couldn't believe what just happened, what she'd just made happen.

"You inspire me," he said and he meant it…he did.

And she said back so softly, "Th-thank you, Mr. Cullen."

"I'm waiting for you," he said next. He had no idea he was going to say it, but the damn was breaking now and words were lining up one after another as rowdy as this crowd.

She shook her head a little, her eyes wide. "No," she said soft.

"Yes," he said. "Always."

He got pushed off then, and she looked after, then she had to give her attention to the twenty others wanting to congratulate her. They loved her pretty much, but not even close to what he felt. Not even close.


	14. Chapter 14

Roar Like a Lion 14

She was nearly glad Jacob took his time cleaning up, sweeping up, dampening the fire in the stove, walking around the desks, the benches in back, not looking at her, not seeing her, but no doubt feeling her like a stave of wood through his backside, both cheeks just skewered together with the notion. She beat him.

She knew it was coming, but she sat there quiet but inside she was not quiet, she was not at peace.

Inside, a mule kicked the gate and it was cracking. And she did look at the floor and she smiled. It was diabolical. And she didn't care and she didn't even think God minded at all.

For one moment…she had stood on that box, and then she couldn't even feel it beneath the soles of Rose's too big cast off shoes. It's like she was standing above the floor, above her life, and she had let her brain go forward and she didn't close it down or pull it back.

It hadn't even hurt to best Edward. He needed quelled as well. She had too many sticking their hands over the fence. And Edward…the worst. She would figure her steps. It was danger to let another take over, well meaning or not. She had enough of Jacob calling her steps, painting them on the floor for her to follow. She had no commitment to follow another. She wanted say in who picked her up and twirled her around in front of the camp as if she'd encouraged it.

But she smiled again thinking about him…Edward Cullen…too much for her. Too much for this schoolhouse. But she'd pushed back. And not for him. For herself. She had a right to spell a word. And if she didn't then she was better off dead.

Well he stood at his desk now, and she sat on that one chair where Jacob had spent the better part of this evening, Mrs. Cope beside. Her ankles were crossed and she said nothing, just waited so they could go home. Everyone was gone now, the last of them could still be heard singing as they passed the ridge.

He went to the hook for his coat then, slid that on, settled his hat. He took the lantern and opened the door, held it for her still looking at the floor. She stood up then and walked to where he waited and out the door. Next she knew the ground was rising to her face and she realized she'd spilled there, on the ground, the pain mostly in the heels of her hands and her knees.

She heard Jacob saying clumsy and other things, and here it was already before they even got home. He'd tripped her.

Then he was pulling her up, before her leg had a chance to straighten, and she pulled away. "Don't touch me," she said, and he set the lantern down and back in the schoolhouse she went then, it dark in here when he closed the door, and he had her pinned on the back of the door, and his weight pressing on her shoulders, his legs holding hers. He was already fumbling to try and take her and she knew next thing she'd be thrown on one of the benches and taken there the way the big dog worked the weaker.

So she started to fight, and she lifted her knee and got him good and he went over. And she kicked him on top of it and he grabbed her leg and held it, but he couldn't for long cause she got him so good in his privates.

Then she was out, and she took off running, limping some, she went on down that road then, stumbling and nearly going down again, and she made herself think and pay attention, think of where she was and what she was doing, walking along the road that followed the ridge. From there she could look over the camp, but the sounds from this road carried. So she quieted down cause she'd been whimpering and she limped, and she heard that door close back at the school, and she picked up her pace, but she couldn't run for long, and he was on her then, he'd left the lantern behind, he came up behind her in the dark and grabbed her around the mouth and she didn't scream, but inside she did, and she twisted and got away and ran and her shoes came off cause they were too big, but she ran and he grabbed her by the hair and he dragged her to the edge of the road, it was tall, so high up, and she was on her back and he had her over that ridge and he was pushing and she was upside down, looking out at nothing, nothing, and she quit struggling cause this was how it would be, her broken, but she said, "Jacob," she did not scream it, but she said it, then she could not say another thing, just stare at the nothing and wait, and she felt the panic still, and she looked and she waited…she waited….

She was yanked up, brutally yanked up, and she got on her feet and stumbled and he let go of her, someone else, something else, and she stumbled and ran, ran for the schoolhouse and the light he'd left there, back up the road, and behind her she heard the scrambling, the rough, the grunting the yelling, and she ran for the lantern, for the light, and when she got there she got in the schoolhouse and she went in and backed from the door, waiting for him to break through, and she heard a sound but didn't realize for some time it was her own breathing she heard.

She moved again, further and further from the door, to the front of the room, to the desk, and she got beneath it, and she watched the door, waited, cause it caught her then. She'd expected to be dropped into the nothing. She'd expected to die. And she'd welcomed it. But not now. Not still.

And that's where she was for the longest time, until later, an hour, four hours, she didn't know, that door did open then, and the lantern burned so low that the form there, a man, stood in silhouette. But still…still…he came in slow, and he left the door wide. "Bella," he said. "Bella Black."

It was not Jacob. It was Edward. She felt shock. And shame. She crawled out then, like a mouse coming out of its hole, she got out and it made so much noise, and she was stiff and very sore, and she stood then and he came up the aisle quick. "Bella," he said once more.

"I…." was all she could say. She had no more ideas about what to say or how to have any pride at all.

He came to her, his hands out.

"Don't touch me," she whispered. She could not be touched.

He lowered his hands, his eyes so intense, always so deep and burning and curious. What did he want from her?

"Where is he?" she whispered.

"Jacob?" he asked and it made her angry.

"Y…ess."

"I…I don't know," he said. "Are you hurt?"

She stared at his middle. She couldn't hold his eyes. "I…don't know."

"Where are you hurt?" he asked.

"I'm fine," she said, but she was not fine. She was falling into ashes and she couldn't say it but inside she was shouting it. Inside she was filled with fear and dread as if hell had opened under her feet, and nothing…nothing was solid enough to stop her descent.

"You can't stay here," he said.

She had no idea where to go. It was beyond her to solve it. She wanted to go back under the desk. It's all she had strength for.

"Will you come with me? Let me help you? I'll take you to Rose. Would that be alright?"

She shook her head. She was too ashamed to bother Emmett and Rose. She would wake the baby and Rose was having a hard time. She felt blue all the time.

"I'll…I'll stay here." But she was afraid. If he came here, Jacob, she had nothing left.

"Can I stay? I won't touch you, or bother you at all. I'll just…stand guard."

She looked at him now. How did he know? "Where's Jacob," she asked.

"I don't know," he said, holding her gaze.

He said he didn't know. She couldn't believe him.

"You need to go on," she said, more spine in her words now. He did need to go. She didn't trust him. If he was up to something…he needed to get away.

"I'm fine here," he said.

"Quit pushing me. Always pushing. I'm tired of it. Sick of it," she said, a franticness building.

He looked a little helpless now. His hand kept lifting. She knew he wanted to touch her.

"Keep your hands off me," she said. "I don't know what you want. I don't know what you expect!" she yelled.

"Nothing," he said trying to calm her. His hands…they moved toward her, his palms up.

She backed up, to the chalkboard. She felt the ledge behind her. "Then go away. Get out of here. I don't want you."

He stopped and the bob in his neck, and his eyes big as she'd ever seen them. His mouth, words he wasn't saying for once, but there and she could hear them all nevertheless.

"What if I love you?" he said.

"It's not my fault!" she shouted.

"Bella," he said, disappointed. What did he expect?

"I've got a husband. I've got enough of him…of you…of every damn man in this world. Last thing I want…last thing…is another filthy…pompous…shit fired…shit filled man," she sneered. "Get away from me. You make me sick!"

"Well damn I never seen such a side of you. Why are you doing this, girl?"

"Go on!" She turned frantic to the chalkboard and took the chalk and started to write in big letter, 'leave me al…."

And she shouldn't have turned her back because he was behind her now, his arms around her pulling her against him. "Bella," he said, "girl, Bella, no, no darlin'."

And her arm went weak and the chalk made a line and her hand hit the ledge and the strength went out of her, and she felt his love and his loneliness and his want…she felt that. "Bella," he said, over and over.

And they went to the floor, him holding her as she sank down, him going with her until they sat on the floor, him holding her, and her falling apart while he held on.

"You have to go," she moaned, she cried, because Jacob would come…or he never would…and she cried for many reasons.

And he held her so tight against himself, and her arms were limp and she was, but he held her there so tight in his arms, his strength like armor against the dark tearing inside. "He…he…tried…I thought…I thought…." She was saying it. She was telling. It wasn't to be weak. It wasn't for pity. She was saying it aloud. Like the spelling. It was clawing. It was working its way out. She was saying it to herself. She was saying it to God. She was saying it to Edward. She was saying it to the whole human race. "He wanted to kill me. He tried. He tried. And…I was going…going to let him."

And that was it. And once it got out she started to quiet. She started to still. He held her, and he rocked a bit, and she knew she shouldn't let him. So she tired to gather her self, her limbs, and he eased right away, but he kept his arms around and he wanted this…wanted her. She didn't know why. Couldn't imagine. He must feel so alone. She felt sorry for him…that he could want her.

"Edward," she said, "I'm fine. I think I'll just stay here. But…Jacob…." Well she didn't know. He had to leave her, leave this. If he'd done something he shouldn't…he had to go down to the camp.

"What about him?" Edward said then, dropping his arms but not moving away. He moved a little to be right beside her, their backs on the wall.

"Did you…did you see him on the road? Is he on the road, Edward?"

"No," he said with finality. "Tell me what he did to you." His finger was already probing her scraped knee. She pushed his hand away and pulled her dress over the wound.

"We fought on the ridge," she said, so tired now. "He held me over. Just to scare me," she said, but it was a lie and it sounded like a lie and Edward looked at her with disappointment.

"You gonna take it back? You gonna clean it up for him?"

She sighed and thumped her head against the wall and lifted her chin and closed her eyes. "He's gonna bust in here," she said, but she knew he wasn't going to. She knew it.

"I tried to look out for you. I knew he was going to hurt you. I knew it. This is my fault," he pulled her dress up and exposed her knee, and he held out her arm and pushed up her sleeve and started to peer in the dark for any little scratch or bruise and they were such a part of her life.

"What else did that son of a bitch do to you? What else?"

"Nothing," she said pulling away, righting her skirt, struggling to her feet.

He pulled her back, she landed on him, his arms locked around her. "You think I'm gonna let it happen? You trying to kill me? You wanting me dead?"

She was close to him. She looked at his mouth, at what he let her see, his lips ready for her, trembling. "I can't love you. You see that?"

"No," he said. "What do you think it does to me knowing how he puts his filthy hands on you. Don't you lump me in with him…don't do it. I've done some things, I told you that. But I ain't him. I won't ever be him. You want something better? You want me?"

Her eyes moved all over Edward's face. She knew it was in there…something she hadn't felt before, not for a man, not ever. "If you did something foolish out there and you and me are found in this schoolhouse…it will not be good." She held his gaze.

"One kiss," he said finally.

"No," she said as he moved another inch.

"One," he said, his nose nudging hers, his hand careful on the back of her sore head.

"Not while I'm married to him," she whispered.

"Alright then," he said, and he kissed her gentle.


	15. Chapter 15

Roar Like a Lion 15

Edward saw Bella down the mountain. The lantern was empty time they left, and her with no shoes. He helped her get on the bench and insisted she get on his back and she went from firm protest to laughing and climbing on, and it set a better mood then, her light on him, hell he'd carried more weight when he had his pack on the trip here.

But they come on them in the road, her shoes, like God just sent them to her made by elf-angels and just dropped there. But he didn't want to put her down, he liked her breath on his neck and the feel of her and her legs in his hands, just that thin dress between his grip and her sweet flesh. Now that he'd kissed her….

Once he put her down and held onto her while she put one shoe on then another, and she'd stuffed paper in the toes they were so big, once that was situated he bent and told her get right back on, at least until they got past the ridge, and she let him hoist her up.

It was bliss and torture. She got quiet though and she was looking.

"This where he got you?" Edward asked for she said he held her on her back, her over the ridge waiting to be dropped. Well this wasn't the sad day she thought cause Teacher had laid down his button said husband. That was over. Any marriage bands they had were broke clean, and Edward told her that.

She did not argue it, but she said, "What am I going to do? Will you take me back to town?"

"I won't," he said. "You can stay here. I'll talk to Boss and see about your own cabin. I'll watch out for you and we'll see how to divorce that bastard."

"Me a divorced woman," she whispered. "Will they let me do such?"

"It's done sometimes. Famous people do it. You've got to look into it. Surely cruelty is a cause."

"I…don't have any money. And I'm not asking for yours."

"You don't have to ask. I don't have much…but it's yours."

"Boss won't give me a cabin."

"You got to quit dampening every fire, girl. Where there's a will…."

They were quiet for a minute then, and they were off the ridge and he set her down, and he faced her and took her hand.

"You can't do that," she said trying to pull away.

"It's dark," he said like that explained it. He smoothed her hair behind her ear.

His hand was leather-like and strong, and he hoped it wasn't too rough on her.

"C'mon," he said and they entered camp that way until they came near the housing, but he took it slow cause her knee was bleeding again.

The camp was pretty still except for the single men's cabin. That was lit and music came from the direction of the commissary. The married men didn't like it, how long these unmarrieds could milk a Saturday night. Marrieds said they poked the Sabbath and they needed to have some limits, but the unmarrieds ruled some things, and the night was pretty much one.

He took her past her cabin, and it was dark.

"Edward," she said, but nothing else for he wasn't taking her there. He put his boot on it. He wasn't.

So she followed him, limping along and he took her to Cookie's where Alice Faye lived. No one bothered Cookie. And he had barely knocked when Alice Faye answered in her nightgown, her eyes fearful. Well she shouldn't be yanking the door without asking who.

Instead of hello Edward said, "What's the matter?"

She looked at Bella and must have seen her fatigue cause same time Alice asked, "What's happened?"

"Miss Alice Faye…you reckon Missus could stay with you for the night?"

Alice didn't widen the door right off, but she did widen it all at once. And in Bella went. Edward stayed on the stoop. "Is Cookie around?" Edward said cause he'd have to square it with that one.

Alice shook her head quick. "He went out hours ago. Sometimes…I don't know where he is."

"You sound worried," Edward said, for Cookie did not hang around the commissary. Everyone knew he did his drinking on his own stoop.

Alice was wringing her hands. "I'll welcome the company truth to tell. I've been sitting up waiting for him."

"Well…you want me to go looking for him?" Edward said.

"No. He won't like that. He goes on benders sometimes."

Bella looked at Edward. She seemed lost. "You two lay your heads. Anyone can take care of himself it's Cookie."

Alice nodded and she closed the door and Edward stood there pretty shut out, just staring. He'd needed to hand off Bella. He couldn't very well take her to the bunkhouse, could he? But he resented even this good door between them.

He walked to the commissary then and it was a gathering alright, and Jasper banging his crutch to the music and plastered drunk and feeling his wealth from the bee. He hoped he hadn't spent it already. Edward felt apart from these, a new sense of responsibility and this must be some like what the marrieds felt. No wonder they found the aimless and youthful tiresome in their revelry. This was a room full of fools.

Cookie was not to be seen and that didn't surprise. Single though he was, he watched over Alice Faye, and he did not show here.

Maybe there was a card game in someone's cabin. Hell if he knew.

Jasper saw Edward and called out like he was the long lost lover. Edward was some irritated this friend of his couldn't be of help, crippled in health and now in judgment, but he wasn't going to make excuses for him.

"Come on," he told him, picking up Jasper's hat and plunking it on his wild head of hair.

"I ain't goin' yet!" Jasper protested, always one to stay long as the lights were on.

"Hell you ain't," Edward said, and he leaned down and took him over his shoulder and lifted him right up, him squawking and others laughing and clapping. Then Jasper saluting his farewell by waving his crutch, moving all over.

Edward got him outside and put him on his good foot and helped get that crutch adjusted. He was mad Jasper drank so much. "Listen to me," he said, "and wipe that dumb shit lookin' smile. Alice Faye needs you."

That's all you could ever get out came to him, the only thing his ears picked up on.

"What's the matter with Alice Faye?" Jasper said. Then he started to laugh. "You know her name is Alice May and she changed it from the pictures?" He laughed and he belched hugely and rubbed his stomach and weaved on that crutch.

Edward waved his hands, "You're turning into a still," he said. "C'mon," and he walked and waited and walked and waited and listened to Jasper's rambling not at all, just kept his eyes on that one's faltering progress.

They got near Cookie's cabin, finally, he got Jasper on the stoop. "You stay here until Cookie gets home," he said.

"Why? It's cold as an Eskimo's…."

"Listen to me…you ain't done shit for nobody since that foot and I'm tired of it."

Jasper pulled his chin back and glared, "I have…."

"Shut it up," Edward said, hand on Jasper's shoulder squeezing through his jacket. "Bella is in there with Alice. Cookie ain't home and there's been some trouble. Now you watch for them until he gets here. Don't go to sleep you selfish bastard. You hear me?" Even as he said it he knew Jasper would be snoring before Edward got to Bella's cabin, but this was better than nothing. Maybe.

"What happened? Alice Faye alright?"

"She's fine. You keep her fine. And Bella. You got me?"

Jasper was rousing some. It was cold out. He knocked Edward's hand off his shoulder. "What you got to do?"

"I'll tell you later but there's something going on."

"Get the hell on, then," Jasper said digging spastically for a smoke.

"You do this," Edward warned and Jasper, matches in hand now, waved him away as he kept digging. "I am counting on you," Edward said strong, anxiety rising knowing he was leaving her. "Don't let Bella leave. Hear me?"

Jasper found his Camels and he got one in his mouth and struggled to strike his light. "Get on," he said, his face flaring in that little spark.

Edward went off then, hands in his pockets, purpose in his steps. He went to Bella's cabin, looked in back first, nothing stirring there. He went to the front, tried to see in that window but she kept the curtains closed tight. So he went to the door. He tried it quiet. The knob gave and he turned it slow. The air of that place hit him, rotted wood and food and stale something…sadness or meanness or something.

He entered swiftly, his eyes to the bed, and that one on it, a lump in the dark. He pushed that door quiet and he slowed himself down then. He asked himself, standing where he was not welcomed, thief in the night, what he was going to do now, but he had no answer but this…whatever it took.


	16. Chapter 16

Roar Like a Lion 16

Bella sat on the chair at Alice Faye's table still wearing her dress from the spelling bee. It was wrinkled and dirty, like her. She put a hand on her hair, and felt the wire in it from the braids she'd taken out just a few minutes ago. She must look crazy. She felt it.

There had been no sleeping, not a wink of it. Not for her or Alice she knew, and when the knock on the door sounded next morning she looked at her new friend and nodded she should go on and answer.

Alice put her hand on Bella's shoulder and Bella put her hand on Alice Faye's. It was a brief touch for that one continued to the door, giving Bella a final look before opening it.

It was Emmett McCarty. "Morning, Miss Alice," Emmett said grim. Then he noticed Bella over Alice's shoulder, sitting back in the room. McCarty towered over the girl so she couldn't block his looking.

"Well, there you are, Bella," McCarty said, a nervous laugh like he was relieved to see her, so relieved.

She slowly got to her feet. "Yes," she said.

"Well…no wonder I couldn't raise anyone at your place then," McCarty said and he did this strange laugh and lifted that Fedora and wiped at his forehead with the back of his hand and resettled the hat.

"I am here," she said. "I…," she looked at Alice then back to him, "have been here all night. No…where else."

Alice stepped back for he stood at the threshold and widened the door.

"We had the devil last night seemed. Someone robbed the commissary."

"They spoil the kitchen?" Alice said.

"No," he answered. "Not that I seen. They took cigarettes and liquor mostly."

Alice folded her arms across her chest.

Then McCarty cleared his throat and put his hands in his pockets. "Cookie about?"

"He's still abed," Alice said, and no more.

"Late for him," McCarty said.

Alice shrugged.

"Missus," McCarty said, looking at Bella again, "Rose put me to this. When I told her last night…I could see for myself. You alright? You going home soon…or…? I couldn't raise Jacob."

He'd searched for the right words. Were she a man he would have no trouble she knew, but he got flustered when he tried on politeness.

"I…," she had no idea what she was doing. She'd talked to Alice enough…well talk they did…they got down to it, down to the muck…and Alice said…insisted, this tiny square was Bella's home now.

But saying something was home didn't make it so. Bella felt no tie, no roots. And it was a terrible feeling. She'd nearly died on that ridge…and did it make a difference? That's how she and Alice had talked. Like that. Alice had said it mattered, that one woman dying like that touched every woman, every human being, she said. But there again…Bella didn't feel those words much as she'd wanted to. She'd lost four…and Mama. And this world went on. This world hadn't hiccupped even.

"Well," McCarty said cause she'd drifted off and left him standing and that sun cutting in behind him, "you don't have to have it figured out. Was he…," McCarty's eyes went from Bella to Alice, he was treading on the man and wife holy of holies and he knew it was touchy. He didn't know what to say, and Alice didn't help him out, but there she was listening, and probably Cookie far as they knew, for these walls weren't much, so what did McCarty want to do? How deep did he want to step into it cause it would spread.

"I quarreled with Jacob," Bella said to give him a hand over the shit pile. "I came here."

"Guess he's sleeping it off then," McCarty said. "Well…sheriff is coming in about this robbery. I best go. Gets me out of church." He tried to laugh, but she and Alice were in no laughing frame. So he nodded and went out, closing the door as he did for he'd taken it over.

Alice came to her then and threw her arms around Bella, and Bella returned the hug, held the girl tightly. Tears squeezed from her exhausted eyes, and a block of despair made it hard to breathe.

Alice pulled back and attempted a smile. She cried as well. "You can help me with lunch. This is my Sunday. Time they get up or get out of church they like bacon and eggs and grits and butter and biscuits and buckets of coffee. Jasper starts the fires and cuts biscuits sunrise no matter how hung over he is."

"I…can't Alice," Bella said, trying not to alert Cookie.

Alice took the sash of her robe and wiped at Bella's face, ignoring her own. "Shhh. There now. He can't hurt you anymore. It's over."

"It's not over, Alice," Bella whispered. "It's not even begun."

But Alice wouldn't hear it. "You're tired is all. Get some of that coffee down you and we'll get through this meal together. I can really use your help with Cookie sick. We'll do this and they'll see…and then we can rest."

But Bella didn't believe it. "How can I…."

"You can," Alice said. "You have to wash your face and pull back your hair. That dress…well good thing it's checked cause things don't show as much. You get that off and I'll fill the pan and I've got fresh clothes and we'll just…carry on. You'll see."

Bella's hands were shaking as she squeezed that rag in the pan Alice filled. She was in her slip and washing her face and neck and arms and under. She was nicked and scraped and bruised sore and the soap stung. She washed all of her wounds and tears came and she swallowed them down and Alice took over some, for there was no worry or modesty…not much pride either.

Cookie's door was closed and Alice said he wouldn't be up. There was not a sound from his room.

Bella changed into Alice's clothes and they made their way to the cook-tent. The dining hall was in the commissary, and a tent was off of that where the food was served with some extra tables. They did the actual cooking in two cabins put together outside the tent. Otherwise the critters would take over.

It was warm in the kitchen, and Alice looked around and saw what she was hoping too, Bella guessed, for she put on her apron and got one for Bella. She looped the ties around Bella's waist twice and tied it in back.

The work table was filled with pans of biscuits needing baked.

"You know cooking I guess," Alice said.

Bella knew cooking. She'd done all the meals for her siblings. She missed them so much it nearly buckled her, but she couldn't think about it.

Alice directed Bella and she kept cracking eggs while Alice filled the skillets with bacon that started to sizzle as the pans heated up.

This small girl, barely a woman, was amazing. She did three, four, five things with ease. In addition to frying bacon she stirred grits and baked biscuits, and on no sleep and a barrow of trouble Bella had brought her.

Soon as they had enough food turned out they started to carry it into the tent to line it up on two long tables. In no time flat the single men started to straggle in. By the time she made her third trip carrying a big box of warm biscuits there were so many men lining up and she was all the talk, and she tried to keep her mind off it and go about her work.

Seemed like every one of them wanted to engage her in some way. They appreciated her spelling, her bravery with Jasper's foot, her nice smile, that she looked like their sis or their sweetheart back home, or they were sure glad she was there and was that Cookie's apron? You could wrap three of her in it, they thought.

Fortunately the work was back and forth, and she let her mind idle and she tried to keep up. Alice had to leave often to see to the cooking, but she wasn't shy to tell Bella what to do and that was what she needed.

She'd just refilled eggs and she looked up, and Edward had entered, back of the line he stood and he saw her right away, and he was on high alert seemed like, she could see his mind figuring it out in just that second she looked.

Tears came soon as she saw him and she wiped her eyes on her shoulder and went to the kitchen for more grits. He wasn't far behind her. Soon as she heard the heavier step through the door she knew. He'd followed her. Talk about bold and wrong and bull-headed and dangerous. Here he was.

She could not speak lightly to him, she could not. His face, handsome as always, but so tired looking, shadows under his eyes. He had to step back from her, he didn't know her, he did not, she was just finding out about herself.

"You can't be in here," she said. And Jasper came stumping then, moving so slowly, that raccoon on his foot, but she did not laugh or even want to.

"Well mornin' Miss Bella?" Jasper said. He looked amused and surprised and he smiled at Edward and said, "You our new Cookie?"

"Cookie's sick," Bella said hefting the big pot of grits and filling a bowl.

"Yes Ma'am, Boss told me." He meant Alice Faye, she knew.

Bella started to take the grits out and Edward stopped her. "Give them to me," he said, and he tried to take them, and she didn't like it…because she was not inclined to let another man tell her what to do, not for the rest of her life and he didn't listen. Edward Cullen didn't listen to her. And it was best, with things in the air, yet to be figured, yet to be discovered, that he barely spare her a glance. For his own good. For them all.

So she kept her grip on that bowl and she stepped around him and said, "Best get in line for it's all gone."

"Bella," he said like she should stop what she was doing and dote on him, and she could not.

He walked behind some. "Do you not know me this morning?"

She stopped then. The bowl was heavy and she had no time for his feelings. "I know you…it's…I have to help. I…have to earn my keep." So without having turned around to look at him, she took off again. She had to discourage him. It had gotten too far between them…that kiss…that ride…his hands on her…and words…and there seemed to be no stopping it. And they were hardly in a place to be lovers. Hardly that.

She went in the tent and the table with the food lined there and filled the grits. Alice was doing everything by herself, and Bella got in there helping with the grits at least and Edward needed to let her be.

"I let them serve themselves for the second go round," Alice said, and she motioned Bella should follow her back out to the kitchen.

But Edward stood in that small expanse of outdoors between the tent and the kitchen. No one could see him there. Alice nodded to him and he was pulling on a smoke and he nodded, but his eyes were on Bella and he blew that smoke quick and she steeled herself for more words from those lips of his….

"I wanted to see if you were alright. I wanted to see you," he said and he was showing desperate and serious.

"I know that…but don't you think we should just…go our ways for a spell? I have work…and…folks can see us here if they…and I don't need a reputation worse than it is."

"You are very well thought of," he said, always so quick to defend her.

"Edward…we both know…we have to keep our distance. I have to figure things out."

"You care for me?" His hand was on her arm.

"You're like a…fire that won't dampen, aren't you? How can you be so out with things? I am not a free woman. I…went too far. Please, please leave me alone now. Please." She was desperate too, and she shrugged free of him.

His face…she could barely stand against it. It was growing dear to her, and she wanted to put her hands back on his shoulders and fall on him like she had before…and feel the strength there, not just the bulk from throwing that ax…but the strength of kindness. He'd been so kind.

"I thank you…but…." She walked past him.

He said, "Don't forget what I told you."

And she knew what he meant, about the waiting. She knew that, had heard it again and again in her head. But he did not wait passively and she hurried away.

Jasper was in the kitchen piling the pots on the table so he could start to wash and scrub. He had a stool someone had made and he sat there and started on one of the pans.

"About time," Alice said to him, pulling a plate for her and one for Bella from the warming over.

"A little loud there, darlin'."

Well it seemed these two had been having words of their own.

Alice set their breakfasts on the work table and they both leaned there, but Bella knew she could not eat. She was just relieved Edward had not followed her in here.

"Jasper can have mine," she said.

"You watchin' your girlish figure?" Jasper said grinning, and Alice rebuked him.

"Try a few bites," Alice told her.

She did take a small bite of the eggs and forced them down. She shuddered and laid her fork there.

"The men will bring their dishes to the pans in the tent. You could go on home and lay down. I'll be there in an hour," Alice said.

But she could not go to Alice's home alone with Cookie in the back room. There was no place for her.

Jasper wanted to know some details. Was Miss Bella staying with Alice? Alice told him to mind his business. Bella was tired.

"Hey Missus," Jasper said, "Come on for a minute."

Alice shook her head. "Go on," she said. "You'll like it."

Bella followed Jasper outside. He worked his crutch and made his way to Cookie's truck in back. "That's where I hide out from Alice Faye," he said opening the groaning faded red door. The front seat was ample. There was even a disreputable blanket on the seat.

"Curl up on that seat Missus. You look done in."

"Thank you," Bella whispered. "Don't…tell anyone."

Jasper grinned. "It's fine Missus. I owe you my foot and all."

She surrendered then and climbed in the cab and shut the door. When Jasper went back in the kitchen she lay on her side and bunched the blanket beneath her head.

She was alone. Away from the prying eyes, so many faces. Edward Cullen. Her champion. His impossible desire. What could she ever have done to inspire it? Oh yes, last night, the spelling. But it was before that. It was right off. For her, soon as she opened the door that first day.

How she wished he'd been first, that she'd met him in a proper way, a way that hadn't spoiled every chance they had…to be more.

She was awakened by a tap on the window.

"Miss Bella?" It was McCarty saying her name. She sat up, and McCarty was not alone.

A lawman was with him. She tried to get a sense of the time. She could smell dinner cooking. But a heaviness was on her, a darkness.

"Miss Bella?" McCarty said, and it was sympathy now. Her stomach was already clenching as he opened the truck's door.

"What is it?" she said. But she knew. She thought she did.

"This here's the sheriff, Ma'am. We got some terrible news," McCarty said.

The lawman spoke up, "You mind telling us why you're in this truck?"

"Jasper," she whispered.

"That's the man told us where to look," McCarty told him.

"I was taking a nap," she clarified, clearing her throat, knowing she had to be strong, like Alice Faye said.

"We need you to step out of there," the lawman said, and Emmett gave her his hand and she scooted over and stepped out, still wearing that apron.

She rubbed her cheek, and it felt mottled from the blanket, and she wondered how her mind could light there at a moment like this.

"You want us to get Alice?" Emmett was saying.

"Why? No," she said, but she didn't know.

"Ma'am your husband was discovered in your cabin in the bed there with severe wounds to his head. One has gone to fetch the doctor but he is barely hanging on it seems. He's not conscious and couldn't respond. We need you to come along and see for yourself. These wounds were not self-inflicted by any means."

Emmett had his arm around Bella. He supported her. She kept her hands wrapped around herself. She didn't speak but nodded her ascent. "He is conscious?" she mumbled.

"No Ma'am," lawman said.

So they started the walk to the cabin she'd shared as Mrs. Black. So they started that walk.

She still wore Rose's shoes.


	17. Chapter 17

Roar Like a Lion 17

After Sunday lunch Edward had taken off his shirt and undid his belt, then thought to keep his pants on. He climbed on his bunk boots and all, settled, hands beneath his head. There was tiredness in him, but all he could do was stare at that crypt in his window, that powder keg of blood and mayhem—Black's cabin.

Few hours before he'd seen the sun come up, then fell asleep to wake miserable and hightail it for Alice's cabin. They were gone. He'd all but ran to the commissary, to the dining tent and got hit between the eyes with Bella there wearing Cookie's big apron serving food.

She rejected him, but that was fine, she'd looked like almighty hell and well she should. He wasn't letting go of her, it was confusion, that's all. He wasn't confused, though. He was clear in his mind.

He'd like to go on over there and burn Black's cabin down. He'd thought of it during the night, more than once, but he wasn't serious. He didn't think he was. Not entirely. Some though. Pretty much.

Next he knew he was startling awake hearing talk and commotion. The sheriff was there and some were outside, and Emmett leading Bella. They were taking Bella in her cabin. Holy shit-fire here it was, and he dropped onto the floor and he hurried out there and he got close enough he barged right through the others, parted them easy and called out, "Wait."

Edward stepped right up, in his undershirt, his belt not buckled, his hair wild, and she looked small and still wore that apron wrapped around her, and her long hair the only color she had for paleness and dread. He couldn't bear Boss's hand on her holding her there, and that lawman, well he'd never had a love for any of them. They couldn't take her off. She had suffered enough.

Four things got said at once:

"Stay out of this," Boss.

"You're one who burned the school." Sheriff.

"Go back, Edward," Bella.

"What's going on?" Edward.

"You all stay back," Boss called then to the rest.

The sheriff went in and held the door and Bella after, Emmett behind, Edward next. The scene on the bed probably saved him from Boss turning around and trying to throw him off the stoop.

Mrs. Cope was with Teacher, standing on the far side of the bed in the bad corner never got fixed. She stood there wringing her hands and staring at Bella mostly.

"He's just…." Mrs. Cope said and she was already mourning him. Well Teacher was cleaned up some, but it was still gruesome, the blood on the floor even, the bed changed but you could still see it on the blanket, and Teacher's face and head beaten and bloody…swollen big. You'd never know it was him…most wouldn't.

Edward stepped where he could see the side of Bella's face. She had her hands folded like in prayer and she looked down on Teacher. She was nodding. "Oh God," she whispered.

The sheriff watched Bella and Edward watched everyone. He knew this was a critical time. Bella was quiet and not histrionic at all, and he hoped that sheriff wouldn't judge her harsh for not crying as much as Mrs. Cope over there did. If he was Bella he'd be spitting in Black's face and dancing one of Jasper's jigs. But she was better than him.

"It was done with that skillet yonder," the sheriff said pointing to the table.

She looked over there and the skillet sat, it was dark and iron and heavy. She had her hand over her mouth now. And she turned from Teacher, and looked around, well right at him, and Edward went to her, tried to, but Boss blocked him right as he was getting ready to touch her. Then Boss put his hands on her shoulders and led her to a kitchen chair.

"No," she said pulling out of Boss's hands. "I need air."

She hurried outside and she stopped on the stoop and a crowd there. Edward was right behind and he took her arm and said, "Come on," and he led her through, all those gawkers. He shoved some cause hells bells.

"Sheriff has questions," Boss called, but Edward kept her walking and folks got out of their way.

Boss caught up to them and stopped Edward and said, "You looking for a noose around your neck? Now that sheriff has questions and he needs to ask them of Bella and whoever else. You walk her on down to the commissary and have a seat in the dining hall cause he'll sure as hell want to talk to you, too. We'll be right along. You hear me Cullen?"

"Yes," Bella said. "He hears you." She was firm with Boss and Edward nearly smiled. She'd almost stuck up for him. Damn near.

Boss went back towards Black's cabin to walk with the sheriff. That one was explaining to the crowd that they should stay put and him and the deputy wanted to talk with anyone seen anything suspicious, or was at the spelling bee, or after.

"You just answer honest," Edward said to Bella. "You've got nothing to hide. Right?"

She looked at him, fear in her eyes. "I'm not afraid for myself," she said.

He didn't want to ask what that meant.

"I'm going to say you came right for me at the schoolhouse. I'm going to say you were with me most of the night. I was upset, he tried to kill me, you saw me home, we saw nothing on the road, no one. You took me to Alice Faye's, you waited for me to feel better…on the stoop with Jasper. Get word to Jasper. You were on the stoop until biscuit making time."

She was not a faint heart and he was glad for that. But he had to slow her down. "I was in the bunkhouse fast asleep once I dropped you off. I've nothing to hide. And if I did…I'd damn well hide it. You hearing me?" he said.

"I won't let you get in trouble for this, Edward."

"There's no reason I should," he said. "Is there?" And they stared at one another. She wasn't going to ask him outright, but she was fixing to lie for him, need be. His heart swelled up, but she had to tell the truth…mostly.

"If I'd of done it…he'd be dead. Just so you know," he said. All he did the live long day was hit things, split things.

She stopped and faced him. "You saying you had nothing to do with it?"

"I wished him dead the minute I seen him back you into that house. Before that even when I seen that coat…those shoes…and his things fine."

"If you…." But she swallowed then and he pulled her along before Boss and the sheriff caught up. Anyway, she couldn't seem to get her words out.

"You tell them the truth right up to where I brought you to Alice's cabin. You didn't leave that cabin all night. Not until breakfast. Right?"

She stared at him, her eyes so big and filled with worry.

His gut clenched some. "That's what you say and nothing else. You hear me girl?"

"I won't let you get in trouble for this, Edward."

"Are you hearing me? You tell them just like I said."

He stared at her some more. But they kept walking. They didn't touch or even speak, him in thought, and her seeming to be. They went in the dining hall and sat there. He looked at her, stared at her like he couldn't seem to stop doing. He loved her.

So he said it. "I love you. Bella."

And she looked at him like he'd stuck his finger in her ear. She couldn't believe his words he figured, and she looked away and a blush on her, some color finally. Well it meant something to her, he thought, even if she wanted to kill him for his timing.

"Keep your head," she said looking kind of fierce. "Don't you get in trouble for this."

Listen to her telling him to keep his head. Why did she keep saying he'd be in trouble? He might be, but this was not his first lawman, truth to tell. He was a skilled liar. He actually enjoyed it back then. But not today with her on the line.

Boss and the sheriff were coming in and he felt some panic then. They were going to take her from him if they could. They wanted to pin this on someone. She was defenseless. He'd never let her be taken to be hanged or thrown into prison and rot. He'd confess to the murder himself, need be. She had to get this right, and they had to let her get it right and do their damn jobs.

He couldn't believe Black still breathed. Here he'd had a clean shot himself…but he thought he was already dead. Damn his assuming. This wasn't something left to, hope-so. But it had been a sight, even in the dark, that one with the sheet over his face and the blood staining huge. Edward had pulled it back, and Teacher's nose beat down even, reminding him of a pomegranate he'd bought and split with Jasper one Christmas, and they'd pulled it in half and…Teacher looked that way. Someone had wielded that skillet and beat him fierce. There was no breaths, there was no pulse he could feel in the wrist. He'd left there giddy and worried. He feared she had done this. He feared she had gone there and finally lost control. He…pretty well knew she had. Lord, they were going to take her. She was going to confess. The guilt would get to her.

There were two crimes and they consumed the sheriff and his deputy. The crimes against the teacher took precedence over the robbery. The sheriff set up shop in the dining hall. His deputy would take notes while Sheriff interviewed Bella. Boss was allowed in with Bella. They told Edward to stick close, he was next. That was okay as Edward went around back where Alice was setting up supper. She came to where he stood to listen, and took his wrist and listened with him.

Bella gave them her name and the particulars, answering questions about Jacob. Teacher had a mother, Loretta Black, they needed to notify. They'd been married going on three years. Lord what a sentence that must have been, Edward thought. She was eighteen, nearly nineteen, like him.

Was it a good marriage? Bella said they had their hard times like anyone else. Well Sheriff needed her to go through the evening, starting with the spelling bee. She did that alright. She gave her idea of the time it was over. She had sat waiting for Jacob after. Edward hated the idea of that, her waiting for her punishment for being born smarter and choosing to be better.

Here it came then. Teacher had tripped Bella coming out the door. Damn it made Edward mad all over again to hear it and Alice was squeezing his wrist. Bella had tried to run…her shoes came off…he grabbed her, held her over the ridge. That son of a bitch. How he wished he had a chance to give him one more lick with that skillet and this one would finish him for sure.

She ran back to the schoolhouse. It wasn't long at all Edward came, worried when they didn't return home. He helped her back to camp. When she told him Jacob was upset, he took her to Alice Faye's cabin. He sat on the stoop with Jasper some…then he went home to the bunkhouse and went to bed cause it was late. She was sure others could testify on Edward's behalf.

The sheriff asked why Edward would notice she and Jacob hadn't returned home.

He lived across the way, she said. He noticed the light not on. He knew they were still getting used to the roads. It was neighborly is all. They'd been the last three in the bee. That's all.

Why would that make a difference, Sheriff asked. What business of it was Edward's if they went to the neighbors or stayed at the schoolhouse or didn't come home?

She said he just noticed. They had left their lantern at the schoolhouse. As you neared the ridge you could see that and it meant they were still up there. Edward took pride in the school. He'd done most the work. He was just a good man. She believed God sent him. She said she was in a bad way and glad for his help.

"Where was Jacob?"

"I guess he went on home."

"Did Edward Cullen pass him coming home?"

"No. He didn't see Jacob. He thought Jacob was with me."

"I recognized him as one of the trouble makers," Sheriff said.

"Lots of the men donated their time," she said. "It was a good thing. A happy thing," she said. "Edward did most of the work, inside and out. More than anyone."

"You seem to like this Edward," sheriff noticed.

"Him and some others stand out," she said.

"Who else stands out?" he said.

"Well…Mr. McCarty has been very kind to Jacob and me. Him and his wife have welcomed us. Jasper Whitlock is a good friend. He has been recovering from surgery. The ladies' association has been so helpful. Jacob has worked with several…Mrs. Cope, the woman at his bedside. He has spent…a lot of time with her…getting things ready. You saw her…the woman tending him today…the one…sobbing."

"Was Jacob a faithful man?"

"To me?" she asked.

"Yes Ma'am."

Boss protested that question but Bella said, "It's alright." She said, "Far as I know."

"Had you been caught in unfaithfulness, Ma'am?"

Boss protested again and the sheriff told him it might be better he waited outside and McCarty said he wasn't leaving her alone and he could vouch for her, she was a virtuous woman and this was ridiculous, Jim, he said.

Edward about loved Boss then. That one was doing a fine job of protecting Bella.

"It's alright," Bella said. She had not been unfaithful to Jacob, she said.

"Who do you think had cause to do this to your husband, Missus?" Sheriff said.

"I don't know," she said. "He was new here. He didn't really have time to make such an enemy."

"But if it's as you say, Ma'am, and Jacob tried to kill you on that ridge…what about your own motives Ma'am?"

"Now just a minute," Boss said. "Jim…what are you doin'? This woman…hell you know what she's done for me and Rose? I done told you on the way over here if it wasn't for her…she is one of the finest women…and we knew she had it hard and she never said a word against that man. You can ask anyone around here. You want to look for who did this you find that one was looking in her window like I told you. It's pretty obvious this was the work of someone given to violent outburst. And that is not this woman who has taken care of my own son I trust her so much."

"Alright, Emmett. Alright," Sheriff said, and Edward knew Boss would throw his ass in the fire before he'd let Bella go in, and he loved him for that, he did.

"So you got not one idea about who did this?" Sheriff asked again.

"Maybe it was someone from outside the camp. The robbers maybe. I could surely be hurt or dead with Jacob if it weren't for Edward and Alice. But really…I have not one idea."

Edward figured she could say that for she had not one idea, but probably two or three, and himself top of the list. And the sheriff, he'd wager, would agree.


	18. Chapter 18

Roar Like a Lion 18

They did not ask Bella to leave the hall the way they had Edward. So she didn't. She wore the cloak of 'good woman.' Well why not, they wanted to give it. She'd earned it and she'd do what she had to cover Edward with her fig leaves, too. Jasper entered the hall, and came to sit beside her. Others were coming in sitting here or there, having gotten their dinner. Boss called out, "You all have to be in here you keep it down. And shut that guitar," he added, for from the commissary side someone had started to play the blues in there.

So someone got to the guitar player and it grew silent then, no one saying much or speaking hushed. Bella sat there when she should be helping Alice because nothing was more important. And Jasper came in then. He'd pretty well replaced Cookie for supper service as that one was still not about, but like her, he seemed to need to watch over Edward, even though they could do nothing to spare him.

A great swell of protectiveness was filling Bella. Edward sat there clear-eyed, the sheriff and Boss across from him. She and Jasper sat so they faced him, three tables away. Bella didn't want to distract him, but she needed to see him. She'd meant what she said. He was not going to get in trouble for this, for her life, for her mess. She would never allow that, not even if she had to confess to this herself.

He'd said he loved her. He seemed so young sometimes. Younger than her, and then not…he seemed mature and wise like he could make everything alright. He had hope, that was the thing, he was hopeful, and when she was around him, she felt it too. She wondered how life had not taken that from him, but she admired it.

And more. His presence…there was nothing else for her. That was the truth, God forgive her. Him now…sitting there in that undershirt, his shoulders…Lord. She shook her head a little. This was no time to be thinking this way. But he was an earth shattering man. He was shaking her earth, that's for sure.

Just then his green eyes landed on her, but brief. Sheriff was saying to him, "Seems you're all over this story with the Missus.

Jasper said from beside, "Maybe you shouldn't listen to this, Miss Bella."

She did not take her eyes from Edward but shook her head the slightest. This wasn't about her at all. It was him they'd like to pin this on. The only way they could touch her feelings was to hurt him.

"I am in this story," Edward said conciliatory. "I am."

"You got feelings for that woman? You looked mighty protective walking her over here."

"She is a good woman. She's been a friend. I knew he was rough on her. Me and Boss seen it some back," Edward said nodding at Boss.

McCarty put his hands on the table. "I don't know what we seen." He said this with a watch-your-step inside it.

"She's hurt now. You see her knees? That's how it was for her."

"You rush in and be the hero?" Sheriff asked. "Young buck like you…gonna save her? It's almost too easy. You're a trouble maker. Went up to that schoolhouse to raise some hell. Only worked on it hoping to get in close."

"Maybe you're right some," Edward said, sass in his tone. "I did go to that schoolhouse to see if she was alright. I was worried when she out-spelled him. There's only one way a man like him would take it."

"Oh God," Bella whispered. He was going to do it…put his neck in the noose like McCarty said. She had her hands on the table now, ready to push to a stand.

Jasper held her elbow. "Stay put," he whispered. "He's alright."

"But…," she said, and Edward looked quick at her then away.

"So you admit you were watching for them to return and ready to go up there if they didn't?" Sheriff asked.

"I admit that, yes. I feared he would hurt her…maybe kill her. They didn't come back I went up and saw their light still at the schoolhouse. Time I got there I'd waited longer than I should of. She was hiding in that schoolhouse, scared for her life. He'd done just like I feared he would."

"And you didn't see him on the road?"

"No sir. I didn't see him at all until he was in that bed there just a while ago with you all."

"What then?"

"Then I took her back to camp. I didn't want to take her to their cabin cause…he'd just tried to kill her. I figured to get her someplace safe, let him cool down. So I took her to Alice Faye's cabin."

"Then you went to Black's cabin," Sheriff said like it was fact.

"No sir. I went to the commissary."

Edward guessed at the time.

"Anyone see you there?"

"Jasper Whitlock. And if they weren't too drunk…some others sure."

"Then you got liquored up and planned to go face down the mister?"

"No sir. I went back to Alice Faye's with Jasper and we sat on her stoop some. After that I just went to bed."

"You never went to Black's cabin?"

"No sir. I never did."

"Well now that's funny, son, cause we got a little girl came forward saying she saw you come out of there."

Bella grabbed Jasper's arm and sat straighter.

"Who that be?" Edward said, but to his credit he stayed calm.

"Angela Bohannon saw you coming out of Black's cabin right around two in the morning. Lines right up with what you told me."

Bella didn't remember shrugging off Jasper's hand and standing. "That's a lie," she called and every eye in the hall was on her she said it so loudly.

Sheriff and Boss turned. "You ought not be in here, Miss Bella," McCarty said. "Take her on out of here," he said to Jasper.

"I'm not going anywhere. You want to pin this crime on him and I'll not allow it," she said. "He was with me. All night. He never went near that cabin."

Sheriff shifted around on the bench now. "You saying that official?"

"I am," she said. "Edward Cullen was with me."

Jasper and Edward were rebuking her at once, but she wouldn't budge off it.

"Take her out of here," Edward said sternly to Jasper. Everyone was standing now.

"I won't go. He is not going to get involved in this. He only ever tried to help. Jacob Black is a mean, wicked man. I was beaten…I was forced…like a dog. Edward Cullen tried to help me. And I'm not going to sit here and let you all set him up to die for being the best man who ever lived. So don't you dare…don't you dare touch a hair on his head…don't' you dare. He was in my arms the whole night…in my arms and I will not budge on it…I will not for it is so…and don't you dare."

"Bella," Jasper was saying.

"No. I am not leaving this hall, not until Edward is free to go. It is my word against that girl's and I will not be leaving this place." She sat then, arms folded over her chest.

Sheriff stared a minute while Boss motioned Jasper should drag Bella out.

Jasper just sat slow, and Alice had come now, well most heard Bella seemed, for several were peeking in. It was astir now.

Alice sat one side of Bella, her hand on one arm, Jasper sat on the other, flushed red and looking as serious as when he chopped his foot.

Sheriff said, "Any more interruptions and I'll have you pulled out," to Bella. She would like to see him try.

Boss had a stern set to his jaw and he straddled the bench now so he could keep one eye on her it seemed. She looked at Edward and he was staring back at her. He didn't want to see her upset like this and he wouldn't like what she'd said about them being together. But she didn't care. She felt on the verge of blurting out that she'd just now realized she loved him. It was welling up like a gusher about to blow. She loved him, and he had to know it. He had to.

"Is what Mrs. Black is claiming true? Were you with her all night?" Sheriff asked.

Edward breathed in. "I was there some. But we were not lovers. Mrs. Black is trying to save me, but she doesn't have to. I haven't done anything," and he looked at Bella, and she felt her mouth open. He wanted to die for her. He was trying to.

"You got any witnesses to support your story you was in your bunk? You telling me that little girl is lying about you coming out of Black's cabin?"

"Ain't she a liar? Ain't she? What else was she doing out that hour she was supposed to see me. I'll bet her daddy is just finding out. Cause she's a liar. One I wouldn't tryst with and she's had it in for me. I don't pay her no mind. You can find out about her easy. But Bella…she is a virtuous woman. I would have wanted more. But she never crossed that line. She wouldn't. Far as me having witnesses…there's some saw me like I said before…but Saturday nights…well we got that one fella reads his bible. He might of saw me." Edward looked at McCarty. "I don't know what else to say. I did not kill Jacob Black. I wield an ax. Day in and out. If I'd of hit him with that skillet he would be dead. One hit. That's a fact."

Sheriff said to Boss, "I need to put him in cuffs?"

"He won't run off," Boss said. Then to Edward, "You stay put."

"I ain't running. I've got no reason," Edward said.

Edward stood then and walked toward Bella's table. The sheriff called Jasper over then. Bella was on her feet and Edward looked at her and her at him. He didn't go to her, but went through that tent all the gawkers at him. And she followed him out, knowing she was supposed to be at Jacob's bedside, weeping and wailing and spelling Mrs. Cope at least, but she was no more pulled there than she was to the dinner line, and she went out back of the tent after him, and soon as she cleared the opening he grabbed her, and her arms went around him and he lifted her off her feet and he held her, his face buried in her neck and hers pressed against the side of his face.

She said, "Edward, Edward, I love you so much. I love you, I love you." And she was crying then, feeling like she hadn't, not ever maybe, not since Rose's baby, not since the grief came up, but this, Lord this was a sled full of runaways, this…was…love.

She didn't know how long he held her, not long enough, never would be.

He had not yet lowered her when Alice was there. "Bella, you have to come. Jacob has died."

Bella pulled back and looked at Edward. The cold air made her aware that her face was wet, her hair. He moved a little and kissed her soft. Her feet were still off the ground, his arms like bands around her making them one. "It's alright, girl," he whispered. "It'll be alright."

She stared at him, stared at his mouth, then his eyes. She nodded as he slowly lowered her feet to the ground.

"That sheriff…he doesn't believe…."

"Shh," he said. "Boss has the say. I was only talking to him. You'll see."

There it was again. The hope.


	19. Chapter 19

Roar Like a Lion 19

She loved him. Bella Black loved him. Soon as he could he'd do something about that. Jacob had gone on. He was in God's hands now, one end of the stick or another, praised or toasted. He was beyond.

It was murder now. That's okay. Devil like Teacher didn't deserve to die natural, that's what Edward knew. Those kind lived long enough to leave a trail of sorrows behind. All he cared about was Bella would not be one.

And this love they had was too pure to be stopped. So he led her back there now, his arm around her bold and there still some gathered at Black's cabin wanting to see. They waited for her and the doctor was there and Black was pronounced Sheriff said.

So they took that body right off for it would not hold in such a state and there would be no viewing for there was not a one cared to look on him beyond Mrs. Cope. She was there, and her mister, him holding her shoulders and her with a hankie on her nose. Life was hard. But death…well more the struggle to get out of this world and in to the next…now that….

"Will you go down with the body?" the doctor asked Bella and she said, "Not right off. I've no where to stay down there. I think the body should be sent to Loretta, Jacob's mother."

Boss said he'd drive Bella down himself next day and they'd make the arrangements. So they put the body wrapped in the bed clothes in back of the doctor's truck and he headed out. Mrs. Cope collapsed, held round the middle by her husband or she'd be on the ground, but Bella could not shed a tear.

Boss stood by them and he said to Edward, "You go on now. You spent enough time today blowing your bugle." He seemed about full up of Edward's declaration. He knew Boss saw it as careless.

"I don't care what anyone thinks. They can go to hell," Edward said, and Bella looked at him, big eyes and worry.

Boss took in a breath, "Miss Bella I spoke with Alice and she about took my head off at the notion you'd come stay with me and Rose. So I guess you know. This one," he meant Edward though he seemed to be having trouble looking at him, "can take you there," then he did look, "straight there to Alice's cabin, and let you get some rest. I'll bring your things along, Ma'am, so you don't have to go back into this place," and he nodded at the cabin she'd shared with Black.

"But…I have no right to stay in the camp…with Jacob gone," Bella said soft.

Boss put his hand on Edward's chest and it held Edward's declaration in, for he was getting ready to say she would stay, had to stay.

"This isn't the day to worry on it, Ma'am. You need to rest up and we can talk about it on the way down tomorrow. That be agreeable?"

Bella nodded. "Thank you," she whispered.

Edward walked her down there, keeping his arm around. Bella kept her head down.

"I'm gonna see if I can go along tomorrow," Edward said.

"No need, Edward. It's bad enough Emmett has to miss another day's work because of my troubles."

"I'm asking all the same. You shouldn't have to go alone."

"I won't be alone if Emmett goes. He's very kind."

"I don't mean…don't you want me along?"

"Yes," she whispered soft, and it comforted him, just that sound, that yes.

When they got to Alice Faye's, she pulled the door. Alice had gotten through the dinner and set the help to clean and prepare for breakfast. She waited for Bella there and the sofa was already fixed with clean sheets. "Come in here," she said and took Bella in her arms.

Edward handed her off and Alice about closed the door in Edward's face. He pushed in a little. "Miss Alice, Cookie around?'

"He's…he's still sick," Alice said and she tried to push the door again.

"Boss is coming with Bella's stuff and he'll want to see Cookie," Edward said. It was about time that one showed.

Alice said, "Uh-huh," and the door did close then, right as Bella was saying good-bye.

Edward stepped off the stoop backwards. Some day he wasn't going to let her go so easy. He turned to go help Boss with Bella's things. He knew there wasn't much but he couldn't put his mind on anything but her.

Back at the cabin Boss was gathering her possessions. He looked funny doing it and they were packed dreadful. Edward knew he could do it better himself, and felt the right. Folks had dwindled from the scene now that the body was gone. It was so pitiful in this cabin. Death and its stink hung in there. Boss looked up at Edward. "Thought I told you to go on."

"We should burn this place," Edward said.

"Oh, you'd like that fine," Boss said, like Edward had a bent toward fires.

"I love her," Edward said.

"Alright I heard enough. You wish for death, do you?"

"Boss you know I ain't no killer. I ain't even had a fight here. Just James a couple of times, wanting to put my fist down his throat maybe, but you know I held off."

"I don't know shit. I don't even like you." Boss viewed the kitchen stuff. He didn't know what was what.

"Well that ain't so," Edward said.

Boss dropped Bella's bag and came right on to Edward and gripped the straps of his undershirt pushing him back a step cause Edward knew better than to resist. "How the hell did I get saddled with your ass? You and that worthless jigger you came up with. Men who split are a dime dozen and I got you two pieces of shit and neither one been worth my time. I got a damn mountain to clear. You open your mouth again and say that word 'love' in regard to that woman I will make your face like a jack-o-lantern. You feel it?"

"Like…like Jacob. Jack-o-lantern."

Now Boss dragged Edward clear across the cabin and held him against the wall. Edward did not resist at all. Best to let Boss get it out.

He was close enough to kiss Edward, but he did not want to kiss him at all. More like bite his nose off. "You accusin' me of something boy?"

"Just sayin'…."

Boss pushed him hard against the wall then took his hands off and stepped back. "You accusin' me?"

"No sir."

"No sir. That's right. No sir. You better damn well not let such slip out of your damn mouth again."

Edward rubbed where Boss had knuckled his shoulders, "Boss…I don't care if you did it. I say thank you much."

Boss went to the door and pushed it closed. "You out of your mind? You expect a confession now? Anyone has ever' finger pointing his direction it's you, boy. It's right there reading true. Jim's about a breath from taking you in. Matter of fact…you need to pack your own stuff less you want to go down with nothin'."

"You know I didn't do it."

"I don't know shit about you," Boss said.

"I might of done it if I could of got him, but someone beat me to it," Edward said soft-voiced.

"You did come out of here early this morning. That girl spoke true."

"I ain't telling the sheriff that. I came alright, and he was already in that bed. Swear to God above if he was breathin' then I'd of sent him on. But I couldn't feel a beat in his wrist," Edward confessed.

"Only thing you said makes sense is you would have finished him. Anything else you say I don't give a shit about."

"Boss, I didn't do it. If you did…I thank you for it. That's all."

"Stop saying that shit. Don't say it again. I got a wife and a son. I ain't gonna swing for this, you're the one they're lookin' at."

They were staring at one another when they heard Jim's tread on the stoop. They both turned quick and the door opened then. Sheriff looked at them, but they'd sprung to life, going for the clothes Boss dropped. Now they were fumbling over that little thread-bare pile looking ridiculous.

"You boys got something to say?" Sheriff asked.

"I got somethin'. I got a deadline crawling up my ass and I need these boys on that mountain come mornin', Jim."

"And I got a dead man on my hands going down to the morgue where the papers will get ahold of it. Like it or don't we got us a killer in this camp and it's my job to ferret him out so what do you expect me to do, look in my crystal ball?"

"I'm just sayin'…truth be told it could of been someone comin' through, the same ones robbed the commissary is what I'm thinkin'. That's the case…you ain't gonna find him here. Now that's a good story for your paper. I'll set up watch in the camp and you take a group like this, that story will come out if it's one of these…someone drinkin'. Hell, the jobbers will set a reward…then you'll see. He flushes up I'll take him in custody and bring him in."

Sheriff said, "McCarty it's hard to give over when you're used to being boss and I'm not here to change that. But truth is, I got a town of citizens to protect and these crimes happened on your watch. So you let me do my job and it comes to it, you can help us out."

Boss gathered the small piles of clothes, put them in the dishpan and bolted out the door.

Edward didn't want left behind with the sheriff. He saw it then, Call of the Wild, and that brush he'd bought her, the mirror and the basket and some of it, and he'd thrown it together then. And in the corner, her shoes, those ones so worn the soles were through and he picked them up and put them top of the basket, then he thought better and took the one and held it, light coming through. "Look here," he said. "You want to know what manner of man Jacob Black was…here you go." He thrust that shoe at Sheriff, but that one put his hands up, and the shoe touched his badge and Edward put it back in the basket.

"I had a cell up here I'd lock you in it. You get to your bunk and stay there. I leave this camp…I'm taking the killer down with me and my money says he looks a damn sight like you."

Edward shook his head. "You take me you ain't done your job then." He went out, expecting that sheriff to be behind, but he wasn't.

Edward walked with big steps. It was too cold for his undershirt but all this day he hadn't time to go for a shirt even.

He reached Alice Faye's and pushed in cause the door was cracked and Boss was talking fast in there. This was a family, somehow, Cookie uncle to Alice, and cousin to Rose or some mix. Bella sat on the sofa, her eyes always lifting when she saw him.

Jasper leaned against the wall where Alice worked to fix coffee. "Cookie sat at the table and he was in bibs and an undershirt. He smoked and Jasper, and the little cabin was foggy with it now. Cookie reminded Edward of a catfish the way his head was set and all, no neck, his mouth and cheeks so fleshy. Edward wondered where all the skin came from in old folks sometimes. Boss stood across from Cookie and he held on to Bella's things still.

Well Cookie looked sorrowful, but he always did. Edward nodded to Cookie. Bella stood and took her basket. She smiled at him and he kept his fingers on hers for a minute. She shouldn't worry. He didn't want her to.

"Well we got a damn quiltin' bee now," Boss said. "Jasper watch the door for Jim."

Jasper stumped close to Edward. "Mind yourself," he said. "You doin' fair?"

"I'm alright," Edward said.

"You know I damned near asked that doc to look at my toes. You think that would have been tolerable with that Mrs. Cope carrying on?"

Edward shrugged. "You should of done it. Those stitches need to get out. Guess I'll have to do it now."

"Damn," Jasper sighed, going to the door. He cracked it and minded that path.

Bella took the things Boss brought off the table and added them to the basket from Edward.

"We got to get this figured," Boss said. "You fought him on the ridge?"

Edward was all ears. Cookie was the one.

"It was him," Bella said on Cookie's behalf. "Cookie saved my life."

Edward looked at this man, old and tough. Edward went to him his hand extended so grateful he could feel the emotion.

"There's no time for that," Boss said knocking Edward's hand down.

"You kill him?" Boss asked Cookie.

Cookie stared at McCarty. "All I'm sayin' for now is I found him trying to kill her on that ridge. We fought and he pushed me over. If he hadn't, I'd of killed him there," Cookie said.

Alice went to Cookie and put her arms around him and held him there and he put his meaty hand on her arm.

"She'd of been at the bottom of that ridge," Edward said glad all over again Black was dead. "How'd you get back?" Edward said.

Cookie took a big pull of that Camel. On the exhale he said through the smoke, "Took me a while. Far as he knew I was dead. He left me there. I was out cold for some of it."

"We must of passed you there," Edward said.

"You did right getting her down. You wouldn't of seen me, I was in a ditch."

"Jim's passin'," Jasper said and he pushed the door and moved to the window to keep watch.

They all stood quiet then, except for Cookie. He sat at the table smoking that cigarette. Edward followed the line of Cookie's meaty arm and he held a gun against his thigh. Well that wasn't right with the women here.

Jasper gave the clear. And Edward said, "You fixin' to have a shoot out?" Cookie didn't answer.

"I ain't askin' if you done it, Cookie," Boss said. "I'm telling you we got to help each other on this. First one they suspect is him," he thumbed at Edward. "You stay quiet. Get back in the kitchen soon you can. Jim can't stay here forever."

"Ain't no one to pin it on but Black himself…," Cookie said looking at Bella with some knowing.

Bella went to him. She put her hand on his shoulder. "Thank you," she whispered. "I'm…sorry."

"I never done it for you first," Cookie said. "I didn't think it was right..how he did you…but you ain't the first in this camp to have it cruel. But Alice Faye. I was comin' to tell him…those words weren't right he gave out in the spelling. Her faintin' away and all. Too hard."

Bella nodded. Her hand over her mouth as she turned from him and went to the sofa.

"You get on now and stay away from Miss Bella," Boss told Edward before he could follow her to the sofa and sit close or hold her hand or something wonderful like that. Edward had his hands on his hips. Boss was about pushing him too far.

"I want to go with her tomorrow. She needs me there," Edward said.

"She don't need you no time," Boss said. "I'll be with her. You do your work. You ride down there and keep prancing in his line of sight, Jim will likely lock you up. I'm gonna stick my neck for you you will do everything I say. Hear me?"

Edward didn't like it, but he could tell when he looked at Bella she couldn't take more trouble. So he nodded and Jasper laughed and said, "Be a good little piggy," and Edward told Jasper to shut-up.

Boss said to Cookie, "I'll get Jim and bring him down here and tell him you been poorly and didn't know what was about. You tell him about the fight and how that bastard threw you over. You tell him the truth, how you come on him trying to kill Bella. That will back Bella's story. He's gonna wonder if you didn't follow Black home and kill him. You tellin' him you didn't goes without sayin'."

This was the place Cookie should say, "Goes without saying. I didn't. That's right." But Cookie didn't say a word.

"You layin' up there so long, who's to say how long it was," Boss appeased himself by saying cause they all noticed the oversight.

"It was a long time," Cookie said.

"That's your alibi then. Alice Faye, you make sure Jim understands Cookie was in bad shape when he showed. A man in that shape…that nearly died…he didn't have the strength to kill nobody."

Alice Faye nodded solemnly. "I will," she said.

"Now honey, what time did Cookie come in?" Boss said.

"He came in after Edward brought Bella. An hour after?" Alice said.

Edward stared hard at Cookie, and Cookie noticed. If that one came home after Edward brought Bella to Alice Faye's…then it wasn't likely he'd killed Teacher. Edward saw Teacher dead soon after he got Jasper on the stoop. It was close. Cookie could have done it. But there was a gnawing in Edward's mind about it. No one was showing every card in their hand.

Boss left to get the sheriff, Jasper went back to the longhouse. He said he was done in. He didn't share a bunk with Edward anymore. He couldn't climb so high. He'd moved around some while he found his place, but now he had a cot far away near the side door where he could get out easy and start the fires in the stoves before sun up.

Before Edward left, he took Bella's shoes, not the ones too big from Rose, but the others she had cut the cardboard to fit inside. "You don't need these no more," he said, and he tucked them under his arm. "Boss says I can't go tomorrow."

Bella nodded understanding. Cookie was staring. Alice too.

Edward hated Bella having to live so close and cramped in here, but was so relieved she was safe. He looked out and no one was about with the interrogations going on. Folks wanted to be left alone before Monday morning reared its head.

"Maybe I'll see you before we have to load up in the morning," he said hopeful.

"Maybe," Bella said. It would be up to Boss when she left. That one was all over them now.

Bella took his hand. She looked so tired. "Wish I could hold you all night," he whispered, and he knew those others heard but he didn't care.

"Me too," she smiled so sad.

Well he went ahead and lifted her chin with a finger beneath and kissed her. She'd closed her tired eyes for that one quick kiss but when they opened he saw the love and it helped carry him some. For a minute it did.

"Where you takin' my shoes?" Bella asked.

"I'll…," he just grinned and didn't answer. He already knew they should be thrown away, but not before he had a chance to measure the soles and order her more. She was his now. It would be different for her. And come morning…he'd be in that truck.

"Bella?" Edward widened the door then. Rose was standing there, holding a bundle that must be the baby.

Soon as she saw Bella she came up the steps and right to her and crushed her with her free arm, and Bella had the baby when they parted. Well Edward stood aside. He was pretty well forgot now, and last he saw, Rose had her arms around Bella and Bella had that child.

He pulled the door closed and holding her shoes he walked thoughtful.


	20. Chapter 20

Roar Like a Lion 20

Next morning Emmett was there to collect Rose, for she had spent the night with Bella and Alice, laying in Alice's bed with the baby between and Bella on the sofa. Emmett had been up with the sheriff most the night, well all of it, trying to get to the bottom of the robbery and Jacob's murder.

Jacob's murder. It hit Bella in the dark but she was numb and as soon as it shouted in her face he was really gone, a shock came…the change…reminding her how sudden it comes…like with the storm that took her family…it's the suddenness she mourned, for all humankind, not just herself, and she did not wish the sorrow on Loretta for she knew loss, Bella's and her own, and she did not wish it, but Loretta had birthed him, raised him, given him to her and while she did not feel love, she did not feel hate, or anything much and this is what the Lord didn't want, the lukewarm of nothing in between the two and now Bella understood why. It was the worst…this nothing.

But this morning, sun barely up and there was an argument then, Emmett and Edward. Edward had showed up, cleaned up some, shaved and a cut on his neck, eyes swollen and hair feathering wild around his hat, and handsome, Bella saw it, faded and broken in his presence. He comforted her, just being there, he pulled her to the now, the real and she needed it for there was a part of her wanting to fly away. She had been fighting to survive for so long and now…she'd fight for him. She wanted to. But she was fog inside. This morning she was. Well they'd had them a night, her and Alice and Rose.

But with Cookie back at work Alice took the time to fix Bella a dress from the two Rose gave her, the checkered one…it needed washed and repaired and maybe she wouldn't be able to wear it again. But this one was fine, a faded red, not widow's wear for sure, but Bella was no widow. She didn't feel she was. For she was not a wife in the truest sense. But it had white collar and cuffs. She wore it with her white socks folded over and the black shoes Rose gave her, and she braided her hair in back, and her sweater didn't match, just a brown, but she was never one for matching.

So Edward and Emmett argued and turned out she got to choose and she thanked Emmett, but if it wouldn't cost Edward his job could she have him please. And Emmett was thrown a little and she hoped it didn't seem she wasn't grateful for she was and if she couldn't have Edward she would want Emmett but given a choice…there wasn't one.

The sheriff was staying at the camp, but the deputy had already traveled down. Bella was to report there and the arrangements would be made to ship the body home. The camp was paying and that was good. There was ten dollars in Jacob's pocket and it was hers now, but it would cost more to ship the body.

Truth was, Emmett seemed relieved to be staying behind. "How's Rose you think?" he asked Bella. He looked like a man who'd lived through the tornado those years ago, one they'd dug out after a day under the debris.

"She's got the blues," Bella said as understated as the good book was sometimes.

"Well," Emmett said chewing the inside of his cheek, "we all got some of that. But…she's got the baby now…and I ain't ever going anywhere."

Edward wisely moved off and got in the truck. Emmett was cracking a little. There were tears in his eyes.

"I'm coming back up. She'll be alright. Seems to do her good to spend time with Alice too."

"I'm trying. I'm just so busy around here. This job don't have no down time."

"You're doing fine. It's just…women like their own kind for certain things. Rose…it's no failing of yours."

Emmett sniffed. "Damn. I didn't know it'd be so hard for…her."

Bella smiled and patted his arm. "It's worth it. You've got such a fine boy."

"Oh, it's worth it," he agreed a little too heartily. "But…well my Rose…." He was too emotional to finish. He turned away then. "Alright." He walked off then.

Bella got in the truck hugging her door pretty much. Edward cranked it up. They did not speak until he drove out of the camp. Then he patted the seat beside him.

She looked at it.

"I would like you beside me," he said, not smiling.

She slid over on the big seat then, bringing her legs up to stay clear of the shifter.

"Closer," he said, still serious, and she moved so her shoulder and her side touched him. He had to shift, so her shoulder was tucked behind his arm. Then he took her hand and he shifted while he held on to her.

"That's better," he said and he smiled.

Now she was serious. She knew the trouble she'd brought him. She knew he didn't want to hear how sorry she was. But she was. Sorry.

She couldn't stop watching their hands moving there on that shifter together. He kept looking at her and it about undid her that look.

"Light me a cigarette?" he said. And they were in his shirt pocket, matches too, and she got closer and her arm across him, his face, his jaw so close the pattern of his whiskers in his skin, she reached in his pocket, and felt the hardness of his chest as she dug in there and took his pack of smokes. She shook one from the pack onto her lap and put it in her mouth and it felt like sin and she had to take her hand away from his to light the match on that scratchy strip side of the little box and she struck that match and lit the smoke and she laughed cause he was watching her then the road, then her, then the road, and she pulled in on that cigarette, and took it out quick and coughed and waved her hand in front of her face and his mouth was open and he was waiting there and a rush went through her seeing his mouth waiting, but his eyes mostly too, and he was young but he was more a man than any she'd seen, well she noticed everything, and she set the tip of that smoke in there and his lips closed on it and he looked at that road and they swayed some, and he shifted and smiled at her, and she remembered she held the matches and she put them in his pocket, and he reached quick and pulled that smoke out and held it in the hand on the steering wheel, and he took her hand back with the other before he shifted again.

"I can do all kind of things at once," he said, and he parked that smoke on his lip and a coon was waddling across the road and he swerved and they laughed and he said, "Shit." Then, "Let me see you in my hat."

"What?" she said and she had to smile now.

"Go on and take it," he said and she lifted it off him and all this shifting around she felt her breast brush against his arm and knew she shouldn't be so loose, but she put that Fedora on her head and it was a little big, and she grinned at him knowing she looked silly.

He laughed and she did too. And she leaned a little and fluffed his hair where it had sat on his head and made a line, and he had the softest, prettiest hair, and he took that smoke between his fingers quick and the way he was looking at her, she put that hat back on him quick, and thought she'd best settle down. He wasn't something you wanted to get started, she knew that from the hospital.

"I like you in my hat," he said. Then he gave her such a look, his eyes closed a little and that grin with that cigarette. Lord. She hadn't even buried her husband yet. What did she think she was doing five o'clock in the morning?

"You gonna get all shy on me?" he said.

"No," she said and she looked away so he wouldn't see her smile. It was wrong to feel so happy, wasn't it? Here she'd cried most the night and now…happy? Well she couldn't help it around him.

"Don't turn away," he said, he was teasing her now, she knew that tone. He could get ornery if he had to…with the teasing.

So she looked at him and said, "Don't be staring at me."

And he laughed and said, "I ain't."

But he was pretty much and he swerved some more.

"You're gonna run us over the ridge," she said, and he played like he was and she screamed, but she'd brought his hand into her lap then and it had been so close to her place there, she saw it and let go and moved back to the door.

"Hey," he said. "Get back here."

She shook her head.

"Come on," he whined, and she was about struck with what he did to her, made her feel and before she could say he was pulling off the road and he took that truck out of gear and he pulled her over there then, and she went to him even though she was telling herself not to, and his arms came around her, and he turned and threw that smoke out a crack in the window, then pulled her to him again. "Don't go away from me," he said.

"I wasn't," she said, but how to tell him she wanted him…wanted him cause he made her feel so alive and she'd been dead so long. And she knew it was wrong and she was a whore in her soul she guessed, but what he was offering, whatever this was, love he'd called it, she didn't know, but to lose herself with him would be something that would change her forever, close to flying and she'd never flown, never did.

"What are you thinking?" he said.

"About…how you make me feel."

He pulled back, his chin tucked. "How's that? How I make you feel?"

She shook her head.

"Oh no," he said. "You got to tell me."

"Just…alive."

That seemed to shock him. "That's good," he said and his finger on her face.

"Yes," she said smiling cause it was preferable to being dead.

"You got skin like butter. Remember what I told you?"

She knew where he was going. This was mighty quick, too quick. "Which time," she said.

He was smoothing her hair now, touching her face. "How I felt. I said I loved you."

He was so confident. She bet he'd said it before. Girls liked him. She didn't want to think how many. "You been with girls," she asked.

"Yes," he said.

"You say you loved them?"

"No. But…I done things. I'm a man."

She studied him. "I can't…don't be slick with me."

He shook his head. "I ain't," he said. "There's no one like you."

"I…don't know why, Edward. I can't figure it out."

He puckered his lips and nudged against hers and his mouth another world soft and wanting more she knew, and she reciprocated. It soothed her to feel his mouth on hers, oh God it took her out of this sad world. He could kiss, oh God she did not know. She did not kiss Jacob. She didn't want to and he hadn't either.

"We can't be doing this," she whispered, but did not recognize her own voice for it was a wanton's voice.

He had big, rough hands and splayed on her back and the back of her neck, she could feel he had her braid wrapped round his fist chaining them together. His breathing even, pulling her in, pushing her out, sucking her down, hot in her ear, on her neck, in her mouth, and the suffocation she'd felt so many times, rising in her bed at night gasping, this was as far from that, her self expanding too, no edges, no limits, just feeling and him in it, him the one. He was moaning on her, kissing down her neck, and she helped him tear that sweater off and he kissed her over her dress, all over her chest, her breasts, her stomach and her woman's place, his face against her, her back on the seat, him coming over her and his lips against her legs, wet and hot breath, and her making a sound, and it was too much, she couldn't keep up, she was going under, "Edward," she said, "Edward," she cried, and he lifted up, dazed looking, his eyes so heavy with lust and love, "Oh no," he said and he gathered her up and against him, "Oh no, darlin' I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"It's alright," she said and the tears running. "I'm not hurt…Lord I'm fine…I…I just never…," and she had her hands on his cheeks now and he'd lost his hat, and his hair was wild for she'd been pulling on it, and she smoothed it and laughed a little. "I love you is all. I wanted to say it. I love you."

He took her hand off his cheek and kissed it. "I want you so bad," he said. "Bella…I want us to…I want you." He was shaking his head.

"I know. I know. But it's…it's too soon. Edward…I can't just…."

"Listen to me. Soon as we can let's get married. Marry me, Bella."

Tears were stinging her eyes. She looked up at him and she gulped. "Edward…I…can you ask me again later?"

He stared at her for a minute, then he laughed a little. "Why can't you just say yes? We could go down this mountain and get hitched before we came back."

"They'll think you killed Jacob for sure. Edward…about Jacob…."

"You don't still think I killed him?"

"I…" She stared at him.

"You do?"

"No," she said shaking her head. "No. But…I never…I wish you were my first." She started crying again.

He gathered her close. "Listen Bella, we didn't come straight to one another. But we're together now, you hear me?"

She nodded against him. "You ever feel for someone else what you feel for me?"

She pulled back so she could look him in the eyes. "Never. Never what I feel for you."

He held her chin in his big hand. He smiled and she felt that smile, deep inside. "Same for me. Anyone before…don't exist now. We'll ship him on home. He's just a shell now, a bean pod is what. Now…it's you and me."

"Okay," she whispered.

He kissed her then, but it was sweet. He scooted over and started working the pedals and getting that truck in gear. "Get over here by me," he said.

She scooted there, no self-consciousness now. No guilt at all. She pretty well knew she was where she belonged.


	21. Chapter 21

Thanks for all the kind words about this. I read every word of my reviews. You are an encouragement to me.

Roar Like a Lion 21

Did he have to pull himself in? He did. He worked that truck and held Bella's hand and felt her there and he got full of himself, full of her and he grew into a man all over again. She made him feel more than he ever did. He'd been half measure, randy as an animal, taking what he wanted, laughing, stubborn, pissing, fornicating, working.

Then he met her and he remembered Ma. He remembered Masen. He remembered he was a boy dug himself out of a grave of wood and snow and he couldn't save his folks, but he'd saved his own damn life and he'd been doing it since, and he had something in him that wasn't so bad.

He knew how to be finer though. His mother, she was fine and the love she had for his father, he was like that himself, like both some, like her mostly.

Bella now. Bella made him crazy. All kinds of drive in him and he'd take care of her soon as he figured how to do it, clear a mountain on his own, for lesser men had and his would want for nothing, coats or shoes, Lord strike him down he was like that Teacher.

She deserved so much. She was sweet and good and beautiful and tender woman in there, so tender it shook him, and drew him and turned him around and roared at him, made him roar in answer.

He loved her hand in his, her small frame against him. We all had to die, but not all of us lived. And he would…with her.

He stopped when the sun was getting up. They got to that place you could look over the mountains there, the trees. He was like a king, up high, like he could throw her on his back and run there across the tops of those pines and touch that blue sky.

She stood there and he stood behind and put his arms around her, and she tucked under his chin and it felt just right, perfect the way he could fold himself around her, and his face against her hair and that sweater not warm enough, but him warm and flesh and ready to give. He felt her soft breasts against his arms and he kissed her ear and he laughed low and she reached and put her hand on his jaw. He closed his eyes a minute, all that view, but letting himself be pulled into feeling her it was just as magnificent.

Time just went to hell and they'd live forever.

After a spell she said, "We best go," and she was right, but Lord he could stand here with her like this…for eternity.

He asked her, "What you feeling?"

"You against me," she said so soft.

"How you feel like this?" he asked.

"Like…I'm safe. I'm loved."

He nuzzled his face against her. He didn't want to stop. "How am I gonna stay away from you like this?" he asked.

She laughed some. "You have to try," she said turning in his arms. "I ain't like you been…with those others. I have to be married."

"Well I asked," he said. "You asking me?" He arched his brow.

"We can't now."

He ran his fingers under her chin. "You like when I loved on you?"

"Yes," she whispered and she flushed red. "But…I like that you stopped when I said. It makes me feel…." She sighed and he felt her small body shake.

He gathered her against him. He knew she needed to hide her face. He said, "Black didn't stop when you said."

"He said a wife can't stop her husband."

She pulled back on her own and looked at him. They took one another in for a bit while he found his next words. ""You're boss on that. I would never force you. Freckles." He tapped her on the nose.

She laughed then and pushed at him. "I don't have them either."

He took her hand and said, "Yes you do and I'm gonna kiss every one of them one of these days." But really, he was so damn mad at that degenerate she'd married, good thing that bastard was rotting in a coffin about now. "Come on," he said.

They got back in the truck. She got in on his side cause he led her there and opened the door for her to climb in first. Once she was in he followed and slammed the door. He said, "You just tell me and no matter how worked up I get I'll be listening."

"Okay," she said softly.

When they finally got to town she slid to the door then. He knew why but still he didn't like her so far away. They got to the sheriff's and she got out same time as him. But he walked to the office and held the door for her. She went in and he watched her not certain and drawn in, her arms folded over her chest. He stood nearby but kept his distance so she wouldn't worry.

So they signed the papers and the deputy didn't miss on Bella. That one let his eyes rake over her. He liked asking her questions he didn't need the answers to. He was full of opinions about folks coming into the camps bringing their rough ways and criminal selves. Running from something sometimes. Maybe folks would learn to stay the hell home and stop causing him trouble and taking work from the locals.

Then he got to it-where had they been before, and why did they come to Kentucky? She followed her husband she said, and Edward lit a smoke and stood there puffing, but he wanted to tell this one to mind his damn business they'd already answered all the bullshit back at camp, but here he was not able to stake his claim at all and just put up with this shit.

So Nosey turned it on him just to piss some more for Bella's benefit. Edward told his name and where he came from, how long he'd been there. The deputy said the sheriff had his eye on Edward and he was surprised McCarty let him bring the Missus in and Edward said, "He knows he can trust me."

"Edward is not a killer," Bella said. "I knew a violent man and it is not him."

Then they had to hear how every killer's sweetheart said he wouldn't hurt a fly. Nosey didn't know how many they were in the throes of wrestling into the wagon with the wife standing behind wailing not to hurt him cause he would never hurt anybody, and her with blood and bruises. Yeah he'd heard that enough.

"We best go then," Edward said.

"Well let's see," he said making a show like he had to read through the papers she'd signed again. Edward wanted to laugh cause sometimes when he got mad he laughed. Jasper too. He was here they'd be rolling about now.

Then he got a surprise when Bella asked, "Where's the school? I need to speak to a teacher if I can."

Time they got out of there she walked serene, straighter than normal. She was strong when she opened her door. He got in and she did too. She didn't slide over to him cause they were still in town.

"Can we go to the school then, please?"

"Well…if that's what you want. Mind telling me why?"

She didn't mind telling him at all. She wanted to know when they gave the teacher's exam.

"You gonna teach now?"

"I don't know. Maybe," she said. Well he wanted her to spread her wings and all. It was time she should. But couldn't she tell him what was coming first?

He rather liked her in the kitchen. She did that he could see her all the time. He could sneak back there and steal some kisses and touch her some. He liked that idea so much. She got up at the school she'd be away from him all day. And so many…they'd want her time…the scholars. She'd have all the parents to deal with, and no Cookie watching over her, and no best friend of his, and Alice Faye. She'd be by herself up there and he'd be off on the mountain and…come mealtime…just those loggers….

So he said, "You…I thought you liked Alice Faye."

"I do. Alice is wonderful. But…that new school is just sitting there without a teacher."

"I…didn't know you wanted to be a teacher. I mean…ask anyone they'll tell you you're smart. I can see that. But…I thought you'd be in camp there."

"I'd be in camp," she said. "I wanted to see what it would take to fulfill Jacob's contract. Those children need a school. They are probably upset about the teacher being killed. If I could carry on…it would put a brighter face on it. And I need the money."

"Not if you marry me. You could help in the kitchen some…but be there for me…more."

He saw her hide a smile.

"You ain't laughing at me, I hope," he said sounding like a baby even to himself.

"No," she said too earnest. "Oh, turn up here," she pointed.

Well he was talking about her not laughing at him. Pardon him. Didn't want to get in the way of her new position as teacher. That was quick. She said she didn't want to go quick and here she was setting this up already. Talk about quick.

"Oh," she said from over there, her dress pulled over her knees and them pressed together like they were glued, "that's it over there."

"I know," he said. Well he had eyes.

She was out the door and slamming it shut and he got out and saw that grin as she looked up at the building. It had more size than the one they'd…well he'd slaved over pretty much. Doing the desks too. Not afraid to take on extra, that was him.

This one was brick. And it wasn't no one room school, but a sizeable deal. The new deal came to schools. Damn it was just modern and all. He looked at himself. His britches were clean. He paid for it, that woman who scrubbed his duds. Jasper wouldn't pay, he was too cheap and did his own and they looked like shit most the time especially now that he was in the kitchen, but Edward thought his were well patched and passable.

"You can wait out here if you want," she said.

Well just a minute. "You don't want me to go in?" he asked.

"I do. I just thought…if you wanted to smoke. Well you just went through that whole thing at the sheriff's. I could see you coming out of your skin."

"Why you say that? I didn't complain…not a word," he defended himself.

"I know," she said smoothing back her hair and straightening her sweater. "Do I look a mess? I wish I'd worn my hat."

That snapped him out of his bad mood some. "You look…beautiful like always," he said.

"Oh," she said and if ever a man hit the wedge straight on, he had. "You are the dearest thing," she whispered.

A short burst of air through his nose and he lifted his hat and smoothed his hair too. "It's the truth," he said, meaning her being beautiful, not her saying he was dear, though he figured he might be. He was trying.

"Do you want to come in?" she asked, her eyes tearing some.

"I will," he said cause he didn't want to, but like he said, he would.

So she led the way and he stretched to open the door and she went in.

It had that smell always made him fill with dread, paper maybe or chalk, or fear of being called on when you didn't know your sums, whatever it was, longing to be outdoors, he didn't know. He heard his steps loud as a dray horse, and he lightened them up some as he followed her perfect form, bulky sweater and all and that braid he'd had ahold of but briefly. He held his hat.

There was an office and a sourpuss in there, hair rolled into a monument on her head and powdery face and lace collar. He'd thought Bella that way once, sour, but just when he imagined her, not when he saw her for real. So Sourpuss listened like she was put upon and Bella told her all and she said the superintendent would have to give the exam. And she asked Bella how much schooling and where and Bella told her and she said the superintendent would have to say, and Bella said her husband had been under contract and all and Sour said they had heard just this morning. And then she asked questions about the killing had nothing at all to do with Bella teaching school.

He would still hate school. It wasn't something he'd outgrown. He realized that and tried not to shift his feet. Then she eyed him and wanted his name and Bella gave it like he had his tongue cut out, like that word Teacher gave him in the spelling was prophecy, and that was fine he wasn't in the mood to say anything nice anyhow.

When they got out of there she had some papers to fill out and return by post and she held them against her the way he liked to be held, crushed up against her chest and those breasts were so soft and he'd been there just that morning a couple of times and Lord…when again? No idea. He'd have to walk this and show her she could lead on it.

She was so happy. Happy to be getting shod of him before he even had a chance. But he had to smile at her cause she about melted his rock of a heart with one look.

He was starved and Alice had sent biscuits and ham. But first the store there. They went in and so many things. She was drawn in to herself. Well she needed shoes and he wanted to buy them, but he worried she would be offended. So he asked the lady, another scowler, but his money was good so she could suck her teeth and show them to the shoes.

He said ladies shoes so Bella was whispering, "Edward Cullen these better not be for me."

"You want me to be buying some other lady shoes?" he asked acting insulted.

She slapped his arm a little. "Go on," she said. "I have my own money."

"You can't take a gift from me?"

"I shouldn't," she said like he wanted her to break a commandment.

He ignored that and went to some shoes there, black ones that tied. They looked substantial. And ugly. A grandma might want them, but she'd had enough of that. Then he moved to some red colored ones with a little incline under them. They tied nice. He could see these on her…with that blue coat she had no idea about. "Look at these," he said holding one in his hand.

But she was at those granny shoes.

"That's a sensible shoe for a long day of work," Teeth-sucker said.

Edward held that red shoe like a flag there, waving it. "I like these," he said.

"How much are those?" Bella asked, meaning the red ones.

They were six dollars. Bella tsked like he'd just suggested she buy out the store while she was at it.

"Try these on," he said again. Those grannies were four bucks but damn.

She gave in and the lady had Bella sit and she sat before her on a low stool and put a ruler on the floor and Bella took her little narrow foot out of that hand me down shoe didn't fit right and got left on the road like a baby coon run over. He loved her little foot. It was so tiny and cute. He wanted to shove that stuffy store lady aside and hold that foot just to get a feel of it.

When the foot was measured he sat beside Bella and he was so excited. She smiled at him, shy again. Well if she did teach school she'd have some pretty shoes. So he smiled at her and called her teacher, and wished he hadn't ruined that name thinking of her husband. Who was dead, hallelujah. But still, she was the cutest teacher he'd ever seen so he pulled on her braid some and she tsked him again and moved it over the other shoulder thinking he wouldn't go for it over there. But he was reaching when the lady came out then. Took it upon herself to bring an ugly brown pair too, made for folks wanted to look nice in their wheelchairs.

"The red ones," he said cause he could see how Bella liked them.

"I can't," she tried to fight him.

"We'll take them," he said reaching for his money purse.

"Your husband knows his mind," Stuffy said.

"He's…he's my brother," Bella corrected.

Edward got stuck staring at her. What in hell? Her brother?

She smiled sheepish and blushed furious. He put his money up there and just like he thought, Stuffy took it without complaint.

He had to smile when he asked Bella to put them on for the ride home and she complied. He watched her small red feet all the way to the truck.

Brother, hell.

But he only got his hand on the door when the police wagon pulled in and that deputy got out.

"Edward Cullen," that one was saying, fumbling to pull his gun, "you're under arrest for the murder of Jacob Black."

He didn't know why, but a quiet came over him. Several things. He didn't want to upset Bella more than this would. Second he figured this fumbler could shoot him on accident. Thirdly…he couldn't believe it.

So there he was, belly to the hood of the truck now, and this one pushing him down on it, but he only stayed there because he knew it would be disaster to resist. "Bella," he said, "there's some dollars in my pocket. Find one of these round here to drive you and the truck back to camp. Get Boss and he can drive that one back down."

He could see the panic building in her. She went off furious at the deputy. That one was making a good show in front of her. The big man now.

"Go back in the school and tell them what you need," he told her.

"I can find someone to do it," the deputy said. "Stay put here Ma'am. I'll send someone over."

"Don't worry none," Edward called as the deputy put him in the back of the wagon and slammed the door. He turned to see her out the window in the door. He was so damn sorry, her standing there staring after the wagon, wearing those little red shoes.


	22. Chapter 22

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Roar Like a Lion 22

Seeing that wagon pull off…she looked back at the school. There were no widows this side of the building, just the big doors and the brick walls. So maybe the scholars and all hadn't seen it…Edward's arrest.

She could scarce believe it and walked some, those shoes flashing that he insisted she get…the prettiest…sweetest shoes…no one…never in her life…had thought…had cared to get her…like that basket…she knew it was him. Always him…moving toward her with love…nothing…but love.

Fury came then, right on the heels of knowing what he was, Edward Cullen, her love.

They couldn't have him. Life had taken. She had said…maybe I deserve it. But she was done with stepping aside for the onslaught. She was done showing her neck everytime life wanted to grab her by the throat…and choke her…the way Jacob did.

They couldn't have Edward. They couldn't have him. She was not giving her permission. Her consent. No. Big fat no.

She got in that truck, that beast she hadn't ridden before. She tried to start it and it made a terrible sound and lunged forward and she hit the brake, she knew that cause you didn't watch someone drive the mountain and not see them stand on that pedal a time or two.

So she hit that brake for fear she'd crash that pretty brick wall. She stood on it.

"Oh Jesus carry this cross for me," she said exasperated. "Well do!" she cried looking at that wall. "It's about time you showed or someone! Don't you think! Get off of Edward! Get off! He's a good man and I'm asking for him! I'm begging for him! Alright?"

Well that had to be the most blasphemous prayer ever prayed but she didn't care anymore. If he took Edward there was nothing more he could do to her anyway short of killing her and that would be a mercy.

She made herself think and she saw Edward driving this thing, she'd been right there, he'd had her right there, her hand in his while he shifted, his leg moving and his thigh tensing while he worked those pedals, and she remembered he pushed this one in and then he cranked it and she did that and it started and she left off the pedal and it lurched and died and was even closer to that wall and she screamed.

A boy was coming out of the school holding his lunch pail. "Boy," she said, "you know how to drive?" Well he looked ten or so, old enough. Boys drove on the roads all the time you'd see them, barely enough height to clear the wheel.

He frowned and came over, his walk uneasy and proud.

"How I start this and get it out of here?" she asked.

He got on the runner and an elbow inside the window he pointed that nail-bitten finger and told her.

It was two more tries, but she got it out then, grinding and lurching she got it and the boy jumped off and she would have waved but she was turning and shifting, Lord. She got on the road reaching for all she could to get the red shoes on the pedals and she wrestled that wheel and turned the corner and got to the jailhouse and parked in front at an angle to the wagon they'd taken her Edward in. She turned that truck off and took her foot off and it rocked some, that beast of iron and grease, but stayed put. She had done it and it just fueled her.

She got out and ran to that door and whipped it open. There Edward was in a cell, and he was standing there at the bars and he looked at her like she was naked and foaming, and she…was…outraged.

She went to the sheriff and his hand went to his holster. That deputy was some back and she swore he cringed against the wall there, a rack of rifles beside and his arms hanging useless.

"This is wrong. You've made a mistake. You have to let him out of there. If there's any decency in the state of Kentucky you have to let him out."

"Ma'am," Sheriff said, his hand out and his features pinched.

"It wasn't him," she said. "And I'm about to my point."

"I been on this all night Ma'am and he is the only one with the reason to do it and a witness puts him right there at the scene." His hand was toward her, fingers splayed out.

"After a night of hearing, "saw nothing," "heard nothing," "know nothing," one after another that girl holds her story Cullen was coming out of Black's cabin. Now I beat this up thorough and that girl's story was the one turned to butter."

"You still have robbery on your hands," she said. "Don't you think Jacob saw something? He was on the road and he saw something and they didn't want a witness," she declared.

Sheriff said, "I put a call to the nearest cabin up there and they are going for Emmett McCarty Missus so you might as well…."

"What if it was your son? What if Edward Cullen was your son? Would you want him railroaded like this? He has no one to speak for him. All he tried to do was help and that's what stood him out from all the others. Only that. His decency. There is nothing else…nothing else to turn a finger on him…."

"Except that woman's story…."

"That little whore?" Bella said and the sheriff seemed like he couldn't believe she'd said that word.

"She tell you how she had it in for him because he wouldn't take her in the pines? He sent her home! Ask anyone at that camp and they will say it," she said, pouring it on now. "It is his decency that has set him apart…set him up. And I thought you an intelligent man!" she said.

"And you," she said rounding on the deputy. "Even if he got it wrong I expected better of you!" she said.

"The two of you together…this is all the better you can do? Railroad the son of a doctor?"

"What doctor?" Sheriff said.

"His father," she said getting it a little wrong for effect. "He's only here to earn the money for medical school so he can carry on his father's work amongst the poor. He's had a call on his life since childhood. A childhood marked by tragedy. But he never let that stop him. He never did."

"He helped burn down the school," the deputy chirped up, keeping his post on the wall.

"He did not know it was the school. He was new to the camp, blowing off steam, just thankful to have a job so he could earn his tuition and things got carried away. When he realized his mistake there was no one more repentant. He practically rebuilt that place on his own, donating countless hours. No one was happier to have Jacob come to teach those children than Edward Cullen. Jacob said that. Edward is a man that values education."

The sheriff breathed out and folded his arms over his chest.

"Bella," Edward said, but she did not look at him, she was riveted on Sheriff. She held her hand up to Edward the way the Sheriff had held his hand to her.

"Look…he comes in my town first thing just to show me…." Sheriff said.

"That is not true. In no way was this a challenge. This was me. I could not bear for Emmett McCarty to miss a day of work when he had given so much. This was my choice. Edward did not wish to come. He knew you might misunderstand. It was my insistence for he is such a good man I felt safe with him. He is the same kind of man Emmett McCarty is. Same cloth. Same…honor."

Sheriff stared at his desk and she was not even able to blink.

"You don't know how it was for me. I know a bad man. I told you I was married to one. You don't know how many times I picked myself off the floor because he knocked me down, held me down, forced me like I was a dog. I took that all. I took it because I wasn't myself. I lost four brothers and sisters and my mother in a storm. Jacob was my first cousin and I hardly remember taking the vows. It was handled in my family cause no one knew what to do with me after that loss. As soon as I started to come out of it, just the littlest bit I was being hit. Slapped. Denied a right to…go anywhere…talk to anyone. I was…forced. Raped you might call it if a husband and wife…I don't know. Forced. I feared to sleep. And then he tried to kill me. I don't know who killed him…it could have been me. Maybe I just had enough and I did it. I'm willing to confess to that if it will mean this man goes free. Maybe it will come to me. And nothing will shut me up if it does. And you will hear me morning and night. I will do anything at all comes to saving Edward. He's innocent. You know he is. I'm more guilty cause I wished for Jacob Black to die. I did. I had a dream one night I did it…with that very skillet. Maybe it wasn't a dream. Maybe it was real."

"I don't know what you're saying. Facts point to him. Second to him is you. I'd rather it was him. But having him locked up is doing just what I thought. If it's someone close to him did it instead…they'll have to think twice now, won't they?"

"So this is how you'll catch your murderer?"

"I already did catch him far as I know," Sheriff said.

"So…if I confess you'll let him go?"

"No."

"There's one thing you can't argue. You can't dispute. If he'd of wielded that skillet…Jacob would have been dead. He's a splitter. Look at his arms. His shoulders. You know what he does. You've seen it. Go in that longhouse and line them up and you'll see every one of them thick in the shoulders. No matter how small, no matter how tall, they are all bulk in their shoulders and backs and arms. You're going to tell me that a man like him would hit someone with a skillet…and from what I saw…multiple times…and that he wouldn't make a kill? You're going to tell me that? We both know it's not true. Whether he'd wanted to kill him or not, once he took a skillet in his hand he didn't care. He would of had murder in his heart already and you're really going to tell me he would have hit Jacob over and over and still left him breathing? You're going to tell me that? What jury will believe that. It's ludicrous. You'll look like a fool. You're better off leaving it unsolved than to be so desperate…so wrong. Your killer is not a splitter. You know that. If Jacob's head was flattened, if his brains were splattered, all over the room, all over the wall, all over the floor, and all over Edward's pants and boots, maybe yes, maybe, in spite of all the character of the man that defies this, maybe then, but that murder was not carried out by a splitter. No way. No possible way. I saw death, lots of death, lots of ways, lots of things so bizarre you wouldn't believe…and that death was at the hands of someone who did not wield an ax all day long."

Bella's voice reverberated after she was done and she stood there, all red but for the sweater, all fire and righteousness and fury. She folded her arms and she was still shaking her head.

"You're tired," she said softly. "You're worn out from trying to do your job. You're a good sheriff. Maybe even a great sheriff. But you need to sleep on this. You need to think on it. He's a good man. He's not going anywhere. Let us go back to camp. This is a mistake. A terrible one."

The sheriff looked at her. A long minute passed and she stood still looking back.

"Go on, and let him out," the sheriff said to the deputy. She rounded the desk, yelping her gratitude and the sheriff backed up a step but she leapt onto him hugging him tightly.

"I knew you were a brilliant man," she said.

She heard the cell-door open and turned to go there. Edward was quiet and serious, looking at her, at the sheriff. He put on his coat and settled his hat.

"Tell McCarty I'll be up in a couple of days. Don't go anywhere," Sheriff said.

Edward nodded and he went to shake the sheriff's hand, but that one wasn't in the mood. Sheriff said, "Don't show your face in my town again."

Bella took Edward's arm and pulled him to the door, thanking the sheriff once more. They lost no time getting into the truck. She could see it was parked at an angle that was strange. He got in his side, her on her own. He looked at her, but he quickly started the engine and backed to the road. Then he headed out of town going slow, but once they hit that last building, the gas station, he put it in gear and they made some time.

He looked at her then, shaking his head. She had her window down even though it was cold, the wind whipping through her hair. She looked out there and she felt the smile on her face, bunching her cheeks. She looked at the sky and thanked Jesus.

"Hey," Edward said and he was patting the seat beside him before he had to shift once more.

She smiled at him and rolled that window tight. Then she slid over there.

"You go through all that?" His eyes were dark as the forest right now.

"Maybe," she said. Then seeing his upset. "Yes," she said.

He drove some more, him looking ahead. She settled beside him, adding her hand to his on the stick. It was quiet like that for a while.

Then, "How you know so much about me?" he asked, and she knew he meant the parts that were true.

"Alice Faye," she whispered. "From Jasper."

"How…do I really know you?" he said soft.

"Comes to ones I love…I fight. I was that way…before."

"You put a light on yourself back there…Fighter." He put his hat on her head.

"That sheriff had to know it could be someone else. It could be me."

He looked at her some, and she'd never seen him so thoughtful.

"You alright?" she said.

He shook his head. "Not if you're…."

"I told you I won't let you suffer for this."

He looked at her, so grave. "I'd rather be in there than you…I won't…." He couldn't finish. He kept his eyes on the road, his jaw tense.

Tears burst out of her then, sudden and profuse, and she put her arms around him and his hat rolled off and she buried her face on his shoulder. She felt him maneuvering the truck. He'd pulled off and he held her, and she crawled up on him some, she didn't know. She couldn't lose him.

She was kissing him pretty soon, wild kissing like she'd never done in her life, not even on the way down when they got going. Desperate kissing and her saying his name and him saying hers, and it was him who broke off, him who was squeezing the life from her and holding her so strong.

"I'm gonna lose you," she got out loud and crazy.

"No you're not," he said gruff.

"I won't let it happen," she gasped.

"We'll talk to Boss."

"It's my fault. I'm so sorry," she said.

"Where's my brave girl," he said pulling her back to look at her and run his hand over the side of her head.

She sniffed and wiped her nose on the heel of her hand. "You believe Cookie? You think he did it?"

"Would you turn him in if he did?"

She breathed in. "No," she said.

"What you said in there…you do know you didn't do it, right? I mean…you're not confused?"

She smiled sad. "I also said the sheriff was brilliant…and maybe the deputy. I honestly can't remember it all." She laughed a little then.

He kissed her sweetly, and she felt such an overwhelming gush of love for him.

He helped her settle beside him again.

"I'm just…tired," she gulped, bending to retrieve his hat and put it on her head.

"We still got those biscuits," he asked pulling onto the road.

Suddenly he seemed nineteen again. She found them in the little pail on the floor near her new shoes. They'd survived.

"Feed me one of those and I'll get us back to camp," he said.

In spite of all their troubles, she was going to treasure feeding him. And she held that biscuit to his lips and he took a bite, and he kissed her quick with his sloppy mouth and laughing and she said, "Ew," and he said, "You too," and she took a bite and they kissed again and just like that happy broke the surface.

It shouldn't. But it did.


	23. Chapter 23

Roar Like a Lion 23

Bella had talked Edward out of jail, her voice and brain the key that unlocked that cage. She got Sheriff to let him out. He couldn't believe his ears, first off, then his eyes when Sheriff gave in. He did not know her like he thought. She was even more than what he'd seen at the spelling. There was no limit to her, opening the door to that jail, seemed she held a weapon, and it made Sheriff go for his, but she was the weapon and Sheriff had nothing against that. None of them did.

Was it just this morning he'd been thinking she should be in the kitchen so he could see her? Was he that thick in the head just that morning?

Bella…walked on water…way too good for him. He had strength. Not much else. He liked doing. Hands moving. School had come easy, but he didn't lean to it. He liked working with his hands. Outdoors, sunshine, earth, air to breathe not soured and dead from four walls. Four walls for him…he'd always seek a way out of that. He did not shine locked in.

But he had strength, his shoulders and arms and back like she said. And it was hers…he was. He had a purpose…making sure…she rose…she flew…making sure.

He didn't need weeks or months. He knew right off first day. Meant.

Take a chance, make the promise, sign the paper. He wanted it all.

She felt it was too quick. She was not ready. But love had roared in and he knew it enough for them both.

So back at camp she looked at him, eyes dark with treasure, lips a red smile. She said, "What?"

He'd remember this…her…those lips…this moment…camera in his mind…click…rest of his life.

Next few days blended and blurred. Boss blew up when Edward told him about getting arrested. Taken into custody. He was mad at Edward and mad at himself seemed for getting talked in to letting Edward go when he knew it should be him. Then when he calmed and listened to how Bella got Edward out, Boss said, well no wonder. That woman could talk a man in to anything he reckoned.

Bella did have that way. So she stayed with Alice Faye and they did not see the sheriff until Friday and then two things transpired at once. Sheriff came to camp, and brought the superintendent of schools with him. That one was fixing to give the teacher's exam. He'd received Bella's paperwork on Thursday and came right up, for that school needed to start.

Bella told Edward later she about dropped the bowl she carried when they came for her.

The superintendent entered. "Stay put," he said. "You may take it right here."

So she sat there in her apron and took the test.

Whole camp knew of it, all the talk. She was smart they said one to another. She'd be better he could ever be, that Teacher. Something to her. Something fine in her. She killed Teacher…she had reason. Jacob Black thought he was too good. You could see it.

So she took that test and Edward saw her there he came in starved like always for dinner and he paced outside the tent and she did pass it. She could teach the scholars and next day they were sent to the school even though it was Saturday, and she was teacher.

Days after that Edward chewed that mountain up. That's what Boss said. And he didn't give a compliment…easy. But he told Edward, you chewed it up. And Edward did cause frustrated, Lord. She was gone now, swallowed by that school just like he knew. It got old being right all the time…that was his lot, but he could split that wood like no one in the meantime.

So the next Friday night he was missing her at supper like always. But then he looked up when he heard the shift in the voices around, not words, he didn't hear words, just her name. Missus Bella. Teacher now.

And damn if she wasn't helping serve supper. Well that girl could not do so much, but he was off that bench right off. He went up there and he said, "Bella."

She looked up. She didn't look weary. Opposite in fact. She looked…alive. And it took beautiful to more beautiful and he felt an ache in his gut.

She smiled at him, looked down quick to that gravy she stirred. James came and told Edward to move aside, and Edward didn't budge an inch, and that James reached and held his plate to Bella and said, "More gravy, Miss Bella," and she gave him more and when she passed his plate to him he touched her hand.

But Edward stayed put so that one would have to walk around him and he nudged Edward some, but Edward didn't no more move than if a fly buzzed through. Her eyes were his. No question who she blushed for.

He would handle James later, standing his ground with her in front of them all. "You still working here with teaching," he asked. She worked too hard. Had no time for him at all. Did she realize?

She looked up at him and smiled, moving down the line to stir and fluff. "I'm helping out. Cookie is sick again," she said.

"You moving back in to your old cabin? That's what I heard. Like everyone else…rumors. Since…we ain't talked."

She flashed him a look, a smile too like he was being a baby or something. "I am going back to that cabin," she said. She was happy about moving in there where Teacher bought it. That didn't make sense. "It is the only one empty and Alice Faye…."

"You shouldn't be alone with…it's rough and…." Sometimes his words just…they wouldn't come. He needed more. Actions were what. With her.

"They have burned the mattress and ordered another," she said like that fixed it but that just fixed the bed bugs. Nothing else.

"Come on now, girl," he said, but he liked the idea of her in his window again. He would never sleep now. It wasn't close enough. Not now the way they had been in the truck. He'd be sneaking over there. Surely she knew.

"I am going to scrub it out when I finish here," she said.

"I'll do that," he said.

"No," she scoffed.

"I am doing it," he said, irked now. "And that bad corner…."

"Emmett…had a man fix it."

"What man?"

"James, I believe."

Well why would Boss not ask him?

"Before you go on," she said, the Teacher now, "you know McCarty thinks it's for your own good we not be seen...together."

"That son of a bitch James…he'll think it gives him rights." Well no wonder he'd touched her hand.

"It's his job," she rebuked. "Don't go…assuming."

"I don't like James," he said. He had the right to hate someone's guts if he wanted. "You know Boss is sending me over to Section Five?" She could take that…so indifferent about him bleeding love right there, bleeding right in the gravy.

Now that got her attention. "When?"

"Any day."

"You're not going to work the river, I hope."

"I'll be helping send those logs in."

"How long?"

"Long as it takes…three, four weeks."

She got back to it, poking those potatoes slow and thoughtful. She didn't look up.

"Guess I'm dismissed now Miss Bella?" He said childish.

"Edward," she said. She looked around. "What can I say with all these looking on?"

He could feel himself getting pissed up and all. It was just frustrating. "You ain't so much as kissed my cheek since town that day," he said about ready to punch Eric Crowley for wanting some spuds. Soon as that monkey straggled off Edward continued, "You didn't even come to church last Sunday. I about went to Alice's cabin a time or two…"

"I was busy. I admit I didn't get up in time. I don't sleep so well there. Cookie…he's…he up some and Alice has to go in there…he cries…and I have lessons to set, Edward."

"Cries?" Edward said not able to imagine.

Bella grabbed a rag and started to rub furious on a spot of something there. Without looking at him she said, "I have enough children to tend, Edward. I'd hoped you'd understand."

"Don't put me with those children done replaced me. I don't even like folks' children much other than them carrying on the world."

When she didn't look up he turned and went to leave the hall and walked out front. He got a cigarette and blew some smoke into that cold bite and he laughed some because damn did he just say all that…crap?

He took a hard drag on that smoke and threw it down, ground it out. He went in the commissary then, right up to the counter. He was mad, but it was a quick come and go sort…just dumb and no tellin' what he could say…no sense to it. So at the counter, like every single night after supper he asked if he had a package.

And tonight he did. It was sizeable enough. He took that, without opening the brown paper and string at all, he took that bundle back to the bunkhouse and tossed it up on his bed. Ought to chuck it in the boiler. He lit another smoke. She made him crazy. He'd split wood all damn day and he knew he had another cord in him about now.

He had to laugh at himself then. He'd as soon chop his arm. Then he thought about it and put out that smoke and he grabbed that package and the knitted things he'd had stacked careful on the shelf near the ceiling over his bed for a few days. He added those and went back out and strode over there to Black's cabin.

He went around back, still holding that package and all, to inspect James' work. It was dark, but he bent and put his hand on it, and it was not done with the care he would have used. Son of a bitch.

It was passable, but what did he expect from an asshole like James, putting his hand on hers right in front of him. It was challenge. He would need to see this mess of pathetic carpentry from inside.

He entered Bella's cabin justified. He went and stacked his presents on the table and lit the lantern setting there. He took that to James' work in the corner. It wasn't tight, he felt a draft and it close to the bed and since he planned to be sleeping in that bed with Bella soon as she'd give in to him and say she'd marry him, he knew he'd have to redo this. He wanted to regardless.

Well Boss would have a fit to see him in here, but he was tired of all the interfering. He had stayed away about all he could stand. He looked around. The floor was old and he could see the stains there by the bed still. He went out and got water and brought it in, the pan full. He filled the stove with some paper and sticks and got a fire going. That and the lantern's light pushed at the gloom in here. He pulled the curtains and wished she had a radio like they did at the bunk but it was mostly scratch except once in a while and Bing Crosby came through or some such.

He could put that on the list, a radio, but her working two jobs she'd likely have as much as him, maybe more even. She didn't need him. That was the thing. But she shouldn't be alone around here. Not for a minute.

That bar of soap sat on the sink, and the rag stretched out and smelly, and he got that and went to the floor and got his knife and shaved soap in the water and soaped his rag and started to rub at the stain. It came up brown and he knew then this was Teacher's stamp, and it bothered him not at all to let that copper squeeze from the rag and over his hands. It satisfied.

He had emptied and refilled that pan three times when she opened the door. It was cold and she wore that brown sweater and her old hat, but his eyes went up and down her and landed on those red shoes and that was good.

"Edward," she said.

"I'm scrubbing the floor," he said without seeking her permission in case she didn't know. Scrubbing and spooning, he thought to himself and laughed some, his sleeves rolled up, his hands on the old brush he'd found under the sink. Years of grime came out of that wood and he wiped it up.

Well, she'd been stuck there staring, and she could look her fill. He was no slouch. He had things…to offer.

"My goodness," she said finally, and he did not look up much as she'd done to him before when she had her noble work with the mashed potatoes.

He kept at it, ignoring her mostly, or seeming to, and she finally said, "What is this?" She saw the knit and the bundle and her voice had lost that tone he didn't like very much. Surrender was in there now and more bearable for sure.

He kept working. "That's for you," he said.

"What? No…Edward," she said and she pulled a chair and he felt more than her tiredness. She was excited. And so was he. He'd thought of this time since placing the order.

"Open it," he said.

"Did Alice make all this?" she meant the knitting.

"Maybe," he said, and it was dumb to say maybe when she so clearly did and Bella knew, but he was just unsure here.

So he threw that brush in the pan and sat back on his heels. She was sitting there holding all that soft knit, and looking at him, and her mouth open some like she needed air. "Is it Christmas?" she whispered.

He stood slow and waited for her to open the other. She pulled it toward her and worked on the string and he felt in his pocket for his knife and had it open and he slid the blade and cut that string one quick move.

He pocketed his knife and she slowly turned that bundle over and the seam of paper was coming open and the blue showed and he heard her gasp some and she opened it then, like a ham unwrapped. There it sat all that blue wool and black shiny buttons. And she said his name, or part of it, and she stood as she shook out that coat and she stared at it, then him, then that coat. A little sound and she hugged it to her and came around to him.

He was ready, and her arm around his neck and clutching the coat between them, and his arms, no hesitation at all in him and the strong soap smell around them and on him.

Edward pulled off her hat and set it on the table. He went in for a hungry kiss and let her know, it wasn't gentle or even sweet, and his hand on the back of her head, and her making a little cry, but not of protest, that coat on its own. Her hand dug into the front of his shirt and she had a good grip.

He backed her a bit. She hit the table, and his hand on the small of her back and pushing her against him, and her arms coming around him. Kissing, desperate from him, but him the first to break it off. Panting, "You gonna marry me?"

She looked lust filled, a beautiful sight for his sore eyes. She had it bad as him, he knew, he wasn't going to torture himself anymore, thinking she had moved away from him in her heart. She was obeying Boss is all, for Edward's own good, that's how she would see it after him getting caged. But it was there, all there, and she had to give him some hope for where they were going.

"I…I love you," she said.

He crushed his lips on hers again.

"Edward," she said after a while, a soft laugh, "the coat."

It was half on the floor now, and he stepped back and they gathered it same time, and he shook it some and held it out. She turned and put her arms in it and he pulled it up and set it on her shoulders, pulled her hair free and let that be against the blue.

She turned to him and he buttoned the first one and smoothed over the collar and kissed her sweet, foot on the brake now, and he stepped back. She looked at him like he was a mirror.

"You like it?" she asked and she stepped to the side to clear the table and she twirled for him, and red shoes and blue coat and hair loose and falling some, and her flushed face so lovely it choked him to see it.

"You are the prettiest thing I ever laid eyes on," he said catching his breath.

That got her and it was the truth. She smiled and looked down. "Thank you, Edward," she said.

"You are welcome," he said proper.

"And I am sorry you're being sent to the river. I'll miss you. I'll worry."

He shrugged. "You can miss me fine, but don't worry about me."

Of course…she could if she wanted to.

"Well," she said smoothing over the wool, but her hands red and work worn and he wanted to lighten her load.

"You never said. About marrying."

She smiled.

He went down to his knees right there. "Will you?" he said soft, his arms coming around her, crushing that wool against him.

She had her hands on his shoulders and she was looking down at him. "Time comes we're in the clear…I will be the happiest girl in the world to be your wife. I just...I wish I was better."

"Listen here," he said, "don't you sell yourself short to me. There's no other for me. You hear what I'm saying? You and me…nothing's gonna stop us." He buried his face against her. "Bella," he said and his arms went over her bottom and he pressed her against his face.

And her hands in his hair, smoothing it over….

The door opened then. Boss's face showed. Edward came off his knees.

"What are you doing in here?" Boss said like Edward was robbing the commissary.

It took a second to decide to answer one couldn't even knock. Edward put his arm around Bella. "I been scrubbing the blood, looking at that patchwork you let James do, building a fire to take the freezing cold out of here, maybe some of the gloom. You expect me to leave it for her?"

Bella tried to speak but Boss went on, "I told James to clean this floor. Damn…. Well you need to get now. Hard to scrub with…," and he waved his hand at Edward and Bella's embrace. "I told you to steer clear. This is all the better you can follow orders I'm sending you to Section Five soon as the sun comes up."

"I'm best you got. Send Crowley," Edward said.

McCarty shook his head, frustrated. He did look like hell. Worse everyday…and meaner. Fatherhood had not softened him at all. "Just get the hell out and do something like I say for once."

"We're getting married. You got no say with me and her."

Boss' jaw dropped and his hands on his hips. "That so, Bella?"

There was gunshot then, loud in the night and nothing to hide it. Boss was out the door and Edward told Bella to stay put and he grabbed his coat and followed.

Boss was running, others pouring out of the bunkhouse and coming up from the commissary. It came from Alice Faye's cabin someone said.

Boss pushed through those already there, someone from in back called, "Back here."

Soon as Boss opened Alice's door her wail poured like a siren. Jasper stumped up behind Edward and he was knocking everyone out of his way even Boss.

"What happened?" Jasper asked going to Alice, dropping his crutch, her taking them both down and Jasper holding her while they sat on the floor. "What happened?" he asked again. "Where's Cookie?"

Boss went in Cookie's shack off of Alice's one room. Edward after, Boss having gone through the cabin out the backdoor and knocking everyone already gathered there out of his way, Edward right behind him.

There, fallen backward off a big stump twenty feet from the backdoor was Cookie. He'd shot himself in the mouth looked like, shotgun, stick, and trigger. Boss went down, was calling his name, yelling it, "Cookie," looking for a heartbeat, listening over that red goo for breath, but that one…there was nothing.

"Says he killed Black," Edward heard, and then it repeated.

Pinned to Cookie's apron, a note. I kilt Jacob Black, it said in clear writing.

"Everyone get away," Boss yelled in a hellish voice.

They backed off some, but he jumped to a stand and arms going wild screamed every profanity and made up a few before the growing crowd moved to the side of Cookie's shack.

Alice stood in the doorway now, Edward blocking Cookie some, but not enough.

"Oh God, Cookie," she cried out, and Jasper was there trying to pull her back in.

Boss went to her and patted her arm, his head shaking and his mouth empty of words. Alice screamed and wailed and pushed at him. He turned Alice over to Bella and Jasper and they pulled her inside.

Boss took another piece of wood and flung it soaring, then another. He was so mad…he walked a circle around Cookie, looking from every side. "Shit," he yelled, hand wiping over his mouth. "Shit…son of a bitch…."

Edward stood back from him, not sure….

"Boss…get ahold…nobody knew," Edward said, sorry as soon as he said it. Cookie was god around here where men needed fuel like the earth needed rain. It was a piss-poor attempt to calm Boss down, but if they lost Boss, too, this camp would go down.

Boss paid Edward no mind, he was in his own thoughts, pacing there, swearing.

Any time some showed side of the house Boss yelled, "Get the hell out of here," and from that tone and the cordwood he threw, aiming true, and the fierce cursing, they skedaddled.

He walked some more and Edward stood as much to try and protect Boss from himself as anything. Finally Boss said, "We had suicides before but this…not like him. You could set a clock by Cookie."

Edward felt he should say something more, but Lord, he didn't know what for sure.

"This will clear you, now," Boss said pointing at Edward. "You can…you and Bella."

Edward nodded dumbly. He was going to marry Bella anyway but this was no time to worry about setting the record straight but he guessed Boss knew what he'd been up to when he barged in.

"There's your damn silver lining," Boss said and he laughed, but it sounded crazy. Then he added, "Shit…Rosie…," and that about said it for him.

"Bella don't want to get married yet," Edward said bringing normal here and it felt wrong, but Boss needed distraction from that head pulp he kept staring at.

"Well that's your problem now ain't it?" Boss said turning off again, hands on his hips.

He could never relax with Boss. Minute he did he was in shit again.

"You still shipping me off for Section Five?"

Boss stared a bit. Then more curious showed their noses around the cabin.

"I said get the hell out of here," Boss roared. "Get this body covered," he said. "Then go for the sheriff, you can quit worrying about your damn self for five minutes."

"Yeah Boss," Edward said. He went inside and grabbed the sheet from Cookie's bed. They had Alice in the other room. He went out and put that cover over Cookie's body. That sheet settled silver in the moonlight just like Boss said. But just as quick it grew a dark red stain.


	24. Chapter 24

Roar Like a Lion 24

"Alright children, you can go outside for fifteen minutes. Remember to stay close to the building and don't go near the ridge," Bella said the last Saturday afternoon in November. She'd been holding Saturday school to make up for lost time, but some of them were years without formal learning.

Some of them didn't want to go outside. That very morning the library lady had showed up with a pack horse carrying two large sacks of books. This lady was one of those hired by the government to bring books by horseback to the people who lived in the Kentucky mountains. She was a fearless character named Miss Irina Cumins, and she wouldn't come through for another two weeks and then she'd have more offerings, all the books she'd collect and exchange on her route.

"If Santa Claus were a woman," Bella told Irina giving her a hug before that one set out to the cabins below.

Out of those two packs the children had been allowed to pick books that would open other worlds…the Dakota prairie where a girl and her family carved out a life, a Catholic boarding school in France where a child had a belly ache, the London sky where a nanny flew with an open umbrella. Granted some of them picked books they could never hope to figure out beyond the pictures, but the pictures were equally treasured and all twelve of them, the troublesome Cope twins included, had been captivated by those books. And for herself Bella had procured an Agatha Christie mystery. She could finally give Edward his copy of Call of the Wild. She could read this at night for a few minutes before falling into exhausted sleep.

It was the most exciting thing to happen since she'd learned of the Christmas dance that Emmett assured Bella Edward would be home for. She was presently so mad at Emmett for sending Edward off and keeping him there she could barely be civil. She had finally said, "How would you feel toward me if I had the power to send Rose away from you?"

Well he'd spluttered and stammered, and Rose had laughed a little, the first sound close to a laugh to come out of her since she'd had the baby blues and now the grief for Cookie.

Oh Emmett assured Bella that Edward was needed in Five and he'd only sent him so he'd drive the others to finish on time. He was grooming Edward to rise in the company, but she wasn't to tell. That had coddled her some, but she wanted Edward to come home. Everyone who had gone to Five had returned now, even James.

So reluctantly the scholars closed their books and filed out. She had just bent over the list she was making of supplies they needed. The superintendent was making rounds next week and bringing many of the things that would really make this a place offering education close to what was offered by the brick school in town. They were sending some used textbooks for her to teach from, paper and pencils, and they already had books the parents donated, and that was eight books that wouldn't normally be found in a schoolroom. But she did have a blackboard at least, with a box of chalk so she was able to write the vowel and consonant sounds and the board was a God-send for Arithmetic.

She heard a heavy tread on the steps and the door darkened and a man filled the doorway, hat in hand, stepping in, smiling sheepish and before he even spoke her heart sped up.

"Miss Bella," he said.

She stood and rounded the desk. "Edward!" A month. A whole month. She ran to him and leapt up putting her arms around his neck. He smelled like the pines and the wood and the fresh break of it where the sap ran in its green heart. And she didn't ever want to let go and be anyplace but here, her nose scrunched where his neck met his shoulder. His arms tight on her, her hand touching his hair so long and this glee and safe feeling only he inspired. Lord she loved him, and tears…just tears of joy that drove it out…the sad.

He was real. He was real. "No barber in Five?" she teased, her voice so full, but she did not change position nor did he.

He tightened his hold even more. "Let's get married. Send these pups home and we'll go down right now."

"Right now?" she said, and she did not lift. He meant this. "What will we tell them?"

"Nothin'. We don't owe…nothin'…."

"Oh Edward," her hand stroked his neck, then she opened her eyes and there were the scholars looking in the door, the little girls with hands over their mouths.

She pushed off of him then and he lowered her red shoes to the floor. She pulled back and he turned and saw them. Bella cleared her throat and said, "This is Mr. Edward, students. You all go on and play. You have five minutes."

"Teacher's got a sweetheart," one of the bigger boys said and others ran off and they took it up, that chant.

Edward shook his head and made a sound in his throat that about explained his opinion of children she guessed, but he was laughing some and he pulled her to him and kissed her lips and she swayed against him trying to catch up.

Reluctant, she stepped back to the desk and he followed her and stood beside her, just one long finger stroking her arm, her sweater new and thin and it wired her to feel his touch. He held that Fedora…and she loved his hands…she had missed him terribly.

"So what do you say, Bella?"

She blew a breath and laughed some. "I say I can't just run off right now." But she could. She knew she could if he pushed just a bit. Just his stare. "You are not resistable," she laughed. Handsome and the force of his presence…it was nearly impossible not to throw herself against him again.

"Boss don't know I'm back yet," he said. "I've got one of the trucks with a load on it for Jasper."

"We call him Cookie now," she said, glad to step off on another topic while her mind spun things around.

"Well…not me," he laughed. "I'm gonna take that down and unload then I'll be back. What you need?"

"Edward…are you serious?" She knew he was. His eyes…he had never joked about this…about them.

"I've waited long as I can stand," he said.

"Alice…."

She had been staying with Alice for the past month, helped out through the Thanksgiving service and others. They had pulled Cookie's cabin off of Alice's and put it by the cookhouse for Jasper's promotion to head cook. So it had been her and Alice for three weeks, but this last one it was more Alice Faye and Jasper. Bella had felt the shift. Jasper had the sweetest way with Alice. No matter how tense it got in the kitchen, how badly his foot ached, he always had a funny story or a song. And he'd sit on a chair and jig his good foot. He sang to Alice, and more than once Bella walked in the kitchen and Jasper Whitlock had his arms around Miss Alice Faye.

Alice knew he'd been wild, and in some ways was wild still, but with Cookie dying, Jasper stepped up, in the kitchen and for Alice. A man was in there…pushing through.

Yet Bella had not moved in to her empty cabin, scrubbed and readied by Edward Cullen, new mattress included. But she thought about it, Lord she did, at night…him and her married. Then Boss had sent him right to Five just like he'd threatened. Edward had gone there angry but Boss wouldn't change it. And she had tried to keep her mind on her work, but she thought about Edward every minute.

It was known around here she held out for him. That didn't mean it was respected. But it was known.

"You never said," Edward told her, both of them knowing the most important decision of their lives was hanging between like the suspension bridge over Plum River.

She knew she and Edward needed to marry, and they would very soon, but today?

He looked around the room, that same strange smile. He was twirling his hat as he walked there. "Well damn there's already carving on this desk," he said, the smile leaving.

"I saw," she said. "I've told his father."

He touched the name, 'Cope,' carved there. "Guess I won't have to whoop him then," he smirked.

"Edward," she rebuked.

He grinned and walked toward her now. "So you going with me…or I need to find another girl to marry?"

"Edward…," she said breathless now.

""I'll pick you up right here."

"Can't you take me back to the camp so I can pack a bag?" Her voice had risen a notch. Were they doing this?

"I'll get Alice Faye to pack one."

"But I should tell her myself…she needs me."

"Jasper will be there. Bella…I'll be here when school's out. Three o'clock?"

She couldn't speak of a sudden. How was she going to teach until then? She was already thinking of why she couldn't…they shouldn't…and she was already letting it go.

And here she thought he wouldn't be home until next week and then he'd ask her to the dance…and that's all she'd been thinking.

"Alright, then," she said and she smiled. "You…always surprise me."

He walked to her, tipped her chin up and kissed her sweetly and the students, 'ummed,' cause they were peeking in every space possible.

"I'll be on time," he said.

"I'll…be right here…Edward."

He walked out then, the students filing in, the girls shy now, and he turned to her in the door and waved his hat.

Her lips trembled, her hands shook. She wanted him. But marriage…it scared her to death. But she waved then, and the students were rowdy and talking for a whole minute before she roused and heard. "Quiet," she said loud. Then she had to turn to the blackboard to hide her smile. She was marrying Edward.


	25. Chapter 25

Roar Like a Lion 25

He shouldn't of said it. He'd pulled up to the kitchen and Jasper and those others came out, Alice Faye too and he'd said the howdy's and they'd got to unloading the truck, and he'd stayed behind for the hog butchering in Five and brought them a share like he was told. So that's what kept him longer than the others, and now what do you think, he'd asked for Alice to pack Bella a bag they were going down to town to get married. They would spend the night there, this being Saturday and they had the boarding house right there, and that's when Alice Faye rose out of the grave and took over…everything.

Next he knew he was saying maybe to things when his gut was screaming at him to get in the truck, go for the girl and drive on out of there.

But no, he got stuck listening and that one…Jasper too, they could pull Bella's cabin up by the school and he and Bella could live there, and it would be private and all, handy to the school for Bella and away from some of these around here, and on that Alice went, the preacher would be there in the morning and he lived yonder and him and Bella could go on there to his house and he could hitch them, then her and Rose could fix the cabin and have supper waiting, and don't go off, don't do it, and Lord cause him and her had to be back for work on Monday so…it didn't hardly make sense, they could get them a wedding night right there….

Next Edward knew Boss and Jasper and some others from the kitchen were helping him put the chains on that cabin to move it off, and soon as he got the straw foundation pulled away, before they moved it even, they found the bundles there, empty, except for that one bottle of Jack Daniels and two packs of Camels.

"Well by damn," Emmett said, cause he was the one there with Edward at that corner.

And Emmett looked at him.

"Don't even…," he said to Boss.

"You ain't seen this?"

"Not since they had it for sale in the commissary," Edward said. "Guess you need to boot me right here you think I'm a thief."

"Calm down. What if I didn't ask?"

Edward didn't say he'd have one less reason to hate Boss's guts…but he didn't hate him much as he tried to, and he had to ask, but it made him mad. All this time storing loot under Bella's house.

"You think Black knew?" Edward said.

Boss didn't say and Edward hated how he did that, just ignored him like he was a gnat buzzing.

Boss straightened and Jasper yelled from the truck, "You ready or not? I want to render that lard."

Emmett ignored that. "Say nothing for now. We try to pin this where it belongs…he'll deny, I'll fire him, and he'll show revenge. We gotta make this stick we go for it."

"He's gonna know we found this he sees this cabin moved."

"We ain't moving it. Say it was too weak in that corner. Tell him his work is shit. Don't let on you know. I got a plan."

Boss went to tell the others they weren't moving the cabin. "Get that foundation back like it was," he told Edward over his shoulder. He was Massa again.

Well shit did anyone remember Edward just happened to want to get married? He started to ram those sour dusty bales back where they were before this and he was already muddy and filthy. That hay got stubborn he kicked it in place. Jasper and his boys drove back to the kitchen and that pork. Boss came and lent a hand, and they did not speak until the job was done and the cabin was fixed pretty much like before.

Boss had out a bandana and he was wiping his hands. "Lot makes sense now."

"I ain't gonna look the other way he comes around," Edward said, "not with Bella here. He's that peeper I saw that night. He's been stashing his crap here…."

"Like as not this goes on, he gambles…I need to shut down their poker and their drinking goes on all week and don't think I won't," Boss said as much to himself it seemed.

Boss looked at Edward. "We'll catch him red-handed. It's like shootin' groundhogs. Just a wait. He's been running this camp a long time. Lots of them…buying from him. You watch. I'll watch. He'll show us."

"I catch him here that's enough," Edward said.

"Make sure he's digging in his stash. Let him do it again."

"My guess is he's got more than this place."

"No doubt," Boss said. Then he clapped Edward on the shoulder. "You say something about getting hitched?"

"Yeah," Edward said. "Oh shit yeah," more lively. "What time is it?"

He had fifteen minutes.

"Can I take your truck then?"

"I'll leave the keys," Boss said more sanguine than ever. Edward figured he'd do about anything for Bella.

Edward ran to the bunkhouse to try and get a shower from the spigot. He was in there washing furious, everything, everywhere cause he planned on using all of it tonight, thank God.

Then back to his bunk to get into those clean pants and that newer shirt with the brand new ring placed carefully in the pocket. He packed it up then. He was done looking out that window, lying lonely and frustrated not able to reach Bella Black. She'd be Cullen now. She'd be his. He crammed his knapsack full and grabbed what didn't fit and he took it out. He crossed to their cabin…their cabin, and went in and dumped his stuff in the corner where James branded himself thief, as good as a signed confession. He was here now, Edward was, and it was a damn new day.

"Edward Cullen," Alice Faye called and the door banged open. Well he was tucking his shirt cause he hadn't finished dressing like he should, and he did up his pants and his belt facing the wall and her behind him. "You all go to the preacher's and we'll have this place fixed nice for your wedding night time you get back, supper and all."

He told himself to be strong as he turned to face her. "Alice Faye, I got five minutes to get up there for she changes her mind." He smoothed his hair back and plunked on his hat and turned this way and that for his coat.

"Listen to me, Edward…I got to say something…let me and Rose do this for you all. You don't know what that girl means to us."

He was pretty well speechless on that. Why did he have to think on them at all? He was the one pledging his life and undying love. He was the one…'til sickness and death.

"I know…I know," she went on like he'd said all that aloud. "But she's had so little and a boarding house…well it ain't nothing like what we can do. And…there hasn't been anything so happy…in a long time. Not since the baby, but…."

That wasn't bad enough here came Rose stepping in behind Alice holding the baby bundled up. She stepped in, came closer than Alice even, like she was approaching the unjust judge from scripture, pleading for her child's life.

Edward hardly recognized her though. She was a little thing, had lost weight, too much probably, the bones in her face sharp, her still pretty but she'd been suffering even he could see it.

"I wanted to tell you, Edward, Alice and I love Bella. If it wasn't for her…I don't think I could have made it…," she started crying in earnest and he heard that school bell ringing up the ridge. He got closer to the door and Rose choked out, "Wait."

And he did, that baby looking at him, and Boss's image all over that child.

"It's just…Bella's had it so hard…you don't know…you got to be gentle with her…very gentle," and Rose was crying in earnest now, just sobbing there.

Alice had tears as well and her arms were around Rosie and she was pulling her and the baby outside now and she said to Edward over her shoulder, "Ask Bella what she wants. If you go on to town, we'll ready this place for when you get back. If she wants her wedding night here, we'll get on it. Just…ask Bella and let us know."

He got the hell out of there then and went around the driver's side and Boss left those keys like he'd promised. He could see Alice leading Rose home. Damn he was not going to worry about those two, let Boss and Jasper do that. So he got in the truck and went slow and careful with the children coming down from school. Those Cope boys saw him and they started that chant about him and Bella and he groaned some and hit the steering wheel heel of his hand cause he'd forgot to tell those women…everybody who knew already to keep it quiet about the wedding. He didn't want it all over until folks just figured it out cause…no telling this bunch of…crazies.

She was coming toward him walking, red shoes, blue coat, knit hat and scarf, mittens bulging her pocket, and he stopped and said, "Hello Beautiful," at a whisper, knowing she couldn't hear, but if he didn't marry her before the sun went down he was going to jump off the swinging bridge.

He leaned for the door and she looked some worried, but she smiled at him. "I didn't know…," she said trailing off.

"I…got caught back there." Then he told her what Alice and Rose said, about going to town or staying in her cabin tonight and what they wanted to do.

To his amazement she said really quick, "Let's come back here. I have so much to do for Monday morning, Edward, it will feel less rushed if we don't have to do so much traveling. I mean…if we had the time…but we don't."

Well he couldn't believe it. "You sure?" he said.

She was.

Then she got more worried. "Are you disappointed? We can go on down if your heart is set…."

"No…not set…just as long as we can get married soon as possible."

He said no more about it, irritated more than he could understand. Well he did understand it if he thought about it. Finding out about James. That low down…. No, he best not think about it now. This was his wedding day, damn it.

So he turned the truck around and went back to camp and drove back to the kitchen and Bella got out to tell them they would be back and do the talking womenfolk did that he never understood for how fast and endless.

She came back glowing some and so happy he couldn't begrudge. So they drove up the ridge and turned onto the main road and he didn't have to tell her to get over there by him. She knew that now and she put her big satchel on the floor and kicked off her shoes and scooted over by him and her legs were curled on the seat and she put her hand on his and pressed her side against his, and she smiled at him, and he smiled at her and started to feel some hope for himself after all.

And she kept looking at him, and he let her some but he had to look back a time or two. And she turned toward him some and had the hand nearest him on his thigh there, and the other she took off his hand that worked the shifter and she put it on his jaw and he looked at her quick but he had to watch the road cause it was like a rabbit mapped it out, but he was aware of those hands, Lord he was, and she took to stroking his cheek, then his neck, and the other hand on his leg moving some and she better watch that one, and finally his hand left the shifter and took her traveling throat stroking hand and put it back there cause he was about to pull this truck over. Bad enough…good enough she was touching his leg there, but two hands going, they were going to end up in the ditch. And wouldn't you know it he missed the turn, a dip and a holler Alice had written on a paper Bella held. Well who the hell knew what dip, what holler, but they finally figured it as the sun was dropping, and they got to that cabin and there was smoke rising from the chimney so it looked like preacher was home.

Edward shut down that truck and gathered Bella in his arms and kissed her with as much promise as a man could give a woman that he would bed her soon. He just hoped she was ready for of a sudden Rose's words were in his head.

"Let's go," she said tying her shoes quick, and he could see she was the one now, him suddenly jittery, not as sure he hadn't forced this.

"You want to?" he asked. "If you got the least regret…."

She scooted from him and looking at him the whole time she got out, then through the window, still looking at him and grinning.

He got out then and they met each halfway and he hugged her then and she took his hand and they ran to the porch and knocked on the door and preacher was home his Missus said, and she already knew what they wanted, had seen them spooning from the window and he'd gone to change his shirt.

It was no time they were standing in front of the hearth repeating their vows. Edward tried to listen, but he got so nervous and Bella got calmer it seemed, and that steadied him, and the preacher married them and said, "Now you chose one another and ever'day from here on you keep choosing one another. First thing in the morning you say it again. "Good morning darling. I choose you."

Edward thought he agreed he'd do that everyday from here on, but he couldn't be sure such a relief hit that they were man and wife. He kissed her polite with those two old ones looking on, but as soon as they were back in the truck, just that soon, he gave her another kiss and it was real and intense, and she was pulling him into herself as she returned the affection. He lifted his head and he said solid, "I'm pretty glad we don't have far to go."

"Me too," she answered. "Now get on it."

He laughed for a while at that. And there was not a soul living he would trade places with.


	26. Chapter 26

Roar Like a Lion 26

She was married. They bounced along in the truck and something had awakened in her, a knowledge she didn't have to hold back anymore. Never in her life had she been free to let go. And now she couldn't wait to.

So headed toward home they went. And she let her hands roam on Edward some but she knew it wasn't fair to him driving that beast in the dark. So by the time they entered camp, he was driving like he did that night with Jasper's toes nearly cut off. He had purpose.

They saw their cabin lit soft and he pulled beside and he said, "Stay put," and he got out and walked around, but he went in back of the cabin first, real quick, and walked to the far corner and looked, and she ran back to the outhouse and used it in the dark. Then she came out and he was on his way and he said, "Don't go in the house without me," and she didn't, she waited while he did his business and he came and scooped her up right there like she was nothing, and she had her arms around his neck and he walked her to the cabin's front door and on it there were some greens tied with a ribbon, and she whispered, "Look at that," and she was the hands as his were full of her and she worked the latch and in they went and it was warm and he kicked the door closed behind them but he did not set her down right off but held her while they looked around.

"We got the right cabin?" he whispered, and she laughed and he set her down slow.

The table was covered with a pink cloth and she went there and lifted it, peeked beneath and turned to him smiling, "Look here."

And he said, "Pull it off," meaning the cloth, but they both knew his words were potent about now cause hungry as he was he wanted her and she was agreeable.

So she pretended he meant her and she dropped the pink over those pork chops and turned a little and untied her scarf and unbuttoned her coat and he got stuck watching it seemed, and almost shy, almost, or just touched, or eager. It was like he'd told her to peel and she knew she wasn't first for him, but she was not some girl and him drunk, she was his forever, his wife.

So here it was, and she went to the hooks on the wall by the door and she hung her coat and put her knitted things in the basket there and turned to him and went to him and took his hat and she reached to sort his hair and he bent submissively and she smiled to think how he yielded, in that act she knew he always would, and she felt powerful then.

Once she'd smoothed his thick hair she went behind him and pulled his coat down his arms and she hung this too. And while she was there she toed off her red shoes. "Go on and sit in that chair," she told him, and he did. She went to him and motioned he should lift his boot and she pulled it off, then the other. She felt the heat coming out of them as she set them beside hers at the door.

"Now what?" he said and in just those two words she heard it all, the hope, the patience.

And the bed was just thick with covers and pillows and looked like a feather tick on top of the mattress it was so puffy. And on it, rose colored and silk, the most beautiful gown she'd ever seen in her life.

She went there and "Edward," she said softly turning and holding it up, that gown that weighed nothing. He looked like she held the key to life, his eyes were so big and him so serious.

"Put it on," he said.

"You go on and start eating and I'll…," she said.

So he turned and started to fill his plate, and she made quick work on the buttons down the front of her dress and she took off her slip and then her brazier, but kept her white underpants on for now cause it just seemed crude to eat dinner without them, then she slipped that cool thin silk over her head and it hit her mid-calf. She shyly padded to the table, glad the floor was so clean against her bare feet.

He'd speared a pork chop and was bringing that to his plate and he eyed her as she slid into her seat and her hair was over her breasts, but that's right where his eyes went and his hand seemed to shake a bit as he tried to get that chop clear of his fork and he struggled some.

"Here," she whispered, reaching over with her knife and fork and cutting his meat.

He sat back in his chair and sighed, his eyes on her the whole time and her trying to cut that slab of hog, and of a sudden she looked up at him, and dinner didn't matter at all, and it was fluid then, the way she dropped that knife and fork and he got out of his chair and scooped her up and carried her with quick strong steps to the bed and laid her down soft. Then he stood, looking down on her and started to undress, first slow and civilized, then about ripping off his shirt and undershirt, and once that was off and all his skin and glory and that trail of hair led right down, and muscles rippling and eyes burning, he pulled off his pants and left on his shorts, and he was slow again moving in, moving next to her, and she kicked up under the covers and he was in too, and he looked into her eyes and then he watched his hand stroke down her arm to her hand and he took her hand and placed it against his chest, right over his heart, and she left it there for a minute, but this was for him, and she let her arm drop so he could touch her and see her, and he rubbed over that gown, first slow and soft, over all of her curves and differences from him, from any other and he did not have to say she was beautiful, though he did, he whispered it three times, for his hands told her that…beautiful.

So she sat up and gathered the gown in her hands and pulled it up and off, and she pulled off her underpants and kicked them off somewhere under the covers, and her hair was undone around her but she moved this over her shoulders and she laid back slow, and his lips were pursed and he was grave and he looked her up and down, and his hand followed his eyes very soon, and beside her like that he was striking and what she knew and felt could not be calculated in a familiar way for she had not known this before.

He moved and took off his last piece of modesty, and they were together at last, his skin on hers and no shame at all, first time for her, no shame. She was proud of herself, wanted to give him all he seemed to want so completely.

His hand moved to her softness, her womanly places, over her breasts and she brought his head there, his seeking mouth and she lifted her shoulder and his wet tongue over her and him sitting back to see the effect and back on, first one, then another and she was floating in that bed like it was on Plum River and she was in a daze.

And then his mouth dragging down her center and his hand against her private place, and she tried not to steal herself for pain, but it wasn't like that at all, her hand tense on his arm and he whispered, "This?" And she nodded he should go on, she didn't want words, just to feel, to know she could go here with him, give herself and he touched her private place so gently and she felt the small of her back lower to the bed and had not known she'd risen with fear.

But fear was soon gone and his warm mouth on hers and she was open everywhere now and he did coax her to be with his slow sweet love.

And sounds, Lord, she hoped these walls could hold them. He smiled at her, and he was touching her and she lifted again, but not for fear, she lifted for she was ready to come right out of her skin and his hand moved on her, and he was inside her and she was free to go where he led, and she grabbed onto his private place and it was hard and soft and she stroked him and cupped him lower and he said her name and then she called his for she went to pieces and her body fired all out and she rose to heaven it felt like and he was everywhere and with her and taking her there.

When she landed back in the room on that pink fluffy bed, he moved over her and he was ready to enter her and she wanted it, wanted him, and to seal the deal they'd made. She had her legs so open, and he came in some and he was giving her all, and he went in more and groaned and she had never been fulfilled like this, and tears burned in her eyes, and she lifted her head and kissed him, and he returned and her head lowered and her hands on his face, and he came in more and harder and she lifted her hips some so he could know her and go so deep, and he was ragged now, his mouth slack, his eyes dazed, and looking on her face, and it was building in her again, just knowing how he felt, and she lifted as she came and he cried out, "Bella," and she told him how she loved him, not inspired so much, just the words, "I love you Edward…I love you. I love you."

And he collapsed on her and she loved his weight on her, the heavy exhaustion in him, the strength in her now, and he rolled them and she did not want him to be out of her yet so she moved with him, but he slipped out and she threw her leg over him and they were as close as they could be and he held her.

"Oh my God," he said, and his chest pumped deep and slow and he was damp and they were wet where they had joined. "Oh my God," he said once more, and she let herself drift on this bed of love.

Sometime later she woke and he was at the table wearing his pants and eating and she smiled lazy…loggers and their food…and drifted back. He'd covered her and she was so warm under all the layers.

And then the door burst open. And they were around him, so many of them, and some looked over and grinned, and she was yelling Edward's name and other things, but she was naked under the covers, and he fought and it took all six and they had him dragged out before she could register they'd been in. She was in the bed, and she heard yelling out front, and she got up, three covers dragging and tripping her and she went to the window and they had wrestled him into the back of a truck, and they got in with him and off it drove. James and some of them, she knew them all, liquored up, reckless.

They'd been shivareed.


	27. Chapter 27

Roar Like a Lion 27

Edward was so mad his body could scarce hold it. They sat on him in the bed of the truck, there was grit and it drilled his back with all the jarring. He knew they took him to the bridge. He knew this was no hilarity without something dark behind it.

James drove. So they were pouring liquor down his throat all the way, it in his eyes and burning. Damn he'd kill them. Tonight if possible. And he got in a punch or two, a kick or two. But he was through wasting his energy. It was not for anything against him first, he would fight like hell come time. It was for barging in to his cabin with his wife abed, and her not dressed. That alone.

So he waited and resisted as much of the alcohol as possible. He did tell Laurent, "You'll be sitting on that bottle I get loose."

They cackled and roared.

Time they got to the bridge they dragged Edward off and they fought him down, facedown and pulled his belt and used it to tie his hands behind his back, and it took all of them to do it, James giving the orders. Edward was aware of their every move, every look and word. James was not drunk like the rest. Not at all, he figured.

So now the fun would begin. They got Edward up, and they dragged him some and he fought to get on his feet, glad they didn't tie them, too. So he was stumbling there, more of the burning shine in him than he knew.

He only wore his pants, and them not buttoned even. James said, "Now why is it a married man never has his pants buttoned?" And they laughed some.

Then it came, to Edward's belly, a fist. He'd hardened some, but took more of it than he should of and the air rushed. "You McCarty's little bitch boy," James said.

This was no merriment. He knew that. James yanked his head up by the hair.

"You think I don't know what you been up to? We been runnin' under McCarty's nose for years. He don't care about nothing but deadlines and his wife's big tits." This next was to Edward's face, his jaw.

James hopped around and shook his fist and said, "Damn," laughing and the others.

He turned back to Edward. "We just makin' sure you understand how it is around here. Hate to have to dump you in the river…you new married and all."

James stared at him for a minute. "Got some of her, didn't you? Bet she's sweet. I had some of her too," and he sniffed his hand.

Edward hated James like he'd hated Teacher. And that was a load. He stayed quiet and stared.

"You gonna run to Boss soon as we cut you loose," James said, the smile gone now. He nodded and they dragged Edward toward the bridge. Edward struggled some, but it did no good.

The bridge moved under their feet and the river below moved swift. "Get him on the ropes," James said, and they bent Edward back painfully. He struggled but that only made them more reckless. They gripped him hard but there was little concern for whether or not he dropped and he knew it.

They were laughing and cursing and Laurent asked if they were going to do it and James said, "Shit, do it."

And Edward got thrown then, shoved over, ropes ripping skin, back on fire and him dropping then and that cold slap making his head explode and the rapid plunge, deep there, and down…down and no air.

Dull and slow the kick up, face up, moving up. He kicked, hands bound so tight and he kicked up some and then more, like his brain was froze or slow, and he broke free and he had no idea where he was now.

He was carried and he went under a time or two, but back up and coughing and he told himself not to panic, just like when he'd fallen in at Five, and he rolled to his back and got his long legs through his long arms so his hands were bound in front at least, and like a gift one of the logs, maybe one he'd put in upriver himself was there, probably stuck all this time and free now and he got ahold of it and that was the god-send, and he hung on and it took him down then like a raft it saved him, and he tried to steer it and there was a snag ahead, some logs stuck in the rocks and he did his best to move them toward that damn there on the side and it was close but he missed, the log spun some where it hit but it straightened and kept going. It was pitch and trees loomed on the shore and a deer lifted its head and Edward rushed past and they went on a ways, then rocks ahead and that log rammed in to a space between two boulders and it caught this time but it wasn't solid and was getting ready to break free again so he got beside it and his hands on those rocks, holding there, that water pushing against him and he rested against that cold slick hunk of earth hard against this push and he heaved and lost that liquor and pork and kept breathing and him freezing and terrible shaking and his raft washed free and on it went and he was safe almost and he picked his way to the shallows.

He climbed out some time when he could and his legs so weak he fell a time or two, and he started to walk then, back to the bridge, and he was so beat up and cold he had to keep moving, but his brain was foggy and he was slow and awkward.

He'd drifted over a mile easy, endless walking in his bare feet, his britches dragging and him pulling them up and working that first button on his waistband with his fingers so thick feeling. So he went on, dragged on and time slugged on, but as he neared that bridge he'd been watching the lights there and one of the cook's helpers came on him walking there and then, "I found him. I got him."

And the lights moving on the bridge as they yelled one to another, "He's here."

But it was McCarty came looking once they entered the bridge and hurrying toward him, his eyes dropping to Edward's hands still tied. McCarty had his knife out and sawed that tight leather and it broke apart and fell and Edward rubbed his wrists and followed McCarty's lead off that bridge and to his great surprise James was there. He charged around Boss, and all of James' crew with him he'd take them all now.

"Oh thank God," they were saying. They hadn't meant to drop him, not at all they hadn't.

But he went blind for James and someone stopped him, arms like iron on his and he bucked. "Slow down," Boss barked out.

And Edward stilled but rage…just rage.

"You are beat to shit," McCarty said coming around Edward, his hand on Edward's chest. Boss peeled off his coat and gave it to Edward and Edward made no move so Boss took and threw it over Edward's sore shoulders and Edward stood there glaring at James, asking himself if he could kill him and the yes so strong.

McCarty spun Edward around and took him aside and spoke close to Edward's face, "Look at me. What you want to do?"

"Kill."

McCarty nodded. "That's what we'll do."

He pushed away from Edward and walked toward James and the others. "Get your asses home now. Morning comes we'll see about this."

Remarks went out like Edward had that teacher to make it all better, and Edward was glaring at Boss, wondering how he was such a coward and he hadn't seen it before.

When those others left Jasper came out of the dark for he'd been stumping far down the river calling Edward until his voice was raked like gravel. He said, "You look like hell. You tell me how we're getting them back. I know I been busy…should have been around more…."

"On my wedding night?" Edward put in. "No thanks."

"Well…me and those cookie boys will be glad to help." He grabbed Edward's arm but there was a cut.

Edward said, "Watch it." He added, "One of your cookies rats to them." That could mean he was a thief.

"I'll be looking," Jasper said. "You alright?"

Edward shrugged. "I will be soon as James is dead."

Jasper studied him some. "You want to do it right," he said, and Edward felt his worry.

"I will," Edward promised.

"You need me. Don't go alone, hear?"

Edward nodded, but he would not call on his friend. This was his.

Shortly after that McCarty drove him home. Edward let it out then. He told Boss what he thought about him…and his mother.

"Calm down."

"You calm the hell down, Boss. You gone in the son a bitchin' river lately with your hands bound, pitch dark, deep as hell, current strong for over a mile and on your wedding night!"

It was quiet and Boss burst out a laugh. Just a short burst but it didn't help Edward's mood.

Boss cleared his throat then. "That ain't nothing but wrong."

"Oh shut up," he told Boss and he'd take what came. He didn't care anymore, the coward.

"Listen up. Only choice we got is to kill him," McCarty said looking quick at Edward and back at the road. He wasn't laughing now.

Edward sat back a little. Boss fired James he'd come back on the camp. They were a tinderbox with all this cordwood sitting around ready to light them up like a funeral pyre set to burn. That was why the schoolhouse was built on the ridge, to give the children a chance to escape in the event of fire. And yet that's the first thing in the camp that was burned to the ground.

"I let them single men run," Emmett said. "I figured long as they turned out the quota…and they did. But there's more to it and I was wild myself. But now I got a child…I see different. Truth is…we have to kill him. I ain't gonna risk my family, or this camp, or all the work went into that clear cut."

"James thought he killed me tonight. He was only there to make sure I wasn't alive. One of them of found me…I probably wouldn't be."

"I didn't let them search. I stayed put and watched them myself," McCarty said.

Well that didn't square nothing. "You know…I just learned to swim at Five. We sent those logs in and they was teaching me to roll and I fell in. I picked it up…that or drown."

Boss laughed then. "Well all things…."

Then Edward ignored that and asked, "How we gonna do it?"

"You're asking me about a man's life," Emmett said, his smile dark.

"He made it this. He did," Edward said.

McCarty nodded. "You leave that to me. Kind of work we do…won't be hard at all. But when I do it…make sure you know what it is."

"I'll do it," Edward said.

"No. I'm Boss around here. And you and me…we won't speak on it. You know now…I know. Next thing…it will happen. And we will be innocent. We will not say."

Edward looked out his window then. He'd see.


	28. Chapter 28

Roar Like a Lion 28

As soon as James and the others took Edward off Bella dressed frantically and in her barefeet she was out the door for the McCarty's cabin.

She got there and beat on Emmett's door. "Emmett…Emmett open up."

He was already up and she'd wakened the baby and she was sorry to Rose. "They've taken him. They've taken Edward."

Emmett had told her to calm, he'd see, he'd see, and he was in longjohns and he ran around and dressed quick.

She was yelling the particulars, who was in the group, how they'd grabbed Edward from the table. "From our table," she yelled.

Emmett said a few words, mostly questions and he told her not to worry it was just fun probably. It got rough, but just them liquored up.

"No," she said, "Oh no." She did not buy it or believe it at all. "It was not in fun, not a bit," she said.

Rose wanted Bella to stay but she couldn't sit still while they had Edward. So McCarty was starting his truck but she was running the distance to Jasper's.

She beat on Jasper's door and roused him. He was pulling on his britches, and Alice Faye there too, much to Bella's surprise. Alice was pulling Bella inside. Jasper said he'd get the cookies and they'd find Edward, not to worry he was shivareed is all, but he did not sound convinced.

"Where you goin'?" Alice called as Bella started to run toward home.

But Bella stopped sudden and walked back to her friend. "You got Cookie's shotgun?" she panted.

It was harsh to bring it up, that gun Cookie used to kill himself with, brutal is what.

"What you want with that?" Alice asked.

"I had six men break in my house and take my husband, and me naked in the bed. What do you think I want with it?"

Alice stared at her. "It's here. Jasper took it so I didn't have to see it no more."

They stared again and Alice said, "You know how to use a gun like that?"

Bella shook her head and Alice sighed.

"Come on…I'll show you."

She led Bella in and she got the gun from beneath Jasper's bed and the shells and it was a heavy gun and she showed Bella and it was simple. Well, if a man could do it…Bella thought angrily playing the image of Edward carried off in that truck and them howling with glee.

"Bella," Alice said before letting her stalk off carrying that heavy gun, "you are the teacher here. If…if we become like them then…what are we showing the children?"

She knew Alice was angry at Cookie these days, threatening some days to dig him up and shoot him again for taking the coward's way.

Bella said, "I have to defend us. If they bring him back and he's hurt…or if they don't bring him back at all…the children and the example…I won't show them a woman rolling over like we always do," she told Alice.

Alice gulped audibly and nodded. Well, Bella knew she was angry, too. But she thought of Abigail then, and the courage in that story that moved her. She needed that now…a backbone.

She walked home, the cracked and loaded gun on one arm, the box of shells in the other, but she stopped and turned and yelled, "Thank you very kindly for our cabin fixed so sweet."

"You're welcome," Alice yelled back and waved.

Once Bella was back home she waited by the window, each minute an hour and the camp was so quiet and a wintry fog settled on them and she paced and watched. She prayed silent for Edward, that God would keep him. She did not feel God frowning over the shotgun at all. It was a sling in her hands and she waited quiet for Goliath.

First truck stopped at the longhouse. She was quick on her feet across the cabin onto the chair to watch out the window there. Through that thick fog she saw enough it was James and those piling out of there, jumping off the back. Another truck went past and that was Jasper driving back to his cabin and the kitchen.

She took heart in that Jasper would have come straight here if something was wrong, but then he could think she was with Alice.

She jumped down, that heavy gun still with her and she went out the door on the stoop and she was listening for McCarty's truck to hit the ridge and drive into camp. Where was he? What was taking so long?

She couldn't wait. She went flying off that stoop and right for the longhouse and she slammed the barrel of that gun in place, and she held it on her shoulder like Alice said and she was blind with a rage…a rage. First off she'd fire into the cabin, straight in and they'd pour out and she'd call out James Whistler before them all. But she hadn't brought extra shells.

Only thing that stopped her was hearing it, that distant whine and the shift meant Emmett was turning in, and she stood there, breathing, holding that gun, breathing, and it came to her, the sound of that truck, it was taking the ridge now, and it was him and she turned toward it in the road, and the gun lowered now, and her arms about give out they shook so badly and the barrel pointed to the dirt she stood on and the truck ground loud and appeared out of the fog and McCarty hit the brakes and through the windshield she saw Edward, and he opened the door and he was out, beaten and scratched and bruised, she saw it right off, naked chest, McCarty's coat over him like a cape, and he came to her saying her name, worried like she'd been the one nearly run over…but not her…not this time.

He took the gun, and his arm around her and speaking to her, and McCarty there and wanting to know if she was hurt, if someone hurt her, but she kept her eyes on Edward, just him, and he handed off that gun to McCarty and picked her right up and she knew it hurt him, but he had her and was carrying her to the house and McCarty talking and Edward saying, "Go on. Go on."

And he carried her right in to the house and she was already saying, "No…no…," looking at his face and his hair still wet and him looking so beaten when it had been the night of their marriage and their love, her saying now, "I want my gun. Get my gun," and trying to get out of Edward's arms and him hissing and setting her down and her apologizing as she removed McCarty's coat and dropped it on the floor and looking him over and the bruises and scrapes and behind, his back scraped, and she was calling out how they would pay, they would pay and what was McCarty doing about it? Why were they free to be over there going to sleep? How could they do this? She was sick of it, sick of innocent people suffering at the hands of these kinds of sick bullies…she would kill them all as God was her witness she was going for that shotgun and she would kill everyone who'd put their hands on Edward.

Edward pulled her to the table and he sat on a chair and pulled her onto his leg and she sat there and he was telling her to still, it would be handled. It would be okay. She should never try something like that…she could have been hurt or killed firing that gun…she should never try something so reckless.

"How can you say that?" She was back up and dipping water and getting a clean rag and looking for what they could use for bandages, and someone was knocking and she grabbed the skillet and went to the door, the murderess they all thought she was anyway, but it was Jasper, and Alice and they had bandages and whiskey and a crock of salve, and Alice hugged Bella but Bella had no time for sentiment she knew it was the gun that brought them just as much as Edward's need. "McCarty took it," she said before Alice could ask.

They didn't hide their relief.

It was an hour before Edward was wrapped and in their bed. There was no spooning now, or love making at all. Alice and Jasper had left, all of them exhausted and those two with so much duty pressing all the time.

Bella sat beside the bed on a kitchen chair, her elbows on her knees and her staring at Edward's sleeping bruised, battered face and body. She felt such love and outrage over the story he'd told. She wondered where her faith was. She had meant to kill tonight. She might mean it still. There had been enough death and violence in this camp in her short time here, and she had meant to bring more. Not even the children were enough of a reason to settle things another way. Of course McCarty would go for the sheriff. Maybe he'd already left. Of course he would.

She'd said this to Edward and he had told her it would be handled, but he had not said how. And when she'd pushed he'd told her he was too weary to solve all of it tonight. So here they were, the flimsy lock on their door replaced by Jasper's tired efforts, and knowing should they want to come in again, or anytime she had only the skillet.

She did not fear them tonight. It was tomorrow and the day after…when they got to drinking again. Surely they didn't think McCarty, or Edward, or she would stand for this? Yet if they did this time, they were rolling over.

McCarty had to get the sheriff. He had to. Or she would steal a truck and go herself. She had driven that once. She could do it again. She would.

She was unable to sleep. She couldn't stop watching over Edward, making sure he was safe. It occurred to her this was Sunday morning and church was gathering. Oh, here was her faith then. She would not use a gun to have her say. She would speak out in the church, something women were never supposed to do as they listened and listened how to submit, how to hold their tongues, how to forgive. But she would talk now. Abigail.

So she cleaned herself up some and changed her blouse and fixed her hair and took one last look at Edward as he slept like the dead, and she kissed his battered cheek and she found her bible and clutched it under her arm and picked her way to church.

She was a little late as they were already singing. She went past the ogling back row of the single men who were not so hung-over they couldn't miss an opportunity to line back there and intimidate the women with their open staring. She couldn't have been more unaffected than she was. She went up the center isle and squeezed in at the end of the row and everyone arranged themselves along that row and as soon as the song ended and before another began she stood right up and said to the preacher, the same one that married she and Edward only hours before, she said, "Excuse me," rather loudly and he couldn't believe his ears, but he was a polite man, a good man, and he said, "Yes Sister?" Then he adjusted his glasses and said, "Oh yes," and he smiled a little though with trepidation for this was out of order.

"I wanted to say I am teacher here since my husband was murdered the night of the spelling bee. I didn't let that run me off because this camp needs a school. Now I'm remarried…just yesterday in fact…by you…and last night my husband was taken from our cabin by some of our single men…ruffians," she had to reign it in, "…and beaten and thrown in the river to die and it is not fine, it is not just one of those things might happen when men get to drinking. If the men of this camp won't rise up and do something to make this a place where folks can live and not die in their beds or be hauled off from their kitchen tables, then I say it's time we called in the army."

Then she sat down, her arms folded over her chest.

The preacher cleared his throat. "This is the Lord's house. We come today to worship Him. Now I done married Mrs. Bella and that young man last evening. But we need not bring our war in this house of God. It is unseemly what went on in this camp if what she says is true. We shall pray for this place where the devil is doing his work."

"I got the devil's name if you want it," Bella said. She could not stop herself. "It's James Whistler. Anybody wants to know what Satan looks like…it is him."

"Now…that's about all Ma'am. This is the Lord's house."

Bella could not stay still. She tapped her foot and sucked her tooth and looked at the ceiling, her head bobbing every which way. When the preacher started the singing, albeit it was not as hearty as the song before she'd spoken, but still, she had to get out of there. She bolted right up and went down the aisle, her back straight and heat in her face and she got to the back where the single men were, lined up like always, she stopped and glared at them. She did not see James there, nor his. She balled her fists and went out.

"Bella," Alice called behind her.

She stopped so Alice could approach. "Guess I made a fool out of myself," Bella said.

"Best preaching I ever heard in there," Alice said.

Alice took Bella's arm and she walked beside far as the kitchen. "Come in and get food to take home."

Bella did that. Alice filled two plates brimming and put newspaper over them then set them in a box and Bella carried this and her bible home.

When she got there she set the box on her hip and opened the door and went in. Edward woke up when he heard her.

He groaned as he sat up.

"Think your ribs are broke?" she asked.

"Just sore," he said, his voice raspy. "You go to church?"

She cleared her throat. "Well…I did." She knew he wouldn't approve of what she'd done.

"It smells good," he said, meaning the food. She was unwrapping it and found herself shy about looking at him.

"You want to come over here or should I bring it to the bed?" she asked.

"I want you to come over here," he said.

"Why?"

"Why you think? You don't want to kiss me now?"

She walked over and he patted the chair she'd left there and she lowered to the seat.

"What'd you do?" he asked soft.

She shook her head. "How…."

He shook his, "What'd you do?"

She got up and went to the table and got his food and a fork and she brought it to him. She sat and forked some eggs and he kept his hand on her leg, and looked at her as she carefully fed him through his swollen parted lips.

He chewed and swallowed and he said, "You slept at all?" He touched beneath her eye gentle.

She shook her head and held back tears as she fed him another bite.

"Put that down and get in here with me," he said.

She got up and put the plate on the chair and kicked off her shoes and she went around and careful of his stuff dumped that side of the bed on the floor, she crawled in the bed and he had his sore arm out and his sore side there, and she tried to push his arm away, but he held it there with its salve and bandages, and she sighed and laid her head on it, and she left space between them as she laid on her side and looked at him. "I told them at church…I said I was going for the army…if they couldn't be men…."

"What the hell you do that for?"

"I was mad. Look at you. Look what they did."

"Bella…I told you we'd handle it."

"What if they come at you on the mountain? They come in a group. You don't have a chance and McCarty…if he's not there…."

"You think I can't handle myself?"

"Not against six at a time."

"Bella…I quit fighting to protect you, not for myself. It was just me I would have torn this place up. I wanted to take them away from you. I quit fighting. Time I could they had the river to help them out."

"They tried to kill you."

"I'm aware. And it will be handled. You don't need to worry on it."

"I am not a child. They took you. You are my husband. They came into our home…our home…."

"I know. It won't go…unpunished."

"What are you going to do?" Now she was worried. "You can't handle it yourself you could get killed or go to jail."

"I'm telling you to leave it alone. I'll keep you safe. I'm sorry I didn't. They caught me off-guard. But they won't catch me that way again."

"Is McCarty going to bring the law? Or the army?"

"Well now you got the whole camp involved…I don't know."

"You think they won't know? It's all over the camp."

"McCarty will calm it all down. That's how it goes in the mountains of Kentucky in a logging camp, Sweetheart."

"Are you saying he'll kill James? Has he killed before? Did he kill Jacob? Is that what you're saying?"

"I don't know all that. But…Boss rules here. There's something about him. Something…you don't cross. Thing is…this camp ends in the spring and we move to Five to clear it. All the stacks here got to be loaded and sent on to the plants by then. Last thing can happen is fire. He has to think on all of it. I…wanted him to do something right away…but he don't work like that. He'll do what's best for the camp."

"Why can't James be arrested?"

"They'll say it was in fun. I lived. They'll get a slap. But it's more than that. James is tied to more than that. Boss knows. Just…trust him."

"I only trust you," she whispered.

"And you can," he said, his eyes so green, even in all the swell and bruising. He touched her face and she felt tears come. She'd been holding them in for hours.

"Go on and cry," he said. "Let it out now."

And that's what she did, her face buried against his bruised ribs. She cried and he stroked her hair and he called her his little Annie Oakley and he said they had each other. He said he loved her…the whole time in that river…she was with him…and he was never goin' down now he'd seen her in that nightie. And she fell asleep.


	29. Chapter 29

Thank you all.

Roar Like a Lion 29

His wife in the road…a shotgun…her hair…her face like…his wife…fragile…terrible… glorious…furious…standing in the fog. His wife. Holy shit…Bella.

For the rest of Sunday morning Edward answered the door, and folks came by after church, first the preacher, and Edward stood there and he was beaten some on his face and his hands but he was covered with his shirt so they did not see the rest and he met them there on the stoop and thanked them and they had so much now, food and gifts and he didn't know how to stop it, and she slept through some of it, but not all. She was awake sometimes and he said, "Sleep," and she did not argue. But less than an hour and she was beside him, in the coat he loved to see her wrapped in, but the patches under her eyes almost as blue.

McCarty had come to stand with them for they'd been knocking his door off its hinges, too, and no, no, they were not calling in the army, things were calm now. Shivaree, they knew how it was, how those boys could get. He didn't say much, McCarty didn't, just enough to let them have it, what they wanted to believe, that Boss still held the reins, that Boss still said what and how. So the three of them in front of the cabin and some of those single men out across the way but they did not say, some came over, shake of the hand, they didn't know, didn't mean, well Edward hadn't meant it either when he'd burned down the school, it got that way…it could.

But he did not believe it or mean it, Edward didn't. And he and Boss would go along, for they would not speak of it, that is what they'd said already. So they let it be what it was, just the boys, just the boys and their fun.

But when it was over Boss nodded his goodnight and Edward said nothing, just went with it, to all the goods they had now and did not want or ask for, embroidered pillow cases and towels and baskets of cookies and sugar and jam and beets and a crock of sorghum and a cartoon of Camels, and Gone With the Wind, and a broken radio if he could get it going. Folks were sure glad to have a teacher now. Sure glad and her gone through so much.

"I'm sorry," Bella told Edward, her eyes soft with exhaustion, and him so tired now he could barely respond.

He was not angry at her. He ate some of the food brought to them. He held her on his lap and he fed her some.

There was a shower house for women. Married men used the one at the longhouse, and he went over there before bed, not that he needed it being newly baptized the night before, but he wanted to show there, show them he would live free there, not hide, not slink.

So he went in and he was stripped and soaping under the spigot when James came in. Edward knew it right off, watching that one.

"Hope we can put this behind," James said. He'd heard they wanted to call for the army. Edward ignored him so it could stew some. He dried off and got dressed and took his time. James had smoked there. The boiler made the cistern water good and warm but James had the door cracked and the cold air had cooled that room some.

Edward finished and dressed and went to the door and James looked at him, then stepped back. "Cullen," he said, a laugh in his words. He had his hand out for a shake, and Edward looked at it, then pushed the door wider and went out.

"No hard feelings," James called, but Edward did not turn. He got to the house and knocked for he had told Bella to lock the door and she had. She opened the door and it was sweet in there, full now of so many things, and she had tried to ready them. She wore a robe and beneath it the silky pink gown. To think he would sleep with her in his arms, well for all their trouble he was the luckiest man in the camp, in the hills, in the world.

Morning came blue and soft and cold. He had managed to keep his arms around Bella all night long, and he had slept and dreamed of the river, the water and the swift pull, and Bella, reaching her, losing her, finding her again. He moved carefully from the safe nest of blankets and soft silky sweet smelling flesh into the chill of the room and he went to the stove and built up the fire and it was bright orange with promise.

"Well damn it anyway," he said, looking out the window at the two feet of clean white that had fallen over the dirt and life of the camp. She was stirring and he turned around not wanting to miss one thing of her, not a lick. She settled herself on her back, her hand curled beside her lovely face, serene in sleep, sweet and feeling safe finally, not like in the road yesterday, Lord he would never forget that sight.

Walking soft, he put his feet in his cold boots and he took a last look at her rich dark hair on the pillow, in his bed, and the joy that had been delayed, not diminished, hit him then. He was a married man. Was he ready? Why not? He wanted Bella. He'd learn.

He went out in his longjohns and his pants and his boots with no socks, and the sting there of the cold that had moved in like a giant cloak to cover their sins. It would soon be Christmas. He'd cut a tree for the schoolhouse. He had to remember not to whistle on his way back to the house. A deer walked through camp, through the snow, right on the road toward the ridge and a shot rang out and it dropped. Well hell and all, good thing he'd already gone or he'd of pissed himself. One of the cookie boys came running to see if it was a kill and it was. They'd have venison stew for dinner.

And that shot caused no more stir. That's how it was here. It wasn't town, it was camp. Most were up already, before the sun. They had cord to load. The snow would soon be packed down tight by the sleds and the trucks and the boots of the crews.

Before he reached the house Bella was coming, the big brown sweater wrapping her form and walking wide to reach his prints. She had no boots, but she would before the day was out. He hurried to her and lifted her and she laughed and he carried her back to the outhouse and set her down and she went in and he kicked through the trail to flatten it for her.

So she came out and he hurried to her and she jumped on his back and he carried her that way, her old shoes stuck on her feet and her legs bare and cold and he carried her that way her laughing, but gone to quiet when two men came out of the longhouse to go to breakfast, James and Laurent and they looked over, well they would, their house a bank for his loot, and him feeling ownership of this place, and Edward stared at him, eager to get Bella inside, eager to do something, not knowing how he could wait.

Inside they had biscuits and jam and she made coffee and fried ham from the insulated box sat on the back porch. She put it in a biscuit for him, then he laughed and said he needed three at least. And she said she knew for she'd worked the kitchen enough and seen how much they could eat.

So he told her he'd get her some boots, and she didn't want him to spend the money, she had some wool socks that were…Jacob's she said…and she could pull these over her shoes and they helped enough.

"No," he said. He went to her then, and he loved her, and he wanted her. He knew they had work and it was folly. They had only had the one time, and he knew she was tired, but he went to her, and she turned quick and pulled the pan off the burner and she faced him then. He touched her cheek gentle, back of his hand. "I…I want to," he said. And he wanted so much right then he couldn't say….

She put her arms around him and he picked her up and carried her to the bed and laid her there and he was over her, and he got a knee up and she centered herself under him and he kicked off his boots, and undid the button on his pants and got them down, then he sat on the bed and she was over him and she helped him get himself free so she could lower herself and join with him, and it was relief and joy and tears stung his eyes, and he didn't know…but he couldn't have gone another minute without this. They stayed that way, and his body told him to move, but his heart told him to still and savor this truth buried this way, a miracle, "I'm inside you," he whispered.

"Yes," she said soft. "Edward…."

"To be inside someone…it's…."

"Yes," she said, and she held him so tightly and she kissed his neck and his heart was hammering and slamming in his chest…and hers as well.

He stood then and lowered her onto her back so he could kiss her, and he kept them connected, was learning how for his former experience was pathetic, he knew now, animal like, and all for his own selfish taking. He had been greedy and mean and not inspired to be anything else. He had been drunk besides, and he felt apology in himself and pushed it away. It was her only he wanted to think on, she was open and wondrous. He wanted to tell her how she made him feel. The river…it made it all more now…more even. "Bella…." He moaned. Well, orating would have to wait.

She moved beneath him and how could it feel so good? He could crush her with want, but she was strong and meeting him, and he moved in her, it was love, did she know, could she tell, it was love, and he said it, "Love," and she said it back. This was the one he'd heard of, wondered on, this was oneness. She moved and he pushed and he was on her, slick, then back in, and she screamed his name and it brought him to the end and he stopped breathing for a few seconds as he died in her, died and went to heaven and spread out like a million stars and floated all over the Kentucky sky, piercing the foggy white cold, just that, to this shithole cabin that felt like a palace and him its king.

They were like two bodies about used and folded together, a heap of human flesh, and he laughed some and rolled so she was on top, spread over him and limp, him limp, and she laughed too. "Will we always be so…agreeable," she said.

"Yes," he answered. He couldn't imagine them at odds.

"I will teach my students through this rose-colored haze," she drawled.

"We're behind. We got interrupted or we'd of done it ten times by now," he said.

She lifted her head, her face so lovely, so…sated from him. He felt himself immensely proud to have been the cause of such beauty. He was relieved to bring her something so fantastic after what he'd put her through already.

"Eleven," she said a bit shy and he laughed, he guffawed and it felt so good to hold her and feel so free.

"I will make it up to you, girl. You shouldn't have given a number," he laughed.

They nearly did not make it out the door in time. He walked her most the way to the ridge, but the trucks were waiting to grind up the mountain. They'd be loaded again and again with cord and taken to the train, but now they waited for the men.

He kissed her right out and some back in line hooted, but he didn't care at all. "Tomorrow I'll go ahead and break your path and start a fire," he said realizing how remiss he'd been, thinking only of how to steal as much of her love as he could. He was a madman for it.

She laughed, bundled in the knit and the wool, and he planned to rid their cabin of any of Black's possessions and she couldn't be wearing his cast-offs, Lord no, Edward didn't want so much as a rag that had belonged to that dog.

So he watched her go off and he ran for the last truck and leapt to the bumper and climbed the gate and squeezed in on the bench and leaned past the tarp to see her. She was already surrounded by students. She was already moving away.


	30. Chapter 30

Roar Like a Lion 30

The Christmas dance was held a week later. There had been more snow, but nothing so deep it had shut down the work of the camp. And as he'd promised, Edward had cut a splendid tree for the schoolhouse and the children had made paper decorations. He'd helped McCarty cut another for the commissary, a giant they'd traveled to another section to attain. The men had made the decorations for this, many of them homesick. Just because a man lived with the unmarrieds didn't mean he wasn't married back home. Many of them were. They sent their money home, or forgot about home altogether, but either way, this time of year inspired sentiment.

So the week had flown and come Friday night the commissary hall was in readiness and Edward and Bella separated long enough to ready themselves. Edward didn't know what Bella was up to, but she'd worked over the red dress Rose had given her, ripping the seams and turning it inside out to reveal less worn, less faded red, cutting a new white collar and resewing.

She did this not where he could see, but at Alice Faye's. That cabin was practically abandoned much of the time as Alice spent time with Jasper, but it had been the perfect place to work on a few surprises for Christmas and this dress had been one, not that she and Edward could bear to be apart in the evenings for long. After working separately all day, they were eager to come together and while he had paid one of the boys to get to the schoolhouse early and start the fire so she could enter a warm building, and while he made sure the path was broken by horse and sled if they awoke to new snow, he got home later than she as a rule and that gave her scant time to work on the dress. As a logger he could eat at the commissary. She could as well if she made it there in time to at least appear to help. But truth, they had seen woefully little of one another that long week, except to sleep wrapped in one another, and to quickly make love and fall short of their goal to hit eleven times, though six times might be accurate, or nearly every morning, the first of their energy going to one another. But her monthlies came on Friday and she groaned to realize this, leaving blood in the bed and his eyes wide and her ashamed and pulling the covers over it and saying, "Don't look."

He took her wrist where she still held the blanket and he said, "You alright?"

She laughed. "Edward…women bleed. I've never done so every month like some, but several times a year and never…regular. No wonder I've been so…insatiable."

"You mean it will go away now? Now that you're bleeding?"

She beheld him, his naked torso, his shoulders, his face…Lord his face…his hair. There was nothing she wasn't captured over…amazed…over. "It will stay," she assured him.

There was blood on the back of her gown, and she gathered this and felt such a gush.

"Do you have anything?" he asked.

She couldn't believe his interest. Her bleeding times sickened Jacob. He did not even touch her during these times.

"I can take care of it…but when you go out. I need privacy."

He nodded and pulled on his pants and boots and a shirt and his jacket, and found his Camels. He went out quickly as she'd asked.

As the day wore on, she had been sick and detached during school, mellow to a fault, and she had failed to hold order like usual and the Cope twins had taken advantage. By the time she reached home not even the thought of Edward seeing her in the red dress could cheer her. She felt ugly and puffy and crabby and weird. She didn't know why he wanted someone like her. He deserved better. And when he came home, and entered the cabin, she watched the happy smile run right off his face when he saw her sitting on the chair in her slip, her hair still wet from the washing she'd given it, and her not ambitious enough to move the towel from her lap and squeeze the ends.

"What's wrong?" he asked, dropping a package on the bed. Always presents.

"I need you to stop loving me," she said.

She knew it was silly. He wouldn't stop. But she felt this so she said it.

He pulled off his jacket and went to the hook and put it there, then his hat. He pulled his foot from his boot and then the other. "And…," he turned to her and blew in his hands to warm them as he crossed the floor in his socks… "what should I do with all this love then, if you don't want it?"

She'd smiled on accident and quickly wiped it off then. "I don't know. Give it to…Angela." She had to make herself not smile now.

"Oh," he said. And he scooped her up then and spun her around and buried his face against hers and he growled and his hands were so cold and his face and she squealed and he took her to the bed.

"We can't do anything," she warned him, trying to be stern so he'd be discouraged, so he'd try harder to pull her from this mood.

"We? I'm fine. I can do all things…."

"Do not blaspheme," she warned as she knew he was about to quote scripture.

He dropped beside her and lightly toyed with the rose at the center of her slip, which led his finger to draw the line between her breasts, to the point on her chin, to bop her on the nose, light as a feather, then to lean and kiss her and her arms were around him.

"I love you," she said solemn.

He smiled. "I know."

"You're so confident," she smirked.

He shrugged. "I know." His smile.

"All your life…girls just…they must have…well they do. I've seen it. All your life. So why…why would you…I'm just…I'm not…why would you?" She sobbed.

"Bella, Bella, no," he soothed, and he had quickly gathered her and he held her so kindly it made her cry more, if possible.

"I'm just…I think of you…losing them…."

"Who darlin'?" he asked bewildered.

"Your parents," she wailed, clinging to him, devastated to think of it, that roof and him nearly killed as well, all alone and having to kill that calf. He'd told it all, more than once, she had made him, every detail, and her to him, the tornado, how it felt to see them tossed there, her family, not recognizable, abandoned, their small bodies, like a suit of clothes no longer needed, no longer filled.

"Bella, no. It's nearly Christmas, girl. There's a dance tonight. We're married. You're my girl…and I belong to you. No one else. Did you stop choosing me?" He took her by the chin and made her look at him.

"No," she cried.

"Me neither," he said.

She couldn't look at him. She was ashamed to love him so much and him so wonderful, so she buried her face against him. "I can't lose you," she said.

"Girl…you're not going to lose me."

"It happens, Edward. It does."

He kissed her hair. "Not to us."

She wore the dress. He had to go out while she got ready as he was ready first and waiting, and she'd sent him out and she did her best though with all the crying her eyes matched the dress and she was so sorry she couldn't even execute self control long enough to be pretty for him. He asked for so little, and she had only this sad reflection to offer. But when he came in and she was standing there, waiting, he came to her like she was a goddess. That made her feel even sadder because he should have more. It wasn't right.

And he started to lose some patience with her then. "Stop speaking of yourself like you're nothing. Do you think I'm lying when I say you are beautiful?"

"It's just because…," she started, but he wouldn't let her finish, and her lips were painted red and he got some on his fingers when he put them over her mouth.

"Not another word of self loathing. You hear me Bella?"

She heard but she did not agree.

"It's like…." He shook his head.

"Go on. It's like what? Go on!"

"It's like you want to believe bad things about yourself…cruel things. It's like…you want me to be hurtful."

They stared at one another.

"Like with him. With Jacob?" she asked.

He wouldn't say.

"You blame me?" She meant with Jacob. He'd never blamed her before. Now he was?

"No," he said. "But…I can see it more now…how he took advantage."

"You pity me?"

"No. I love you."

They stared some more.

"Is it the same? Love and pity?"

He shook his head. "Not for me. Love is love. Don't try to twist it."

"You sure you know the difference?"

"You want me to say I don't," he accused.

"That would explain it. Why you married me. Pity."

"You know what you're doing girl? You're taking my love…and changing it to suit yourself. I'll bet you miss him. I'll bet you been feeling the lack, the whole time I been giving you everything…it ain't enough. Cause it's not his way. You want the hate."

How dare he think he knew so much about her. "It's better than pity," she spat at him. She didn't mean a word of it, but this had to come out…well it was.

He gripped her arm and pulled her close. "I don't pity you. You're smarter than anyone I know…more beautiful…sweet inside. There's nothing to pity."

They parted then, him walking away, hands through his hair letting out a big breath and cursing under it.

She sat slowly at the table. Her legs were too wobbly to think of dancing. He'd rattled her to the core, or his words had.

"You think I wanted what he did to me?"

Edward turned toward her. "I don't know what to think. I sure as hell don't know much comes to you."

Didn't sound like it. "You take it back? What you said about…nothing to pity?"

He peered at her. "You mean this, don't you? You really have no idea of yourself."

It got lost sometimes. She never could hang onto a good thought about herself. She tried to be kind and fair, but she had never felt she amounted to much of anything in the scheme of the world.

"What can I do?" he asked, seemed as much to him as to her.

"I'm sorry to be so…frustrating."

"Maybe it's me," he said. "If I've done something…."

"No. It's not you. It's…hard for me…to trust such…love," she said. "I don't know why. I want it. And it scares me. I…you. I can't…think of you gone."

He crossed and pulled a chair and sat near, his spread knees bracketing her joined ones. "Stop thinking of me gone," he said. "I'm right here."

"Sometimes I think…I don't want to know this. I didn't know it…until you. But…if I lost you…."

"Were you better off without me? You want to live all shut down?"

She studied her lap and her red nails. "No. I want you. You're worth whatever price…." Her eyes welled up again. "And I don't miss him…don't miss his hate…don't want it…never did."

"Then let's be happy. Let's go dance."

She laughed a little and wiped at her eyes. "Guess Jasper rubbed off on you," she said.

Edward leaned forward and slid his hands up her dress, up her thighs.

"I didn't mean you ever asked for it…his meanness. I just meant…." He didn't finish.

"No…I did have a part in it somewhere. I ain't saying it excused him…but…here's the truth, Edward. It's hard to take in that you love me. His hate…I know I didn't deserve it…but this kind of love? Your kind? I don't think I deserve that either. That's the mountains I'm stuck between. I…I'm sorry."

"You know that's crazy, right?" he said, his hands stroking her flesh.

"Yes. In my brain I know it. But…."

"He ain't a mountain at all, Bella. He's dead in the ground. He ain't here. But I am. I'm right here."

"But…."

"No listen. He had three years to beat you down. I've got a lifetime to love you. See? And I will. But you got to keep choosing me."

"I do," she whispered. "You shouldn't have to work so hard. You'll get used up and you'll hate me."

"I can't hate you Bella. No matter what…loving you is no hardship for me. It's when I couldn't…that was hard."

She nodded her head. "Thank you," she whispered.

And that's the attitude they went to the dance in. Once they entered that place, that beautiful Christmas fairyland of decorations and sweet treats and bluesy music, Bella no longer felt she was in the same world. Well, she wasn't. Edward was there and he was the new sun, the new sky. Hardest thing in the world to open herself to it, hardest thing in the world to settle for anything else now. The pendulum had swung so far the other way for her, she had not had the time to realize…to catch up. But as she moved in his arms and he had eyes for no one but her, she melted against him, her arms around his waist, squeezing, her eyes closed, she let herself be surrounded by him. She let herself enter Edward Cullen. "To be inside someone," he'd said. And now she knew. Now she was.


	31. Chapter 31

Roar Like a Lion 31

Edward didn't know how much more he could stand, these with their hands on Bella and dragging her all over the floor. She couldn't be enjoying such. She laughed like she was, no doubt, because she was gracious and beautiful, but she couldn't be enjoying this river of horny humanity coming her way.

"Go have a smoke," Boss told Edward laughing.

"You go have a smoke," Edward said back, taking another sip from the jar Boss had in back of the Christmas cake sitting on a table of confections looked downright baked by elves the way Alice had it all arranged.

McCarty laughed and shook his head. He was not one to talk. He was as restless as Edward as he jostled the baby and watched a randy tobacco-chewer pump his arm and yank Rose north, south, east and west.

Bella…she was currently preoccupied with that bible thumper Edward never could stand, that know it all heard directly from God, according to him.

Edward was just about to cut in and rescue Bella from that one's dancing and conversation that couldn't be anything she wanted to hear. She was too polite to not pretend interest and all, but you couldn't hardly give some of these the littlest bit of attention or you'd never get shod of them, and Edward wasn't going to allow it if they didn't have the common decency to spare her their pontificating while they assaulted her toes.

Thank the Lord right about then the fiddler said, "Ladies choice."

Well that meant Bella was heading for Edward, as it should be, them hardly seeing one another, and new married and hardly getting a minute together with these determined to get their greasy grabby paws on her.

She was smiling big, and pretty, oh God, that didn't cover it at all, red dress, red cheeks, red shoes. These around here, they couldn't stop ogling her and he knew how they talked and he was trying not to punch somebody…but Lord.

So he took her and led them to a corner about as private as you could get in this place where it wasn't private and they danced there, her little hand in his and his arm around her waist possessively he knew, as it should be. She soon had her head on his chest and she sighed all content and he decided right then he wasn't sharing her with this rabble not for another second he didn't care how much Alice Faye chided him, or Bella herself, she was his.

He wanted to say all this, but Bella seemed to like it quiet and just to feel the relief, like him, of holding each other. Well not only was he Husband, he was different than these, much, much smarter, and so much more in possession of himself. Bella obviously saw the difference, and no man on the mountain split as much as him in a day. Some could, but they were pretty worthless if Boss didn't breathe on their necks. Lazy bastards.

And men could tell so much just by touching a woman much less moving around with his hands on her. It wasn't in any way respectable no matter how much dribble fell out of his mouth to try and convince her otherwise, all he was thinking was how she felt, and smelt and looked and how close he finally had her to his willy and then how he could get it the rest of the way, his willy, and that's all this kind ever thought about…period. And they weren't touching her again.

He'd been a fool to go along with the womenfolk dancing, some harmless Christmas fun, with the likes of these or any others. Let them find their own wives and leave off his.

Over Bella's sweet head, Edward glared around the room. The more he thought on it, them lining up for her, exhausting her, and her having her troubling woman's time, well the madder he got.

Then he locked eyes with Angela. She lifted her chin at him and looked away all snooty. Well what was her problem? He had not held it against her she told the truth about him coming out of Black's cabin the night Jacob was murdered. Nevermind she was apparently eager to see him swing from a noose, but he had never held it against her for saying what she saw when she was probably out whoring in the pines like always which is why she saw him in the first place.

He was not a judgmental fella, just practical about most things, he just knew, so her and the rest of these could get over, he wasn't crawling for them.

And now the music ended and Alice Faye was up front and here came the most skinny hipped Santa Claus ever seen in a red suit, working a crutch, oddly enough, ready to hand out presents to the children. So one by one the children were called up and Santa gave them their gifts. Edward had his arms around Bella and she clapped for each child, and Edward had a great time watching Santa give those gifts and tease with each kid, saying things Santa shouldn't say, but would if he'd been at the shine like this one definitely had.

He told the Cope twins they nearly got nothing and he whacked one on the butt with the crutch as he walked away, a big package in his hands. The crowd laughed and clapped as several had been the butt of their pranks, and Mrs. Cope was there to console them, not that they seemed to need it as Bella told Edward, "They are resilient boys."

And then Santa handed Alice one more thing from his bag and it was an envelope, and he motioned she should open such and she did and he said to read aloud and she was stuck a minute, staring at him, then he prodded her with the crutch and she read, "Will you marry me Alice Faye? Signed Santa."

Then whistling and clapping and Santa motioned to the band and they started up and Santa dropped his crutch and he made some light moves where he took off walking and moving his arms and folks started to clap and even Edward had to lift his hands off of Bella to clap some, for Santa was about to dance a jig.

And though it was somewhat simplified from what it once was when Santa was a civilian, before the crutch, it was still a noteworthy thing to see Santa so alive and moving and it wasn't so much the how but the will that came out of the man in the red suit, now that was a joyous thing and Edward hooted with the best.

When it was over and Santa went to his knee and it looked a mite painful on the foot curled back there, but he held it, Alice Faye looked at him and said, "Yes I will," and the place went up and every broken heart in the place joined in for that woman was loved for her beauty, and adored for her food, and there wasn't a man didn't feel tied by mashed potatoes and cornbread and succulent cuts of meat, most butchered right out her door, not a man didn't carry Alice Faye in his heart, especially since what Cookie did.

And the dancing commenced and it was a might wild now, they got back to it with vigor, and Santa's jig inspired others around the room, lonely bachelors looking like fools dancing this way and that by themselves, only their liquor for encouragement. Edward gathered Bella closer, protectively so, and the next one on his way met Edward's glare and shake of head before he ever got near enough to cut in.

So word got around Edward wasn't sharing the teacher no more, and the teacher seemed glad of it the way she leaned on him with her eyes closed and swayed to the music.

Even the fast songs they took slow now, and he was ready to go home and make love, not that she would in her condition, but he realized he'd do it if she allowed. And finally Rose came to them, the baby asleep on her shoulder. It was time to raffle off the commissary basket and would Bella draw the winning ticket? So Bella lifted her head and pushed her hair behind her ears and beamed at Edward and he wondered where that other side of her went, the one he'd known earlier who didn't think she was worth a nickel, for this woman now was just mellow and beautiful.

So he let her go reluctantly, not liking that now she had to step up on the platform before all these misfits, but he told himself to calm down, so he stood back there and folded his arms over his chest, his muscular chest that is.

And she went up there, and Boss brought her the bowl of tickets and she fished and picked one and lo and behold, she picked it out and stared at it, and she swallowed and said, the light gone to dim in her voice when she read, "James Whistler."

And she turned and spoke to Boss and that one nodded, and she stepped back and Boss got that big basket so full of canned goods and goodies beside and James stepped up and he thanked Boss and then looked around him and nodded at Bella, and she just looked down at the floor and he stood there with his loot and said, "Folks…now it's Christmas time and some of you remember me and the boys…well between burning the schoolhouse and getting liquored up enough to throw a new married man in the river…well I just want to say…I'd like Miss Bella to have this basket cause she has about made this place so happy and fine…and me and the boys…well we're sorry…been sorry for all of it…so…here you go Missus."

Bella looked wild eyed at Boss and that one stepped in and took the basket back so Bella didn't have to touch it and not cause it was so heavy only but because James Whistler didn't get to have a say toward her. Edward was already pushing up front. He was so mad at the gesture he felt his head pulsing.

"Now hold on," Boss said, and when he spoke out like that it hurt your ears.

So they were quiet, and Boss looked at Bella, and James had already jumped off the platform and some clapped his back.

Bella stepped forward and spoke out. "I'd like to put this basket back up and for the time it takes to play one more song I'd like to give you all another chance to buy a chance on it and let the money go right to the school as we are in need of many books that could benefit our scholars."

Folks were slow to clap but it picked up. It was a fine basket and a good cause. Edward stopped then and watched her. He liked her solution. She wouldn't take the gift herself for what James had done wasn't fixed by giving such and it wasn't to be trusted anyway. Whistler had made the move to Bella personally and ignored Edward completely, and he got the slight, he did. But how she turned it…well Edward was proud, like always. She made him proud.

So for the next extended song, it was a fierce crowd lining up to buy their chances. Many tickets already signed were put back in for another go. And the nickels piled there, enough for some books for sure.

Boss did the second drawing by himself, Bella safely returned to Edward's arms by now. He'd felt the staring and James and the others talked amongst themselves and laughed. How he wished he could go over there and start swinging. But he was a better man now, a husband, and her the teacher and there were scholars about.

Inside though, he was no better.

So after the basket was awarded to another they went to where Rose sat on a chair holding the baby who slept through this excitement, or because of it, hard to tell.

Bella took the sleeping child so Rose could use the outhouse. Edward looked about for Boss so Rose would not have to go alone. "Give me the baby," he told Bella so she could accompany Rose. But still, he didn't like it, her out of his sight.

So he held the baby, rocked it in his arms, and watched the door for the women to return. They were gone longer than was right, but when they returned he felt the relief to his toes. Bella made her way to him, and he could see the trouble on her face.

"What's the matter?" he asked, worry spearing him.

"Nothing," she assured and her smile seemed genuine.

Rose took the baby then and she went to find Boss. Edward asked Bella, "Do you want to go home now?"

She smiled at him and he saw tears.

"What's the matter?" he asked again gentle, drawing her close as he could.

She shook her head. "Just…happy…and sad. I don't know why. Old things…new things. Christmas."

He nodded. Some of that was in him too, but mostly the glad, with her.

She spoke from where he'd tucked her head beneath her chin, "Sometimes…I don't know why I got to live and be happy…when they…."

He moved her gentle, their own dance there by the chairs.

He didn't know why or how. He had his own questions, Lord knew. But someone told him long ago, maybe Carlisle, maybe Esme, it wasn't fair here. This wasn't the place for it. But measure of a man came in those times and spoke the loudest of good and true to a groaning world…if he held on in the storm…if he came through…if he still hoped.

For a long time the only power he had was to not care.

Until her. She made him step up, open up. He saw her stuck, he saw her dying and if he stayed dead too, he couldn't lead them out…into life.

They got home he'd try to explain it to her. That's if he could find the right words…if he could hang on to it cause sometimes truth like that fell back in, deep down, and couldn't be explained, it just worked change…it just was.

So by the time he walked her home he was quiet and at peace, not ready for a fight, not ready for James to step out of the shadows near their cabin, not ready at all when that one, drunk and weaving held the jar and pointed at him. "You know by now I run this place," he said.

"Get out of my way," Edward said. How dare this one accost him again, especially when Bella was with him. Edward had a grip on her and moved her other side of him so when they passed James she didn't have to be close.

"You want to know it's a matter of time," James said, his grin in the moonlight so foul.

He was right. It was a matter of time, that's what Edward knew. He sent Bella on then.

"No," she said, not wanting to leave him.

"Go on to the house," Edward said firm as he could.

She walked some but kept looking back.

"Once you're gone…I'll go for her," James told him. There was no more thought of restraint then. James tried to hit him in the head with the jar but Edward still had his wits and James was sloppy and the jar flew out of his hand and Edward toppled him with a punch on the chin, then he dropped onto that one and hit his face three more times.

Strong hands on his arms pulled him back. Boss was there, Rose further back holding the baby.

"Go on," Boss said to Edward shoving him in Bella's wake.

"He…," Edward tried to explain.

"Go on," Boss said, moving toward James.

"No. This is my fight."

Boss stood over the groaning James. "It's no fight at all," he said, his eyes locked on Edward for longer than Boss ever locked on anyone.

Edward wanted to punch Boss, too, now he got going. Bella called to him. He looked at Rose, her eyes big, but not afraid like he'd expect.

He turned then and went to Bella, took her arm and continued to lead her home. But his steps were reluctant. He wanted to fight.

He looked back once and Boss was dragging James onto his feet.

Son of a bitch had been in the dark waiting, that jar good as a knife for what he'd intended. He'd threatened Bella, and it was always her with him, that's what Edward knew now. And Boss was in the way of what he needed to do.

"He's drunk," Bella said to Edward. "He's nothing but trouble."

Edward couldn't respond.

He had barely removed his coat when McCarty knocked on his door. He stepped back so Edward would come out. McCarty was alone. "Come morning I'm taking some men to finish loading up the ridge," Boss said.

Edward stared at him. "Alright," he finally said.

"Six sharp. Be ready."

They looked at one another.

"Alright," Edward said again. Boss left and he stepped back in and Bella was dumping the socks full of nickels in the pan for counting.

"You are working in the morning?" she asked, her eyes trusting, her voice weary but sweet.

"Yes," he said.

Hadn't he just remembered how unfair life was? Well, he'd be evening the scales soon came to James Whistler. The minute he'd said Bella's name it was over for him. Boss or no, it was over. Blood on the snow and it not a deer. He'd seen it and he wasn't waiting any longer.


	32. Chapter 32

Roar Like a Lion 32

He held her in his arms and the glow from the stove dancing with some sprightly life on the walls and they settled down some after the attack they'd suffered, and she was soft there, and sleep was shattered some with so much energy still between them.

"Edward," she said, "did you ever think in the Christmas story…how it's not just the manger scene, not really."

"I don't know," he said.

"Think of it…the danger in that story. Here it is…a baby coming…to save the world. But what about all the others who died so King Herod could hold on to his power? Even while the most wonderful thing in the world was happening, terrible things surrounded it. Did you ever think about it like that?"

"I don't know."

"It's like there's the big plan…the whole world plan…then the little things all around it…out lives…and disasters and happiness…and somehow it's all feeding in to the big plan. It's just a staggering thought."

"Why are you saying this?"

"Elijah brought it up. He's very well versed in the scriptures. Did you know he wants to be a preacher? He hopes to go camp to camp and ride circuit. Not here. He's hoping to work the camps in Wisconsin."

"Should never have had to dance with those morons."

"Edward," she chided and laughed. "They're just lonely mostly."

"I can't believe my ears. They should not be anywhere around decent womenfolk. That's it. I don't know why I let myself be talked into that by Alice Faye…and you? I can't believe you don't know better."

She laughed some more and he couldn't be this jealous surely?

"I am used to them from working in the commissary," she said.

"I don't want to talk about them. I ain't changing my mind," he said very crabby.

He pretty well hurt her feelings being so brusque. She tried not to hate James for ruining their lovely evening. "He doesn't get to ruin our time now," she said soft. She was looking at his hand again, his fingers swollen some, not much. He hardly felt it, he said.

"We need to get some snow…," she began.

"Don't say that again," he snapped and he pulled his hand where she couldn't examine it.

Well now he did hurt her feelings and she got quiet.

He cleared his throat. "I'm sorry…Bella. I'm just…I didn't get it out with that…with that son of a bitch Whistler. I'm just…I didn't mean to take it out on you that way." He kissed her hair and squeezed her.

"Edward…you wouldn't…he was drinking. I mean…he wouldn't…."

"He's no worry. I can take him one hand behind my back."

"But he has friends."

"He's no worry. Boss hates him much as me."

"Well…hate is no good," she said.

"Okay, Miss Bella, I love him then," he said sing-songy.

"Edward Cullen." She pulled away and gave him her back then. Then she waited and much to her surprise he didn't make a move toward her, but he let her pull away. He rolled so his back was to her then, and she looked over her shoulder just to check and that's all it took to get her so mad she beat her pillow some and laid her head down solid and stared at the wall just miserable.

Lo and behold if the minutes didn't stretch and she heard his breathing turn regular and deep and she rolled toward him then and after she got caught looking at him, his beauty in sleep just as staggering, after she remembered she was mad, she wondered if it was over now…his adoration, if she'd done something tonight to lose it, and she didn't blame him if he was tired of her already. She'd danced with those others, but not because she'd wanted but it was what they did for Christmas, Alice said, all that week when she'd seen her at her cabin, this one day a year they danced with some of them for the morale of the camp, and Alice saw them as a group of sweethearts. But Alice Faye loved these men some. And while she did not, she had been treated with respect and they had been appreciative she would take the time.

So she went soft to the bed, laying on her side, facing Edward's back now, his strong back, and the power in it, even in sleep, and she was such a lucky wife, to have such a man as Edward Cullen, just pure beauty that ran deep, all through. She touched his shoulder lightly, her hand over it there, and his hair. She loved him so fiercely. The tears sprang. There was so much, so many reasons, her heart so full, ready to burst.

But he was up to something, that's what. He was up to something with McCarty. It's not what they said on that stoop and her ears straining, it's what they didn't say, like a code or something, those two, alike in some ways maybe.

She had learned to watch a man, a volatile man, and it served her in the schoolhouse, this new sense she'd developed, and she was in-tune with Edward. She couldn't say why or how, she just knew. He was up to something.

And he turned quick then, his eyes on her in the dark.

"I thought you were asleep," she said, and he gathered her against him and kissed her while he drew in a breath and she loved that sound like his engine was huffing to life. And it was one breath's time and he was kissing her about wild now, and she was on her back and letting him, and her hands moved beside her head, he could do what he wanted, and her gown out of the way, and just her underpants and her pad in place. She was a little embarrassed for him to see it, and he was curious as usual, and Alice had supplied her for they were kept behind the counter at the commissary and Alice put the money in the dish and brought them home discreetly, and they were sold that way so folks wouldn't have to say, "sanitary napkin" outloud.

And he touched her there, and it didn't stop him at all from working her up and giving her pleasure, then she did the same to him and he told her how and slow down, his hand over hers now, and it was so personal and sweet, and she had never touched Jacob so, he did not care for it, but just the act and then quick.

So they were spent there and she guessed there would be no stopping them if the hankering was there, and so far it seemed to be there all the time. For him. For her as well. She dwelled on it some days.

He kissed her sweet and offered to do it again if she wanted, and she said no, she was tired, and he said was it okay he'd done it? And she said yes, but when he'd tried to go under, no hesitation at all and she'd grabbed his hand to stay him, well, she couldn't believe he wasn't scared of it…the blood, and she said so, and he said, I'm not scared. And she guessed he wasn't.

But in the morning the bed moved and he dressed quiet to go out and she knew he came to the bed and looked at her, and some reason she played possum for he seemed to like to look at her before he left and she did not want to disturb him from this thing he liked to do and it felt pretty fine to be admired like this and she wondered he could find such an interest in her.

But she did run to the window when Emmett pulled up in that rumbling truck and he got in there, and it was just those two, brown hat, black hat. She said a quick prayer because she just knew…she just did…they were up to something.


	33. Chapter 33

Roar Like a Lion 33

Soon as him and Boss pulled away from the cabin in the truck it poured out of Edward. "Damn bunch of rowdies around here," he said.

Boss didn't say anything just drove.

"I was gonna tell Bella something…then she had to tell me that about the manger and all."

Boss looked at Edward, but didn't ask.

"That bible thumpin' asshole telling her…well she is way too easy taken in. I was going to tell her something I thought of, something personal and it made a good amount of sense," Edward said, "then she told me that," and his voice changed here, "Elijah," then it went to normal irritated, "…and now I just don't want to…tell her that other…and hell I can't remember it."

"Cullen, shut the hell up," Boss said.

Edward looked at him, then fumbled angrily to light a Camel.

"Shit…I wanted a ten year old girl along…," Boss said.

Edward took a big drag and blew it out the cracked window. "Shit is right, Boss. Last thing I need is a lecture from you."

"Serious, boy?"

"Damn right."

"You know what this is?"

He looked at Emmett. "Thought we weren't…." Well they weren't gonna talk about it.

"It ain't some easy thing," Boss said.

He kept his face turned away from Boss, but he caught his reflection in the window and he saw himself looking like a man and all, and he wondered…well he wished he was as mad as he'd been last night when that fool James jumped out and tried to hit him with that jar. He could have done it then, killed him clean, but right this minute…well he was barely awake.

Another truck fell in behind. "Who that be?" Edward said.

"Jasper. And James."

"Jasper?"

"You got a better idea?" Boss said and Edward…didn't.

"He's no…," Edward said. Well neither of them were…killers.

"You got your head on?" Boss said.

Edward looked at him now like he was crazy. "You got yours?"

"I don't have no doubts on myself. I'm asking you."

"Leave me the hell alone," Edward said and he hunkered by the door there and puffed his smoke. Wasn't him made them wait to do this...and now they had it was only going to be harder.

And Jasper had just proposed marriage to Alice Faye. He didn't need mixed with it. Damn it was just a snowball rolling now, gathering and growing huge.

So they drove for a good while through the mountains toward Five. There was a road and a steep pitch and the truck grinding some. They drove on in and then they had to walk it cause it was wild and steep and Boss reached back of the truck and hefted that ax didn't no one touch but him.

And they went on up there and James hung back leaning on the truck saying it was too cold to be staking it out around here and he took him a drink from that bottle he brought, it store liquor, probably stole all they knew, probably that one he had under Edward's house, yeah that's what he'd been doing the night before probably, digging in Edward's foundation.

"We gonna move camp this ain't no time, Boss," James was saying and he was feeling it already this morning, that's if he'd ever sobered from the night before and probably not for his face looked beat to hell and Edward was right proud.

Then regret. Well he hadn't killed before, and he thought of Herod killing the babies and James wasn't no baby, damn it. If he'd a died natural right here, right now Edward would dance a jig himself. But doing this…Lord…but why again…for Bella. So they weren't burned in their beds. And the river…being dropped in the water to fend…to die. And that threat last night…saying her name.

"I got to notch it out," Boss said and he did not look. "You gonna be the ones…Jasper in the kitchen, head Cookie, you and Edward working out your differences clearing the cut. This is where we're goin' next, Section Five here. I figure to set it up in competition…," and he died away then, Boss, like he just lost interest in his own story, he walked off then, ax on his shoulder.

"Hey," James said trying to catch up to Edward, "you and me…man wins the cut gets to boss under Thee Boss, that big mother-fucker up there. What you think? You in one of his armpits, me in the other."

Jasper had come without his crutch but he kept up pretty well, limping good, but moving good, too. No jokes this morning. No smiles.

Edward looked at him a time or two, and it was there in his eyes. He was no killer but trouble started Jasper did not run. Hell most times he started it…the trouble. But not this. He wouldn't move first this time.

They climbed quiet, except for James, he carried on some, joking, complaining, yammering. Then Jasper said, "You got kids?"

"Got me two boys," James said, "ain't seen…they's with their mama…if she stuck it out…Oklahoma maybe…her run off is what I heard…always a bitch that one…but I'll look them up one day."

Edward looked quick at Boss then, and that one stared back, then he spat and wiped his mouth, Boss did.

They reached the top of the mountain after a time. Sun was up good now and it was a mess, this mountain, cut pretty clean of big timber, another ten years there'd be a decent stand to cut again, now lots of debris and up to them to split what was left, clean it up. But that's not what this was, not nearly. Not at all.

The four of them then and Boss hefted that ax and he threw it to Edward and Edward reached and caught it. "What the hell," he yelled, for a man should announce an ax he was fixing to throw.

James had a smile, but Boss charged him and held him down then. He had his arms pinned behind, and Jasper got on his legs.

"What's this?" James yelled trying to struggle, the bottle knocked from his hand.

"You workin' for another jobber. Big one is my guess," Boss said. "You caused trouble here…you been in another camp. It burned. You gonna burn us down, burn us out," Boss said.

Edward settled that ax in his hands, he held it there looking frantic from Boss to James.

"Bullshit, McCarty," James said scared. "Tell 'em what this is. They know about her? They know what she done? I ain't no fire bug," he spoke to Edward now. "You know about that wife…." He yelled when McCarty brought his arms up higher. "Shit," he went on, the pain in his face and voice, "that bitch with the skillet, that bitch…."

"Chop off his foot," Boss yelled at Edward. "Do it!"

"What?" Edward said. All he could think was bitch and skillet.

"Cut that fuckin' foot!" Boss yelled.

James fought, he fought then, wild, and he yelled out, yelled out, and Jasper spread out over his legs, using his whole skinny body to contain that kicking and hold his legs still.

"Do it," Jasper screamed at Edward. Edward raised up the ax but James was kicking so much his foot moved some.

"Hold him still," Edward yelled, not willing to miss and chop Jasper's hand.

James was yelling about the bitch and over that Boss said, "Bash his head in and shut him up."

And Edward got confused…what did they want? What was this about? Why couldn't Boss tell him straight? He was about to kill a man, dammit…a bitch…a skillet…what was that….

"No…no…," James shouted like a mad man and Boss wrestled to hang onto him.

Edward knew Boss let it get like this…let him suffer over James…worry over Bella…to use him this way. And here he was now…telling him what he knew was impossible but feared all the same…the bitch and a skillet…the bitch….

"You do it your damn self," Edward said.

"Get back here and hold him," Boss said right quick, yelled pretty much.

Edward blew out and dropped the ax and got beside Boss to take over. In the passing off James went wild and kicked out and Jasper lost him and James scrambled to a stand like a mad man and he just went over the ridge, and it so high, so high and the river down there, and he slid down that steep place, falling and sliding and rolling he made his way down to a second ridge and dropped into the air, hit the river and they waited and he bobbed up…and Edward went right after.

Edward skid on that steep and he went so quick and cursed it so rough, time he hit that ridge he just kept going, flew for a split, then in that river so low, but a deep pocket there and the breath went out and the cold plunge of it, shit!

And time he came up James was already kicking out and Edward got on it, making himself move and him feeling slow, but he got to the shallows and climbed out too, and James was moving pretty good, but he was more Boss's age, ten years ahead at least, and he slipped and fell and got right back up but he limped now.

Edward recovered quick and he got to him and dove for him and they went down on the rocks. Edward held on and James fought, gouging at his eyes and kicking and trying to kick him in the balls and he did the same, it was brutal, and they fought there ugly, trying to kill or not be killed, and James had his hands on Edward's neck but Edward got him off, and it was that way until the freezing water slowed them down some, and James grew clumsy and Edward got him down and flipped him over and held his face underwater and James gave it all he had left and Edward hung on, held his face in the shallows, spread on top of him, pushing on James' head and neck, James' face against the gravel, and Edward thought die, die, die…and it was killing…and God was looking…and James wasn't moving, and Edward couldn't for a spell, he couldn't move off or do anything but pant.

When his hands trembled so badly he had to leave off, Edward stood up then, and James didn't raise at all, and Edward shook his head, shook black spots out of his vision, but they were back quick, and he staggered to the bank, clear of the water, and he fell there, on his side, then his back, and next thing he knew McCarty stood over him telling him to wake up. He was awake and what the hell was he doing here?

They got him up. Soon as he could he pulled away, didn't want touched. What the hell happened? Then he remembered, his clothes wet and torn to shit. His smokes ruined in his pocket and his matches.

Time they climbed to Boss's truck, James was in the bed already. Not moving. He saw that as he walked past. Same way Jasper hauled a deer sometimes. There hadn't been a thought they got going…about killing…not a thought past it.

Jasper holding him up again and helping him in to Cookie's truck. Edward moved awkward and climbed in the cab and he was weak and he couldn't believe how weak.

He pushed his hair back off his face. He said, "Where we goin'?"

And Jasper said, "To one of the cabins left here. They're empty now. We'll wait there for Boss to come back. He'll drive him down to town. He'll say he found James dead on Five while they was notching. He'll say he found him too late."

Edward laid back and closed his eyes. "Shit," he whispered. He'd never lose that feeling, the life running out of James, the struggle going to still.

"You did good," Boss said standing in the vee the open door made, "real good." And Edward felt a big hand clamp on his knee for a second, and he didn't open his eyes, he didn't agree…he didn't disagree…he was stuck here now…with what he'd done…with who he was. With who she was. They were stuck.

And he slept then, as Jasper drove, he slept in and out and it wasn't far. So they went in that cold dead cabin and Jasper made a fire and he sat there smoking and Edward laid on the raw bed springs, his teeth chattering, his clothes damp, and Cookie's old blanket over him.

"I done murder," he said to Jasper.

Jasper smiled sad. "Look the same…ugly as ever."

Edward wanted to laugh, it just wouldn't come.

"I about shit myself you went over that mountain," Jasper said. "Holy crap if Bella could a seen it. How'd you even know that water…that river's so low…." He couldn't finish. He looked away.

"Well we saw him bob up. I couldn't let him get away."

They were silent for more, maybe a few minutes. Jasper had said her name here, "Bella." Even that hurt.

"You heard him?" Edward said, his eyes on his friend. He could barely stand to speak to Jasper about this anyway, but he wasn't sure what he'd heard. And he didn't know what to do with it now.

Jasper didn't answer right off. He was like that sometimes, thinking it out.

"He was holding it on Boss. Boss told me some back James was a fire bug hired by jobbers got outbid or wanted to cause trouble one reason or another. Boss was waiting to catch him in a crime could send him away long enough to get the cord loaded. That's what he said.

"Hell…I got Alice Faye…and you all…and the families there…the men. Boss said if he fired him outright he'd be free to do his mischief, so he turned a blind eye to the stealing and the peeping and what not and he had him investigated to make sure and it come back it was him."

"Did Sheriff Jim know?"

"No. The jobber investigated and told Emmett. The jobbers keep records, lists."

"He should have had him locked up while he investigated. He could of used the thieving at least to put him in jail. Then if the charges were true he could have had him stand trial," Edward said.

"There was a complication on it," Jasper said, and he did look at Edward then. "You heard what he was yelling…right?"

"Don't mean it's true," Edward said, his natural tendency to protect Bella was out before he had to think on it. "Cookie confessed."

Jasper went back to smoking.

"Say something," Edward said sharp.

"What do you want me to say? Cookie wanted to die. He had cancer. He was scared. He confessed to protect his family. What do you want me to say?"

"Bella didn't even know Cookie…not much anyway. Why would he…."

Jasper pitched that smoke in the fire. "It wasn't for Bella. It never was, Edward. It was for Rose."


	34. Chapter 34

Roar Like a Lion 34

Bella started the walk to the schoolhouse. It had been hot in these mountains all summer they said and into fall when she and Jacob had arrived. The cold felt good to her, invigorating against her cheeks. Jacob rarely infiltrated her thoughts, more like a shadow she didn't want to think about, not for guilt, but he'd taken enough. It was a shame the end he came to…but he chose destruction and she wished he had not. If she was trying to grieve that too, it was only the fact of what she'd been through that saddened her. And she wouldn't let that mar her happiness with Edward.

She missed Edward. As usual, every thought she had led to him, bled there, and the image she had of him, that day when she'd opened the door, that first day and his smile, him on the stoop waiting to tell her about the serenade…to welcome her…not the teacher…but her…and his eyes…a look digging in to her. Well she thought of that now. Always would, and this is why she couldn't hold a thought of Jacob for long…or of loss of any kind…Edward was such a light in her mind, she could see little else.

There was no teaching today. After the Christmas dance it would prove futile to try and rope the students' tired, eager minds to the task of learning. She would not try. But there was much for her to do to set the lessons for the week ahead. But first she wanted to check on Rose, early as it was. So she stopped there and knocked on the cabin's door. She could hear the baby and Rose scooting a chair, and her steps on the floor.

Rose pulled the door. She wore a white robe over her gown and she stepped back to let Bella come in, and for Rose, that was exuberance.

"Well they took off," Bella said and Rose did not answer. The baby was there in a box on the table, a wooden box lined with a blanket, and stretched side to side on the box was a string of knitted circus animals Alice had made and that fine, fat child, looking more like Emmett than Emmett did himself the way he wore that hat pulled low as if to hide all his thoughts.

"You look like your daddy," Bella said to him, letting him grip her finger while he kicked wild.

Rose poured coffee and Bella loved her coffee, and she sat on a chair.

Rose's blond hair curled almost to her waist, and she pushed it behind her shoulders and sighed as she sat. "Reckon I could do with a bob," she said.

"What a heartbreak for the men of this camp," Bella said imagining their mutual sorrow over Rose's long thick locks left on the barber's floor. "You feeling like yourself?" Bella said pouring milk in her coffee.

"Little more all the time. But Lord, I told Emmett, I'm tired of the damn hills of Kentucky."

Bella smiled into her cup as she sipped. "What does he say? Let's move on over to Five, then?"

Rose laughed but it wasn't joyful. "That's about it, I guess. Take the summer over there. Then he says we'll go north. I'll believe it when I see it. But he promises to keep me out of the south. And maybe the west. He says too many going to California. But they got mills up north, and the men who work them have nice houses in towns with stores and schools and a hospital you can reach before you bleed to death. But he says I won't like the winters. I told him after this blistering summer I can take the cold. What about you? They need teachers all over this country."

"I'd need more schooling to teach in a real school. I'd like that…more education. I can't believe I'm thinking that way…but with Edward…I think he might say yes. I tell you what, Rose…long as I'm with Edward…I could move to the dust bowl if he longed to. I mean…the path I was on…my future feeling set with…Jacob…and now…it doesn't matter where…long as I'm with him."

Rose barked such a loud laugh the baby startled and kicked madly again and she put her hand in the box to comfort him, but she was still laughing.

Bella laughed too. "I guess I sound…but I mean it."

Rose had tears too, and she cried some and got up and turned away and went for a hankie. She sat back to table still working the embroidered cloth over her face.

"Sorry," Bella said biting her lip. "Didn't mean to upset you."

"No need to walk on eggs around me," Rose said. "Emmett does enough of that."

"Well it's been a hard time…since I got here."

Rose smiled sad. "Tell you what…this ain't nothing compared to what I come from." She had told Bella some of it, that night the three of them spent together after Jacob was found murdered. They had talked it out, then. Especially Rose and Alice. Rose had been inconsolable. Her sorrow had caused Bella to be stronger. She'd done that for her siblings…been stronger…so it came natural. If someone in the room was sadder than her, she just snapped to. She was doing it now, in fact.

"Cookie…Lord, Cookie. Ten times a day I want to…. Alice is so mad…well those two were together longer. I left Cookie's care when I was fourteen. Married my first husband then like I told you. I ran off cause Cookie never liked him."

Bella had heard some of this.

"We went to St. Louis, me and him. He'd made some money back in the day, all underhanded. God I was a stupid girl. Stuck me in a boarding house and gambled and cheated. Made himself feel better by coming home and beating me up," Rose said.

"Hey Rose…it's nearly Christmas," Bella shrugged. She knew what it did to go down those dark trails. She was trying not to herself.

"Sorry. I get maudlin around Christmas. He…nearly killed me that last year."

"I know," she said, for Rose had already told her about it.

"I need to close the door on it…but sometimes…it's just right there. I ever tell you how I met Emmett? He was standing on a bridge, and I'd gone up there…to look at the landing there…and the river…and he was standing with some others, his sleeves rolled on his shirt and that damn hat, and they started to whistle, some did, and he was walking beside me, quiet, and I looked at him and…I'd never seen anyone like him…and he said, "I'm Emmett McCarty," and I said, "I'm married," and he asked me what I was doing on the bridge and I told him maybe I was fixing to jump off, and he said that would be a crying shame and if I went off he was coming after. And…that's pretty much how it was. He asked to buy me a beer and…."

Bella waited for more, but it didn't come.

Rose cleared her throat and asked, "How you doing living in that cabin?" She couldn't so much as visit Bella for any length of time there. She'd helped set it up for their wedding, but even still she didn't like it in there.

"Edward and me…we've made it new."

"I don't know how you do it. I couldn't," Rose said, fresh tears again.

Bella shrugged. "Like I said…long as Edward's with me…."

"Well, I admire it, girl. I do." She reached under the knitted string and lifted the baby from his box.

"What's Emmett think about James? I know I shouldn't ask…but…Emmett say anything about him waiting for us last night? Him coming right out of the dark and threatening Edward…."

"He's bad…that James. We both know it. Emmett was angry about it. He sat up half the night staring into that stove."

"After what James did to Edward, I can barely look at him. I think he's the one looked in my window that time. I can't say that to Edward cause I'm afraid he's going to do something to him as it is, much as I want justice. Last night if Emmett wouldn't have pulled him off…then this morning…those two in that truck…I don't know. Talk about feeling something. I just…I don't know about them. If…if you know something…."

"They went up to Five," Rose said like that explained it. She moved her gown so she could nurse the baby. Even with the heavy subject matter they laughed as that one moved his head side to side to frantically latch on.

Rose moved to gently rock the child while he nursed. She looked adoringly at that little one. "I look at his sweetness and all is right with the world," she whispered.

She looked at Bella, more tears streaking paths on her cheeks. "For everything I got wrong…I did something right making him."

Bella nodded agreement. "Hardest thing in the world is to let God forgive you sometimes."

Rose nodded and continued to study her child. "I done things…I don't know if he can forgive."

"He gave you that sweet baby. I guess he likes you some," Bella said gentle.

Rose looked up. "He does that though. How many you seen didn't deserve their sweet babies? My mother for one. My father? Where the hell was he? How about yours? They deserve you and those ones you lost?"

Bella didn't answer. She had no wish to condemn. No need. But Rose's words hurt her deep in.

"Fact is…the good He does toward us…just heaps on the coals," Rose whispered.

"How can you say that?" Bella argued. "That's the blues talking Rose. If you believe that you are not saying thank you."

"I am saying thank you. But I'm scared to death he can take my child. Lord knows he's the ultimate man…God himself up in the sky doing whatever he wants to us. They say his judgment is on us now. They say it all the time about what's happening on the plains, and from the war, and what's going on in Europe and folks so desperate to make ends…. Some say it's end times."

"Listen Rose, listen to me, you lose your mind it is end times. Might as well be. You can't fix the world, that I know. But you can let some love come in to yourself, to this cabin, just this one. You did that with Emmett, now you got this child. You got to stop swirling around in all the dark times. They are over now. They are gone."

"Not for me," Rose said, a terrible quality in her voice, a terrible face. "You don't know about me."

The baby stopped nursing and stared at his mother, then frantically latched on again, his cheeks working.

"What…what do I need to know?" Bella said soft, a growing dread in her stomach, a scream to get up and go, right now.

Rose looked at Bella, the tears rolling now, streaming off her chin. "I…I…the night of that spelling bee…I felt so poorly." She got up and walked to the cradle. She laid down the baby and he fussed and she bent over the cradle and rocked it some, then she moved around it and sat on the bed and continued to rock him.

Bella turned on her chair so she could see Rose, so she could face what was coming, what she dreaded hearing, what she might have heard before, that night, as Rose spoke frantically to Alice, as Alice held her in her arms and comforted her like a child, like a baby.

"Don't tell me," Bella whispered. "I already know."

"You do?" Rose said louder. "How? Did Alice say?"

"No," Bella answered, feeling soft, deflated, "I heard you that night. I heard you say it. But…I guess…I just pushed it back. It was too terrible to think…."

"I know," she said louder, urgently so, getting up and coming to Bella, the baby fussing to be rocked.

Rose knelt before Bella. "I am terrible. I'm horrible ain't I? I worry night and day…God will take my child."

That pulled Bella, too. She grabbed Rose's hands, her mothering, murderous hands.

"Cookie," Bella said, "Emmett. God is like them, too."

Rose fell over Bella's lap then, sobbing her heart out. Bella stroked her blond head, her fragile shoulders.

"Emmett told me," she said, the baby's cries as loud as his mother's, "Emmett said how it was…how you beat him at spelling. And…that night when you helped me…the baby…and you were so sad…and I knew it…like a mirror….and you'd…you'd lost so much…and you were so brave to help me…and so kind." She cried more. "And…and I had been like that once…and you were still alive…but he was going to take it…and I knew…I saw the marks…and…Emmett said…you beat him in the spell…in the spelling. And Emmett fell asleep holding the baby…and I went out…and I just wanted to see…just wanted to make sure…and the lights were off…and…I…I knocked on the door and nothing, but I heard something…and I pushed in…it came open…in my hand that door…swung in and…he was on the bed and he was groaning. He thought I was you. He said, "Bella?" And I didn't answer…I couldn't…and I went to him and he was on his side, turned away, and he said, "I'm hurt," he said. "Bella…get help." And his words were slurred, and I thought I would…I should…and I went to the table…like a dream…and I knew…I saw that skillet…and I took it in my hand and I went to the bed…in the dark…and I pulled the sheet up over his head and he said, "Bella?" and…I brought it down on him…and again…and more times. Two hands cause my arm…and more times.

"And then I went home. And when I got in, Emmett stirred and woke…and…he… wanted to know if I was alright…he was…so worried. All I said was…Jacob Black. And he got me undressed and he burned my clothes in the stove. He helped me into the bed and he told me to take care of the baby. And I said I would. And I did. I always have."

Bella had taken to stroking Rose's hair, stroking it over and over and over while she'd told her story.

"I couldn't live knowing you were a stone's throw away…being beaten…or killed. How could I live…knowing that? You came to me at the hospital, right to me, and I was so scared, and you wouldn't let me be. I came alive that night, holding my baby. Without you…so steady and sure. I owe you so much, Bella. How could I live in all of this blessing knowing you were over there suffering? I couldn't. I wouldn't."

Rose looked up at her, her face torn and desperate, "I wasn't going to let Edward pay for it. I swear I wasn't, Bella. I ran to Alice and told her I was going to confess, but she wouldn't allow it, Cookie was in the back…I didn't know. I didn't know he could hear me, I swear." She laid her head on Bella's lap again.

"I swear," she whispered. "But Cookie…he'd been in prison and he always swore he'd never be locked up again. He told me…he said not to trouble myself. He told me…he'd meant to kill Jacob himself after he'd been left to die at the bottom of the ridge. He'd gone to Jacob's cabin to finish it, and saw it was done. He left it that way. He thought it was done."

Bella stroked Rose's hair. Her hand was shaking, but inside she was still. "It was Jacob's time, Rose. It doesn't make it right…but it was his time. If you hadn't of finished him…Cookie would have…or I know Edward would have. And I wouldn't have him…my marriage to him…my life with him. You went there to save me, Rose. It's ugly and foul but there's only one person the darkness stems from in your story, only one so hurtful and mean he stained us all and made us desperate…and that's Jacob. Cookie said that one night. And he was right."

Rose lifted and kissed Bella right on the lips. "Oh Bella…oh Bella." She cried, but it was quiet now. Bella could feel her exhaustion. Time passed and she stroked over Rose's hair and let her stay there as long as she needed, her lap a sacred place to leave it all, she knew.

The baby had fallen asleep and outside the sounds of the camp stirring to life did not enter too deeply in the quiet that held them there.


	35. Chapter 35

Roar Like a Lion 35

When Emmett came to the cabin around sundown he had a load on his truck for the kitchen. Jasper and him transferred this to the Cookie truck before waking Edward. He had slept deep and serene. But he felt like shit upon awakening.

Jasper was telling Edward how they were going straight to the cook tent. Edward would be seen helping unload but not so much they'd notice his face. His face was pretty swollen. His body…well that could be kept hidden easy enough…but not from Bella.

He went out to the truck and Emmett was standing there pulling off his gloves. "How you feelin'?" he asked.

"Like shit," Edward said. "What'd Jim say?"

That's all Edward cared about now. He didn't need to cry on McCarty's shoulder. There was no regret in him.

"Said it was a shame and seemed this mountain had its own kind of judgment. Seemed it was both trial and jury and sentence, he said. Real mouthful for Jim. He's a downright sage." Emmett laughed and he lit a smoke and Edward held out his hand and soon as he got it here came Jasper, but he did not bum like usual. Guess Edward killing a man finally guaranteed him the right to his own smoke.

"So it's settled? What they do with the body?" Edward said.

"I paid burial in town. Sooner he's in the ground the better for us. Company covers that. He's got a family but hell to find they'd moved around is what he said. But he's got pay coming. The jobber will have to take the trouble now."

They smoked quiet then. "Well," Edward said, "let's get out of here."

"Cullen," Boss said before Edward could climb his sore self into the cab, "you got a new wife…."

"Don't lecture me again," Edward said.

"What I'm saying is…they talk…our women. Fact is…I promised Rosie…I'd never…I swore I'd never again. You hear me?"

"You didn't, Boss. I did."

"That's not it. Far as I'm concerned it's on me."

"Far as I'm concerned I was alone when he was biting and clawing for his life."

"Edward…I'd as soon done it myself. You were the only other one with a reason…the only one with the guts. I asked you what…at the bridge that night. Remember what you told me?"

"You think I said it light? I meant it. I did it."

"We hold it. Us three. They'll have their notions. They'll know…the women. But we hold it."

"All day long you tell me what to do. Up my ass and in my brain. But comes to Bella…I decide. I killed him cause he was out for me. And he was out for her. It wasn't for you. Not when I held him under. It was not for you."

Jasper had not started the truck but his hand was on the key. He waited, his ears burning in this.

"I know about Rose," Edward said and it was a tense look Emmett had. "I'm shocked as shit…and all I can think is Bella with that shotgun you and me came on that morning. Her in the road, and I wonder she couldn't of killed Whistler then. That's how it was for Rose. I figured I am beholding to her. To yours. Had she not done it though, had I found life in Jacob Black, I told you what I would have done. But this here with Whistler…I went over that ridge…I knew what it was. Nothing in me could let him get away. I got between you and him like Rose did with me and Jacob. I don't know why it went this way, but I will not spend a day in regret. Not a damn day. …it settles things between us. I will always fight hard for my life. I will lay that same life down for Bella. I know that now. I'm a damn man. That's all."

"Holy hellfire, you gonna be a preacher now?" Jasper said. "Let's get this truck home, man. I want to see my Alice Faye."

Edward turned to hoist himself into the truck, but Emmett knocked him on the shoulder with the back of his hand. Edward turned and McCarty had his hand out and Edward shook it then.

"We good?" Emmett said.

Edward laughed some. "We weren't ever that good."

Boss laughed, too, and Edward got in and Boss waved them off and they took off. Jasper was right. All that made sense right now was to get home…to Bella.

"I ain't no preacher," he said so Jasper would know. "But now and then…I got something to say, is all."

Jasper just looked at him. Then he laughed, Jasper did. And Edward laughed, too.

"You're still full of shit," Jasper said.

And he was. But not completely.

They got to the schoolhouse Edward could see Bella was long gone. That was good. He needed to make his show at the dining hall before he faced her. He had to set it up that he'd been out of town all day helping Jasper get supplies. So they got to the hall and pulled in back by the cook sheds and there she was coming out with a load of mashed potatoes. Well she didn't ever just stay home and sit still, did she. He saw her, and the feelings in him just broke free like always, a mix he couldn't name for dense and layered like an onion maybe, he didn't know. She smiled, but it went off soon as she saw something made her suspicious, well that swell in his cheek or lip, then she was scowling and she just took off into the tent to do her duty.

"You're in trouble," Jasper sang under his breath, and they got out.

Oh everything he had hurt, and now his heart with her mad, he could hardly stand not going after her, well she was his life and how did it happen so quick and deep he'd just gave over to her right off, and now he couldn't stand it when she was upset, he couldn't harden himself at all, just for a few minutes at most, then he was miserable.

But he followed Jasper like a good monkey and he helped unload, or pretended too, making sure the cookies saw him, and when they asked what happened, he said he'd been in a fight at the dance, cause there'd been several fights, even at church sometimes, or after.

He saw her come back in the kitchen and go back out and she was making a show of ignoring him, but he knew she wasn't…ignoring him at all…just pretending too cause she was mad enough, worried, afraid. Well he wasn't going to let her stay mad, no he was not. He wouldn't allow it. He'd use all the charm he had to stay on her and make her come around. She couldn't resist him either. They had it both ways.

Love and cherish she'd said in them vows. Love and cherish. It wasn't going to be easy. But here he was. Love and cherish.

So he got done with Jasper he waited for her to come out of that tent, waited forever, damn her, she was putting his ass to the sawblade now, but he couldn't go in there so beat up, or he would go fetch her in front of them all, shit he didn't care about them whatsoever. Just her. His wife.

So he paced there and smoked, and Alice Faye walked past and glared, that little spunky, but she didn't say a word. She'd never warmed to him much anyway, and that was fine.

So he waited and waited and finally Bella came but she tried to go on past him like he was a bush by the stoop, but he grabbed her arm and said, "Bella, let's get on home," like she wasn't already trying to go, but without him.

And she looked at him, and the shiny beautiful eyes, and he thought, Oh Lord here we go.

"I forgot to tell Alice Faye," she whispered, all sad. Oh he liked mad Bella, not sad Bella. Sad Bella just ruined him, took all his sass. Damn. It.

She came out from telling Alice Faye, her coat on over her dress and her little waist and coming up under his chin and a wave of want for her hit him so hard he could barely draw a breath and he reached for her and she went on past so quick he missed her and he said, "Wait up," he said it crabby cause his leg hurt when he tried to catch her, and she just kept going, her head tucked down and her steps quick, and her coat pulled tight across her backside cause she had her hands in her pockets, and her hips twitching mad and he could follow that backside to glory if he wasn't so mad, but he was following anyway, practically running, hurt leg and all. "Wait up," he said again, but she didn't wait.

Well shit then, he wasn't going to chase her down. Well hell yes he was, and he sped up. "Bella," he said with some authority and two passing him there had a good laugh seeing her running off now and him stumping along like a grandpa.

She got to the house and he heard the door slam as he was rounding the corner. Well she had better cut it out, she could see he was hurt. Damn it she could see that.

When he tried the door she had it locked and he nearly laughed but Lord he was pissed to beat all and didn't she know he'd knock this thing in? He banged on the door with the side of his fist. "Bella," he said, he chided.

Some across the way going in from supper stopped to watch his humiliation and have a good laugh. That's when he took his shoulder and hit that door so hard he popped the lock and half fell in and she yelped, sitting on the bed there, still in her coat, clutching the collar under her chin like he was James Whistler come to call. "You broke it!" she rebuked, all wide eyed and crying.

He slammed the door behind him and the knob fell off too, and he looked at it rolling some and he kicked it the rest of the way across the room and it slammed into the wall beyond. "Piece of shit dump," he yelled, cause it was better than yelling at her and he surely wanted to.

"I don't want you here," she yelled.

"I live here," he yelled back.

"Fine," she said standing and looking around, "I'll go stay with Alice then."

"You are staying here, you are my wife," he yelled, then he heard the hooting across the way, the unmarrieds hooting back like the animals they were.

She got her bag and started to hunt more stuff to pack up, and he went to the bed and took that bag and she leapt for it, and he held it up high, and she said, "Give it to me, Edward."

Well it was killing his shoulder to hold it up high, but he threw it then, against the same wall the doorknob had hit. "Go on, then," he said. "You want to run off and leave me…go on."

She stared at him, and he could see it building so he went and dramatically threw himself onto the squeaking bed and he went up and down a couple of times and everything hurt, shit it hurt, and he stayed on his back, but he turned his head so he stared at the wall and not her, but from the corner of his eye he saw her hands set on her hips and he felt her look like a man felt fire and he wished they could get to the part where they started to kiss like crazy people, but he knew it was a ways off and she could drag this out however long she saw fit. So shit.

"This gonna be our life then? You sneaking off to do God knows what?"

Now he did look at her, all righteous. "I was workin'," he said that pretty loud.

"Stand up," she ordered. He didn't want to, but he'd have to crawl on his belly, he guessed, when she should be laying the laurel wreath, at least. Well damn.

So he got his tired, beat down ass off the bed and he stood there and she said, "Get your clothes off. Get them right off. I want to see every lying inch of skin, every nick, every scratch…every splinter. Get them off."

Well he'd damn well oblige. He threw his coat on the floor and tore off his hat and then he held her gaze and he unbuttoned his shirt and pulled the tails out of his pants and he about tore it off then and it hurt his arms and that shoulder and he didn't let on at all, just kept staring her down and she was flushing red, and angry wet eyes, but she couldn't keep it up like him, so looked off first, but he didn't flinch away at all. He used one hand to gather his undershirt back of his neck and pull it off and his hair moved cause it was thick and wild on top. And she stared at his chest and arms and inspiring as that was, he had to look too, cause she put both hands over her mouth in mortification at the sight of him and shit.

"Is that a bite on your shoulder?" she asked. And he felt and how the hell had James bit him through his coat and two shirts so much it showed?

But he didn't answer. He dropped his arms and toed off one boot then the other. Then he undid his belt, and he looked at her again, only he didn't smirk so much now, but he wasn't shy either. He let his pants drop and he kicked them off his feet, then came the big finale, and it was big. He dropped his drawers, and he saw where she was looking, yes he did, and there was nothing, nothing at all wrong with that part of him standing right up, its own man and all.

Now he put his hands on his hips, just his socks on is all, and that bite on his shoulder hurt like an s.o.b., but he was enjoying himself.

She marched to the table then, took off her coat and went for the pan and pump, pump, pump water splashing on tin and him standing there in his birthday suit and her saying some such like, "I never seen…," and he knew she hadn't. That other husband had nothing on him.

So he went to her and she was flushed and fussing around for a rag and the Iodine and he went to her, and she wouldn't look at him, filling that pan like it was holy water needing blessed or something, and he got real close to her, his privates right against her and him grazing her cheek with the back of his hand. "Come to bed with me girl," he said gentle.

She dropped her head there and her face had crumpled up, and her hand on that raised pump handle and he took her then, felt her give over, and he reached and took her hand gentle off that pump and he put the handle in place so the water ceased to run and he picked her right up and it hurt but he didn't care, and he took her to the bed then and he laid her there and he got the covers from under her and took off her shoes and her socks, and he unbuttoned her dress and it had a little belt he about went crazy as he undid with his swollen fingers, and then she came to life and she helped and he figured she'd stay in her slip and make him work for it, but to his surprise, she stripped right down, crying and all.

So he got them under the covers, the two of them and he pulled her there into him, the bruises the scrapes, the bite, the blood, it didn't matter, it was all him, tore up some, but him, the same. And she cried it out some, but she lifted her face soon enough and kissed his sore swollen lips, and he moaned out like a dying man, and he kissed her back and she said, "Blood," and he put his hand on the back of her head and kept her there gentle, against his lips, and she kissed him more, and he moved her right up on him and she complied, her legs either side of him and her on him like armor, and she cried some, but it didn't slow her down, not at all, and it hurt him some he could cry out now and then, but he didn't come close cause none of that mattered. She was all. Just her. And he was in her quick, she moved back on him and he held her against him and his hand moved over her frantic and he smoothed over that backside had run away from him before, and he moved his hand to where they joined and she whispered, "Edward," like he was maybe disgusting, and he was disgusting, but he was worthy too, a worthy man, the real deal, the real thing. Didn't she know? Did she doubt it?

"I'm inside you," he whispered, the awe on him again, and he started to move with the talking. He felt it well up. He was alive. He was alive. And she was his. And she was safe. Safe.

And she made a sound like to shattered him, a growl and a moan and a cry, something he didn't know about, and she stated to move too, and she rose up a little, then more, her hands on his chest, his sore chest never felt more glorious under her hands and his eyes raking over her flesh and where they joined and he told her to look, and she looked and her hair fell all over him, and she lifted her head and she got back to work and he lifted his hips some, her and all, and she growled out his name and he growled out hers and his eyeballs went to bits, blew up and flew and a grunt, a gasp and suspension, like over that ridge, free falling and dedicated. That was it. That was it.

And they came down, down, gently down and he collapsed as did she on him and just their breathing there. "You forgive me?" he said.

It was a time, and her hand moving soft on his arm, her ear pressed over his heart, her hair like silk on him and him running his hand through.

"I can't forgive if you ain't sorry. And I ain't sorry."

"You talking about us?" he said.

She lifted her head then and his hand stayed still in her hair and she looked long at him and they were staring and still.

"You know what I'm talking about. He's dead." She didn't ask. She just knew.

Then she laid her head back on him and his hand slowly commenced to moving through her hair once more. His woman.


	36. Chapter 36

Roar Like a Lion 36

January of 1937 brought days on days of rain the likes of which even the old timers grew up in these hills had not seen before. After the drought of '36 the land was parched enough it could not drink its fill fast enough or deeply enough before they had floods. Such abundance of wet meant there were days they could not work at all beyond caring for the tools and trucks and that was always needed.

But the cooking went on. It never stopped. And most days the school ran uninterrupted. So there was plenty to do.

Bella was reading Gone With the Wind to Edward in the evenings. He liked it pretty much, but he took to staring at her while she read, and it usually ended in much happy love making and she called him Rhett and he called her Scarlett.

One night he sat on the floor by the bed and she sat on the bed, her legs draped over his shoulders while she brushed his thick hair. There were good barbers amongst the men, so she did not cut his hair, but she loved to brush it just the same. He wore it like most in his day, thick on top, shaved on the sides, though theirs did not shine and wave like his, nor was it as wild or the same wonderful color, a brown gone to red in the light. She did love to curl a wave over her finger, and he was agreeable to let her do this long as she liked, especially wearing her legs like a fox-fur stole. He was rubbing up and down on her skin. She had never shaved her legs like some did so the hair was sparse and fine and light, and he loved her legs, he said, well all of her. There was not a part he had not examined endlessly and praised.

"I don't want to move to Five," he said out of nowhere, his hands stilling on her calves.

She bent to see his face and he turned his head and looked at her up close, then he puckered his lips and kissed her, kept his eyes open and she did too, and they pulled away a little, enough to focus on one another.

"You're serious," she said.

He looked away first and took to rubbing her legs again, and she sat up. "You tell Emmett?"

"Not yet."

"What about the school?"

"We'll wait until term's over. We'll finish up here."

"I…you really thought this out," she said.

"It's been in my mind a while now. I came here…I reckon to meet you mostly."

"And now you have you want out?"

He laughed. "No. I been feeling for a time…to see Carlisle. And Esme. For…them to meet you. I been feeling like…I can figure it out from there."

All she could think of was Rose and Alice Faye. Even Boss. Even Jasper. She loved Jasper. He reminded her of…well he was like a brother to her. "I get some say?" she said.

He turned to the side and smiling he said, "When you not get some say?"

"We've got friends here. I…."

"Darlin', I come here a young fella just…sewing my oats. Best move I ever made. But…hard as some got it…way worse than us…this ain't a place for a woman. And I would never have a child in this place. Not ever."

She moved her hand to her stomach and rubbed before she caught herself. "Rose does it."

"Well, he's boss, and that's their life. We got to figure ours. Boss has earned the right not to throw an ax all day long, too. Maybe he goes home he's got something left."

"You're my life, Edward. I know this work is rough."

"It ain't just that. I want to give you more than this."

"Don't do it for me. You hear me complaining? Long as I have you…."

He turned to her now, turned and kept her legs over his shoulders, and he looked in her lap, and he had a devilish face looking at her and he lifted her dress and she squealed a little and he went right in between her legs with his face and she gasped and said, "Edward Cullen."

He didn't even laugh and pretty soon he had her underwear out of the way and she was back on her elbows and she felt his tongue on her, so raw, so shocking and warm and her head fell back and she closed her eyes, but she couldn't let him do such a thing, she'd never even heard of such a thing, and her head snapped up and she tried to rise up enough to push him off and he said, "Unt-uh," as he kept on going, nuzzling his face there and he was going to poison himself or something.

"Edward," she hissed, and he lifted and said, "Lay back."

And she gave in like always, even when he was doing something good folks wouldn't believe. And he raised on his knees more and just went hog wild now and it was too much for her, and the worry and her legs trying to clamp together, but his whole self in the way now, and him kissing up her legs and she felt so sorry for him, so sorry that he would do such a thing and she needed to stop this, he always said he'd listen but, ug, she about went under a rush of such feeling, and then she did and her back came right up and his hand was on her stomach but he did not stop he just kept on and he rode it out with her and she rode him.

And after she was weak, and she had her hands over her face cause she couldn't look at him. And he raised up and said, "Oh man, I love that."

She pulled her hands away and there were tears in her eyes she knew cause…was that even legal? Not that legal stopped him anyway. But she said, "You ever done such a thing before?" Cause those other girls, one might of led him off like King Solomon's wives did in scripture.

Edward said, "I never did. There's no one I'd do that with but my sweet wife…and you are sweet, girl."

She gasped and put her hands over her face again, but she had to laugh and she realized she was still right there in his face almost and she kicked away and yanked her dress and she moved to her side of the bed by the wall and kept her back to him and he came right up behind her and his arm around and him right up on her and his hard self on her wanting more, always wanting more, just no end to what he wanted. She reached behind her and grabbed onto Willy, and they called it that now, like it was its own little self living there behind the buttons, Willy. She wasn't mad, not a bit, just…Lord this man.

"That feel good?" he said.

Well he would want a paragraph on it. "That's not the point," she said trying to dig up her teacher voice and some dignity. "You just…I never know what to expect."

He was reaching over caressing her breast and she buried her face in the pillow cause he had no shyness at all to be reeking of her, and she was so ashamed.

"Come out, come out pretty girl…death of me," he said all lustful still, and she couldn't look at him, but her hand on him was not shy.

"Other way around," she said in to the pillow, and she turned to him and she moved and wiped his face and mouth on the sheet and he laughed and said, "What you doing?"

And she said, "You got no limits."

And he said, "Not with you. You're my wife."

"Where did you learn of such a thing? Putting…your mouth…."

He growled and kissed her, and she could still smell herself, but it wasn't different much, the taste, and then not at all, then she pretty much forgot everything cause he had a way of pulling her above the earth when he kissed like this.

So it was she was his hook, line and sinker, as it goes. And she could not stop ruminating on him, and she helped with meals and he took his there and he got in the line like always and she went to him before them all, and they watched every little thing, every interaction cause that's about all they had to do, and they talked and talked how happy Edward was and they teased him all the time and they looked at her like she was Jean Harlow or something, but she was starting to care not at all. She went right to him and took his arm and led him to table to sit and she said, "You don't stand in the line. I've got your dinner ready."

And right there she went behind the table where the food was lined and she took the cloth off his big plate piled like the hills of Kentucky with all his likes and she held it up proud with two hands and walked to where he was and set it there and he looked up at her and she kissed him right there and the hall broke out in cheers and some clapping, and she did not care and now Edward was red, but she was not, she was just proud. Just proud and damn them all they should know it.


	37. Chapter 37

Thank you all.

Roar Like a Lion 37

The day Edward told Boss he wasn't moving to Five is the day they talked about killing James Whistler. They'd forged an uneasy friendship, one that Edward thought might somehow last even though they would soon part ways.

"This whole camp has breathed easier with him gone. Damn thing…to not be missed by so much as a chipmunk," Boss said. "Can't say the same for you, Cullen. They'll miss you."

"We gonna kiss now?" Edward laughed.

"Shit. Who they gonna rib with you gone?" Boss said and he smiled and looked off.

That was true. He was sick of it…petty much. But they wouldn't miss him at all…just his love life to crow about…and he did set the pace came to splitting.

They talked about how hard it would be on the women to break up their club. But that was the way of it. Man had to do what he thought right, and Bella had come around to the idea of moving on.

"You'll end up doing something better than this," Boss surprised him by saying.

"Yeah well…remains to be seen, I guess. Best thing I ever did was marry Bella. Can't top that no matter what I do."

Boss smiled and lit a smoke and offered one to Edward. He'd been changing oil in the truck and his hands were greasy. So he held the pack and Edward got his own.

"Hell," Boss said, "I come on Rosie…and she was married. That first day…her arm…I decided he was…gone." Boss left off and looked around, making sure no one was around to listen.

"What did you do?" Edward asked.

Boss took a drag and let it out. He shot a quick look at Edward and smiled.

"You do it?"

"That made two. The other…I was fourteen. Same deal…he come in to our house…our new daddy. I was oldest there. Just a no good…. I put him in a well in southern Missouri. But Rosie…she made me promise after her husband…never again. Then she…well I figured me and her had reached our quota."

At first Edward just stared. Then Boss looked at him, letting a stream of smoke pass his lips. He smiled then and it was so outrageous all they could do was laugh.

"Shit Boss," Edward said. "That why you wrangled me to be your pistol…cause of that quota?"

Boss smirked. "You did what you wanted. I just encouraged."

"I made my choice…but you used me and we both know it."

Boss laughed some. "Maybe," he conceded.

"Just to keep that promise?" Edward asked, cause seemed to him Boss would do what he wanted.

"No," Boss said quick. "That son of a bitch saw Rose that night. He was stealing…and stashing there…and he saw her in the window…saw her do it." He took a drag. "He was dead soon as he told me that. He thought he had me…held it over. Was gonna do whatever he wanted and I could stand with my dick in my hand.

"I knew Rosie would talk to Alice Faye. To Bella. I knew it would get to you and Jasper. So…I made sure…it was even. Otherwise….

"Jim wouldn't question what I said. He's wore out coming up here. He resents having to. He don't care shit about up here, just enough to make it look okay for him on the report. Now you take it to town it's a different story. But not up here.

"I wasn't gonna let you swing for what she done. I told you that. I never expected Cookie…I told you that too. But…way I see it…you owed her, that's all, and in case I couldn't trust you…trust Jasper…I needed something back, something strong. You get it now? You see? I don't take chances comes to her."

Edward just stared at Emmett.

"Figure you find something good out there, let me know. After Five, I'm done here. I'm wanting to work in a mill, work with the wood. Maybe carpenter," Emmett said.

"I would let you know," Edward said. They shook hands then and Emmett patted his shoulder.

"Guess I should say you're the best I got."

"'Bout time," Edward said and they laughed again.

Folks took it hard losing the teacher. Bella had a ceremony end of school. Even the Cope twins cried as they thanked Mrs. Cullen, and Mrs. Cope hugged Bella but briefly still shedding tears for that dead asshole couldn't keep his hands off a woman. She couldn't have been more mournful if they'd hired her for such. Jacob Black owed that woman.

Jasper took it hardest of all. He and Alice Faye had married to bring in the New Year, and they were running the kitchen together, but still, Edward and Jasper had been in proximity a long time…and parting was damn hard.

"We won't lose touch," Edward reasoned.

Jasper nodded but the usual joyfulness was gone and when it was, on those one or two rare occasions, like when he sliced his toes, Jasper had the emptiest most pitiful eyes, wells without water or something.

"Hell you know the way home same as me," Edward said, madder now, which seemed more manly than crying.

"We left home, remember?"

"You gonna start this now with Boss in the truck to take us down?" Edward chided.

"No," Jasper said, running the heel of his hand under his nose.

"You're jigging again, you got Alice Faye, good work, hell you're god around here with those flapjacks and all."

Jasper laughed then. "Fuck you."

Edward threw caution to the wind and pulled Jasper in for a hug, and that one hung on to him like some drunk girls he'd danced with before.

They made it brief. Jasper was sniffing when Edward pulled back. He was different, Jasper was, a leader now, in the kitchen that is, when Alice Faye told him what to do, and she did, boy did she. But he'd turn and give it to the cookies and they looked up to him like he was Washington on the Delaware.

Edward put his hand on Jasper's shoulder and squeezed. "Gone soft wielding those pots and pans," he said, like he didn't feel the muscle there cause cooking for these loggers was the hardest work of all.

"I ain't no letter writer," he said, like Edward didn't know. "Alice Faye's got me reading some though so…you be sure and write and I can…I'll call Carlisle."

"That be good. Like I told you,,,I don't know where we'll end up."

"We both know where you'll end up…you just ain't ready to admit it to yourself."

"Well…you be a genie then while I figure it out."

"Best get on. Boss is…staring."

Edward felt the weight of it then, what he'd been trying not to feel, them parting for some time…he didn't know. He punched Jasper on the shoulder and Alice Faye came to Jasper and he had his arm around her, and that's how Edward saw him then…not alone…not alone at all.

He got in beside Bella, their stuff already loaded in back, and his arm around her and some called out, but he did not look at all, he held her and his other arm against the window, against the glass and he felt something break as they pulled away, a tie…a cord to them all. To Jasper mostly…and he rode with her beside, her face by his, her hand on his cheek, her smiling…and his eyes, tears burned cause he hadn't cried…long time…but her and him now…he had something to turn to…their future.

Jasper was right. It had always been there…hard to admit…a speck in his eye and he claimed he hated it…claimed it loud and clear…but it hadn't gone away.

He had no regret about killing James. Maybe someday he would, when he long forgot the feel of the threat that one brought to him and Bella. Maybe then he would see it different and he'd bow the knee. But there was a call in him, he feared, a voice, and it sounded same as Carlisle's. "You would make a fine doctor."

He didn't know where or how, but it was modern times now, 1937, and he was going to look in to what he could do…maybe medical school, then the army. He was thinking that way, had talked to Bella. Ever since that day closed in that jail that brief time…wondering how he could do it…stay caged…and the fear in him of it…being caged…and him not having time to panic before she had him out. But he knew then…I'm running from this…this closed in feeling. That's what it had been in school…not the learning…never that. And here she taught school, she did it every day, and he didn't want this fear to rule him and hold him back…hold them back. He wanted to give her the best life possible…a library didn't come on a horse's back…a bathroom wasn't out back…floors didn't leave splinters in your feet…doors didn't come open easy…law he didn't have to enforce himself…a good life.

He'd figure it out…they would figure it out. She wanted more schooling…she could have that if he made a way. With her…oh there was a roar in him. It was his time. It was their time.

He kissed her hand, and Boss pretended not to see and Edward smiled.

The End


End file.
